Black and Ugly as Ever (The Cartel Publications Presents)

by Styles, T.

  “You know what, Parade,” he said with his hand up still flushed. “Just…just.”

  He didn’t finish his statement, just walked inside. Now here I was stuck out in the middle of Bowie looking foolish. I picked my purse off the ground and walked away. Why did I even play the fool? Why was I so stupid for a man who made it obvious that he never loved me?

  Walking up to his motorcycle, I was about to kick it but decided against it. I didn’t want any of them thinking I was tripping. So I walked away, to where, I didn’t know. I just needed to go.

  Miss Wayne

  So I’m in a nail salon getting some work done on my feet, when I get Miss Parade’s frantic phone call. What on earth is going on with my family? I feel like I’m losing control with no help in sight. And I’m somebody who always has control! But you know what? I can’t feel sorry for myself right now. They need me.

  “I’m on my way, Miss Parade. Just stay put.” I hung up and reached for my purse which was sitting on the floor. Taking my foot out of the salon bowl, my entire size 13 foot brushed the small Chinese woman’s face by accident. She was giving me a pedicure when Miss Parade called me to say she needed a ride. “Sorry, honey. But I’ma have to get up,” I told her trying to get myself together. I couldn’t believe Miss Parade just said she hit Jay’s mother!

  “You pay first!” the small woman said as I struggled to get both feet safely out of the large sauna type bowl, and on the floor.

  “I ain’t got no problem payin’, missy.” I finally got both feet flat on the ground. “But you ain’t do all the work so you only get half the money.” I placed my hand on my hip.

  “You pay full amount or else!” she said shaking her finger in my face.

  “Bitch, I said you’ll get your money but not all of it. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

  The small woman frowned and looked at me as if she wanted to scratch my eyes out. And you know what she had the nerve to do? Put her hand on my arm as to restrain me. That was a mistake!

  “Miss thang, if you don’t remove that wretched paw you call a hand off my arm, I’ma beat your lil ass silly!”

  “You do nothin’!” she said as she pushed me against the wall causing a picture of a white woman showcasing her red nails by holding an apple to fall to the floor. It wasn’t long before I also slid down. The picture cracked and my ass flopped twice before finally stopping. A few people stared at me and I felt like an idiot.

  Now this bitch is about to get the business. I got up off the floor quickly planning to kill her. I’m gonna kill this bitch. And just before I wrapped my hands around her tiny throat, Miss Parade called again. I grabbed the phone keeping my eyes fixed on this maniac.

  “Did you leave yet? Or do I have to be Daffany just to get some attention from you?”

  “I’m on my way, Miss Parade! Calm down!” I told her eyeing my incomplete pedicure. “Just stay put.” When I was done I threw ten dollars in the woman’s face. “You’re one lucky, bitch! I almost kicked your ass up in here. You betta thank God for a woman name Parade!”

  I quickly put my gold sandals on which looked bad for a girl with a bad toe job. Then I rushed out the door and jumped in my ride.

  “Miss Parade, what happened?” I asked the moment she stepped foot inside of my silver Mercedes Benz G-Class truck. “And why are you at Jay’s mother’s house beating her ass?”

  Miss Parade got in, slammed the door and buckled her seatbelt. At first I was angry for how she was acting but after looking at her face, I knew she was hurt. The last thing she needed was me wailing on her about slamming my car door.

  “Miss Parade? Do you wanna talk?” I asked softly, driving down the road. “I’m here for you. I know you know that.” “Are you?” she said angrily with her arms folded on her chest. “I come to realize that everybody who says they’re really here for me is not. And it’s starting to make my skin crawl. I’m sick of my life and letting people into it! I’m sick of all this shit!” I gave Miss Girl a chance to vent but I was getting ready to slap her into yesterday’s news. I have always been there for her! Always! But it seems that ever since Miss Sky was murdered, she turned into some sort of bitch to replace the bitch Miss Sky use to be. Maybe she felt like she had to be tough for us since we’d been use to it from Miss Sky for so long. Maybe she felt like being a bitch would make people hate her since she didn’t feel like she deserved to be loved. Who knows.

  “Miss Parade, I don’t know what happened with you and Jay, but don’t ever talk to me like that,” I said calmly. “I have always been there for you, and honestly, I’m tired of telling you that. If you would just trust me, and know that my friendship is here to stay, and that I’m real and would never leave you, we could get past this shit. What will it take for you to believe me, honey? What will it take for you to understand that I love you and will never leave your side?”

  She didn’t say anything. But as we drove down Landover road in Maryland in silence, the street light radiated on her tears. I was just about to pull over and hug her when I saw a pregnant lady, with no shoes on pushing a shopping cart down the road in what appeared to be a blue hospital gown. Another girl followed her pulling an empty baby’s stroller.

  “What the fuck?!” I said out loud.

  “What? What’s going on?” Parade said wiping her tears looking in the direction I was focusing on.

  I didn’t answer, just whipped my car over on the side of the road. It was Miss Daffany. Once in park, I was preparing to leave out until Miss Parade said, “Let her be. She doesn’t want help Miss Wayne. You have to let her go.”

  I fanned her away like a fly and hopped out of the car. I couldn’t believe that was my baby walking down the street like a zombie. She was so thin now it was a wonder how she was able to walk without breaking her own bones. She looked fragile and dirty. Tears fell down my face.

  “We gonna make some money off of them pampers,” the bitch who was with her said. “My aunt alone will pay money to take all of these up off us.”

  “Well let’s hurry up. I’m tryna get high!” Miss Daffany responded not realizing I was behind her.

  “Miss Daffany, what’s going on?” I asked as I stood on the sidewalk and eyed her. With my hands on my hips, I couldn’t believe the sight. She was a hot ass mess.

  But when Miss Daffany looked at me, she backed up as to protect the cart. I guess she didn’t know who I was and thought I was trying to steal it from her. The drug had already proven to be hard on her because her skin was becoming dry and her lips were cracked. I couldn’t help but focus on my God baby she was carrying in her belly. And quietly I prayed to God to help us out of this.

  “Miss Daffany, it’s me, Miss Wayne.” I told her softly. When I thought it was okay, I walked up to her. Her face was beaten badly and she looked ill. “What are you doing out here with no shoes on? And what happened to your face?”

  “Come on, Daffany!” the girl interrupted. “He just tryin’ ta get our pampers to sell ‘em for hisself.”

  “Bitch, shut your baldheaded ass up!” I pointed my recently manicured nail in her face. “Fo I snatch what’s left of that scalp out of your head.”

  Silence.

  “Miss Daffany, what are you doing out here, baby? And who hurt you? I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

  Finally recognizing me, she threw her hands around my body. And although she smelled and looked bad, I was happy there was a moment of recognition.

  “I been lookin’ for you too! I ran away from someone who was tryin’ to sell and beat me. It was the same one who hit you that time when you and Dayshawn helped me from the house. Where have you been?” Her eyes were glossed over and she looked half dead.

  I sighed.

  “I been at home, Miss Daffany. And I want you to come home with me now.”

  “I wanna come home, Miss Wayne.” She looked at her bare feet. I took pity on her. It was as if she’d become a child right before my eyes. Where did the strong Miss Daffany I knew when I was younger g
o? “I’m scared! And I ain’t got nobody to help me.”

  “What you talkin’ bout? I help you all the time!” the bitch interrupted.

  That’s it! I’m sick of her shit! I took my left hand and smacked the hell out of her. Her knees buckled but somehow she prevented herself from falling to the ground.

  “Say one more mothafuckin’ thing and they’ll be another one where that came from.” I warned her.

  Theoretically I don’t beats women but this bitch was standing in the way of me saving my family. I believed strongly that if she wasn’t in the picture, none of this would happen because Miss Daffany would’ve saw what it was like to be alone. And because she was in the picture, I would have to undue all of her dirty work.

  “If you come home with me,” I said softly holding Miss Daffany’s gritty hand. “I’ll take care of you and the baby,” I continued running my hand on her tight belly. “Please.”

  As I waited on her answer, I looked at Miss Parade who was pouting in my car. There would be no way in hell I could let Miss Daffany inside of the car with her. Miss Parade shook her head in disgust and looked at me and rolled her eyes. But what was I going to do? Ignore my friend when she needed my help?

  I noticed a cab driving down the road and I flagged him down. And when I saw him pulling over, I reached in my pocket and grabbed some money. With the cab driver waiting, I gave the money to Miss Daffany. Then I took my house key off of the ring and handed it to her.

  “Miss Daffany, take this and go to my place. I don’t have to say I trust you, even though this drug has you, because you already know I do. So I’ma drop Miss Parade off and then we’ll talk.” She looked back at that skeezer and I redirected her attention toward me. “Miss Daffany, do you hear me? Go to my place and wait for me.”

  “O…Okay, I’ll go,” she said reluctantly.

  I knew she didn’t want to go but I needed to help her as best as I could. I know you think I’m a fool, and that it’s impossible to change a dope, but I don’t believe that. I believe if I flood Miss Daffany with enough love, it’ll undue the curse her mother placed on her. As Miss Daffany entered the cab, I didn’t take my eyes off of the car until she was through the light and out of sight. And then I turned to the bitch she called friend.

  “Who the fuck are you?” I asked her.

  “I’m somebody you can’t get rid of simply by putting her in a cab. Me and Daffany are the same people. So unless you can understand that she loves get high just as much as I do, I suggest you get use to seeing my face, cause I ain’t goin’ nowhere. She makes me a lot of money and we work good together.”

  This bitch tried it. Didn’t she know I could snatch her eyeballs out quicker than she could roll ‘em? I was not about to sit here and watch her steal somebody I loved away from me. It just wasn’t gonna happen. And I didn’t care who had to get hurt in the process.

  “Hear me and hear me good you, snaggle-tooth-littlebitch! Now I don’t know if you have anybody who cares about you, and to be honest, I don’t give a fuck, but you’re not about to interfere with me trying to get her cleaned up. And if I catch you around her again, smacking you in the face will be the least of your worries. I got a hammer for bitches like you and it’s brand new and ain’t been fired once. Give me a reason and you’ll be the first.”

  “Whatever. You can have her,” she said taking the pampers from the stroller she was pushing, placing them in the shopping cart. “But you should know Daffany is grown and in the end, it’ll be her decision. Don’t blame me.”

  With that she pushed the cart away. The ringing of the wheels rolling over the sidewalk faded as she walked further from me. I never committed murder, but if she didn’t stay away from Daffany, I had a feeling she would be my first victim.

  When I walked back to the car I noticed Miss Parade wasn’t there. At first I thought she was leaned back in the seat and I couldn’t see her. But the closer I got to the car, the more I realized she wasn’t inside. She’d left. I don’t understand why she hated me so much for helping our friend. And truthfully, I was starting not to care.

  Parade

  I couldn’t believe Miss Wayne! The more he chose her over me the more I hated his guts and hers too. It was impossible to get a dope head off of drugs yet he insisted on trying. From here on out, if he wanted to fuck wit’ her, then he wasn’t fuckin’ wit me. It’s as simple as that.

  “How much?” I asked the cab driver as we pulled up to my car in front of Jay’s house. My heart ached when I saw Jay’s car parked next to mine. I thought he was inside until I remembered we drove the motorcycle.

  “Twelve dollars,” he said reaching for my cash. A part of me wanted to scratch his car up and break the windows. I hated the fact that he put me in such an awkward position. Why would he take me over his mother’s house when he knew how she felt about me? After handing him my money, and watching him pull off, I eased toward my car. The moment I did, I heard the roar of Jay’s motorcycle pulling behind me and my stomach fluttered. And just that quickly the hate I had for him diminished at the sight of him. But I would never let him know.

  I walked fast enough to my car to look like I didn’t want to be bothered, but slow enough for him to catch me if he hurried. Once at the passenger side, I threw my purse inside and walked toward the driver side, stalling. Jay immediately approached me.

  “Parade,” he yelled, his voice muffled under the helmet. “Wait up!” “Jay, I’m not tryin’ to hear this shit,” I told him reaching for my car door. “Your mother got me fucked up and you do to.” I opened my door and he slammed it shut. I leaned against the car with my arms crossed looking at him sideways. “What, Jay? What the fuck do you want? To take me back to your mom’s so she can embarrass me some more?” He took off his helmet and placed it under his arm. And before speaking, he took two deep breaths.

  “Did you just hit my mother back there?” He frowned and clenched his fist.

  He asked me this question a hundred times already so I answered it by saying, “Yes I hit her!”

  “Parade…you were out of pocket for that shit,” he said stepping closer to me. I could tell he was torn and wanted to hurt me. “Way the fuck out!”

  “Jay, please! “ I put my hand in his face and he pushed it away. “She disrespected me and you let her. I told you I didn’t want to go over there. Plus you knew she ain’t like me. What were you tryin’ to do, make me look like an idiot on purpose? Or wait…hold up…maybe I was your charity case.”

  He grabbed my wrist and threw them down. “Parade, I don’t want to hear that shit you talkin’ and don’t try to turn shit around. I murdered people for less than what you did back there. You could’ve told me you were uncomfortable or that you wanted to leave. But you don’t up and hit a nigga’s moms!”

  “Jay, fuck this shit! You always gettin’ amusement at my expense and I’m tired of it. I have allowed you to use my body and my mind over and over again. And I’m changing and don’t like the feeling of it anymore! It’s a new day and I’m Parade Knight! Not your step stool or toilet!” I hadn’t realized I was crying until I felt the warm liquid run down my face.

  “Parade…you were wrong,” he said softly. “You were wrong as shit.”

  “Tell me something you haven’t said already.” I just wanted to get away from this embarrassing moment. “Otherwise let me go.”

  “Parade…,” he said breathing heavily. “You were wrong…but I love you.”

  Did I hear him correctly?

  “What?”

  “I said…you were out of pocket for hittin’ my mother, but I love you, Parade. I’m tired of playin’ these games wit’ you. And you gotta know I really do care about you after tonight. Had you been anybody else, we wouldn’t even be speakin’ face to face cuz I’d be talkin’ to you over your grave,” he said seriously. “Jay, this is crazy and I’m not even sure how to handle it. I mean…everything is wrong right now. Everything! Why did you have to realize now that you want me? I’m engaged and I don’t know
what I’m gonna do plus I hit your mother’s.”

  “Do you love him?” he managed getting off the topic of his mother for a moment.

  “What?” I asked scratching my head and fiddling with my keys.

  “I said do you love him?”

  “Yeah…I mean no. I mean I think so Jay. I’m marryin’ him ain’t I? Why else would I walk down the aisle wit’ him?” I turned my back toward him to enter my car.

  I was almost in and then he walked up behind me, placed his helmet on the roof and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel his heartbeat as he held me. Without notice, for the second time tonight, tears fell down my eyes.

  “I love you, Shawty,” he said gripping me tighter. “I love you.”

  “I know. I can feel it,” I answered truthfully.

  “And I wanna be wit’ you. I’m not sure how we goin’ to do this, but we are. But you gotta apologize to my mom first.”

  “I know.”

  “And I’ma have her apologize to you but don’t ever violate like that again. I don’t give a fuck how mad you get. That’s my mother. And I’d say the same shit to her if she got out on you.”

  “I won’t, Jay.”

  My body trembled in his arms. What was to become of my life when my heart belonged to him? I turned around and looked into his eyes. For the first time ever, I felt genuine love from a man. Wrapping my arms around his neck I kissed him. I didn’t care about the details on how we would be one. I’d work everything out later. All that mattered was that he loved me, and I loved him too. At least for now.

  Sweets

  Sweets sat in a car across the street looking at Parade and Jay. Since she’d been there for over an hour, she saw they had gotten into a fight. It was apparent that they shared more than sex. It was obvious they were in love. With the information burning a whole in her head, she hoped she’d be able to use it to her advantage. Sitting back further in her seat to keep her disguise, she phoned the one person she knew would care.