by Jenna Stone
“Yes, it is. You don’t sound English.” Secretly, Sarah found the heavy burr in Quinn’s voice very attractive. She loved how beautiful common words sounded when Quinn spoke them, rolling them off his tongue when he said things like “verra” and “canna.”
“I’m not. I’m Scots.”
Quinn abruptly changed the subject, not wishing to speak of his past. He now noticed that Sarah’s eyes were watching him closely and he wondered what she was thinking.
“Yer English is verra good. If yer Cherokee as ye claim, then how did ye learn tae speak sae well?”
“My mother was English,” Sarah said, eyes tearing from Quinn to watch the water.
Quinn could tell from the tone in her voice that Sarah’s mother was a sore subject. A moment passed in silence. Quinn was surprised when Sarah began to speak. An unspoken trust had developed between them over the mere week of their acquaintance.
“She died when I was twelve,” Sarah said softly. Her gaze was still fixed on the rushing water. “That’s when I had to go live with them.”
“The Cherokee?”
“Yes. My father was Cherokee. He died a few years after I went to live with them. I was never close with him. The Cherokee are different from the English. In Cherokee society, families are centered around the woman’s relatives and because I did not have a Cherokee mother, I was an outcast. It was as if I had no family,” Sarah said, eyes flashing quickly up to meet Quinn’s and then fluttering away.
The hurt that Quinn saw in her green-brown eyes was astonishing.
“I ken what it’s like tae lose family. It’s a pain that never leaves ye. My mam died when I was young and I lost my da in the rising a few years later. All I have now is my brothers and I’m damn lucky tae have kept them alive.”
“I’ve been alone most of my life, Quinn,” Sarah confessed. “The English called me a half-breed and my mother was the only one who ever accepted me for myself. Since she died, I’ve been alone in this world. The Cherokee never trusted me and it took me years to master speaking in their tongue so that I could get by in their world. I’ve been an outcast most of my life. That’s why Mairi is so important to me. She belongs to me and I belong to her. If we can stay together, we’ll always have each other.”
“I’ve told ye that ye’ll be safe here. I willna let them take her from ye, Sarah,” Quinn vowed, steely eyes locking intently with Sarah’s.
“Coming here has been a new start for me. I have you to thank for that,” Sarah said, smiling appreciatively up at Quinn from here she sat on the bank.
Quinn nodded briskly. Should he tell her now what a gift finding her had been to him? Should he tell her that when all had been bleak, she had brought the lifeblood back to his veins?
“I’m done with that life, Quinn,” she said sternly as she set the line of her jaw and looked at the rippling water of the creek. “I’m done listening to the rules of society and putting aside my own happiness. I’m going to live my life by my own rules now. I owe as much to Mairi,” Sarah vowed, looking back at Quinn now with conviction.
“That’s a verra noble pursuit,” he said, smiling ever so slightly as he admired Sarah’s defiance. She was a strong, intelligent lass and he was proud of her for vowing to chart her own course in life.
Suddenly Quinn found himself hoping that he was included in Sarah’s dreams of a new life.
“Ahh!” Sarah squealed in surprise as a trout took her line and jerked the end of her fishing pole, tearing her from the intense conversation with Quinn. “I’ve got one!” she gasped proudly as she turned her full attention to landing the struggling fish.
Keeping the line taut, she flipped the silvery fish onto the bank. The fish writhed frantically from side-to-side, silver scales glistening in the autumn sunshine as it fought desperately to return to the water.
“Grab it, lass. It’ll get away!” Quinn coached enthusiastically.
Sarah giggled and set down the stick that she had used as a fishing pole. Smiling proudly, she grasped the slippery fish with her hands, trapping it against the grass so that she could remove the hook that was embedded in its mouth.
“I told you that I could catch a fish!” she gloated triumphantly as she removed the hook and held up her prize for Quinn to admire.
“I’m impressed,” Quinn said honestly, a genuine smile spreading across his face as he watched Sarah hold up her prize. Her dark hair had fallen loose from its binding, and cascaded down her side. The radiant smile that graced her face made Quinn’s breath catch in his throat. Damn was she beautiful.
Just then, the slippery fish wriggled free from Sarah’s grasp and shot through the air like a cannonball. Sarah’s smile was replaced with a look of shocked disbelief as the silvery missile flew through the air and struck Quinn right in the chest before falling to the ground at his feet.
Sarah burst into laughter when her eyes met Quinn’s. A wry smile had overtaken his rugged face and Sarah raised her hand to her mouth in an effort to stifle her uncontrollable fit of laughter.
Quinn thought that Sarah had never looked so beautiful. Her laughter made his heart happy. Happiness was a feeling that was almost forgotten to him. It felt completely foreign. It had been so long since Quinn had been happy. The emotions boiled up inside of him as he watched Sarah’s fit of laughter and he soon found himself overtaken by a strange sensation. He too began to laugh. It started as a chuckle and then developed into a deep belly laugh that matched Sarah’s completely. It had been so long since he had laughed. So long since he had felt unbridled joy and indulged in silliness.
And all of this was because of a stupid fish. And also because of a beautiful, captivating girl.
Caught up in the moment and surprising even himself, Quinn reached down and captured Sarah’s lips in a kiss. His lips brushed against hers, tender and fleeting in their caress.
She took in a breath swiftly and stopped laughing. Quinn’s kiss had caught her completely off guard, but the sensation of his lips on hers sent fire coursing through her blood. She opened her lips and kissed him back.
Sarah’s response sent Quinn abruptly back to rational thought. He broke the kiss suddenly and drew sharply away from her as if her lips had burnt his skin.
“Och, lass. I’m sorry. I doona ken what came over me. Sorry…” he trailed off, shaking his head as he raked his hand back through his chestnut hair.
Sarah laughed nervously, seeking to restore the joy that had flowed between them only seconds before. What had she done wrong? How could one simple touch from Quinn’s lips make her feel so vibrant, so alive? Her lips tingled in the aftermath of Quinn’s kiss. His touch had left her wanting more.
“Quinn, it’s alright,” she said, reaching up to touch his shoulder.
“No. It’s no alright. I should never have touched ye. I’m sorry.”
“It was just…”
Quinn shook his head and cut off Sarah’s words. “It’s not alright for me tae touch ye like that. If ye had any idea of how broken I am, ye would understand. Ye deserve better,” Quinn said sternly, berating himself for being so weak as to allow himself to kiss Sarah.
He turned quickly and stalked off into the forest, leaving Sarah alone with Mairi and her conflicting thoughts about what had just transpired between them.
..ooOoo..
The next morning, Sarah woke up to Mairi’s hungry cries and was disappointed to find that they were still alone in Quinn’s cabin. She had not seen him again since their kiss by the river and the thoughts and feelings that Quinn’s touch had stirred still clouded her mind. Kissing Quinn had felt so startlingly right. Sarah knew that he had felt the same way. She had felt his response to her in his touch, his tender kiss.
Why had he turned from her so abruptly? Why did he harden his heart towards her when she knew that he felt something for her?
A soft rapping on the door of the cabin startled Sarah and her mind snapped back to the present. She leapt from the bed and picked up Mairi from the box in which she slept.
Her sweet baby was hungry, but her cries quieted at her mother’s touch. Jostling the baby gently, Sarah opened the door to the cabin and was greeted by Anna’s smiling face.
“Good morning,” Anna said cheerily.
“Good morning,” Sarah said, brushing the hair back from her face. She was not yet completely awake.
“Can I come in?”
“Of course,” Sarah said, swinging open the door and ushering Anna inside.
“Quinn asked me to check in on you this morning. He was worried about you when he left,” Anna said as she walked into the small cabin and immediately went to work. She walked over towards the hearth and bent to kindle the dying fire.
“Where did he go?” Sarah asked, the disappointment evident in her voice although she had tried to hide it.
“He didn’t tell you he was leaving,” Anna said, standing now and regarding Sarah. Her words were a statement, not a question. Anna knew that Quinn had left abruptly without telling Sarah that he was going.
“No, he didn’t tell me,” Sarah said. She was wounded, but tried not to let Anna see her hurt. Sarah settled into the rocking chair in front of the fire and loosened the drawstring on her nightgown, baring her breast so that Mairi could nurse.
“What does that feel like?” Anna asked curiously, in awe of how naturally motherhood had come to Sarah. She had so many questions about becoming a mother and as her impending delivery became closer by the day, she had become startlingly aware that she had no one to ask these questions to. Oh, how Anna ached to have her own mother here. There was so much that she wanted to ask, so many things that she was curious about.
Sarah giggled, enjoying Anna’s open curiosity. “It feels funny, but I’m used to it now. It hurt a little at first, but now, when she latches on, it’s a relief. Your breasts get so full with milk that it feels good to have relief.”
“What happened to Quinn?” Sarah asked directly, changing the subject back to address the matter that consumed both of their thoughts.
The smile fell from Anna’s face. Sarah could tell that her question had made Anna uncomfortable.
“What do you mean?” Anna said innocently.
“He kissed me yesterday,” Sarah divulged, feeling color flush her face as she though of the feelings that Quinn’s kiss had stirred within her.
“He did?” Anna asked incredulously. Her eyes were wide and despite her best efforts, she could not hide her surprise.
“I didn’t expect it, but yes, he did.”
“Oh,” Anna said, working hard to hide her evident shock at Sarah’s disclosure. “Well…” Anna stammered, unsure of where to begin. “Quinn…um…he, well…”
“Is it that bad?” Sarah asked, now worried by Anna’s inability to find words.
“Really…he kissed you?” Anna asked again.
“Yes!” Sarah confirmed, exasperated.
“There are things that I can’t tell you about him, Sarah,” Anna began, her hazel eyes searching Sarah’s face for understanding. “It’s not like he did anything bad, I promise!” she reassured, not wanting Sarah to get the wrong idea about her beloved brother-in-law. “He has a difficult past, that’s all. I’m sure that he’ll tell you about it in time, but you’ll need to be patient with him.”
“Why did he leave?” Sarah asked, her hurt playing openly across her face.
“He needs a lot of space. He likes to be by himself when he’s thinking things over,” Anna said cautiously. She secretly hoped that Quinn planned to come back. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that Quinn would find someone again.
“Will he come back?” Sarah asked. She was almost afraid to hear Anna’s answer, and her heart thundered as she waited on Anna’s reply.
“He’ll come back,” Anna said confidently. “I love him so much, Sarah,” Anna confessed as she rocked forward on her heels and took Sarah’s hand in her own. “You have no idea how much I would love it if he would let you into his heart. I think that you could fix him, Sarah. He has so much love to give, but he’s locked it all inside, hidden it away in a deep dark corner of his heart.”
Tears threatened to spill from Anna’s eyes and she fought hard to keep them restrained. “I think that you and Mairi are the answer to our prayers,” Anna said honestly as she choked back her tears. “I can’t tell you Quinn’s secrets, but I have a feeling that if you give him time, he’ll tell them to you himself.”
..ooOoo..
Three days later, Quinn returned. His eyes were brooding and his mood was foul from three days and nights spend in the cold foreboding forest. Hunting usually brought Quinn solace, but it had done nothing to alleviate his suffering this time. His nights had been spent in restless sleep, dreams of Mairi and Sarah swirling through his head. Sarah invaded his waking thoughts as well. He remembered the alluring curve of her mouth and the sweet taste of her lips.
He worried and wondered if she was safe back at the farm. It was these thoughts that had brought him crawling back to her. He planned to beg her forgiveness if need be, and Quinn Murray was not a man accustomed to begging.
He found Sarah hanging clean clothes on the line with Anna and immediately it was clear that the women had bonded. His heart sank when he thought of what Anna might have told Sarah. He wanted to be the one who told her his secrets, his heartaches.
As he approached them, both women stared blankly at him. It was almost as if they believed him to be an apparition.
Without cordial greeting, he walked briskly towards the women. “We need tae talk,” he barked at Sarah, coming off a bit more harshly than he had intended to. “Please,” he added for good measure.
“Can you keep an eye on Mairi?” Sarah asked Anna.
Anna nodded in agreement and caught the wet shirt that Sarah tossed in her direction. She quickly sent a prayer heaven-ward.
Please let her love him. Let her be the one that can restore him.
Quinn reached out and took Sarah’s hand. He led her without speaking back to the cabin that they shared. He opened the door for her, motioning for her to step inside. Swallowing the lump that had built in his throat he wondered how in the hell he was going to explain himself to her. He only hoped that he had not ruined what was growing between them before he was given a chance to explore how wonderful it might be.
“I’m sorry for leaving,” he said softly as he closed the door behind him and sat down on the bed. He lowered his head and held it in his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. “I didna ken how else tae deal with the feelings that I have for ye,” he confessed, still not looking up at Sarah, who stood frozen in front of him.
“You hurt me, Quinn,” Sarah confessed, unexpected anger boiling up inside of her. She had no claim on this man, but she had felt so abandoned, so lost without him. His kiss had caught her off guard, but it had felt so incredibly right. Quinn’s sudden desertion of her had left her hurt and confused.
“That wasna my intention. I’m sorry,” he added sincerely, now looking up and meeting Sarah’s eyes. When he saw the tears that she held back, his heart tore. He had done this to her. He hated himself for making her feel abandoned. “C’mere, lass. If ye’ll forgive me, if ye’ll let me explain… c’mere,” he beckoned as he reached out his arms and pulled Sarah onto his lap.
Sarah fitted her head into the crook of Quinn’s neck and she rejoiced in his calming, masculine scent. He smelled of sunshine, pine needles and the forest. She loved his smell and she let his touch calm her, console her.
Quinn buried his nose in Sarah’s hair and wrapped her up in his strong arms. It felt so right to hold her like this. He wanted to protect her, to beg for her forgiveness, but for the moment, holding her like this was enough.
Sarah’s fingers slid between the buttons of Quinn’s shirt and she gently stroked the warm skin over his collarbone. She nuzzled against his neck, relishing the feelings of acceptance and safety that Quinn enveloped her with.
“I left because I was scared,” Quinn admitted, stroking Sarah’s hair and cont
inuing to hold her close against his chest. “I never thought…never expected that I could feel this way about someone again. I’ve been trying sae hard to fight the feelings that I have for ye, but I must admit that I’ve failed terribly.”
Sarah lifted her head and looked Quinn squarely in the eyes.
“What was I supposed to think, Quinn? You kissed me and it was the most wonderful…it was more that I had ever imagined and then you left me! You left me for three days!” Sarah said, her voice heated now.
“I doona ken what ye were supposed tae think!” Quinn said, shaking his head as he looked at the beautiful woman on his lap. Hell, he didn’t know what to think about what was happening between them either!
“I loved someone very much, Sarah. She was taken from me. The English raped her and then killed her. I thought that my heart was dead after what they did to her.” Quinn swallowed hard, struggling to remain composed as he revealed the horrors of his past to Sarah.
“I’m so sorry,” Sarah whispered, the initial shock of Quinn’s words bore heavily on her face. Her expression softened at Quinn’s unexpected revelation. Despite wanting to strangle him for leaving her so abruptly with so many words unspoken between them, she wanted to hug him now, to console him and let him know that he would be alright.
Poor, sweet Quinn.
Sarah’s heart ached to tell him that she had fallen in love with him and that she would work tirelessly to piece back together the pieces of his shattered heart.
“After Mairi was taken from me, I had such a hole torn inside of me that I thought I’d be better off dead. I tried, but I couldna save her,” he said painfully. “I’ve felt nothing for so long. No pain, no happiness. Nothing. The fight went out of me after I lost her.”
Quinn rested his chin atop Sarah’s head and looked up at the soot stained ceiling of the small cabin. He blinked harshly and fought to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.
“I thought it would have been better tae feel pain, tae feel something, anything rather than nothing at all,” Quinn said shakily as he brought his hand up and raked it through his hair. “I just wanted tae feel something tae ken that I was still alive,” he whispered as he clenched his teeth from the strain of the flood of emotions that overtook him.
