That weekend, Isabel a sat close to Harrison, holding his hand and resting her head against his shoulder, which she never did. When he left the room for more than two minutes she started to panic at the thought that she was stuck with these strangers. She acted like a different girl than she was. Harrison didn’t seem to notice.
The first night there, Isabel a was cornered by one of Harrison’s friends from col ege. Her name was Jocelyn. She was drunk and a close talker.
“I don’t real y know my dad,” she confided to Isabel a. “He never real y wanted a daughter and I’m not sure he ever loved me.”
She was leaning in so close that her giant boob was resting on Isabel a’s arm and her breath was on Isabel a’s cheek. Was this girl hitting on her? Isabel a felt like crying. She kept trying to catch Harrison’s eye so that he could save her, but every time she did he gave her a look like, I’m glad you’re fitting in.
At the end of the night, Jocelyn held Isabel a in a too-long embrace and muttered something about how glad she was to meet her. And then she said, “I love you.” Isabel a was in a loony bin.
“Isn’t Jocelyn nice?” Harrison asked. They were standing side by side in the bathroom, brushing their teeth. The floor was freezing and it made
Isabel a’s feet cold right through her socks. She was drunk and had to close one eye so that the reflections of her and Harrison in the mirror would stop moving.
“She would be nice if she was in therapy,” Isabel a said. She stumbled a little bit and leaned on the sink. Harrison caught her arm.
“So judgmental,” he said. He tried to make it sound like a joke, but she knew he was annoyed.
She spit out her toothpaste and rinsed off her toothbrush. “Do you realize that at the end of the night, she said, ‘I love you’ to me? That doesn’t strike you as a little strange?”
“She’s an emotional girl. You just need to get used to her.”
“Did you use to date her?”
Harrison laughed. “I wouldn’t cal it dating. It was a long time ago.”
Harrison rubbed the back of her thermal shirt and she leaned her head against him. Al she wanted was to be back in the city at one of their apartments, where they could sleep in the same bed.
“Good night,” Harrison said and swung up to the top bunk.
“Night,” Isabel a whispered into her pil ow.
Isabel a didn’t real y want to go skiing, but the alternative was staying in the house al day with the few people who weren’t going either. Jocelyn was one of them, so Isabel a put on her long underwear and ski pants, her thermal shirt and her puffy jacket. She looked like a marshmal ow.
Isabel a had skied when she was younger, but lately had realized that she didn’t like it al that much. It was scary—absurd, actual y—to climb onto a metal contraption that would take you up a mountain so that you could zip back down again.
It became very clear while talking about this trip that Harrison was an excel ent skier. He mentioned winters in Vail and Beaver Creek, and spring skiing in Aspen. He knew the names of his favorite runs, and would say things like “The speed you can get on Pepe’s Face is crazy.” Isabel a just nodded.
“You can go ski with your friends if you want,” Isabel a offered. She was relieved when he declined.
“The whole point is for us to hang out,” he said, and pul ed her hat down over her eyes like he was one of her older brothers.
“Okay,” she said. “I’m just not sure that I’l be able to keep up with you. It’s been a while since I skied.”
“No problem,” he said. “We’l start on some blues until you get the hang of it.”
By the second run, Isabel a was pretty sure that she’d never get the hang of it. Harrison skied ahead of her, swooshing in the snow like a professional. Isabel a made a snowplow and took wide turns down the mountain. Every time she felt like she was going too fast and about to lose control, she let her knees buckle and fel to the ground.
“Just trust yourself a little more,” Harrison advised her. “The fun part is when you start going real y fast.”
“Fun until you crash,” she said.
How could she not have remembered how terrifying it was to ski? Even the chairlift scared her as it chugged high off the ground with nothing to keep them from fal ing out.
“Could you not swing your legs so much?” Isabel a asked Harrison. She tried not to sound so panicked.
“Such a little worrywart,” he laughed.
The day seemed impossibly long. The snow was icy and Isabel a’s gloves were wet from fal ing. She sat inside the lodge to warm up while Harrison went on a couple runs by himself. When Harrison came back in to get her, she tried not to look sad and fol owed him back out to the slopes.
Isabel a kept waiting for it to come back to her, but her legs kept buckling and shaking. And when Harrison said, “One more run and then we should go in,” she was so happy that she almost cried.
They were the last ones back to the house and there was no more hot water. Isabel a shivered in the lukewarm spray and told herself the weekend was almost over. Everyone was tired from skiing, and wore sweatpants and pajamas. Isabel a came downstairs in jeans and a sweater and felt like an idiot.
They played old col ege drinking games, and Jocelyn claimed Isabel a for her flip-cup team. Isabel a was relieved. Skiing was not her thing, but flip cup she was good at. She didn’t even mind that Jocelyn hugged her every time they won. She figured that Jocelyn was trying to make it up to Isabel a for sleeping with Harrison. It was sort of nice, in a weird, messed-up way.
Isabel a got drunk and happy. These people weren’t al that bad. She dragged Harrison to the middle of the room and danced with him. She was fun! Harrison’s friends would know that now. She made everyone do tequila shots and tried to suggest body shots, but Harrison shut that idea down.
“Time for bed, little lady,” he said, and picked her up over his shoulder. He smacked her behind, and the last thing she remembered was Harrison dropping her on the couch because they were laughing too hard.
The next morning, Isabel a woke up with a headache and waited for Harrison to climb down the bunk bed ladder, but he kept sleeping. The other couple in the room got up and got dressed, and Isabel a faced the wal and pretended to sleep until they were gone. She lay in her bunk and listened to the sounds of everyone else in the house as they started their day. She heard pots being clanked around, smel ed coffee. She heard the television being switched on and cheers for some game.
“Harrison, are you awake?” she whispered to the top bunk.
Isabel a could hear half snores coming from above. This wasn’t like Harrison to sleep so late. She slid out of her bunk and peered up at him. He was sleeping on his side with his mouth wide open. He looked like a little boy.
“Harrison,” she said, and poked him on the shoulder. He made a gurgling sound and opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but didn’t wake up.
What was she doing here? She had been wondering it al weekend, but now she just wanted to cry. She thought of al the places she could be, with people she knew. Instead she was in a house of strangers. Pieces of the night before came back to her and with each flash, Isabel a was more and more mortified. She couldn’t face these people. Harrison probably didn’t even like her anymore.
She climbed up the ladder and sat in the bunk at the edge of Harrison’s feet. She wil ed him to wake up for seven minutes. Then she lay next to
him so that she was closer to the wal . She put her head on his pil ow and stared at him. When he final y opened his eyes a few minutes later, he let out a startled scream.
“Isabel a, what the hel ?” He half sat up and looked around, trying to figure out where he was. When he had calmed himself, he lay back down and crossed his arm over his eyes.
“My head,” he said, “hurts like a motherfucker.”
Isabel a laughed. She’d never heard him talk like that. He uncovered his face and smiled at her. “Oh, you like that? You think that’s
funny? You can’t be feeling too great yourself, Little Miss Tequila.”
“Don’t say that word,” Isabel a warned. The only thing worse than being in a house ful of strangers was throwing up in a house ful of strangers.
Harrison smiled and closed his eyes again. “I don’t think I can go skiing today,” he said.
“Oh, thank God,” Isabel a said. She was so sore from yesterday that it hurt to talk. “Maybe we can go get lunch in town?”
“Isabel a, I don’t think I can move right now.”
Harrison never cal ed her Iz or Izzy. It was always Isabel a. It was always formal. It made her think of Ben and the way that he would sing to her in the mornings, “Izzy, Isabel a,” kissing her stomach until she woke up. Thinking of Ben made her lonely, which wasn’t what she’d expected. She hated Ben. But she knew him, at least. She wouldn’t have to be polite with him if he were here right now. She could tel him to get up and go downstairs with her. Instead, she was stuck here with Harrison, who cal ed her by her ful name and was never mean. It was basical y like being with Miss Manners.
Isabel a lay next to him while he slept. Once she got up to go to the bathroom and ate a granola bar she had in her bag. She sat in the bottom bunk for a little while and read her book, but she couldn’t concentrate so she climbed back up the ladder and lay down next to Harrison again.
Maybe she didn’t real y know him, but compared to the people downstairs, he was her closest friend, her al y. She wasn’t leaving his side.
Sometime after the sun went down and it was night again, Harrison woke up. Isabel a was staring at the ceiling. “What are you doing?” he asked her.
“Thinking,” she said.
“You look like a crazy person,” he said and laughed a little bit. “Have you been here al day?”
She nodded. “I didn’t want to go downstairs,” she said. Her eyes started to fil with tears. “I didn’t know anyone, so I just stayed here.”
Harrison turned toward her and smoothed back her hair. Al she wanted was not to cry. She couldn’t cry; they hadn’t been dating long enough. He would think she was crazy, a nut.
“Sorry,” he whispered right next to her ear.
“That’s okay,” she said. “You know, they probably think we’re making out up here. No one’s come up al day.”
Harrison smiled. “Then maybe we should prove them right,” he said and slid himself on top of her careful y.
“I’ve never had sex in a bunk bed,” she said.
“There’s a first time for everything,” he said. “Just don’t fal off.”
Harrison stayed by her side that night, and she was grateful. They went to a local bar, for which she was also grateful. She stayed even closer to Harrison than she had the night before. Part of her was touching him at al times.
“So, you want to go skiing tomorrow?” he asked. “It’s our last chance. Plus, I think we can go on some diamonds.”
Isabel a said, “Absolutely.”
The second day of skiing started off better. It had snowed the night before, so when Isabel a fel , she fel on soft snow instead of the ice. It was also a little warmer, and Isabel a even started to have some fun.
Harrison was conscious of her at al times. He was faster than she was, but he always waited at certain points to let her catch up. This was a big mountain, and there were different forks and turns you could take. Harrison always pointed out the path they were going to take on the map before they went.
For the last run of the day, Harrison wanted to try something different. Isabel a felt bad that she had been holding him back on the easier mountains and so she agreed. They had to take two chair lifts up and would ski down a blue, then a black, then finish on a blue. “It’s easy, see?”
Harrison said, running his finger along the map. “Just keep staying to the right and you’l get to the next run. I’l wait for you at the top of each.”
Isabel a nodded. She was cold again and ready for this day to be over. Just one more run and the whole day would end on a good note.
The second chairlift was higher than any of the other ones they had been on. It stopped halfway up the mountain and Isabel a started seeing black.
“Scared?” Harrison asked.
Isabel a nodded and Harrison just laughed. He thought it was real y funny. She felt like she was dying. The metal creaked and kicked and the lift started moving again. Isabel a waited for the whole chair to plummet to the ground, and was surprised when they skied off at the top.
“Okay, so you remember the way?” Harrison asked. He put his sunglasses down and smiled at her. She nodded. Almost over. It was almost over.
They started down the mountain and it was going okay. Isabel a had gotten used to the blues and her snowplow wasn’t such an embarrassing giant wedge anymore. She even let herself go a little fast sometimes. She finished the run and skied up to Harrison.
“Awesome,” he said. “Ready for the next one?”
He was already moving before he finished talking. There were moguls at the top of the run and Isabel a hesitated. She saw Harrison flying down the mountain, and then the next second she was on the ground, rol ing down the steep hil . One ski came off and al she could see was black when she hit the ground. She knocked over another skier and the two of them tangled up together and slowed down to a stop.
“You okay?” the guy asked her. She nodded.
“Wel , then watch it next time. You shouldn’t be on this slope if you can’t handle it,” he said and stood up and skied off.
Isabel a sat in the snow. She only had one ski and couldn’t even see where the other one had gone. That guy had been such an asshole, she thought as she climbed back up the hil . What a jerk. They could have been kil ed. It wasn’t her fault, total y, was it? No, he had gotten in her way.
The whole time she climbed back up the hil and struggled to put the runaway ski back on, Isabel a thanked God that Harrison hadn’t been there to see it. That would have been mortifying. She crawled up and snapped her boot back into the ski. She sat for a moment to get her bearings, and then she stood up. She had to ski down. There was no other way off the mountain. She was a little turned around, but stayed to the right. That was what Harrison had said to do.
She skied down the rest of the mountain and didn’t see Harrison once. Maybe she’d taken too long after her fal . She skied right up to the lodge and took her skis off. She was done.
Isabel a clomped into the lodge in her boots and took out her cel phone to cal Harrison. “Where are you?” he asked when he answered. “I was getting worried.”
“I’m at the lodge,” she said. “I fel .”
“I’m at the lodge too,” he said. “Where are you?”
“I’m right by the food counter.”
“I don’t see you.”
Isabel a looked around for Harrison and then realized that this lodge looked very different. “Um, Harrison, I think I’m somewhere else. The sign says the Blackbear Lodge. Do you know where that is?”
Harrison was quiet for a moment. “That’s on the other side of the mountain. How did you get there?”
Isabel a could tel he was laughing. Her eyes started to fil with tears again.
“I don’t know! Where am I?”
“Stay there, okay? I’l come to you,” Harrison said and hung up.
Isabel a limped over to the counter and ordered hot chocolate. She had started crying a little, which made her nose run even more. The cashier was a high-school boy and he looked frightened of her. He was probably scared she was going to talk to him and tel him her problems.
She took as many napkins as she could and walked with her hot chocolate back to her table. On the way, she spil ed hot liquid on her hand. Now the tears started again. She was pathetic. She was a pathetic person.
Isabel a was blowing her nose when Harrison walked in.
“Hey there,” he said. “There’s my little Rand McNal y.”
Isabel a laughed and then started crying again. She couldn’t stop.
Now this real y would be the end of them. Harrison would see how crazy she was and he would have to break up with her. Then they would have to drive back to the city together. This was a nightmare.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Harrison pul ed up a chair and took her hand.
“Nothing,” she said, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “Nothing, it’s stupid. I’m just real y tired and I got so cold. And I’m embarrassed that I got lost.”
Harrison laughed in a kind way and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “That’s al ? You’l be fine, my little ski bunny. My little lost ski bunny.”
Isabel a laughed and then felt stupid for crying. “So how do we get out of here?”
“We have to go back up the lift and then back down the other side of the mountain. It’s a good run, though,” he said quickly.
“I don’t know if I can go back up there,” she said.
“Wel , I could go by myself and then ski back down to the main lodge and get the car. But it would take a while.”
Isabel a leaned her head back.
“You know,” Harrison started and cleared his throat. “I’m real y glad you came this weekend.”
Isabel a righted her head and looked straight at him. “Real y?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I real y like you, you know.”
Isabel a smiled at him. “Probably just because of my navigational skil s,” she said.
“Probably. So whadya say? You want to brave the mountain? I promise not to rock the ski lift,” he said, holding up his right hand.
Isabel a was tired and cold and she didn’t real y feel like skiing and was stil terrified of the actual ride on the ski lift, but it seemed ridiculous to sit here and wait and do nothing while Harrison got the car. How bad could it be?
“Are you up for it?” he asked. He looked hopeful.
“Yeah,” she said. “Okay, let’s do it.”
B ridget Carlson was the kind of friend you couldn’t get rid of. You could try—you could ignore her e-mails, let her phone cals go to voice mail, move to a different city, let her birthday pass unnoticed, take her number out of your cel phone—but she would find you. She was persistent, if nothing else. She tracked down new addresses, new phone numbers, new e-mails, and she would claw her way back into contact with you, until you had no choice but to acknowledge her.
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