by Shae Scott
“So you really aren’t seeing anyone?” he asked me as I took my seat. I felt a small blush touch my cheeks and hoped that it could be blamed on the whiskey.
“Nope. Not right now. I guess I needed a break after the last guy,” I smiled.
“Oh yes…what was his name? Jake?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yep. He was a good guy. It just wasn’t going to work out,” I shrugged.
“How did you know?” he asked curiously. It made me think. No one had ever asked me that question before. At least, not in a way that made me stop and look at it closer. That’s how Owen was, he could ask me a simple question, but it would end up opening up so much more.
I took a moment to think about it. “Well, I guess I just realized that there wasn’t a future there. You know how you can be doing something totally ordinary and you have this moment where everything suddenly feels clear? I guess I had an epiphany of sorts,” I said shrugging my shoulders.
“Oh, an epiphany,” he teased.
“There is a song that describes it perfectly, an old Matchbox Twenty song. In it, this girl is driving down the road and she looks over at the guy she is dating and he’s sleeping, and she has this moment where she wonders what he’s dreaming about. But, she suddenly realizes that she doesn’t care anymore,” I shrugged, “That’s kind of how it was. I just realized that as much as I liked him, as great of a guy as he was, he wasn’t the one for me.”
“Harsh,” he laughs.
“No. It’s real. We were safe. Things could have gone along indefinitely and we would have been content I guess. But I realized that I needed more than that. I didn’t need safe anymore. I don’t want to settle for something. You know what I mean?”
He was smirking at me. “What?” I asked
“Nothing. Just you. You just own all of those feelings, it’s rare,” he said. When he looked at me that way, studying me, it was like he could see straight into my head and it was a bit unsettling.
“I wouldn’t say that. I mean, I think everyone has a moment like that at some point, probably quite a few,” I laughed. “What about you?”
He ruffled his hair with his hands and it was so sexy that I had to bite back a smile. “I don’t know. I get what you are saying. But, the truth is, I don’t let things get that far in the first place. I don’t have to worry about that kind of thing.” He took a sip of his drink.
“Oh, I see. Still playing that game,” I smiled.
“It’s not a game. I just know what is important to me. I have spent my time focused on my career, trying to make something of myself.”
I gave him a tilt of my head, to encourage him to continue. He smiled and I noticed the crinkle that it brought to the corner of his eyes.
“It’s not like I’m sitting at home eating ice cream and watching action movies. I go out, I have a good time. I just don’t need the distraction that comes with labels,” he said. I had always admired his honesty. I loved how he could go against the norm and not feel like he had to make apologies for it.
I laughed. “I can see that you aren’t at home eating ice cream,” I said raising an eyebrow. The man was fit. I had a memory of how nice he looked beneath his shirt and the way his clothes hugged him now, I had no doubt he looked even better now.
He laughed and ran his hand across his abdomen. “Well, ya know-” He went to flex a little then just fell back into his relaxed position.
“Nice,” I laughed.
“The thing is, Kit Kat,” he said using my old nickname, “you are one of the good girls. You have the vision of forever in your head. You deserve that kind of thing. You were made for forever,” he said.
I furrowed my brow, “You make that sound like an insult.”
“Not at all. I think the idea of happily ever after is nice. I even think some people are lucky enough to find it. I just think it’s rare,” he admitted.
“It is rare,” I agreed. “That’s why everybody wants it. Well, everybody but you,” I teased. Part of me wondered if he hadn’t moved the conversation in this direction as a warning to me. Could he see that I was so attracted to him? I thought back to the graduation party and inwardly cringed. He’d stopped me then too.
“I have a good life,” he said simply. He didn’t deny it, and I wondered about that.
“Well, it sounds like you have been very successful, even if it does sound a bit lonely,” I said.
“You think I am lonely?” he asked quizzically. I thought about it for a moment longer. He didn’t really strike me as a lonely person. From what he’d told me he had a full life in Chicago.
“Maybe not. Maybe I’m just projecting. I see value in distractions,” I said using his word from earlier. Oh, God. Had I just propositioned him? The whiskey was starting to slow my filter.
“That’s because you are all emotion. You allow yourself to feel all kinds of things. I just tend to avoid that road,” he said.
“That has always been our big difference, huh? I feel too much; you keep the world locked out.”
“You make me sound like a robot,” he laughed.
“No. I know there is a lot going on in there. You just don’t let many people in to see it,” I said quietly. He smiled and set his drink down.
“Well, luckily I have you back in my life now, so you can help me navigate through all of that feeling stuff.” I couldn’t tell if he was teasing me or not.
“Well, fair warning, it’s a treacherous path.”
“Noted. But I think you’ll keep me on track.” His voice had gone low and it made me feel the flutter of butterflies again.
“I am glad I ran into you tonight.” He took my hand into his. It left a buzz across my skin as he ran his thumb across the top of my hand.
“Me too.” My voice came out sounding uneven.
“I should probably go. You have an early flight in the morning,” he said. He was right. I was going to be exhausted tomorrow.
“It is late,” I agreed. I didn’t want him to go. I wanted him to stay. I liked having him here with me.
He moved a little closer to me and I stopped breathing. He ran his tongue across his lip and my heart rate picked up. Keep control, Ally… he just spent the past hour talking to you about how he doesn’t get involved. Put some distance between you, before you do something stupid. I cleared my throat and broke the gaze and the moment. He sat back and I was able to breathe a little easier again.
“Alright,” he smiled, obviously catching on to my not so subtle attempt at space. He stood and held out his hand to me. I took it and felt that familiar zing at the contact. He pulled me to my feet and then pulled me to him. Our bodies connected as he held my hand close against him, between us. I looked up at him and he gave me a small smile; being this close to him, made my heart pound.
“I bet you make the best kind of distraction,” he said, his voice taking on a husky timbre. I bit my lip as I looked up at him. I couldn’t be sure I heard him correctly, or what exactly he was saying to me. Before I could put the thoughts together and make any sense out of them, his lips had lowered, pausing, just a breath away from mine. I saw the question in his eyes. He was going to kiss me. I wondered if I should say no. I didn’t. Instead I closed my eyes and invited him closer.
I could taste the amber whiskey as his mouth moved against mine. I felt myself sink into him, into his embrace, into his kiss. His tongue ran across my lips, asking me for entrance. I didn’t deny him. His free hand moved to the back of my neck and pulled me even closer to him. It was a heady experience and I quickly got lost in the moment. I knew Owen could kiss, but I realized that my memory had lost its sharp focus, because this kiss was beyond anything I remembered.
I let out a soft moan as he hummed a pleased sound against my lips. I kind of wanted to move back to the couch. I liked the idea of feeling the weight of him against me. But he pulled back before I could pull him down. He smiled down at me, eyes hooded and full of want.
“I need to go, before I can convince myself it’s a better idea to stay,” he
said.
“Okay.” He smiled at the disappointment in my voice. He leaned in and kissed my nose.
“It’s better if I go. I want to keep you around,” he said.
I managed a nod and he leaned in and gave me a soft, sweet kiss. “Have a safe trip. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He let me go and moved to leave. I followed him.
He turned and faced me as he reached the door. I wondered if my gaze matched his, dark and lusty. I noticed the slight shake of his head just before he pulled me towards him. Once again his mouth was on mine. It was instantly more intense than the last kiss and I moaned against him. His hand moved to tangle with my hair. He pulled me closer and his mouth moved to my neck he turned me so I was pushed up against the door. He pressed against me as his mouth left a trail of electricity across my skin. I whimpered and didn’t even care. His hands moved down along my body as he found my mouth again. I took the moment to explore the hard lines of his body. I wanted to unbutton his shirt; I wanted to feel the skin beneath it. I reached for the buttons, but his hands found my wrists and pushed them against the wall. He leveled his gaze on me before he turned his attention back to my throat.
“Make me leave, Ally. Tell me to get out.” He hummed the words across my skin and I was in no position to listen. “Oh God, you taste so sweet. Please tell me to leave,” he groaned. He released my hands and ran his own down my body, teasing me through the thin fabric of my shirt.
“Get out.” My words were breathy as I found his mouth. The sound that escaped him made me crazy. I wanted him badly. So badly, that I didn’t even pause to think about what that meant. It was raw and consuming. It surprised me. It took over all of my logic and rational thought. I was at the mercy of this man and whatever he decided to do with me was completely fine with me. I moved my hands back to his shirt and he caught them again. He pulled away and rested his forehead to mine. We were both breathing heavily.
“No. You do that and I’m not going to be able to walk out of here,” he said. The huskiness of his voice left goosebumps on my skin.
“Then don’t. Don’t leave,” I managed. I knew it was stupid, to ask him to stay when he obviously felt the need to go, but I was so lost in the sensation of him that I just couldn’t keep the words in.
“You are so beautiful. I don’t want to walk away from you right now, but I just got you back. I don’t want to do anything to send you running again,” he said. He met my gaze and I knew he was referring to the last time we’d been in this situation. I had run then. I had felt rejected and embarrassed when he’d stopped and I had run.
“I’m not running,” I said softly.
He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and released it. He looked back down at me and smiled, “Neither am I.”
He stepped back and I let him, knowing that he was right. I didn’t want to do anything to mess this up.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He looked me in the eye to make sure I could see he was serious. “You’ll answer this time.” He smirked at me and I laughed.
“Promise,” I agreed. He kissed my forehead and I let him go. When the door shut I rested my forehead against it and took a moment to get my bearings. Not for the first time since Owen had come back into my life, I felt as if my world had been turned upside down. I liked the feeling.
Chapter Ten
My interactions with Owen had taken a shift since we had returned from Texas. He had indeed called me the next morning to wish me a good flight home. We didn’t really bring up what had happened the night before, but the conversation was easy which had taken away the worry that I’d had that things would turn weird between us.
We seemed to talk more and more. I would chat with him throughout the day over instant message and it was almost like we were spending the day together. We were both very busy, but would find time to check in with each other. Often he would call me up late in the evening and we would talk for hours. It was strange, knowing that we had cultivated such a strong relationship with only one face to face meeting. Some days it felt like the Owen I talked to every day was someone different than the Owen who had left my hotel room a few weeks earlier. When we talked things were so easy, and with him so far away I didn’t get as distracted by the way he looked at me or the way his mouth felt pressed against my skin. I saved those images for moments when I could replay them without interruption.
Cassie was totally invested in what was happening. Each day she would come to my office and ask me what we were talking about. She’d ask me when I was going to see him again and it was fun having someone to talk to about what was happening.
“You are so smitten,” she laughed one day as we had coffee. I was staring down at my phone, to see a text from Owen. He’d sent a picture of himself with a beanie on his head and thick gloves holding up a bag of marshmallows. It’s flippin cold as balls here…wanna meet for hot chocolate? I’ll bring the marshmallows.
I laughed and showed her the screen. “Damn, Al, he is hot as fuck!” Cassie took the phone from me to get a better look.
“Hey now, back off,” I laughed taking the phone back. I snuck another peek at the picture and then put the phone back in my bag.
“So, when are you going to go see him? It’s obvious that you like him. Chicago isn’t that far away,” Cassie asked for the hundredth time since I’d got back from Texas.
“Seven hours,” I smiled over my coffee cup, “Not that I’ve checked or anything.”
She laughed. “Well, you can’t just go on with this digital relationship forever. You need to get up there and see what happens. Plus, I need stories. I’ve hit a dry spell in my dating world and I’m bored. At least let me live vicariously through you for awhile,” she pouted. If Cassie was in a dry spell it simply meant she was avoiding dating. She was beautiful, charming, and had no shortage of admirers.
“We haven’t really talked about it. His work keeps him busy and well, it’s kind of nice just getting to know each other this way. It’s different, but it’s good I think.” I sounded so cheesy, even to my own ears.
“Right. Well, I’d still want to get my hands on him again if I were you,” she said pointedly, giving me a raised eyebrow for extra affect.
“Well there is that,” I agreed.
Late that night I lay in my bed talking to Owen. We were both sleepy and our voices were quiet and slow. “You should sleep now,” he said. I loved his voice, deep and sultry.
“Hmmm,” I muttered noncommittally. He chuckled softly and I smiled at the sound.
“You’re falling asleep on me,” he accused.
“No, I’m not,” I stifled a yawn.
“I bet your eyes are closed.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Nope.” They were.
“I don’t believe you,” he said, then I heard the phone disconnect. I looked at the phone. Had I hit the end button? Damn. Just then it began to ring in my hand. Only this time, instead of just seeing Owen’s name I saw that he was requesting a facetime chat. Great. I looked a mess. Stupid technology.
I straightened my hair as best as I could. It was futile. I hit connect and saw his face appear on the screen. His hair was rumpled and I could tell he was shirtless. God, he looked good.
“Hi there,” he said, a lopsided grin on his face.
“Hi. You’re sneaky,” I said. I sat up a little so that I could hold the phone steady.
“This way I can see you when you start to fall asleep. I should have thought of this sooner. I like it. I’ve missed your face,” he said. There was that flutter. Seeing his face as he spoke sweet words made them feel that much sweeter.
“So this is your way of checking up on me,” I smiled at his reflection.
“Well that, and my way of seeing you again. I don’t want to forget what you look like when you smile like that,” he said.
I bit my lip nervously. Sometimes his words made me feel shy, having him able to see me made it harder to hide that. I watched as he settled back into his pillows. He moved to his side and I co
uld see how his face rested against the black pillowcase.
“Turn onto your side,” he instructed. I did as he asked.
“You know this is going to make me fall asleep faster, right?”
“It’s okay. This way it’s like you are lying here beside me,” he said. He was right. I could almost imagine him here beside me, face to face. He looked so handsome, his face a perfect mix of hard lines and soft expression. I wished I could reach out and run my fingers across his jawline. There was a soft shadow of stubble there and I could imagine what it would feel like against my fingers.
I heard him sigh, and I wondered if my face had shown what I was thinking.
“What is it?” I asked.
“You just keep surprising me,” he said quietly.
“How so?” I asked. I liked that I could see his expression.
“I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just that…This thing with us just feels so different than anything that I am used to. I don’t always know what to do with that,” he admitted.
I wish I knew what that meant. I tried to read beyond his words. “It’s just me,” I offered.
“Exactly. It’s you. You make me feel things that I’m not used to feeling. It just takes me by surprise sometimes. Especially here, looking at you all sleepy eyed and sweet.” His smile made my insides flip.
“You sure know how to talk to a girl,” I smiled sleepily.
“You think? Cause I kind of feel like a bumbling idiot,” he chuckled.
I laughed. “Don’t forget that I’ve known you for years. I know how gifted you are with the ladies,” I teased him.
“The difference is, with you I mean the things that I say. Not to mention that I show you my weaknesses and I don’t show those to anyone.” His face was serious and I felt the air leave me as I processed his words.
“I like that you let me in,” I admitted.
“Good. Now, go to sleep. I’ve kept you up way too long already,” he smiled.
“But I’m not tired anymore,” I protested.
“Yes you are. And I’ve said too much. Sleep well, Kit Kat. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He gave me a lazy smile and then the screen went black.
