"Everything's changed, Lili. You know that."
She also rolled over to her side, mimicking his pose, her face inches away, and her gaze steady. "Can you define 'everything'? That's pretty broad."
A hundred reasons pressed in upon him, none of them clear enough or good enough. It was as if all the words – all the right words – hung just out of his reach.
"There are complications … and getting involved with a client goes against all my training, against everything I try to be."
"It's a little late for doubts now, isn't it?" she asked sharply.
"It's not that I don't want to, Lili, because I do. But just because I want to doesn't mean I should, or that it's right."
"It felt pretty damn right to me in the backseat of that car," she snapped. "And on the trunk this afternoon."
He took in a long, steadying breath. "Yes," he said. "It did."
"Matt, I want you to make love to me."
He was speechless, though Lili never did anything he expected. But to actually hear her say it … God, he'd fantasized for hours about her saying those words to him.
"It would be wrong of me to take advantage of your trust or vulnerability. I've told you before that danger can make people act in ways they ordinarily wouldn't. I can't be sure that's not what's happening here. As much as I want to push you back on this bed, rip off your clothes, and make love to you until we can't walk," he said with low intensity, "I can't be sure it's what you really want."
She sat up, anger blazing in her eyes. "So what you're saying is that, for my own good, you won't touch me."
Uneasily, Matt pushed up as well. "I guess, yeah." Even as he spoke, he was aware that he'd made a very big mistake – he just wasn't sure what it was, exactly.
"Get out."
"What are you mad about?" Matt asked, staring at her pale, angry face. "I'm trying to do what's right for you, and—"
"I said, get out!" she shouted, and shoved him.
He opened his mouth to try and reason with her, but seeing the tears brimming in her eyes, he clamped his mouth shut, stood, then turned on his heel and left.
*
Lili watched as Matt disappeared through the door, and a white-hot fury ripped through her. After everything they'd been through, everything they'd shared – and after he'd had his hands and mouth all over her twice today – he had the nerve to go all noble on her like this.
"You jerk!" she yelled, and hurled one of the decorative bed pillows against the wall.
Squeezing her eyes shut, Lili struggled to hold back her tears. That she was crying over a big, dumb prick like Matt Hawkins just made her all the more angry.
She stood abruptly, gathering the heavy quilt toward her. What did she care if he spent a miserable might on the love seat? It'd serve him right if he got the world's worst crick in his selfish, stubborn neck.
"Thank you so much for assuming you know what's right for me." She scowled at the empty doorway. "It's such a relief, not to have to think for myself."
Lugging the quilt, she marched into the living room, pointedly ignoring the fireplace, because it would only remind her of the decidedly erotic plans she'd been making only moments before.
His expression wary, Matt stood next to the love seat in a loose-limbed stance that told her he didn't know whether to come toward her or back away.
"You made me think you were different." She glared as she threw the quilt at him. "That you wouldn't treat me like I was helpless, or—"
"Lili," he interrupted, swatting the quilt aside. "Stop this."
Lili spun and stomped back to the bedroom. She couldn't hold back all her bottled-up frustrations and fears, even if she wanted to.
To hell with losing with dignity, or acting like a good sport!
Grabbing one of the bed pillows, she whirled and headed back to the sitting room. Matt was standing where she'd left him, still looking baffled – and a little angry.
He didn't get it. He honestly didn't understand why she was so angry, so hurt – and that just made everything worse.
"Go ahead and sleep out here; I don't give a shit!"
Dark satisfaction spurted through her at his stunned expression, and with all her strength, she swung the pillow and smacked him in the chest.
Whomp! Matt went down and landed – hard – on his back.
Lili stared at him in amazement. This she hadn't expected: the mighty bodyguard, brought low by a feather pillow.
Why wasn't he moving? She hadn't meant to knock him down, and she really hadn't meant to hurt him.
Her anger fading, she bent over him, still clutching the pillow. "Matt? Are you okay? I didn't—"
Matt's hand shot out, nearly snatching the pillow from her. Quick as he was, she managed to yank the pillow free of his grip and scoot back.
With a smooth, fluid grace, he rolled and came to his feet, face flushed, eyes hot. He reached for her and Lili, thinking that maybe she'd pushed him far enough, smacked him again with the pillow to keep him away from her.
"Lili, I'm not going to hurt you, for God's sake. Now give me that pillow!"
The rational part of her told her to do as he said, but the contrary, emotional part of her wasn't having any part of his ordering her around.
She swung the pillow toward his head, but this time he ducked. When he straightened again, she froze at the furious expression on his face.
"That," he said through his teeth, "is it."
Lili turned and ran for the bedroom. She'd made him lose his temper, and there was no way his male pride would let her get away with that.
Inside, she whirled to shut the door, but he was already there. He shoved against it with such force that she stumbled back against the thick mattress. Quickly, she rolled to the other side to keep the bed between them, her pillow raised and ready.
"Give that to me," he repeated, and suddenly lunged, grabbing the pillow and yanking it out of her hands.
Immediately she snatched the second pillow, and as she looked up again, she caught the wicked gleam lighting his eyes.
"Okay, Lil," he said. "Have it your way. But I'll win."
An unexpected tickle of pleasure – and anticipation – cracked through her anger. "In your dreams," she said in a low growl, and swung the pillow.
She missed him by inches but forced him to move back, giving her the chance she needed to dash around the bed and pummel him again.
"You are so arrogant!"
Whomp!
"I do not need you to think for me!"
Whomp, whomp…
"Ow! Lili, cut it out," he said, but he was laughing.
Laughing!
With all the force of her temper behind her, she swung her pillow again. Ducking neatly, Matt pitched his own pillow at her as if it were a Frisbee.
It hit her in the stomach, knocking her back on the bed with an ooph! Matt followed, the weight of his body pressing her down into the soft mattress. His fingers closed over her wrists and pinned them above her head, trapping her beneath him.
Panting from exertion and ire, she stared up into his face, absurdly pleased to see he looked more than a little ruffled himself.
"What a typically male response," she grumbled. "When all else fails, overpower." She narrowed her eyes at him, chest still heaving. "Of course, manhandling people is your job."
Matt exhaled, loudly and forcefully. "You can be a real bitch when you want to be, you know that?"
"You bet," she retorted, still glaring. "And you can be a real bastard."
His face was only inches from her, his pupils dilated so much that his eyes looked almost black.
In that moment, she realized he had her on her back on a bed, his body against hers. Her temper ebbed as her need for him – which had been there all along, even in her anger – swept over her in a hot, liquid rush.
In his eyes, half-hidden by his long lashes, she recognized that same awareness and desire. Her muscles softened, and she relaxed back onto the mattress.
"You
like to play a little rough?" he murmured, and his hips moved against hers, just enough to make his point – that he was about as aroused as a man could get.
"I don't know," Lili whispered, not sure what to make of the question, much less how to answer.
Did he like to play a little rough?
For a long moment he studied her, his gaze moving across her face, her mouth, then lower. When he returned to her eyes she saw his indecision, but also a raw need he couldn't hide.
"You'll regret this," he said quietly.
"That's my problem."
"And I'll regret it. Later."
"Not if you do it right."
He suddenly laughed, a low, wonderful sound that made her smile. "Nothing like putting a little performance pressure on a guy."
Matt released her wrists and slid his hands downward. He rested one against her cheek, his thumb brushing her skin lightly, and his other hand cupped her breast through the old flannel shirt.
She sighed at the warmth of his hand on her, the tingles of pleasure. Reluctantly she drew his hands away, smiling as she sat up, then kissed him with enough heat to keep his attention right where she wanted it – on her.
Lili slid off the bed and unbuttoned her shirt. Matt rolled to his side, his gaze following her every movement as she tossed the shirt aside, then began on the buckle. Since the jeans were so large, all she had to do was wiggle her hips a little, and they fell in a heap of faded denim at her feet. She stepped out of the jeans and kicked off her shoes, standing before him in her bra and underwear.
Matt sat up, his gaze moving downward, then back to her face. "Most women are shy. I like it that you're not."
After unlacing his boots and removing his socks, he stood and unhooked his overall straps, then stripped them off. He pulled his T-shirt over his head, leaving him only in his boxers.
Lili pressed close against him, her white lace and fair skin pale against his darker skin and black silk. She tipped her head for his kiss, and he responded with surprising gentleness.
After a moment, Lili broke the kiss so they could both come up for air – and it was then she noticed a strange, puckered scar on his left pectoral muscle, almost hidden by his dark chest hair.
"What's this?" she asked, touching it – and understanding jolted her. "Is that what I think it is?"
"Yes." He caught her hand, pulling it away. "It's a bullet scar, and it happened along, long time ago, Lili. Don't worry about it."
Easy for him to say. She leaned forward, and kissed the scar. "To make it better, even if it was a long time ago. I bet it hurt."
He shrugged, as if it didn't matter, but looked away. Lili hesitated, then took his hand, and pulled him after her toward the bathroom. The whirlpool tub and shower dominated the room, which was decorated in the same quaint woodsy theme as the rest of the cabin. A pile of thick white towels rested on a small table, beside the pedestal sink topped by a mirror with a twig frame.
The room was small, with barely enough room for the two of them to move without bumping into each other – not that Matt appeared to mind her brushing against him as she started the shower and pulled the curtain closed.
As steam began to rise in the room, Lili turned and met his gaze. The blue-black stubble made him look dark and sexy, and his teeth gleamed white as he smiled.
"Come here," he murmured, sending shivers through her, just like the first time he'd said those words to her. Without hesitation, she did.
He slipped the bra straps from her shoulders, then reached behind her and unhooked its fasteners. He let the bra fall to the floor, watching her face. He rubbed his hands down her back, across her shoulders – and eased her away for a better view of her breasts.
"Beautiful," he said softly. "God, you're beautiful."
Going warm with pleasure, Lili took her time surveying his bare body as well, from his chest down to his narrow hips – and lingering, again, on that troublesome bullet scar.
"You're not too bad yourself."
She was a little nervous under his intense regard, jittery with anticipation, yet aroused, too. She wanted to make love with him so much, to do everything right and perfect, but what if she screwed up? What if she disappointed him, or—
"Lili, stop worrying," Matt said, his smile widening.
"I'm not … all right, I'm a little nervous," she admitted. "It's just that I want this to be special."
"It will be," Matt assured her as he slipped off her panties. He kissed her again, hungrily.
His reassurance warmed her and chased away her lingering doubts.
"Just touch me," he said. "We can get used to each other. No rush."
The tiny bathroom gradually filled with steam, wisps of it floating around them, making the air thick and moist. She met his eyes, still dark and dilated, and touched him. Her finger slowly traced the powerful muscles of his arms, his collarbone, the crisp dark hair fanning his chest – even that scar – then the warm, smooth skin of his belly, and finally the tight feel of his rear through the soft silk.
Catching her bottom lip between her teeth, she hooked her thumbs in his waistband and slowly pulled the boxers down, revealing his erection. She lightly touched the hard, hot flesh, and Matt sucked in his breath.
"The condoms are in the other room," he said, and she wasn't sure if it was a reminder or warning.
"Then we'll have to keep this a clean shower," she said, and winked.
Wink? Had she just actually winked?
Matt laughed and cupped her face in his hands. "What I love about you is how you always find humor in a situation."
Love…
She went still, feeling her eyes widen in surprise, and Matt must've realized what he'd said – but did he mean it in that way, or only that he thought she was good for a few laughs? "Love" was a word thrown about so casually: I love your hair, I love this car, I love this movie…
Too chicken to ask what she really wanted to know, she said instead, "Let's get in the shower."
An awkward moment followed as they both tried to stand aside to let the other into the shower first. Self-conscious, Lili stepped in, and Matt climbed in beside her.
"You wash up first," he said.
Leaning back into the spray, eyes closed, Lili let the hot water soothe away her anxieties. Small bottles of guest shampoo were in the bathroom, and she used a palm-sized bit to wash her hair while Matt watched, the spray slowly dampening his skin and hair.
Blinking rapidly so she wouldn't get shampoo in her eyes, Lili shamelessly enjoyed the view of his hard, wet body, and she couldn't wait to run her hands along all those slick hollows and broad planes.
After she'd rinsed her hair, Matt moved closer, a bar of soap in his hands. He worked it into a rich, white lather and slowly spread the soap over her – first her arms and shoulders, then her back and bottom, his fingers lingering and teasing, making her go achy and shivery at once. He kissed each bruise on her arms, then soaped her chest and breasts, smiling and watching her face as he played with her aroused nipples.
Pleasure rippled through her, building, and she had to close her eyes and take a deep, controlling breath. But her eyes snapped open again when Matt went down on one knee, soaping her stomach and legs.
Knowing what was coming, she leaned back against the slick tiled wall, and the instant his fingers touched her, stroking gently, she came in a matter of seconds with tremors that left her feeling weak and hot.
Matt straightened, his expression tight, eyes dark with hunger, and kissed her; another hard, demanding kiss as his erection pushed against her belly. His kiss deepened, his tongue touching hers, caressing lightly. Lili sighed deep in her throat, and leaned into his warm, wet body, her breasts pressed against his chest hair.
His kisses turned leisurely, and she met his mouth and tongue, kiss for kiss, stroke for stroke.
Only when she became aware of the cooling temperature of the water did she realize how long they'd been kissing, and she broke away.
"You better
wash up before we run out of hot water."
"I didn't even notice," he said with a grin, and tossed her the soap.
When she looked up at him as he washed his hair – head back, eyes closed – a sudden and powerful feeling of possessiveness seized her.
I'm not letting you go.
The intensity of the thought left her momentarily shaken, but she managed to smile at him as she washed his body, careful of his healing arm, taking pleasure in how his stomach muscles tightened when she touched him, how he breathed more rapidly, and never took his gaze from her.
"I love touching you," she murmured, rubbing her fingers along his skin, delighting in the contrast of coarse hair and slippery skin, smooth to touch, even giving, until she reached the powerful muscles beneath.
With something almost like wonder, she ran her hands along the breadth of his shoulders, then down the length of his arms, and up again. Finally, she coaxed him around to soap his back.
A masterpiece of beauty and power, a man's body, and so different from hers – straight where she curved, hard where she was soft. She ran a finger down the valley of his spine to his rear with a low sound of approval.
He turned back, meeting her gaze. The water was growing steadily cooler, and she quickly peeked south to assure herself that Matt hadn't lost any interest.
He hadn't.
Lili leisurely soaped his penis, every marvelous inch of it, and grinned at his sharp intake of breath.
"You're driving me crazy," he muttered.
"Good," she whispered, sliding her hand along his erection, slippery and silky smooth with soap. She ached to have him inside her, to connect with him in the most intimate way, and couldn't resist teasing him a little, rubbing his erection against her sex.
Matt caught her hand and pulled it away. "We're done in here."
A little abrupt, but she didn't protest.
He shut off the water, helped her out of the tub, and tossed her a towel. When he stepped out, he grabbed her by the arm and steered her toward the bedroom, dripping water along the way.
She was still holding the towel against her, more out of surprise than modesty, when he let her go. He plucked the towel from her fingers, threw it aside, and with his hands on her shoulders, pressed her down on the bed.
HER BODYGUARD Page 20
