by Shae Scott
“He was a good man,” I agreed. “You are a lot like him. Even with all the crap you went through, him and Granny gave you a good foundation,” I said.
“Yeah, I was lucky,” he agreed.
“Granny worries about you up there in Chicago,” I smiled.
“I know. She tells me every time we talk. She thinks I work too hard. She wants me to settle down so that she knows I won’t be alone after she is gone.” He shook his head at the thought.
“She wants what is best for you,” I smiled. I wanted to ask him why he had never told her about Anna. It might have made her feel better about him being so far away if she thought he had someone special in his life. Even if it wasn’t a real relationship as Owen had pointed out, I still wondered why he hadn’t ever brought her home. Or had he?
“What are you thinking about?” He interrupted my thoughts and I blushed. I didn’t really want to talk about Anna. Not here.
“It’s nothing,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t push.
He gave me a sidelong look as if trying to pull the thoughts from my mind. He was good at that. Sometimes it felt like he could peer right in and read all of my thoughts on a projector.
“Tell me,” he said simply.
Damn. “I was just wondering why if she is always so worried about you not settling down that you hadn’t brought Anna around to make her worry less,” I shrugged.
He held my gaze for a long moment and I began to wish I hadn’t said anything. I didn’t want to think about her. The whole situation made me question everything. It was easier when I ignored her.
“I never told Gran about Anna because Anna isn’t important to me,” he said. I gave him a look that said that that made him sound like an asshole. “What I mean is, what Anna and I have is an arrangement. It’s never been a relationship. It’s part of my life, but it is just part of the big charade that I made for myself. This is my home. She isn’t home for me. And honestly, the more time I spend with you, with the old me, the more I realize how insane it was for me to believe that that would have been enough,” he admitted. His words made my chest tighten. I wanted to read between the lines, but that was dangerous. I couldn’t fill in the gaps with my own theories.
I wasn’t sure what to say to that so I just kept my mouth shut.
“I know it’s weird and complicated. It’s something I need to work out. I have spent a lot of time thinking one way, and now I am starting to question all of that,” he admitted. He held my gaze and I gave him a small smile.
“I didn’t mean to bring it up,” I said.
“It’s fine, Ally. I want to be honest with you. You are important to me. I never want to keep anything from you. I know this thing between us is kind of all over the place right now, but I need you. I do. I’ll do whatever I have to to keep you in my life.” His words hit me hard and caused my heart rate to climb.
“Me too,” I managed hoping that made sense.
“Come on, we should probably head back to the house. Granny will have dinner started soon. Plus, I want to try this pie you made,” he gave me his classic Owen smirk, breaking the tension between us.
“Oh it’s going to be an amazing pie. I can peel the crap out of an apple,” I teased.
“We’ll see about that.” He held out his arms to help me down from the truck. I jumped down and slid down his body on the way. He held me close to him and I heard his breath catch. I loved being this close to his body, the feel of him against me. I loved the dark gaze he got when he was this close to me. It made the want in me build continually. He held me close to him for a long moment, before kissing my forehead and leading me outside.
“I just have to check something on the other side of the barn. It should only take a minute.” I followed him over to the second large door that led into the old horse stalls. Granny didn’t have horses anymore; it was too much work for her alone, so they’d sold them and all of the tack years ago. It made me a little sad, to see all of the changes that had happened since I was last here.
Owen moved around, checking the locks and equipment that was still stored here. I wandered around the small room as he did, taking in the atmosphere, reading the old tin advertisement signs that Grandpa Jack had kept on the walls. He had a small desk out here too. This was his man cave. He hadn’t needed a big screen TV or a recliner. Instead he was happy with his tools, his horses and his cars.
I was completely engrossed in my surroundings and didn’t notice when Owen came back. I turned and jumped when I saw him leaning casually against the huge wooden beam, watching me.
“Geesh, you scared me,” I laughed, heart thumping erratically from the jolt. “You’re like a ninja.” He didn’t say anything; he just continued to watch me. “What?” I asked, giving him a puzzled look, crossing my arms across my chest.
“You. In this barn. It makes me remember things.” He continued to study me and I suddenly felt shy. The beat of my heart didn’t settle, it picked up even faster. That memory was hard for me to visit. Part of me wanted to change the subject fast.
“Different barn,” I managed, biting my lip, glancing around me.
“You had on cowboy boots that night too,” he offered. His gaze was making me nervous. I felt 17 again, alone with someone completely out of my league.
“I did.” I didn’t trust myself with many words right now. I didn’t want him to hear that my voice was shaking.
“Why don’t you come over here?” he suggested. His gaze was dark and hooded, and not open for compromise. I could feel the pull. It was as if an invisible line connected us, and there was no way I could resist. I took a few steps towards him.
“Closer.”
I closed the gap until there was just a breath of space between us. His hands rested on my shoulders and then slowly moved down my arms. The skin of his hands was slightly rough, calloused.
“Do you know how often I think about that night? I think about what it would have been like if I had stayed there. I wanted to stay. I wanted you so much,” he admitted.
My breath caught and I had to work to find my voice. “But you stopped me. You left.” I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation. I’d always thought that I wanted the answer to what happened that night, but now that it was here, I wasn’t so sure. I wasn’t that girl anymore.
He shrugged, looking a little ashamed. “I panicked. I didn’t want to ruin us. I did anyway though. You left me after that night.” His voice was quiet, his hands still moving up and down my arms.
“But you’re here now. So I guess nothing was really ruined,” I managed a smile. I needed to diffuse this situation. I was a ball of need and it was making my body hum. It was nearly painful. Being this close to him, feeling his touch was unraveling me and I wasn’t sure how much I could take before I started begging him. And well, that would be embarrassing.
I watched as he ran his tongue across his lip. I was sure he could hear my heart beating, feel the catch in my breathing. He read me like a book. With him there was no hiding.
He moved his hands to my face, his fingers against my cheeks, his eyes holding me still. His thumb ran across my bottom lip and I bit it without thinking. He let out a groan and pulled me to him, covering my mouth with his. This kiss wasn’t sweet, it was needy. It matched my own. His tongue found mine and I clung to him, needing all space between us to be gone. I heard my own whimper as he turned us and pressed me against the beam. I was grateful for the support behind me because I wasn’t positive that my legs were going to make it on their own.
His hands moved down my body and under my dress, lifting me off of my feet and gripping my butt. I wrapped my legs around him and moaned as his hardness pressed against me. I threw my head back as his lips explored my throat hungrily. I needed him. I was done with rational thought in this moment. All I knew was that I needed this man.
“Ally. God you feel so good. I want you. I want to feel every part of you. You make me crazy.” He kissed his way to my breasts, nipping at my cleavage and making t
he pull in my core intensify.
“I want you too,” I admitted. My hands were all over him. I wanted his shirt off. I wanted all of his clothes off. It was only the slight rational part of my brain that was reminding me of where we were and why that would be a bad idea.
His fingers brushed the edge of my panties and I squirmed to try and get him to touch me. He rewarded me with one finger, tracing against my wetness. “You are so beautiful. So wet. I want to be inside you,” he groaned as his mouth slammed against me again. I could feel the passion between us building and I wasn’t so sure either of us had the wherewithal to stop.
“Owen,” I breathed his name as his fingers teased me. It was such sweet torture. I was wound so tightly that I could hardly think straight.
“Baby, we can’t do this here,” his voice was like gravel, scratching at the need building within me. He continued his assault.
“Please.” There it was. The begging. I didn’t care. I was beyond caring now. I just wanted him.
“Fuck, you are killing me. We have to stop. We can’t do this here. I want to take my time with you. I want to savor you. I can’t do that now. I can’t do that here.” He finally slowed his kiss, trying to cool the situation.
I groaned stubbornly. Reluctantly he lowered my feet to the ground. Luckily he held on to me so that I didn’t fall. I took a moment to catch my breath, pressing my forehead against his. We were both trying to regain control. It was taking more effort than I would have thought.
“I’m beginning to hate barns,” I said softly. He chuckled.
“They are fairly frustrating,” he agreed.
It took a few more moments for our breathing to return to normal. “Let’s go to dinner…so you can take me home and finish what you started,” I said looking him straight in the eye, so he knew that I was serious.
He let out a long breath, “Fuck, Ally.”
This time I laughed, took his hand and led him back outside.
When we made it back up to the house, Granny was moving all around the kitchen. I welcomed the distraction of helping her with dinner. I tried to keep space between me and Owen as I was still charged from our encounter. He wasn’t making it easy for me. He kept throwing me sultry gazes when Granny wasn’t looking and he found ways to brush against me as he got dishes out to set the table. He wasn’t playing fair and I could feel the steady blush across my cheeks, partially from his secret advances and partially from the lingering heat within me. This was going to be a long dinner. I hoped Granny didn’t notice how distracted I was.
Luckily dinner was ready quickly and we all sat down at the table with fried chicken, mashed potatoes and vegetables. It was a southern specialty and Granny knew how to do it to perfection. It was just enough to pause the flirtiness, and send us back into the relaxed family setting. I couldn’t help it, sitting at the table with Granny made me feel like I was at home. It was a calmness that I hadn’t even realized that I had been missing in my life. The realization made me smile and I took a moment to soak it in, just in case I was never able to capture it again.
Two hours later we had the kitchen cleaned, pie eaten and had tired poor Granny out with all of our company. It had been a big day and I could tell she was exhausted. I kissed her on the cheek and told her I’d be back to visit again soon. I had already decided that I’d be making the trip back out here, even without Owen. I had missed her, and I wasn’t ready to miss out on having her in my life again.
“Next time you can teach me to make that fried chicken,” I said giving her a hug.
“Of course, dear, we’ll get you all set,” she laughed. She moved to Owen and looked up to him as he stood towering over her small frame.
“You take care of yourself, Gran. And call me about anything you need. I may be far away, but I can make things happen,” He said sternly. She smiled up at him sweetly.
“Don’t you worry about me, Son, I’ve got good people seeing after me. You just call and talk to me and I’ll be happy,” she said.
“I can do that,” he said wrapping her up in his big arms, careful not to squeeze her too tightly. “I’ll call you when I get back home tomorrow.”
Granny waved at us until we were out of sight and it caused my heart to ache a little. “She is a special lady,” I said softly, watching the farm fade away.
“She is. I think we made her day,” he laughed.
“She made mine too.”
I caught him smile at me and as I met his eyes he held my gaze. It was hard to pinpoint the emotion that I saw there, but he seemed pleased.
We were a few miles down the road before I realized that neither of us was speaking. Owen had turned on the radio and an old Jennifer Nettles and Matt Nathanson song came on. I began to hum along to it, only realizing later how appropriate the words were to how I was feeling. Now that I was actually listening to the lyrics, I began to feel the stirrings of what we’d left back at the barn. I could feel the burn starting to build in me and I didn’t even dare to look over at Owen. He would see it all over my face. I let my hair fall over my shoulder to hide my face. I could feel the heat in my cheeks. Thank God it was dark out.
All I could think about was what had happened in the barn today. His voice haunted me. I want you. I couldn’t deny that I wanted him too. But maybe cooler heads had prevailed. It would be smarter if we just let it go. But as I shifted in my seat, I knew I wasn’t feeling exceptionally smart tonight.
“You doing okay over there?” he asked. I could hear the amusement in his voice. He knew exactly what he did to me. I hated him a little for that.
“Just fine. You?” I finally looked over at him and smiled sweetly.
“There you are. You’ve been hiding from me,” he said, daring me to deny it.
“I’m not hiding. I’m just watching the scenery,” I said stubbornly.
He raised an eyebrow at me. “Really? In the dark? See anything interesting?” He gave me the smirk.
I shrugged. “You know, some cows, a moon…” I let my voice drift off and Owen laughed.
“Was the cow jumping over said moon?” He continued to laugh and I tried to glare at him.
“Maybe.” I gave into the laughter. I had kind of walked into that one.
“Well, I’d rather you look at me,” he offered, his laughter gone as he threw me one of his intense stares. Well, there was the burn again. It filled up the interior of the Jeep just like that and I had to swallow hard because the nerves had started to kick back up.
“Oh yeah?” I asked. I had no witty comeback. I had no fun banter to volley back to him. I was too caught up in his perfect face and the way his arm rested on the steering wheel as he drove. He was confidence and calm. I could smell him, the scent that I’d come to associate with him. It was like a drug to me.
“Yeah,” he said simply, yet somehow it sounded as if he was saying so much more.
The tension in the car was like a fog. I tried my best to stare straight ahead. Looking at him made me fidget in my seat. It made me flash back to what had happened this afternoon in the barn. I worked my lip nervously. I was keyed up, longing to feel his touch again. I needed to clear my head and get a grip on my emotions, but that was impossible to do when he was this close. It was as if my brain was stuck on repeat, playing a greatest hits of all things steamy between Ally and Owen: the club, falling apart beneath him, waking up tangled with him this morning, and that scorching kiss back at the barn. Rewind. Repeat. If I didn’t get some space soon, I was going to end up in his lap.
I jumped when I felt his hand on my thigh. It sent a jolt through me and I snapped my gaze over to him. His eyes had taken on that steamy gray look that I was getting to know better. Neither of us spoke. It was almost like we were afraid. There was a whole conversation sitting there in the air between us. It was agony. I wished that I could slide closer to him and press up against him as he drove. Fortunately, the console kept me in my seat as I tried not to focus all of my attention on the feel of his hand on my leg. I tried.
I felt myself moving. I don’t even remember making the decision to do it, but suddenly, I found myself moving towards him, I lifted my leg and straddled his lap, pressing against the steering wheel and running my fingers along the lines of his chest. His hands rested on my hips as he studied me.
“Hi.” His voice was low and husky.
“Hi,” I returned, leaning a touch closer. I could feel his breath on my lips I was so close. I wanted them on me. I needed to kiss him. I could feel him growing harder beneath me, a fact that pushed me forward and then we were kissing, mouths and hands in a decadent dance of exploration. The tight quarters of the jeep made it tricky, but ramped up the appeal.
I heard him moan as I ground my hips against him, seeking out the friction of him against me. “Ally,” his mouth moved down my throat as I leaned my head back to grant him full access. My hands pulled at his hair. All shyness that I had evaporated as the need to be closer to him steadily built. I needed more of him. I needed to feel him. There was an ache that only he could fix and I was anxious to get us there. Who was this girl I had become?
Owen’s hands moved along my body, as much as the confines of our tight space would allow. His fingers rubbed against my nipples, making them harden even through the material of my dress. It left goosebumps along my flesh.
My mouth found his again and his hands moved back to my thighs, gliding beneath my skirt and close to my aching core. I wanted to feel his hands on me. He rubbed his finger across the lace that covered me, teasing me tortuously. I heard the whimper escape me and Owen’s free hand on my hip tightened, his fingers pressing into my flesh as his own need echoed my own.
