The lovemaking had been glorious, fantastic, mind-blowing. It was like nothing she had ever experienced, no feelings she had ever known. She only knew of sex through Sebastian but Mark had made her cry out with joy, something she had never done with her fiancé.
Mark had made her feel special, sexy, loved.
Early in the dawn, Violet had awoken and stared across at the man sleeping peacefully next to her. His face was softened in sleep. She reached out her hand to brush his sensuous lips with her fingers but withdrew them quickly.
Careful not to wake him, she got out of bed and quietly picked up her clothes. She got dressed in the lounge and then crept out, clicking the door shut behind her.
Sebastian had returned that lunchtime from his stag do in Amsterdam, bleary-eyed and hungover. He kissed Violet on his return but it wasn’t the same. Nothing was the same. He hadn’t even noticed that anything was different. That everything was different now.
She had spent the days leading up to Christmas guilt-ridden over her behaviour. She had done to Sebastian exactly what he had done to her all those months ago. She was a cheater, just like him. It occurred to her that now they were even, but the guilt still followed her around like a cloud, hanging over everything, including Christmas.
She bought Sebastian an expensive pair of cufflinks, remorse making her spend three times the normal amount. Sebastian gave her a baking book. ‘Hopefully it’ll stop you being so skinny,’ he told her.
But the worst thing of all had been Sebastian making love to her on Christmas Eve. It was the first time he had attempted to have sex with her since returning from Amsterdam. But Violet knew she wouldn’t be able to put him off any longer.
Violet couldn’t help but compare the men. Mark had unleashed something primal in her, feelings and urges hidden so deep that she didn’t know they existed. She had been able to match his passion with hers, to be his equal, to make him cry out too.
With Sebastian, she found herself unmoved. She just lay there and let him go ahead. Afterwards, he seemed satisfied. But Violet knew she wasn’t. Might never be again. Only Mark could make her feel alive.
Not that any of it mattered. She was marrying Sebastian in seven days and that would be the end of the silly crush, if that’s all it was. Besides, Mark hadn’t called her, or attempted to contact her. He had obviously put it down to a drunken mistake as well, something to forget.
And even if that weren’t entirely true, that was how she would remember it. As a mistake. At least, that was what her head was telling her. She wished her heart would listen as well. And the body that ached for his touch just one more time.
‘Not this bloody opera stuff again,’ said Sebastian.
Violet hadn’t even heard him enter the kitchen.
The love song stopped abruptly as Sebastian fiddled with the iPod. The next minute, Mariah Carey was singing, ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’. Violet sighed and began to tidy up the kitchen.
‘Gosh, that music’s a bit loud,’ said Miriam, coming through the doorway.
Violet rolled her eyes as she bent down to fill the dishwasher. She just wanted Sebastian and his mother to leave her in peace.
‘Now, about the wedding cake,’ continued Miriam. ‘Mrs Henderson has said that, despite the late notice, she could give you one of her leftover Christmas cakes for the bottom tier. That just leaves the madeira ones to sort out.’
Violet straightened up and swung round to face her future mother-in-law.
‘But I thought we’d agreed that I would take care of the wedding cake,’ she said, hearing the tension in her voice.
But Miriam shook her head. ‘You don’t need to worry about anything,’ she replied.
Violet took a deep breath. ‘I’m not worried about it,’ she said, trying to remain calm. ‘In fact, it’s already sorted. One of my friends is bringing a chocolate cake.’
‘Chocolate!’ Miriam’s eyebrows shot up. ‘You can’t have a chocolate cake, dear! I think—’
But Violet had reached breaking point. ‘No!’ she said, more sharply than intended. ‘I’m sorry but I want a chocolate cake. You have chosen the date, the church, the reception venue, the menu for the wedding breakfast, the evening buffet menu, the florist and the guest list. I am choosing the cake for my wedding and it will be chocolate.’
There was a short silence whilst they glared at each other.
Eventually, Sebastian cleared his throat. ‘Why don’t you go back into the lounge, Mother. I’ll help Violet clear up.’
Miriam considered saying something but appeared to think better of it and left the room.
‘That was uncalled for,’ hissed Sebastian in a low tone.
Violet felt all the fight seep out of her and turned her back on him, concentrating on filling the dishwasher.
‘Mother has been extremely helpful considering how painful this must be for her,’ he carried on. ‘You know that it breaks her heart not to be able to arrange a wedding for Elizabeth. This is her only chance.’
Violet straightened up and headed to the opposite counter where she poured herself a large glass of limoncello. She took a large gulp before walking over to the iPod station and switched the music back to Andrea Bocelli.
‘Christ, you’re drunk,’ Sebastian muttered before walking out.
Not yet, thought Violet. Give me another hour trapped in the house with your mother and I might just be.
The night before the wedding, Sebastian finally left her to go to his mother’s home for the night. Violet was relieved. She was a nervous wreck, hardly eating anything.
‘I can’t believe you’ve lost more weight,’ moaned Lucy, grabbing another pin. ‘Your wedding dress will be too big at this rate.’
Maggie, Kathy and Lucy had come across for the last fitting of the wedding dress and for a girly night in.
‘You’ll ruin my design,’ said Lucy, tutting under her breath.
‘Sorry,’ said Violet, her voice catching.
‘Hey,’ said Lucy. ‘I’m only kidding. Look at you! You look wonderful!’
She turned Violet around so she could finally see her reflection.
Violet gasped. The dress was beautiful. A classic long sheath of white, with a lace overlay, held up by little spaghetti straps. Both the straps and the lace had been dotted with tiny dots of diamanté to give a subtle sparkle as the dress moved. Around the waist was a wide gold ribbon, to match the gold jewellery Violet had chosen from her mother’s collection.
‘Just one thing missing,’ said Maggie, bringing out a blue garter. ‘It’s something borrowed and blue. I’ve had a long and happy marriage, love. I hope it’s the same for you.’
Violet burst into tears. And her friends knew they weren’t tears of happiness. This was a deep pain.
Maggie and Lucy positioned themselves either side of Violet, each with an arm around her. Meanwhile Kathy went to open the champagne bottle Edward had given her. She poured out a large glass and gave it to Violet.
‘Drink this,’ Kathy told her.
Violet gulped down the sparkling drink as she tried to steady herself.
‘It’s him, isn’t it?’ asked Maggie. ‘Mark.’
Violet nodded, still unable to speak.
‘Did you go home with him?’ asked Kathy.
Violet nodded.
‘But you’re still getting married?’ asked Lucy. ‘To Sebastian, I mean.’
Violet finally composed herself. ‘I have to,’ she told them.
‘Why?’ said Kathy.
Violet gave her a small smile. ‘I’ve got two hundred guests arriving to watch a wedding tomorrow afternoon. I don’t think they’re going to be very happy if I call it off.’
‘Stuff them!’ snapped Lucy. ‘You can’t get married if you don’t want to.’
‘But I do,’ said Violet. ‘I love Sebastian. I’ve been with him for so many years. He must be the one.’
‘But what about Mark?’ asked Maggie.
Violet shook her head. ‘Call it pre-w
edding jitters,’ she told her. ‘That’s all. One final fling.’
Her friends exchanged worried glances but said nothing more about it. Violet had sounded quite firm on the matter, so they let it drop. In the end, it had to be her decision.
Later on, when they had left, Violet walked through the house. The girls had wanted to stay but she was happier being alone. They would be back in the morning to fix her hair and nails. But for now, she didn’t want to speak any more.
Violet stared at the suitcases in the hall, packed and ready for the honeymoon. She felt a stab of dread. Two weeks alone with Sebastian. What would they find to talk about? Would he expect them to make love every night?
She sighed. Everything felt false, not right. Thank God it was an all-inclusive resort and all the drinks were free. Perhaps an alcohol-fuelled daze would bring her inner peace.
She shook her head. It wasn’t a great start to a marriage, feeling like this.
She wanted to sleep but it seemed out of reach. So Violet wandered from room to room in her dressing gown, trying to think of something to stop her mind racing.
And then she remembered. She reached into the drawer next to the sofa and brought out Isabella’s book. There was still one rule to go. Better late than never, Violet told herself, curling up on the sofa.
‘Rule Number Six,’ she read. ‘Be gorgeous.’
Easier said than done, thought Violet.
‘Being gorgeous on the outside is easy. But remember there are no ugly faces, only ugly people. People lacking in manners, with no compassion or kindness. This is true ugliness. But you will only ever be as attractive as you think you are. If you think you are ugly, everyone else will think so too.’
Violet sat upright on the sofa but kept reading.
‘Tell yourself you are gorgeous and you will be gorgeous. Treat yourself as gorgeous and everyone will treat you as being gorgeous. Think yourself gorgeous and you will become truly gorgeous.’
Violet stood up and began to pace up and down. Her aunt had told her over and over that she was ugly. She had repeated it so often that Violet believed her.
But that was ten years ago. She was free of her aunt now. And Violet no longer believed she was ugly.
She had been through a dreadful experience, losing her parents. Her aunt had given her no love, no hope, no kindness. She had been deprived. So Violet had made herself feel better with the only thing she could find. Food.
She could have lost all the weight in the world and it still wouldn’t have been enough. It wasn’t the exterior that needed changing so many months ago. It was the mind, the inside, her thoughts.
She had changed.
She knew she wasn’t fat any more. And she knew she wasn’t ugly. Mark had told her so but she had already begun to think that way, long before sleeping with him.
Violet now knew she needed to be comfortable in her own skin. And she was. She was OK. She liked herself.
She thought of Isabella. She, Violet Saunders, was gorgeous. Of that, she was finally certain. And now she could move on, get married and live the life she had dreamed of.
Chapter Fifty-four
MAGGIE SMOOTHED DOWN her new blue dress.
‘What do you think?’ she asked, giving the girls a twirl in Violet’s lounge.
‘Gorgeous,’ said Kathy. ‘I presume it’s from New York?’
‘Of course,’ said Maggie with a grin.
She was still recovering from her brief visit to fabulous New York. It really was just like the movies. She and Gordon had wandered the avenues, relishing the crisp winter air and blue skies above the city.
They had gone to the top of the Empire State Building for the views. They had shopped in Bloomingdale’s and Macy’s. They had eaten salted pretzels whilst walking the paths of Central Park.
But it was the dancing which had been the highlight of the trip. Gordon had waltzed her around a glittering ballroom on the last evening, with a Frank Sinatra soundalike crooning at them from the stage.
She had looked down every time they stopped for a drink, eager to check that her glorious red skirt was still sparkling. Then she sighed and looked back at her husband, ready for the next dance.
Maggie wished she had lost the weight years ago. But perhaps it had to be the right time. Perhaps she needed to be in the right frame of mind with the determination to go through with it. Maybe she needed the help and support of her friends as well.
She only had half a stone left to lose. Maggie would reach her goal, she had no doubt of that. Gordon was talking about a beach holiday the following summer. For once she wouldn’t have to worry about swimsuits and revealing the flesh. Her body was more toned than it had ever been. And she was truly happy. Middle-aged spread? Hah!
She and Gordon returned from their romantic break refreshed and rested. And very much in love.
‘It’s sickening,’ said Lucy, with a wink to the others. ‘They’re always kissing and cuddling. I can’t wait to get back to university next week.’
‘Aww!’ cooed Kathy. ‘Can’t wait to see your Canadian artist, I’ll bet.’
‘Don’t know what you’re talking about,’ said Lucy. ‘We’re just—’
‘—friends,’ chorused Kathy, Maggie and Violet. ‘We know.’
Lucy stuck her tongue out at them and went back to checking the wedding dress one final time.
Truth was, she had missed Todd dreadfully over the Christmas break. She had even rung him, trying to keep her voice casual and friendly. He had seemed surprised that she called him but they had chatted for over an hour. Lucy was hoping not to be anywhere near her father when the home phone bill came through in a month’s time.
‘What time is it?’ asked Lucy.
‘Nearly three o’clock,’ said Maggie, glancing at her watch.
As she moved her arm, she saw the light glance off her new bracelet from Tiffany’s. Maggie admired the platinum bangle as it shone on her wrist.
‘Very nice,’ said Kathy, glancing over Maggie’s shoulder. ‘You can always hock it if times get desperate.’
‘Never!’ said Maggie, clutching the precious bracelet.
It wasn’t the cost of the gift that made it so dear to her heart. It was the memory of Gordon telling her how much he loved her as he handed it over to her.
She glanced across at Kathy, who was playing with a heart pendant framed perfectly by the purple V-neck of her wrap dress. The necklace was new, a gift from Edward.
She had spent a magical Christmas with him, proudly taking her home-made cake with them to his mother’s home. She had shed a tear as she finished decorating the cake with the Christmas figurines but she knew her parents would want her to be happy, to enjoy being in a family again.
Edward had introduced her to his whole family as his girlfriend and she had been warmly welcomed by his mother, sisters and brothers. Edward’s family was huge and the atmosphere on Christmas Day had been happy and warm. They had played games with the children and laughter had rung out around the dinner table late into the day.
‘We’re so pleased to have finally met you,’ said Edward’s youngest sister. ‘He’s gone on and on about you!’
‘We thought you were a figment of his imagination,’ said the other sister.
‘He looks so well,’ said Edward’s mother. ‘It must be love.’
Kathy blushed but secretly revelled in the confirmation that Edward cared for her. This was it, she knew. He was the one. She couldn’t wait until they moved in together in the New Year.
Their future was looking so bright. The shop was proving very popular as a find for vintage bargains. She had lots of energy to keep up with Edward, who was getting fitter by the day. But they also found time to sit quietly and she found she could relax and be herself around him. There was no need to be the funny girl any more. She could be quiet and still. It was bliss. She told him about her family and he had let her into his. They welcomed her with open arms.
She still couldn’t do without the odd cake or ch
ocolate bar. But everything was in moderation. She felt wonderful. Like a whole new person. She was never going back to the way she felt and looked before. Kathy was going to keep this way for life, for Edward, but mostly for herself.
And now they had a lovely wedding to go to. Hopefully.
Kathy glanced at Violet. She appeared very serene today, as if her doubts and fears had finally been taken away from her. Something seemed to have changed deep within Violet. The hesitancy that was always so close to the surface had disappeared. She was confident and self-assured.
In fact, Violet had had the courage to bin the awful creation of pink carnations that had been delivered from the florist that morning. Instead, she had dispatched Kathy to buy a bouquet of white roses and freesias.
Kathy watched her inhale the scent.
‘Wonderful,’ said Violet, twirling the bouquet around in her hands.
Her hair and make-up were done. Violet had also dismissed Miriam’s expensive make-up artist and done her own. All that was needed was for the bride to get dressed.
There was a knock on the door and they all stopped chatting.
‘Who’s that?’ asked Kathy.
Violet shook her head, suddenly looking a little less sure of herself.
‘I’ll get it,’ said Maggie, taking charge.
She went into the hallway and drew herself to full height in her heels. If it were Sebastian backing out, she was ready for a fight. If it were Mark, she was going to drag him inside and not let him or Violet out of the house.
But it was the last person Maggie had expected to find on Violet’s front doorstep. It was her husband.
‘Hello,’ said Gordon, with a smile.
‘Everything all right?’ asked Maggie, suddenly fearful.
They had arranged to meet at the church and this wasn’t part of the plan. Perhaps it was her mother. Or his. Or any number of awful scenarios conjured up in her mind.
‘Sorry to interrupt your preparations but I need to see Lucy.’
‘What’s happened?’
‘Go get our daughter and I’ll show you.’
The Desperate Bride’s Diet Club Page 31
