A very awake Sam stood in front of me in dark jeans and a white t-shirt. His gaze was set on the floor and his hands in his pockets.
“What do you want?” I asked, irritated that he would show up here after last night. “I have nothing to say to you after what you did to Beck.”
“Come on, what about the last year then? Whenever I was home on break, you avoided me. I even came to your door one day and I could hear you inside, but you just ignored me. Don’t pretend like this is just about last night,” he said. He leaned into the dorm room so he stood inches from me.
“Why can’t you just leave it alone?” I asked him, pushing him back into the hallway, but before I could close my door, he pulled me out with him.
“Because it involves Asher, so please tell me,” he said exasperated. He had the same look on his face that he had last night after I slapped him. I had only seen him this angry a few times, and I knew it was because he wanted me to talk to him.
“I can’t do this right now. It’s not going to change anything. And neither does you beating the crap out of Beck. Just go.” When he didn’t move I added, “Please Sam.”
“Fine, you want me gone? No problem. I’m gone, but just a word of advice. Stay away from Beck. I won’t always be around to protect you.”
I huffed at his words, “I don’t need protecting from Beck. Is this what last night was about? Protecting me?” I asked him.
“Partly. I knew that he would be here. Theresa called my mom to tell us that he was moving back from his aunt’s. I thought I could handle seeing him…that it wouldn’t get to me. But when I saw you with him, smiling and acting like nothing had happened, I lost it. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I had thrown the first punch.”
“It’s not your job to protect me,” I told him. I sat down on the dingy linoleum floor and put my forehead to my knees, as I tried to gather my emotions.
My anger towards him slowly dissolved. Sam had always been like a big brother to me, and I knew he meant well. I knew that he was just worried about me.
I needed to figure out a way to make him see that I wasn't his responsibility, but he’d always been fiercely loyal to Asher.
Sam sat down next to me, and put his arm around me, dissolving my anger completely.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about last night,” he paused to think. “Well, except for punching Beck, but I should have stopped after I landed the first one.”
“You can’t do that again. Promise me you’ll leave him alone,” I told him.
“I promise not to initiate anything from now on,” he answered truthfully. I guessed I should have been thankful. At least he was giving in a little.
“I need to find him. I need to talk to him,” I told Sam. The urge to make sure he was okay pressed into me.
“Please be careful, Calla. He’s at Zombies. I saw him there on my way to your dorm,” he told me. “My phone number hasn’t changed. Call me if you ever need anything.”
I nodded at him, although I had no idea what Zombies was. He stood up to leave and I put my hand on his arm to stop him. “Can I maybe get a ride?”
He turned around and groaned. When he turned back to me, he looked somewhat resigned. “I really wish you’d just stay away from Beck.”
“There are things you don’t know, Sam.”
He crossed his arms and pulled his eyebrows into a slight frown. “I know enough,” he said. “Okay, I’ll wait for you outside.”
I rushed back into my room, threw on the first clothes that I found, praying that they matched. I looked over at Liza, she was still blissfully asleep. I pulled my hair up in a messy bun, and ran out of the room.
As I came outside, Sam pulled up in his black Focus and a few minutes later, we were in front of a red and tan Tuscan-style building. He wouldn’t go inside, saying something about things to do, so I gave him a quick wave and got out.
As it turned out, Zombie was a coffee shop, Zombie Cafe, with a cool slogan: “So strong it’ll wake the dead!” Come to think of it, it suited Beck perfectly that he would hang out at a place with a zombie in its name. I smiled at this thought, remembering our Friday Fright Nights that always gave me nightmares.
There were a couple of wooden table and chair sets in front of the coffee shop, but no shade at all this early in the morning, which was probably why no one was seated outside.
I spotted him through the window right away and my heart started beating out of my chest the same way it did when I saw him last night. Even though he was blocking my view and I couldn’t see who he was with, the long, dark hair was a dead giveaway—it was the same girl from last night.
Suddenly, coming here didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. He’d moved on, or he was trying to move on, and here I was, a reminder of things he probably didn’t want to remember. It wasn’t like we were friends anymore and I knew I didn’t have any right to follow him around like this. But it was Beck.
Against my better judgment, I went to the door and stepped into the coffee shop. The smell of coffee assaulted my senses, reminding me that I hadn’t had my morning dose of black.
She spotted me at the doorway and gave me a nod. She leaned over to Beck and whispered something in his ear.
After a moment, he turned around and located me, his expression showing no emotion whatsoever. I held in a gasp. His eye was completely swollen shut and there was a large gash with purplish-red bruising across his cheek. It took all the self-control I possessed not to rush over to him. Somehow, I doubted he’d want me to do that, after everything.
I tried to smile at him instead, though I was sure it was more of a grimace. I hadn’t smiled a genuine one in so long that I had probably forgotten how to do it. He nodded, acknowledging me, and I had a brief thought that everything was going to be okay with the world. Beck was back.
And then he turned his attention back to her. She gave me an almost apologetic smile, as if she felt sorry for me.
I pretended that I didn’t see her look, as I walked over to the counter to order a coffee. I found an empty table by the window and waited while they made my drink. I drummed my fingers on the smooth, flat surface of the table, feeling the coldness of it every time my fingers made contact.
I was acutely aware of my cell phone in my pocket, the weight of it, the shape of it, as it rested against my hip. My hands were itching to dial the number of the only other person that would make me feel better right now. I looked back at them, both completely ignoring me.
The thing was that I deserved everything I felt at that moment. In fact, he was being kind.
What I definitely didn’t deserve was any comfort Ash could give me today. I still longed for it though, and picked up my phone.
One ring, two rings, three… and voicemail.
My name was called, and I quickly walked over to the other counter to get my coffee. I walked towards the exit trying my hardest not to look at Beck again. As soon as I got to the door, I glanced back and looked. He was looking at me now; his hand was gripped on the edge of the table so hard his knuckles were turning white.
He straightened a little, almost like he was going to stand up, but before he could the dark haired beauty said something to him; pulling his attention away from me again.
I pushed open the door and walked out without looking back again.
Chapter Four
Asher
End of freshman year
“HEY CAL, do you have a second?” I asked her when I saw her walking towards the cafeteria.
“I guess I can take a second out of my very busy schedule for you. What’s up?” She asked with a little grin.
“I was just wondering if you’re still going with us to Beck’s family reunion.”
She rolled her eyes, and shook her head a little. “I still don’t know why he's insisting on us coming to his family reunion. But yeah I’ll be there. Not for long though, Parker is going to pick me up right after dinner and take me to the movies.”
�
�You know how Beck is with his family, his cousins drive him crazy. So how are things going with Parker?” I asked her. Beck was always hounding me for information on them, but never willing to get it himself. So I was stuck between my two best friends playing spy.
“It’s going great! Things with Parker are just—easy. I don’t have to worry about what I say or do, we just click. I’m a bit surprised though. I was kind of thinking he would have gotten tired of me by now.”
“Why would you think that?” I asked her. Even though I saw her as a sister-type of girl, I knew that she was pretty, smart, funny and loved sports… I couldn’t see any guy ever growing tired of her.
“I don’t know. He’s a Senior, I’m a Sophomore. I just didn’t think we’d be dating this long,” she said.
Beck sat down at the table with, Mallory, a girl he has been sort of dating for the last couple of weeks. I tried telling him that he shouldn’t be dating other girls, if he liked Cal. It wasn’t fair to Mallory to think that it could go somewhere between them. He just shrugged and said that they were just friends. I think he forgot to tell her that, because the way she looked at him made me think that she felt there was more.
He walked up and let go of Mallory’s hand and gave Cal a quick hug but left his arm around her shoulders. I glanced over at Mallory, and she was staring at the two of them.
“What are you guys talking about?” an oblivious Beck asked.
“Nothing, just talking about your family reunion this weekend, and wondering why on earth you want us to be there,” Cal answered and shrugged his arm off her shoulders, taking a step back she looked at Mallory and smiled.
I turned towards Mallory. She looked surprised, and I figured it was because Beck hadn’t mentioned the fact that Cal was going to be there.
He thought that he hid his feelings for Cal well, but honestly, everyone knew about them. Whether it was the way he always seemed to be focused on Cal. Or the glares he shot over at Parker whenever he was around… Beck had become an open book when it came to her.
“You guys are going to his family reunion?” Mallory asked.
Before I could say anything, Cal spoke up.
“Yeah, I’m just going for the food. Parker is picking me up early and we’re going on a date,” she said adding a little enthusiasm to her voice. “You’re coming too right?”
Several awkward seconds passed. It was obvious that this was the first time Mallory had heard about the reunion.
Beck covered quickly, slipping his arm around Mallory now, “Of course she’s coming; I just hadn’t mentioned it yet.” He winked at Mallory and she gave him a small smile, seeming to let it pass.
“If you’re sure,” she said looking at Beck who just nodded.
Lunch after that was uneventful. We all chatted about mundane things while we ate.
“Well, I gotta get to Chemistry. I’ll see you later,” Beck said as he stood up and walked to the cafeteria doors.
“I need to get going too. I’ll talk to you guys later,” I said as I started walking towards the exit.
I just made it outside, when I heard Mallory calling for me. I stopped and waited for her to catch up.
“Hey what’s up?” I asked when she reached me.
“Well, can I ask you something?” she asked, looking nervously around the room.
I could tell she was uncomfortable. Besides the few times I’d been around her with Beck, we didn’t really know each other very well.
I gave her my goofy grin. “You just did.”
“Ha-ha, you know what I mean,” she said as she rolled her eyes at me. “Okay, so is there anything going on with Beck and Calla? I mean I know that they’re like best friends, but I can’t help but feel like there’s something more there. And given that you’re their other best friend; I thought you’d be the best person to ask.”
Great, how do I even answer this?
“No, they’re just really close. I mean we’ve known each other since we were seven. They’re comfortable with each other, that’s all.”
She stared into my eyes to gage if I was telling her the truth, and after a couple seconds, she seemed happy with my answer and looked away.
“Okay, well thanks. I mean, I don’t really see a future with us, but I didn’t want to be the dumb clueless girl that dates a guy that’s obviously crushing on someone else.”
“I understand.” Man this was awkward. “Well I better get going,” I told her as I started to back away. I stopped, and turned back towards her, “You should come to our youth group tonight… then you can see that Cal and Beck are just friends.”
“Um, okay. Yeah that sounds fun. See you tonight!” she said in a much more excited voice.
I really hope Beck knows what he’s doing. Mallory was a sweet girl and didn’t deserve to be strung along.
***
Calla
Now
AS I walked out of my lecture, I noticed Liza was waiting on the steps for me. She had a coffee in one hand and a brown paper sack in the other.
“I figured you would need these,” she said, as she handed me the goods.
“You are officially awesome,” I replied. I peeked in the bag and saw that she had picked up a maple bar, my favorite donut.
“I thought you could use a pick me up. Are we still on for dinner tonight?”
“Of course. I’ll meet you in the cafeteria at six, okay?” I said. I was actually looking forward to it.
The idea of closing myself away in our room on a beautiful day like this didn’t sound so tempting, and since I had the rest of the day free, I decided to head over to the Quad.
As I made my way there, I put my earbuds in, scrolled through my favorite stations on the TuneIn app and found the one I was looking for. The sound of a guitar filled my ears, something I’ve heard a million times in Parker’s car. The music changed to a piano intro and a girl singing, her voice pulsating was raspy and not what you’d normally consider pretty.
I’d never admit it to him, but I liked the way the music evoked emotions, and it brought a sense of normalcy with it. Funny how it seemed like torture when I was with him, but now that I was listening to it, with him being so far away, it almost gave me a sense of comfort.
I ripped the earbuds from my ears at the errant thought. What did I need comfort for? I swiped my finger over the phone screen, scrolling up and down through my contacts, my eyes catching the name I wanted to call whenever it came up. I haven’t heard his voice in a couple of weeks, and it almost hurt me how much I needed to hear it.
As I moved along the path, a movement caught my eyes just ahead of me and I looked up to see Beck sitting on a bench, fiddling around with one of those large cameras. I briefly wondered why Beck would be carrying around an almost professional looking camera, when I remembered the way he dismissed me at Zombie. Dark curls came to mind next, along with the way she was so comfortable sitting with him.
It just showed that I didn’t know anything about him anymore. What I did know was that I had absolutely no right to think these thoughts. I definitely had no right to get so proprietary about him. If he was happy, I would be happy for him, as well. As for me, I didn’t deserve even a moment of happiness. He would know that better than anyone. Seeing him was hard enough, but seeing him today of all days was even harder. I wonder if he remembered what today was. Like either of us could ever forget. Ash’s twentieth birthday was today.
I quickly put the earbuds back in my ears again, just as the next song faded in. I pretended to be deeply concentrating on something on my screen as I walked past the bench Beck was sitting on. In my peripheral vision, I saw him look up at me, but I just kept walking.
I didn’t know what would be worse him being nice and warm towards me because he knew what today was, or him ignoring me and being right in doing so. An ounce of his kindness would have been much more than I should have ever hoped to receive.
I spotted a secluded spot, out of eyeshot to most areas in the Quad, the shrubs around provid
ing the privacy I needed. As I laid down on the cool grass, I pulled my hoodie a little tighter around me. The music in my ears stopped, I heard a text message beep coming through my earbuds, and then the music resumed.
Sam-I-Am: Dinner tonight? :)
I ignored Sam’s message and closed my eyes for a second until the music was interrupted again, only this time my phone was ringing.
I let it ring a few times, hoping he’d give up, but no such luck. “Hello?”
“So, what do you say?” Sam asked.
“Who is this?” I tried pretending.
“Sam,” he said but his tone of voice implied a d’oh after his name.
“Sam who?”
“You’re not even mildly amusing. Are you back to avoiding me again?”
“I never stopped,” I answered honestly. I couldn’t stand to be around him when it only made me want to dial and redial Ash’s number until he picked up.
“Wow, that’s...” His voice wavered just slightly. I could have been nicer about admitting that.
“How about coffee instead?” I asked feeling bad about my harshness towards him. In all honesty I missed Sam. He was the big brother I never had.
“Okay. Zombie?” I cringed at the mention of that place, but agreed, resigned to having to talk to him eventually.
I felt like crying after I hung up, except I couldn’t. Even if my body had no idea, my mind knew that relief of finally letting it all out wasn’t meant for someone like me. I looked at my phone, tempting me to say sorry one more time, to try and take it all back. Just as I was about to reach for it, a shadow fell over me and I looked up at Beck, surprised that he would approach me.
“Hey, Cal,” he said gently.
“Hey, how are you doing?” I pasted on a smile, as I looked over at him.
“I could never hate you.” He looked at me, his eyes looking down at me seriously.
My confusion to his statement must have been showing on my face, because he started explaining.
“The other night, you said that I hated you. I don’t. You’re one of my best friends. No matter what happens or happened, I’ll always be there for you.”
What's Left of Us (The Us Series Book 1) Page 5
