Living Oprah

by Robyn Okrant

  – “I think in terms of investment, it’s the best thing you can give ever yourself is to have beautiful surroundings.”

  – “I would just say to anybody, whatever secret you’re holding, live your own truth.”

  – Sharon Salzberg meditation

  – Make your rooms personal.

  – Best Life Challenge exercise and diet guidance

  – “I do want you to start thinking about, as I have started thinking about, how much you consume. I mean, like every time you throw away a paper towel. Every time you are, you know, wasteful with food in your house… just think about how much you really need.”

  – “Get a lift when you come in the front door.”

  – “I want you to savor every meal.”

  – “I want you to pay attention to how happy women get that way.”

  – A Course in Miracles

  Accounting Abbreviations: LO = Living Oprah Project Task, SHOW = The Oprah Winfrey Show, WEB = Oprah.com, MAG = O, The Oprah Magazine, BC = Oprah’s Book Club, BLC = Best Life Challenge, (O) = ongoing project

  Photo © Jim Stevens

  It was way more expensive in the store than I expected. Even the sale items seemed a bit pricey.

  Blog: Hoarding episode blog: http://www.livingoprah.com/2008/03/holy-hoarding-part-deux.html

  APRIL:

  Clarity, enlightenment, and highlighters… OH MY!

  Time spent this month: 400 hours, 12 minutes

  Dollars spent this month: $276.77

  If I never see a slice of bread again, it will be too soon: Oprah supported Dr. Oz’s advice to us to eat a piece of whole grain bread with olive oil every day before dinner for two weeks.

  Words that stuck: “Do you ever worry, though, that Oprah can only get people to do things they already want to do, like diet and buy stuff?” — Comment made by Duncan on Living Oprah blog

  I’M FEELING like a zombie lately. I am having trouble sleeping and can barely drag myself through the day. While I’ve experienced insomnia on and off over the years, I’m disappointed about this recurrence, as I was having a good run of solid sleep. In the past month, however, I can fall asleep without trouble, but I wake up a few hours later and am unable to drift off again. It’d be easy to blame this on the chainsaw with whom I share a bed, but it’s really not Jim’s fault that I am doomed to stare at the shadows on my ceiling for most of the night. From Oprah’s show, I’ve learned that the probable reason I fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow is I’m exhausted. Not surprising. Living up to someone else’s ideal is running me ragged, and I’ve only finished a quarter of the project.

  The question is, why can’t I sleep through the night? Sometimes it’s anxiety that wakes me up and other times a recurring nightmare interrupts my slumber. At least once a week, I dream I am frenetically rearranging the furniture in my apartment because nothing fits quite right. It’s not my actual home but some subconscious version of it that is comically small and contains an inordinate amount of oversized furniture. Remember the huge rocking chair Lily Tomlin used to sit in when she played Edith Ann? That’s how big the furniture is in my tiny dream apartment. I’m sweating, moving it all on my own, my back is aching, and every time I think I have it laid out properly, I realize there is no room for the sofa. When I move things around to make space for the sofa, there’s no room for the bookcase, and so on and so forth, ad nauseam. This causes me to panic. Nearly at the end of my rope, as I am about to give up in tears, I realize everything has fallen into place on its own. I’m not certain how this has happened, but I’m flooded with relief until it dawns on me that I am asleep and I’m going to awaken at any moment. I tell myself I must remember exactly how I’ve put together my furniture so I can re-create it when I’m awake because it will make me tremendously and eternally happy. But when I do wake up, usually around 3 AM, I can’t recall where anything is supposed to go. In that floaty moment between being asleep and fully awake, I am mournful about the loss of potentially infinite joy. It’s a feeling I can’t shake as I spend the rest of the night tossing and turning until our alarm goes off and Jim jumps up to start his day. When I try to explain the nightmare to him, he doesn’t seem overly impressed. Maybe it’s because I’ve told him the story too many times to count, or maybe it’s because I’m telling him through the bathroom door when he’d rather be left alone. It’s been really frustrating. For both of us.

  Initially, I thought I was having these dreams because of Oprah’s surplus of shows about home decoration. But one morning I flop on the couch with my laptop and do a little research on the Internet. I discover that rearranging furniture in a dream can mean I am in the midst of juggling all my priorities or that I’m desperately trying to please others. These two interpretations seem entirely plausible. I am constantly reorganizing my life in order to fulfill the “must” list created by Oprah in the past several months. But in regard to the latter interpretation, I am trying to figure out just who I am trying to please with such fervor that it’s infecting my dream life. High on the list are my blog readers, for sure. I’m up to 19,577 visits on my site (OMG!) and have become committed to this group of strangers who constantly support and challenge me. I actually spend more time with them each week than I am able to devote to my own friends. I feel a huge amount of responsibility to start interesting and meaningful discourse, to entertain, and to moderate conversations when necessary. My blog readers keep me on my toes.

  I’m also trying to live up to the expectations of a relentless and merciless judge. And no, I’m not talking about Oprah. I’m referring to myself. I’d never be this unyielding with any other person, but I won’t give myself an inch when it comes to my LO work each and every day. Like the U.S. Postal Service credo, neither snow nor rain, nor exhaustion, nor my incomplete MFA thesis will hinder me from accomplishing my goal. Oddly enough, the only party I am not concerned about pleasing is Oprah. This is probably because I’m not doing this for her. I’m doing it for myself, and I’m doing it for an audience curious to learn what my year will bring.

  I make myself another cup of green tea to keep my eyes open and read my e-mail. One of the questions I am asked most frequently is whether Winfrey has gotten in contact with me and, if so, what she thinks of my project. While I’m flattered anyone thinks enough of my experiment to imagine it would be even the weakest of blips on her radar, I have to disappoint those who make this inquiry. I tell them I haven’t heard from her and doubt I’m in Oprah’s Fave Five. I am inconsequential in her world, but I am still grappling to live by her rules.

  The main source of my discomfort is a deepening frustration over the programming on the show. It must be a really rough job to puzzle a show together day after day, month after month, year after year. But the messages Oprah tries to impart get muddied due to contradiction. Some biggies that stand out to me: in January, I signed my Best Life Challenge contract, and Oprah and Bob Greene were a two-person pep rally for healthy diet and weight loss. No emotional eating, they said, and focus on nutrition. The very next morning, I watched Oprah eating a sinful-looking ice cream concoction from Cold Stone Creamery. My mouth watered over her luscious mixture of pumpkin ice cream, pecans, graham crackers, and caramel. As I popped a baby carrot into my mouth, I felt a little cheated.

  It’s also uncomfortable to enjoy a celebrity lovefest on Oprah after I’ve spent an hour completing my reading assignment for A New Earth. Oprah’s Book Club selection focuses on separating ourselves from our ego and learning to connect with people on an authentic level rather than a superficial one. I don’t see how a segment on the show glamorizing Mariah Carey’s lingerie closet supports the work Oprah’s asked us to do. I am beginning to wonder if her show follows a different rule book than the one she’s handing out to us.

  Another case in point: This month Oprah is asking us to think about our consumption, our wastefulness, the way we treat the planet. Several shows are dedicated to this topic, especially as Earth Day falls in April. But smack in the midd
le of a couple pro-planet episodes, a ginormous, gas-guzzling SUV is given away as a gift to a man originally seen on Oprah’s prime-time television series Oprah’s Big Give. Whether he keeps the car or sells it, is it really necessary to put another huge car on the road? It doesn’t support Oprah’s central message to be kind to the earth. How about her private jet? Is it a hybrid? I wish she’d be more transparent and mention her own excesses while she challenges her audiences to live simply. But maybe do-as-I-say, not-as-I-do is completely acceptible because Oprah inspires millions to treat the planet with more respect. Maybe I should focus more on the message and less on the messenger. I’m still very conflicted about this.

  Some of my readers don’t have a problem with Oprah’s contradictory programming and think I’m nitpicking, while others have sworn off her show because of it. It might not be a mortal sin to preach decluttering one day and urge consumerism the next, but I find the inconsistency distracting. I try to cut Winfrey some slack — it’s impossible to make everyone happy. I appreciate how hard she tries to fulfill her viewers’ desire for programming and still stay true to her objectives, but it dilutes the show for me.

  Maybe my expectations are too high, but in my mind, “With great power comes great responsibility.”* If Oprah was merely an entertainer, I wouldn’t be so eager for her to rein in the horses, hone her message, and trim the fat off the show. But she is so much more than that.

  This is why, wide awake in the predawn hours, listening to Jim’s spot-on impersonation of a speedboat, I’m trying to decide: What exactly is The Oprah Winfrey Show? Is it flat-out spectacle and entertainment? I don’t think it’s that simple. Is it a guide for living? Is it one hour a day we can spend in the presence of our favorite gal pal? Is it a place we can tune in to join a community of common thinkers? Or is it a glossy show we can use as background noise as we get ready for work, feed the kids, and do our laundry? Maybe all of the above and more. Until this project, I thought of the show as a sort of aural wallpaper, the sound of it following me throughout my apartment as I ate breakfast, fed the cat, and searched for my house keys. When certain words jumped out at me, like “Oprah’s favorite” or “can’t live without” or “you’ll never believe,” I’d hurry back into the living room and pay closer attention. This is how I learned about the Bra Revolution in 2005 and the magic of Spanx in 2007. While I usually lean toward sports bras and granny underwear (poor Jim!), I ran out and bought items seen on these episodes. Let’s just say my T&A have never looked better.

  The more I think about it, the deeper question for me becomes, Is Oprah Winfrey The Oprah Winfrey Show? Pretty profound. Right up there with what’s the sound of one hand clapping. If we tune in on a regular basis to be showered by Oprah’s knowledge and lifestyle advice, we also hear about gadgets she cannot live without and learn that panini makers are “the thing to have.” The line between Oprah’s philosophy and Oprah’s power as a marketing force becomes blurred. I believe in the separation of church and state, and this year has also convinced me that self-help and spiritual guidance should be autonomous from advertising and consumerism as well. The combination of the two doesn’t sit right with me.

  What’s a gal to do when Oprah’s advice for attaining my “best life” is all twisted up in her excitement about exorbitant, to-die-for Christian Louboutin shoes? Whether or not this is her intention, her delight hints that material goods can bring us happiness. Of course, Oprah will always remind us that we can’t be defined by our things, but she sure looks like she’s having a great time with them. Certainly the annual “Favorite Things” episode, when her audience is driven to a wild frenzy over free cupcakes and crystal watches, doesn’t discourage anyone from worshipping consumerism. In fact, it looks more like a cautionary tale about how greed makes us appear bananas on national television. I can’t imagine the perception other nations must have of us after watching one of these episodes. They probably have the same feeling I get from reality TV: slightly grossed out but unable to look away. That being said, I would happily exchange the prehistoric fridge in my apartment with one of those sharp stainless steel refrigerators with an embedded LCD TV from last year’s Favorites list.* Those were super cool.

  Of course, there is no sassy fridge in my near future, but I do have to buy a fire pit. It’s the newest item on my list of must-haves to be purchased from Oprah’s favorite hardware store. Yes, Oprah has a favorite hardware store. Where else do you think she buys hammers? I’m actually a little bit happy about this purchase. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to display that one-size-fits-all advice is never one size fits all. But my smug satisfaction about having to buy this unwieldy hunk of iron ends as soon as I get it home. It’s so big we can’t bring it through our narrow doorways without turning it sideways. We don’t even have a backyard that will allow the enjoyment of combustibles, so the ginormous pit gets pushed onto our messy enclosed back porch. The happiest member in the household is the cat, who loves to play and sleep curled up in the big iron bowl.

  Incidentally, in an economy where few of us are making home improvements, the store’s main competitor has seen a major dip in customer traffic, while Oprah’s favorite hardware store keeps its corporate head above water. I don’t believe in coincidences, especially when it comes to Oprah and lumber.

  Oprah wants us to be honest in all our relationships, so I’m starting with you. I want to admit I’ve officially flipped out. How do I know this for sure? Did I take a sanity quiz on her website that yielded a result of, “Oh, no, you’re crazy like a fox!”? No, this is self-diagnosed mental illness, based on the fact that I’m starting to use language such as “Oprah told me to buy a fire pit.” And “Oprah thinks I should recycle.” Friends will roll their eyes and point out that Oprah didn’t actually tell me to start thinking about the impact I make on the planet, she told her entire audience. I assure them I know this and try to cover my discomfort with a little forced laughter that makes us all uneasy.

  Since starting my Living Oprah blog, I hear from people all the time who say they love Winfrey. They use that actual word: “love.” I thought that was totally wackadoodle. How could they possibly love someone they’ve never met? And while I can’t profess adoration, in just three and a half short months of watching Oprah’s show every single day (plus twenty or so years of seeing it intermittently), let’s say I have formed a strong connection to her. In fact, it’s no exaggeration to say my relationship with Oprah is currently more complicated than with any other woman in my life. I must sound like a nutball. I can’t define what is happening to me. The best I can come up with is that I’ve developed a weird mutation of the Stockholm syndrome. Like Patty Hearst, who ended up relating to her captors in the Symbionese Liberation Army, I’m forming a (one-sided) bond with the talk show host to whom I’ve given all my power this year. If I start calling myself Tania, dial 911.

  Enlightenment, watch out, here I come. The A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose webinar is in full swing. Each week, homework in hand, I watch my downloaded podcast of the 90-minute class. It was intended to be a live, interactive Internet class, but last month when I tried to log on with the rest of the eager spiritual beavers, there were technical difficulties and I was bounced. After a couple weeks of website problems, Oprah decreed we could download the weekly, ten-part course from iTunes. Oprah fails so rarely that when her site can’t handle all the registered enlightenment seekers, it becomes big news, as if no other company’s website or software has ever crashed before. If Microsoft can’t keep new operating systems from flopping, how can Oprah be held responsible for her technical difficulties? I’m always fascinated by people who get such a thrill whenever Oprah’s weaknesses become public. This seems to be another symptom of our celebrity-worshipping culture. We root for the underdog until she becomes an overdog, and then we wait on the edge of our seat for her to crash and burn. Clearly we all need to awaken to the real meaning of life. It’s a shame Oprah’s website keeps crashing or we could all log on
and get educated.

  I think it’s our culture’s nature to desire a glimpse of frailty in those who appear to be superhuman. To quote a David Cassidy album title, The Higher They Climb the Harder They Fall. (This reference is not as random as it seems. Cassidy was a guest on Oprah’s couch in February.) It’s a toughie for me. I admire her self-worth and dignity but squirm when these qualities come across as arrogance. She writes a monthly column in her magazine called “What I Know for Sure.” I’ll be honest, I’ve never been fond of this title. Implying one knows something for sure insinuates there’s nothing left to learn on that topic. I was always taught the only sure things in life are death and taxes. I alternate between being so impressed by Oprah’s confidence and feeling turned off by it. I wish she’d change the name of her column to “What I Know for Now.” It’s just more realistic.

  She is absolutely unwavering in her support of her latest Book Club pick, and her webinar is proof of her commitment. For those of you who aren’t aware of the online class, here’s the scoop. Eckhart Tolle, the book’s author, does a lovely job in simplifying and communicating his message, while Oprah acts as coteacher, translator, mediator, and cheerleader. Viewers can ask questions via e-mail and live Internet video. I can tell she’s very excited about this material. Her energy is contagious. My main concern is when language is used that insinuates if readers don’t appreciate the teachings, or if the philosophy doesn’t resonate with them, it’s because they are not ready to receive it. It comes across as condescending and elitist to many of my readers who don’t agree with the author’s ideology or simply dislike the book. Although I’m comfortable with the book, absorbing what works for me and disregarding the rest, I can completely empathize with their discomfort.

  While I cringe at the exclusivity that has upset those uninterested in A New Earth, I have to say I’ve gotten a couple useful tidbits out of the book and the supporting materials provided by Oprah. I have done an exercise Tolle’s given us several times already. To release ourselves from negativity, he tells us to close our eyes and imagine ourselves as transparent. From Oprah.com: