by Peach, Hanna
The voice vibrated off the ground. “It’s too late for your parents. And too late for you. You have defied me and the will of God too severely for any amount of repentance to save you.”
“No. My mother is alive.”
The twisted laughter came again. “You know, you are almost as beautiful as your mother was… Elise. She’s around here somewhere.”
“No.” The blood drained from Alyx’s face.
“Oh yes. It couldn’t have been helped. She brought it on herself. She was trying to take you even though you didn’t belong to her. She should have known to give up after your father was killed, but no. She was too stubborn. You must have inherited that from her.”
A swirl of ash curled to Alyx’s right, drawing through the air like a hand pushing through water.
“Ready to meet her, little pretty?” The ash in the air became more frantic as it swirled around the body of a woman. She looked like Alyx but with dark eyes and long hair. Her mother.
Alyx began to back away. “No. You’re lying. She can’t be dead.”
Alyx flinched as she bumped into something that swung away from her. A body. She spun as she jolted away. To her horror she recognized the face. A face she had only ever seen in paintings. Elder Raphael.
Alyx realized exactly what this garden represented…
Something inside her snapped. It snapped under the weight of all those Alyx had lost to him. Alyx’s hand tightened into fists and her knuckles cracked. The DreamScape started to pull and snag as if it was caught in her fists. It started to tear like light cloth.
“What… what are you doing?” his voice showed its first signs of fear.
“I’m going to kill you,” she rumbled from the depths of her throat. The branches on the trees started to break. The ground trembled as her rage began to tear at the DreamScape around them.
“Stop. You’ll destroy us both.”
The whisper of threads that held her sanity together snapped. “I don’t care. As long as I take you with me.” The howl that tore from her was wild and feral and strange to her own ears. “This is for what you took from Angelique.” Shards of the DreamScape started to crack like glass around them. “And this is for my mother and my father, who I never got to know because of you.”
The world shattered and screams sounded all around her as pieces of her mind began to break apart. Gray like ash.
Chapter 14
Someone was rocking her, holding her. Alyx heaved in a breath and her chest burned as if she had been drowning. Her vision was blurry with tears. She blinked, causing the liquid to roll down her cheeks, clearing her vision.
She saw Israel’s face, his imperfectly perfect features cast in the warm glow of her bedside lamp. For a moment, Alyx was back in their abandoned theatre when he had been there to save her from Michael. This time he had saved her from herself.
He was whispering to her, “It’s okay. You’re okay.” He was so careful when he brushed the hair from her damp forehead.
Alyx let out a sob, realizing how close she had come to tearing herself apart. In her blind rage, she had forgotten her reasons for living. Her biggest reason began to shush softly at her. He gripped her face in his hands, managing to be firm but gentle at the same time, his eyes furious with concern. “What can I do? How do I make it better?”
Alyx shook her head. “My mother is dead. Michael said... he killed her.”
Israel let out a sharp breath. “Jesus. Alyx, I’m so sorry.”
Alyx wanted to tell him more. She wanted to share everything that had happened with him. Somehow, she believed that he could make it better. She opened her mouth to speak, but her sadness welled up, gagging her.
Israel gathered her up in his arms, pulled her into his lap and held her. There, within the safety of his arms, it felt like nothing could touch her. She was safe. She let herself fall apart in a wash of tears.
He just held her.
Eventually her sobbing subsided, leaving behind an empty exhaustion. She hadn’t cried like that in front of anyone before. Even when she was younger and upset, even when there was only Symon, she would sniff stiffly and bite at her bottom lip to control its trembling.
Oh God. What had she just done in front of Israel? Would he think her vulnerable and broken? Would he call her weak? Alyx pulled back a little and looked up at Israel through her lashes. His eyes reflected only concern as he watched her. There was no judgment. With that, her fears began to fall away.
Could she do this in front of Jordan? Would Jordan know how to let her fall apart, then coax her back to herself without making her feel weak or stupid or like she was overreacting?
This close, Alyx could feel Israel’s breath on her cheeks. That perfect scar marking his top lip was just inches from hers. Her heart was still thudding, and she knew that it wasn’t just because of what happened with Michael anymore.
“How...” Alyx swallowed. She had to say something to stop herself from leaning forward and taking his scar into her mouth. “How did you know to come?”
“When I woke up, I was already on my feet and running to your room. I must have heard you crying out in my sleep.”
“And you came.”
“Of course I came,” he said, looking incredulous that she would even doubt it. “I know things have been weird between us, but I haven’t stopped caring. I’ll... never stop caring.”
Alyx felt herself draw closer to him, taking in his scent. Sweet and musky. She couldn’t help it. His nearness filled her with a warmth that brought back to life the part of her that had gone cold when they agreed to just be friends. Like spring after winter.
For the moment, she didn’t care that he loved someone else. It felt so good just to be near him, breathing him in. He might love someone else, but he cared for her. He said so himself. He proved that by coming in here tonight. And for the moment that was enough.
“If you called,” he said, “I would always come. Always. No matter what. Understand?”
Alyx nodded. He rested his forehead on hers. The world closed into the space between them. His fingers gripped her hair as he moved a hand behind her neck to hold her there. Her fingers ached to grab him and dig into his skin. But she resisted. Don’t ruin this by asking for more.
For a time they just sat there in silence, breaths mingling.
Finally he spoke softly, “I should go.” He slid Alyx off his lap and onto the bed next to him. “Let you get some sleep.”
Her heart protested. Alyx felt her face fall before she could stop it. She winced internally when she realized he had caught that look. Alyx quickly pulled her face back into her unaffected mask. This well-worn mask. It had served her so well in the past, but right now she hated it. She hated it, but she couldn’t seem to take it off.
“Of course... you should go.”
Israel shifted his legs towards the door, but he didn’t make a move to stand. He looked back at her and studied her face.
“Do you,” Israel bit his lip, “want me to stay? Just in case he tries to hurt you again?” he added.
“Please? It would make me feel better knowing you – someone – was here. I don’t think I could get back to sleep otherwise.”
“Of course.” He ran his teeth over his bottom lip. “I could just sleep on the floor here next to you if you would be more comfortable doing that.”
She should say yes, that he should sleep on the floor. But she wanted so much to feel him lying next to her. The mere thought made her a little dizzy. She could pretend − couldn’t she? − that just for tonight, they were okay again. Even if it would break her heart when the morning’s light pierced through the lie.
“No. I can’t make you sleep on the floor. There’s room on the bed.”
He nodded. He leaned forward to switch off the bedside light and began to shift back towards her. Alyx shuffled back across to the other side of the mattress to let Israel pull his long legs up.
He was there. Just there. His lean body stretched out beside her. So
close. Her whole self came alive with the sensation of him being just there.
The last time they were like this, they were both naked. Oh God, she should not be thinking about him naked. Alyx bit her lip. She took a deep breath, careful not to let it make a noise, and let it out slowly.
“Alyx? Don’t take this the wrong way, but... I like it when you need me occasionally. It doesn’t happen often.”
Alyx turned her head towards him. The tiny bit of light slipping through the window fell across the soft smile on his face.
“Need you?”
“Yeh. You never seem to need me or anyone. You’re so,” he shrugged and it ruffled the sheets, “capable. It’s nice to know that I sometimes give you a reason to keep me around.” He laughed softly. “Apart from the whole forced-to-be-my-Guardian thing.”
“What?” Did he honestly think that the only reason she was near him was because of the Guardian bond? “I need you,” she blurted. “More than you know.”
Israel rolled to his side. “What did you say?”
Even in the dark she could feel his eyes boring into hers, into her soul, making her feel naked. Her heart clutching in her chest made it hard to breathe. It was too much. Everything was too much. In her heart, in her head, in her whole body − it was just too much. Alyx turned her head so she was looking at the ceiling. She couldn’t look into his eyes anymore. She feared that her own would reveal too much.
“Please look at me,” he asked softly.
“You.” The word came out louder than she intended. She turned her head to him and met his stare. “I need you.”
His eyes darkened. His fingers dug into her flesh as he pulled her towards him. His mouth fit over hers like a puzzle piece clicking into place. Her body ignited at his touch. This was what was missing with Jordan. Only Israel could make her feel this way.
Something came over her and she couldn’t get close enough to him. She clawed at him, trying to pull away the gaps between them that had appeared over the last few weeks. And her hands were under his shirt, searching for the familiar grooves and rough skin of his scars. His scars. Soft sighs fell from her lips as her fingers rediscovered each one.
“I love all those little noises you make,” he whispered in her ear, sending a raft of shivers down her back. He rolled to his back pulling her over him. Her legs fell on either side of his slender hips. He pulled off his shirt and Alyx sat back to study his lean body beneath her. His mother’s ring glinted on his chest. He was perfection cast in amber, golden and hard and smooth.
And suddenly her singlet was off and discarded on the floor and his hands were moving down the bloodink tattoos on her side and down her stomach and...
No.
“Israel, wait, stop,” she said, fear leaking out in her voice. She pushed his hands off her belly. Her fingers drift back to her bare stomach. The consequences washed over her like cold water. “What are we doing?”
“What’s wrong, angel?”
“I can’t do this again. I can’t be your in-between girl. That’s not enough for me.”
“In-between girl? What are you talking about?”
“Adere. You still love her.” Alyx wrapped her arms across her chest, hugging herself, making her shoulders collapse around her.
“Wait, you think I’m in love with Adere?” Israel frowned, lifting himself up onto his elbows. “Alyx, I don’t love her. I never loved her. I mean, yes, we were two lonely and messed up people who needed each other at a really horrible time in both our lives, but it was never... that.”
“But you keep wanting to save her. You keep wanting to get her back. You keep risking everything to save her,” she finished lamely.
“I don’t believe this.” He sounded angry. Israel sat all the way up, causing Alyx to jump off his lap and recurl herself on the far side of the bed. “Alyx, I did this to her. I’m the reason she is trapped in her own goddamn body. Me. My fault. What kind of a man would I be if I didn’t fix it, huh? Tell me, what kind of man? I’d have no chance in hell of ever deserving...” He stared at her, jaw twitching with tension. He threw his head back towards the ceiling and let out an exasperated noise. Slumping forward with his elbows on his knees, he ran his fingers through his hair. “This is why you told me you couldn’t be with me, isn’t it? Because of Adere. You thought I loved her and not... Jesus, Alyx.”
Alyx’s fingers were trembling against her arms as she hugged herself. He didn’t love Adere. But she had been so sure… Was this her fault? Did she ruin things the first time because she was too scared to ask the question, too scared to show him her heart?
“But... why did you let me go so easily?” After she heard her words aloud, she winced at how whiney her voice was.
“Why did I let you go? Why did I let you go...” He snorted. “I don’t know. I guess part of me didn’t believe that you would actually want to be with me in the first place. I thought my luck had finally run out.”
“Your luck?”
“Come on, Alyx. An angel like you, a street kid like me...”
Alyx’s mouth dropped open. “When have I ever said that? What have I ever done to make you feel like I think that way?”
Israel didn’t look at her. He just shrugged. But she could see the pain in his eyes, the self-doubt.
He was wrong. He was more than just a street kid. Didn’t he know how much she needed him? Did he not understand how much he was worth? She had to convince him. If she could just make him see it…
Alyx crawled forward across the mattress towards him. He didn’t move, but his gaze moved up to watch her approaching. She stopped before him. Sitting on her knees, she reached her hands forward and cupped his face. He let some of the weight of his head rest in her hands.
“Israel, I wouldn’t change you. Not a thing. You are beautiful and perfect and...” And I love you.
Tell him you love him... tell him you love him the way he is.
But the words wouldn’t come. So, she filled the silence by pressing her mouth to his. She poured her heart into the kiss, praying that it would speak for her. Hoping he would understand what she wanted to say but was still too terrified to voice.
His hands found her bare back and he pulled her down along him, their bare torsos fitting against each other, each heart beating against the drum of the other. He reacted underneath her, gentle at first, then harder and needing. Alyx was about to lose herself to him again when he pushed her back.
“Wait,” he said, “if we keep going, I won’t be able to stop, and... I know you, Alyx. It doesn’t matter what I say, there’ll be a part of you that still doesn’t believe that I’m not in love with Adere. I still need to make things right with her. So let’s take things slow. And let me work at proving you wrong.”
Alyx understood. She nodded and slipped into the crook of his arm. It fit her as if she had never left. Her nook. It felt like she had come home, come back to where she belonged, lying here against him.
At the same time, a part of her was unsettled with the secrets she was still keeping from him. She had to tell him about Mayrekk believing that he was part-demon. That she may be with his child... How would he react? What about Jordan? Alyx squeezed her eyes shut. No, she couldn’t think about it now. Tomorrow. She could worry about all that tomorrow.
She fell asleep and for the first time in many nights, she slept soundly and deeply.
Chapter 15
Israel couldn’t believe his luck. He couldn’t sleep as he lay propped up on one arm next to his sleeping angel. Some time before, she had rolled from him to her side. She had mumbled and reached out behind her to grab at him. He had complied and folded himself around her back. She had sighed and had been still ever since.
Now he was playing a little game with himself. He traced his gaze along her pale neck, her bare shoulder then at the section of her waist that dipped before rising into the curve of her hip, wanting desperately to touch her but willing himself not to, just to see how worked up he could get without it. He lay there, ski
n buzzing. He was going to go insane.
He gave in. With light fingertips he traced her neck, then her shoulder and that section of her waist... that section of her waist that made him want to give in further and curl his fingers around her hips and pull her back onto him.
She moaned in her sleep and pressed back against him. Christ. She was walking a dangerous line. If she did that again they would both be in trouble. And he would have to break his word to her to take things slow. Idiot. Why had he said that? No. It was the right thing to do. And he would not break his word to her. Ever. Through some miracle she cared for him back. Which meant he had a chance at keeping her. But he had to make things right before he deserved her.
He rolled onto his back so that there was space between them. He needed a few minutes without her soft skin torturing him. He could see the pale curtains begin to glow with light. It must be dawn. He should go. Otherwise they could be caught here together. Not that he minded letting everybody know that she was his. His. The thought made him want to wrap her back up in his arms. But he refrained.
He knew from what Alyx had told him of the Elders’ society that their relationship was forbidden. But he wasn’t sure how these FreeThinkers felt about mortals and Seraphim being together. He wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize what he had been so lucky to get back.
Israel left a single kiss on her neck and inhaled the sweet smell of her skin, then slipped out of bed. He opened the door quietly and poked his head out to peek up and down the corridor. He was about to dart across the corridor when a noise alerted him to the movement of someone coming around the corner further up the hallway. Israel pulled his head back in and closed the door. He would just have to wait until they passed. He kept his ear on the door, listening as they approached down the hall.
But they didn’t pass. They stopped right outside the door. Panicking, Israel glanced around for somewhere to hide. The window. Israel slid open the curtains of the window.
