by Christa Wick
My gaze landed on Collin and immediately bounced away.
"Afraid I might have mentioned dinner on my way off shift to someone wondering why I was grinning like an idiot."
"Oh..." My stomach did a little flip at the admission. I wasn't sure why I felt pleasure at his statement. Hell, I didn't even know why he would grin like an idiot at the idea of having dinner with me -- maybe this was all about getting to Evan.
My right hand escaped the sanctuary beneath the table to fiddle with my silverware. "Is having dinner with Evan's stepdaughter a problem?"
His hand made it to the table's center line before I tucked mine back in my lap.
"Not if her name is Mia James," he smiled, ignoring my blatant evasion.
A plate landed on the table, saving me the embarrassment of asking him what his remark meant. I had left town six years ago at twenty. Even if I deserved my father's reputation, I hadn't shown anyone in town that I did.
"So..." Gillie started to peel apart the barbecue ribs he had ordered. "Tell me about this business."
"It doesn't exist yet." I laughed, my hand escaping once more to wave in the air. "I don't even have internet service yet. I have a prepaid phone..."
He looked up from the ribs and I felt, for a moment, like I was getting his cop stare, the one that meant it was time to cut the bullshit and confess.
"But you know what you want to do, right?"
My heart knocked a few times in my chest. The evening was pure rollercoaster. One minute I was thinking about Gillie's hands around my wrists, the next I was staring down Collin Stark, another minute later I was thinking about riding Corabelle just so I could have a smile on my face when Gillie returned to the table and, right at that second, I was looking into the unknown abyss of my future.
"I want to help people," I started. "But I think I have to invent the how."
Gillie tilted his head to study me, a fingertip absently against his lips as he sucked a drop of barbecue sauce away. He blinked, so slow my stomach did another weird little flip as his lids came back up, and then he nodded.
"You'll do it."
I swallowed, not so sure. The last year hadn't been a confidence booster.
"No, really." He tapped the table with one fingertip so I'd look at him. "You'll do it."
I swallowed again, then smiled. "If you want to lend me some of that confidence..."
He waved his hand in a broad gesture, his tongue darting out to catch a drop of sauce that lingered at the corner of his top lip. "All yours for the taking."
"Thanks."
Forgetting that the man responsible for my still broken heart sat six feet away, I reached across the table and squeezed Gillie's hand. By the time I remembered Collin's presence, he was gone and the waitress was clearing our dishes.
"Sure ya'll don't want dessert?" she asked, balancing our plates on one hand and checking her order book with the other.
I shook my head for the third time.
"No," Gillie gave her a low wattage smile. "Just the check."
"Oh, it's paid already," she grinned. "Big tip, too."
Air started to slowly squeeze from my lungs.
"Who would have done that?" Gillie's cop stare slid back into place, its focus on me and not the waitress.
"Tall, dark and handsome." The waitress pivoted, her head bobbing in the direction of the now empty booth Collin had occupied. Turning back, she threw me a wink. "I don't suppose either of you have his phone number?"
I sucked my bottom lip in to bite at its center. Any chance of not having Collin put a major dent in my first date had just slithered out the back door.
"Bill Etheridge likely want to kick my ass if I gave it to you." Gillie shooed the woman away from the table with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Now get before I tell him you asked."
Alone with him, I started to fumble in my purse for my keys. Gillie stood and approached my seat, his hand out to help me up. Once I was standing, his hand slid to rest against the small of my back, its placement softly propelling me toward the building's exit.
He didn't say anything until we were in front of my car, his hand going to the door handle when he heard the lock click. Instead of opening it, he just held it.
"I don't suppose you're going to tell me about him."
I inhaled, my lips doing a rapid little bob like a freshly landed bluegill.
"You're not very good at lying, Mia." Gillie rubbed one hand against the side of my arm. "So tell me 'no' or give me the truth."
"Lying?" Feeling a blaze of heat, I knew a guilty blush colored my face.
"Your leg didn't cramp, baby girl." He rubbed at his jaw, his brow wrinkling with a hint of indulgence. "I thought something was off when you said it, knew it when I watched the two of you while the sheriff had me on the phone."
Whatever color had heated my cheeks had to have drained because I started to feel dizzy. Gillie brought both hands up to my shoulders, steadying me.
"I'm following you home," he warned.
"I..." I shook my head. "No...it's not..."
"Not negotiable," he finished. "You don't want to tell me about him yet, that's fine. I'm still going to make sure he isn't camped outside your door or even inside that old house of yours. You'll let me make sure you're safely inside."
I tried to calculate the odds that Collin would be outside the guesthouse when I returned home. He knew about Keppler already, so he had probably figured out where I lived. He did have a multi-billion dollar company and government resources to leverage in getting whatever information he wanted about me.
Collin just had to want me.
Gillie snorted and opened my door. "I don't know what's going on inside that pretty little head, but there's no figuring a way out of my not following you. So just get in and drive."
He folded me into the driver's seat, shocking me as he secured my seatbelt, his hands lingering at my hip and shoulder as he stared into my eyes. "Maybe by the time you get home, you'll decide how much you want to tell me about this man."
********************
Gillie pulled in front of the guesthouse before I did, a quick passing maneuver before we reached the main drive putting him ahead of me. Out of his truck before I had the Mazda in park, he put his fingers against my driver-side door before I could open it.
He shook his head, his index finger pointing for me to stay seated.
I crossed my arms across my chest and glared at him, but made no move to disobey. Grinning, he crossed his arms over his chest, pouted for half a second then threw me a short, cocky kiss before he turned to walk the perimeter of the house.
I told myself I would not analyze the air kiss. I wouldn't analyze it or feel anything about it. I needed a few months of being empty on both to re-set. I needed to study the expressions and gestures of people who couldn't possibly touch my heart. I needed to forget how badly I had read Stark, fooling myself into thinking that he was drifting towards love when I had been no more than an expendable piece of ass then kept in Florida out of guilt.
Gillie returned and opened my car door. Finding that I had preemptively unhooked my seat belt, he extended his hand. Grudgingly, I took it and climbed out.
His fingers pressing lightly against the small of my back, he dipped his head and spoke directly into my ear. "Anyone tell you what a tempting pout you have?"
Only Collin. Stark had been the only man to tell me or act like I was the least bit beautiful. That single compliment from Ames at the Dubai conference had been the only one he'd given on my looks, the others had been limited to my brain or cock sucking abilities. The others before that just fucked me -- no compliments required when you're banging a fat girl.
"Or how easily you color?" Gillie added as we stepped under the porch light.
I answered with a half-hostile side-eye as I slid my key in the deadbolt. As soon as I removed the key from the second lock a few seconds later, he grabbed the knob.
"You're not searching the inside," I argued, my hand landi
ng atop his.
Gillie's mouth puckered, the lips sliding side to side before he grinned. "You're gonna make me stand watch in my truck then."
He gave a mock shiver as his grin split wider. "Temperature is supposed to drop to fifty tonight, Mia."
"That's blackmail or extortion, deputy." I poked lightly at his chest. "Both of which are illegal."
I wasn't worried about getting him out once he got in. I didn't even understand why I wanted him to leave so soon. Well...he might continue asking me questions about Collin once we were inside. I didn't want that. He'd also look in every room, and my heart wasn't ready to open the door onto the spare bedroom to anyone just yet. Hell, he'd see the bin marked "ruined" in the living room. He'd ask about that, too, and I might just start crying.
"You worried you left some lacy bits out?" He slid his hand out from under mine and placed it lightly on my shoulder.
I rolled my eyes at him. "No."
The lacy bits and, more so, the leather bits, were buried at the bottom of the dresser drawer.
His thumb stroked along the edge of my collarbone to slowly erase my resistance. "Something you don't want 'Deputy Gillie' seeing?"
I shook my head. "It's nothing like that."
Giving up with a growl, I pushed the door open and flipped the light on. "Look, whatever you see, I don't want to talk about it. One word and your safety check is over."
"Sure, baby girl." His hand landed on my hip as he moved me inside the house. Shutting and locking the door, he walked first to the small side closet in the living room. He checked the locks on the front windows, then moved into the kitchen and garage. The closet holding the furnace and water heater took half a second, then the bathroom then my bedroom.
He was thorough in the bedroom, getting down on his knees to check under the bed and pushing the clothes to the side as he checked the closet. I could only see the side of his face as he looked, but his brow inched higher as he dragged the clothes back in place, his nostril flaring on that side, too.
I guess you didn't have to be a girl or a leech like Evan to notice how expensive the clothes Stark had given me were.
I left the bedroom as a fresh wave of embarrassment washed over me. All of the money sitting in my savings hadn't been received for honest work done, same went for the clothes in the closet. Gillie couldn't possibly imagine what I had done to earn them, but I knew and the memories started twisting and slapping inside my gut.
"I need to check this one, too," Gillie said, catching me in the hall, my body blocking the door to the spare room.
"It's a health hazard," I answered, my eyes not lifting to meet his gaze. "You shouldn't go in."
Stepping in close, his torso brushing against mine, he reached around me and opened the door. When I didn't move and he couldn't reach the light switch, he wrapped one arm around my waist and turned me. The hand stayed in place, his free one flipping on the light.
His gaze jumped around the room, first to the window then to the doorless closet, then over the damaged ceiling and outer wall. He flipped the light off and closed the door, my body still secured against his.
He cupped my chin, forcing my gaze up. "So, about this guy--"
I stiffened, my back arching as I tried to pull my face from his grip.
"He's not here, Mia." Gillie moved with me, his head shaking in warning. "So I can talk about him. Is he someone who hurt you?"
I closed my eyes as "yes" and "no" warred at the tip of my tongue. Gillie probably meant physical abuse, of which there had been none. Any pain was consensually received and preceded a paroxysm of pleasure. Emotionally, Collin had gone beyond hurting me. He had left me at the precipice of broken, my four-month sojourn in Florida passed much like a crash victim afraid of moving in case the bones finally snapped. But he had given me highs I had never experienced with another man. He had revealed that I didn't know what being in love was really like. I had coveted relationships with Ames and the men before him, thought I loved them, but Collin proved them nothing more than pale infatuations.
Even standing in Gillie's embrace, his body warm against me and a tender concern coloring his hazel eyes, I knew I couldn't feel for Gillie what I had felt for Collin, at least not any time soon. Maybe years in the future, but maybe not at all.
"Mia," Gillie's voice roughened and his grip on me tightened. "Tell me if this man is a danger to you."
Slowly, I relaxed, my heart rate returning to normal. I looked at Gillie and shook my head. "No, he's not a danger to me."
I wouldn't let him be. Collin didn't dominate by force, but by will. He would find my heart shielded against him if he came back.
Nodding, Gillie exhaled long and slow, as if he had been holding his breath. He released me as the air left him. Biting his lip, he nodded again. "Maddie's having a barbecue Sunday. She's out in Tarboro, but she'd love you to come."
Relief flooded through me. Gillie was making his exit but leaving the door open. "Okay."
Chuckling, he dropped his head and shook it as he stared at the floor. "You're hard on a man's ego, Miss James."
"Only when it's too big to start with." Laughing, I pushed at his chest until I had him turned and pointed down the hallway in the direction of the living room.
"Oh," he teased. "And cruel, I see."
I had him at the front door, half his body on one side of the open frame, his arm braced against the side, fingernails scratching absently as he looked down at me.
"It's not cruelty," I promised and pushed him the last of the way out. "It's self-preservation."
His face turned sad, not like I'd hurt him but like he'd just seen a puppy kicked on the side of the road and I was the puppy. "You don't have to protect yourself from me, Mia."
Not true.
"John, the smallest cut would turn septic on me right now." Tears threatening for the hundredth time that day, I started to close the door on him. "I have to protect myself from everybody."
********************
I could have cried myself to sleep after John left. My chest was heavy with the need to unleash. Could have cried until I puked then cried some more. Instead, I waited until Gillie had pulled away then found the new door locks I'd bought at the hardware store after work because it's not possible to be a bawl baby and change four locks. Can't even change one lock in that condition.
When I finished, I spent half an hour under the showerhead, hot water blasting at muscles that I had held too tight since running into Collin outside the bank. Finished, I remembered Gillie's remark that the temperature was going to dip to fifty. Knowing I couldn't have the furnace on until I had it inspected, I wrote down a reminder to call someone in the morning then grabbed one of my granny flannels from the closet, put it on and crawled into bed.
Hard to believe that just last night I had experienced my first, blissful night undisturbed by images of Collin. Sliding into the first dream of the night, I knew it would be a very long time before I could make the same claim again.
WHUMP-WHUMP-WHUMP
Ungluing my shut eyelids, I looked at the clock and waited for the numbers to focus.
6:32 a.m.
Not even the ass crack of dawn.
WHUMP-WHUMP-WHUMP
A male voice I knew all too well followed the pounding.
"You unlock this damn door right now, Mia James."
Hearing Evan use my last name, a shiver ran down my spine. Just as my mother had reserved my middle name for when she was at wit's end with me, Evan saved the "James" portion until he was out for blood -- usually in the form of bruises.
Grabbing my cell phone, I dialed all but the last number for police dispatch as I walked to the front door. Leaving the chain on, I opened the door, my hip and foot braced against the wood in case he tried to bust in. Holding my phone up, my finger hovering over the last number, I glared at my stepfather.
He chopped his hand at the new locks. "You got no right--"
"I have every right when I'm in residence," I snapped. "Disagr
ee then get a lawyer."
Truth was, I had no idea whether I'd been legally in the right to change the locks. I imagined there was a fat book of court cases and legal statutes somewhere that governed everything, but no rules had been mentioned in the will or in probate after my mother died.
"Lawyers are for the weak, little girl." His fingers bent around the edge of the door frame and he started to push.
We had danced to this song before. I always lost back then, but I'd been a smaller fat girl. Now my mass wasn't without muscle, especially from my time spent with Collin. The positions Stark had made me hold while he pleasured my body had isometrically strengthened me. Even in Florida, with no lover to direct me, I had repeated those positions, finding in them an almost meditative state that, some nights, was the only thing that brought me enough peace to sleep.
"This is my house," Evan growled. "You will give me the keys."
Straining to hold him in check, my hand started to sweat. If I didn't get the door shut and bolted soon, I would lose my grip on the phone and my lifeline to help.
Yelling, I shoved more of my weight against the door. "It's my house!"
Evan wedged the tip of his toe in the remaining gap, his hand adjusting its grip so that his palm was at risk instead of his fingers. He pawed at my face, the nails bitten too short to scratch.
"Only while you're alive." The words came out as a cold, menacing chuckle, sparking another shiver of dread across my body.
"Are you threatening me?" I inhaled, trying not to panic.
"Little girl, you bring a mother fucking cop onto my property and I don't have to threaten you." Evan worked his elbow into the gap, his hand capturing my wrist and giving it a rough jerk that sent the phone flying. "I got plenty who'll do it without my even asking."
He grabbed my hair next, the fingers expertly knotting in the strands so that I couldn't move my head without ripping hair from the roots.
"You've been holding out, you little bitch." He gave another hard jerk, making me yelp. "I already had a walk through, seen all those fancy clothes and the slutty leather ones you got buried deep in the dresser."
