As soon as he could feel his legs again, he carried her to the shower, kissing her tenderly the whole way, then stood her under the warm water and washed her carefully. How could a man not worship a woman like Maddie?
And in that moment, he knew. Damn it, he knew. There was no doubt.
He loved Maddie Greene.
11
Bombs reverberated all around him. His hearing numbed from it. People scattered—men, soldiers, women, children. Dust. So much dust and debris. Blood. Disembodied limbs.
“Help! Please help me! Please.”
The voice. He heard the woman clearly, speaking in Arabic, but he couldn’t find her.
Not this time. This time he’d save her. He ran from the safety of cover straight into the fray of a world coming to an end. He ran toward her voice. He had to save her.
He had to.
Had to . . .
“A.J.” Something shook him. “A.J. Wake up. It’s a dream.”
When he woke, the woman was beneath him. Her wide green eyes telegraphed their fear to his consciousness.
“A.J. It’s me. Maddie. Don’t hurt me.”
A.J. blinked and rolled away from her. “Oh God—God. What did I do?”
Maddie followed him. “Nothing. It’s okay.” Her hands were on him, but he recoiled from her touch. “You were dreaming,” she said, but her voice sounded far away. “You didn’t hurt me.” She touched him again, tentatively this time. “A.J.”
He heard it then—the notes of fear and pity in her voice. He swung his feet to the floor and held his head in his hands, willing the paralysis to leave his body so he could act. He could have hurt her, but he hadn’t. She was okay—this time, but the next time could be a different story.
He stood and went to the window. Dawn pushed the gray light ahead of it. Soon, the sun of a new day would dispel the night, but nothing could pierce the darkness in his soul. Not even Maddie.
He picked her clothes up off the floor. “I’m sorry,” he said and handed them to her. He went into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it.
As she watched A.J walk away, Maddie stayed in bed—the bed where they’d given all of themselves to each other the night before. The last time A.J. had come inside her, she could have sworn he’d said he loved her against her ear. How could what they’d shared been anything less? As shattering a revelation as their lovemaking had been, A.J.’s nightmare this morning had revealed even more. The scars on his body were a visible reminder of what he’d been through, but the scars he wore inside told a deeper story—a story he probably hadn’t shared with anyone. He’d kept it inside all these years, carrying that particular burden alone.
Maddie dressed and went into the kitchen to make coffee and wait. He had to come out sometime. She’d be here when he did.
When he finally emerged, he looked different. Felt different. He was wearing dark jeans, a dress shirt, and a navy blazer. No biker boots today. Instead, he wore leather loafers. “You look nice,” she said, and handed him a cup of coffee.
“You have to go,” he said flatly.
That stung, but she said, “Good morning to you, too.”
“I have appointments.” He set the coffee she handed him down, untouched, and walked to the door.
Maddie leaned against the counter and continued to sip her coffee despite the fact that she couldn’t taste it now. “I don’t have my car.” He looked back at her. His eyes were flat; his face set in hard lines. What the hell had happened here?
She pushed away from the counter and moved toward him. “Is this about the dream you had?”
He opened the door. “I’ll take you home.” Not looking at her, he waited for her to step outside.
Maddie put her cup down and found her purse, then walked outside into the offensively bright sunshine. She dug in her bag for sunglasses and put them on. Behind her, A.J. locked the door and went to his truck. She guessed he expected her to follow. She did, but slowly, just to annoy him, which he deserved. “You’re being an ass,” she said as she stepped up into the truck.
In response, he started the engine and backed out of the driveway before she’d buckled.
“You had a nightmare,” she said. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed.”
A muscle worked in his jaw, but he kept quiet. He held his body rigid, like he was trying to keep himself in check.
“Drop me at the diner instead of the house.”
He shot her a look then, and she held his gaze, challenging him to . . . what? “I wish you would just say something. Talk about whatever this is,” she waved her hand between them. “Anything.”
He parked in front of the diner, but didn’t kill the engine. “This is what it is, Maddie—an extended one-night stand.”
She shocked herself by admitting, “It felt like something different last night.” When he didn’t speak, she added, “And then you woke up from a nightmare and have been—”
“An ass?” he threw her words back at her.
“Yeah.”
“Look, you’re here for a few days. You’ll go back to your life in New York soon, and I have mine here.” He paused and added, “It was nice, but it’s over.”
She watched him closely. He didn’t say anything further—had already dismissed her. Madeline Greene was not dismissed. She unbuckled her seatbelt and put her hand on his arm. He flinched, but she left it there until he looked at her.
“This may have started as a one-night stand, but we both know that something changed last night. You can say whatever you want to make me walk away, but at least be honest. If this went further than you intended and you have regrets, be man enough to admit it.”
The darkness shading his eyes shifted and dissolved for a second. He touched her hand and then her face. “I can’t be what you need, Maddie.”
“And what do you think that is, A.J.?”
“You deserve someone who will be there for you, who will share everything with you.” She waited, holding her breath. “There are things inside me that need to be hidden away and never released . . . on anyone.”
Maddie nodded. “So, you’re not even willing to try.” As she said the words, a piece of her heart that she’d protected for a very long time, cracked and broke away from her body because she already knew the answer.
“Goodbye, Maddie.”
She got out of the truck and stood on the sidewalk, watching A.J. drive away, knowing he’d just taken a part of her with him.
Inside the diner, she went straight to the bathroom and did her best to pull herself together. The woman in the mirror who stared back at her looked like a stranger. The finger-combed hair and lack of makeup screamed “walk of shame” to anyone who cared to look.
She dug in her purse and found a comb. As she raked it through her hair, she focused on the pain she inflicted instead of the loss she already felt. She was being ridiculous, after all. She’d spent a couple of days with a guy she barely knew in high school. They’d had amazing, off-the-charts sex, and now it was over. A.J. was right. She had a life to get back to, and so did he. God, this town made her crazy. She had to get out of here and back to the city.
After she’d swiped on some bright red lipstick, she checked her reflection again and saw someone who more closely resembled the Madeline Greene she knew. Back in the diner, she seated herself at the counter and waited as June came over with the coffee carafe.
“You know, it’s really not fair,” June said.
“What?” Maddie asked.
“That you should look this good without makeup.” She set the carafe down and added, “But I guess a weekend with A.J. will do that for a gal.”
Ignoring that, Maddie scanned the menu. “Scrambled eggs, wheat toast, and fruit, please.”
June took her pen from her ample cleavage and scribbled the order on a pad. “Juice?”
“Yes. Orange.” June wrote that down, too, but didn’t move. So, Maddie added, “Thank you.”
“Hmm.”
Damn small towns an
d nosy people. “Yes?”
“A.J.,” June said as if that explained everything. Funny thing was, that it kind of did.
“Yes,” Maddie said, agreeing to . . . whatever.
“He’s a hard one to crack. Been through a lot.”
Maddie nodded. He’d been through more than most.
“He needs a good woman to smooth his rough edges, but he’s never shown more than a passing interest in anyone here.”
She sipped her coffee, then stated what should be obvious. “That’s really none of my business.”
“I saw you get out of his truck just now. Saw you with him on Saturday, too.”
“If you could just put my order in?”
“He’s a good man.” June leaned in close and added, “A strong woman like you could push past his defenses and help him finally heal.”
June walked away to put in Maddie’s order. Her hand shook as she lifted her cup, so she set it back down. She wasn’t about to push past anything—wouldn’t be here long enough to. Finding her phone, she called Alayna. Her assistant answered on the first ring.
“Good morning,” she said too brightly.
Without acknowledging the greeting, Maddie launched in. “I’m going to finish up here this morning. I’ll text you a list of things I’ll need to get the house ready to put on the market.”
“That’s too bad. I had hoped you’d keep it—and the hot guy.”
“I’m ready to come home. If I never see this town again, it’ll be too soon.”
12
Maddie paced her apartment, restless. She’d been unsettled since leaving Hidden Harbor—had felt out of step, out of place in her work and her own home. She picked up a pricy crystal vase, but stopped short of hurling it at the fireplace. She set it back on the sofa table. God, she couldn’t even decide how to properly vent. Decisive, instinctive, capable—these were all words that described her. Not anymore. She was just going through the motions at work. She hadn’t been able to sign the papers to list her grandmother’s house. What the hell was happening to her?
She raked a hand through her hair, and the barrette holding her ponytail in place popped open. Even that made her unreasonably angry, mainly because it reminded her of A.J.’s hands in her hair, which led to an image of his hands on her body—and of him moving on her, in her.
The phone in her hand felt like a heavy weight. It beckoned her to call him, but she couldn’t. A man had never gotten to her like this. She’d never pursued relationships after they’d ended. Always, she was the one who broke things off. And besides, A.J. had shown himself to be an absolute coward unwilling to deal with his issues despite the fact that he’d admitted he loved her. The voice in her head calmly told her she had the same problem, and that ratcheted up her anger and frustration.
She sat, kicked off her shoes, and rubbed her cold feet. Pacing in heels was hell on the ankles and arches. She looked at her phone again and got honest with herself. Deep inside, she couldn’t stand the thought of A.J. waking from his nightmares alone. She’d tried to rationalize the feeling away, but it persisted. He had chosen to be alone. He’d pushed her away. Still, she wondered. If she reached out, would he have a change of heart? Had there ever been anyone in his life who’d been willing to do what it took to stay in his life?
Sick of asking questions with no answers, she got up and went to her room. She changed quickly, threw some things in a bag, and locked up. Five minutes later, she was on the road.
The sound of someone pounding on his door startled A.J. upright. He hit the power button on his television. He didn’t have to wait long before the pounding began again. “I know you’re in there, damn it. Open the door.”
A.J. was at the door in two strides and pulling it open. Maddie put a hand on his chest and easily moved him aside as she stormed in. Rubbing his eyes didn’t clear the image of her turning on a lamp and spinning around to face him. The light hurt his eyes, but he drank in the sight of her, inhaled the scent of her perfume. Everything inside of him that had died the day he’d left her at the diner surged to life again.
“What are you doing here?” he managed to say.
She marched toward him and got up in his space. “I have a few things to say to you.”
Her green eyes flashed and her red hair seemed on fire, matching her mood. She wore form-fitting dark jeans and a black sweater with a deep V-neck. She was so close he could feel her heat.
“First, you don’t get to dismiss me.” She poked him in the chest. It hurt a little, but it was so good to feel again. “Second, you’re a damn coward, A.J. Johnson. You survived 9/11, fought in a war, but you’re afraid of people getting too close? That’s unacceptable.” She grasped his shirt in both hands and got even closer. “And . . .” She stopped, swallowed, and started again. The vulnerability in her eyes nearly slayed him. “We had something—something that needs more time.”
A.J. gently touched her face and used his other arm to hold her close in case she decided to bolt. And she should. She should run as fast as she could. “God, I missed you,” he admitted.
“Good,” she said, her fire and anger returning. “You look like hell.”
“I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you.” He focused on her lips. “You got more to say or can I kiss you now?”
“I have a lot more to say.” She put her lips on his; swept her tongue into his mouth. “But it can wait.”
He tilted her head to an angle that worked for him, and kissed her. Damn if she didn’t taste like heaven. All the restlessness inside him settled and his soul began to breathe again. She got impatient against him, so he lifted her, and she wrapped her legs tight around his waist. He made it as far as the couch. They clung to each other, desperate with need. He got his hand under her sweater, needing to feel her, but she broke the kiss and scrambled off him.
“No. You’re not going to distract me with sex this time.”
Jesus, it was all he could do to keep from pulling her back in, but she had an agenda, and he knew he’d have to wait it out. That was okay, because he wasn’t letting her go again. The past weeks had proven he needed this woman in his life.
“You should understand something. I’m not here for sex. I’m here because . . .”
“Because?” he prompted when she didn’t continue. She paced the area in front of him, agitated, like a caged animal.
She stopped and pinned him with a look. “I want more than that.”
His heart pounded. He wasn’t sure if it was from fear or longing. “Tell me what you want.”
She came to him then, sat on his lap, and framed his face with her hands. “Let me in.”
That scared the hell out of him. For good reason, he kept everyone at a distance. It was the only way. He didn’t allow himself to care for anyone because he couldn’t protect them from his demons. He cared for Maddie. Therefore, he had to protect her from what he’d become.
A.J. shook his head. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“I do,” she countered. “I know you’re suffering, and that you push people away out of some twisted sense of self-sacrifice, but keeping people away and not allowing yourself to be cared for is punishing yourself. Stop hurting yourself, A.J. You’ve hurt yourself enough.”
His breath came in short, shallow gasps. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” she wrapped her arms around him and held on tight.
“The nightmares—I can’t control myself when I’m not awake.”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“I can’t be sure.”
“Do you care for me?” she asked.
“Yes,” he admitted.
“Then I’m sure enough for both of us. You won’t hurt me,” she repeated, confident.
“How can you be so certain?” he said, startled by the strength he felt in her, a strength he wished he could share.
“Because you love me.”
He wanted to deny it—wanted to tell her she was wrong. “I said I
cared,” he countered.
“The last time we were together, you let your guard down. You allowed yourself to feel and express those feelings with me. But the next morning, you got scared and ran.”
“To protect you,” he insisted.
“No. It’s not to protect me. It’s to protect yourself.” She waited a beat to let that sink in, then continued. “I’m here, A.J. I’m willing to face my demons that live in Hidden Harbor, but you have to be able to face yours, too. Are you willing to do that? With me?”
“What do you mean, you’re here.”
“I’m here for as long as it takes—to see if we can make this work.”
“You’re staying in Hidden Harbor? What about your job?”
“I can work remotely. They don’t need me there.” She waited for him to say something, anything, but he didn’t speak.
At length, he said “Why? Why would you do this?”
“Because I love you, too.”
Her words humbled him, and at the same time, terrified him. “What if love isn’t enough?”
She touched his cheek. The tenderness he felt caused something to shift inside him. “Love is always enough.”
With her arms around him, he wanted to believe that was true, but he’d seen horrific atrocities. Lived when he should have died. He’d tried to reconcile the why of it and had come up empty. The shock of re-entry into polite society had never worn off. It was still there, raw inside him. He felt it when a car backfired or a door slammed. He saw it in his dreams. He couldn’t turn it off.
“Some wounds never heal,” he breathed.
Her hand against the back of his neck felt cool and solid, like the steel of an anchor. “I know.”
His arms tightened on her. She did know. He had no idea of the hell she’d lived through. Yet she was here, in Hidden Harbor, ready to face what had gone down all those years ago. For him. “What if I let you down again?”
“Failure’s not an option. Even if we don’t work, your life is worth saving.”
Ridden (Scandalous Moves Book 3) Page 9
