by Robyn Okrant
Feel yourself becoming transparent, without the solidity of a material body. Now allow whatever you are reacting negatively to — the noise of the car alarm, the dog barking, the traffic jam — to pass right through you. It is no longer hitting a solid “wall” inside you.
I find this especially effective while standing in line at the grocery store when the cashier is as slow as molasses, the woman in front of me isn’t taking the keys away from her toddler who keeps slamming them against the candy display, and someone behind me keeps hitting me in the Achilles tendons with her cart. It just takes closing my eyes, a few slow breaths, some visualization, and I find myself calmer and more relaxed. I don’t recommend it while operating heavy machinery, though, so turn off that thresher if you’re going to give it a whirl.
I whined about this Book Club pick at first, but I’ve grown to appreciate it. I could do without the ten-week online class, but there are times when I’m genuinely delighted by Tolle’s wisdom. A New Earth feels a bit like Buddhism Light: half the carbs and none of the dogma. I think it’s ironic that the message I receive from his writing (our true essence is so much more than the definitions we’ve created for ourselves: we are not our jobs, our appearance, our stuff, our station in life, and so forth) is being taught on a talk show that frequently celebrates these things. Still, his message is a good one for me to hear.
The more I think about it, the more I believe it’s brave that Oprah chose it for her Book Club. This culture we live in rejoices in our things, our money, our education, our career, anything that differentiates between the haves and the have-nots. Tolle’s book reminds us that these social constructs are just illusions we use to separate ourselves from our own truths and from one another. I’ve heard that picking it for her club lost Oprah a substantial number of audience members, but in selecting it, she was true to herself. The philosophy within its pages is vitally important to her. She wanted to share it with us and was open to the consequences. I admire this about her and think it sets a good example for women to be fearless in the face of judgment. She’s built this queendom, for better or for worse, and she’s made herself at home in it. Those of us who want to stay are welcome, and those who want to move to greener pastures know where the drawbridge is.
Photo © Jim Stevens
This fire pit is huge and Jim and I have stubbed more toes on it than I can count on one hand.
Photo © Jim Stevens
Dr. Oz always recommends the neti for sinus trouble. I’ve practically been living with this thing up my nose.
April 2008 Accounting
Date Assignment Cost Time Notes
4/1 Read O from cover to cover. (LO) 3h 20m As I’m broke heading into the end of grad school, I was really struck with how many products on the pages of this magazine are totally out of my grasp. I found the magazine’s items both lovely and slightly depressing. I don’t mind not owning things, I’d just prefer to avoid the window shopping.
4/1 “With the arrival of spring, I hope you, too, will reconnect with nature.” (MAG) 2h 0m P. 55 letter from Oprah. I went on a few walks, specifically trying to take in my natural surroundings. I found it very peaceful… but very hard to schedule. (O)
4/1 Read ANE, chapter 5. (BC) 0h 35m This chapter really resonated with me.
4/1 Do ANE homework. (BC) 0h 30m
4/1 Download and watch ANE online class. (BC) 1h 30m
4/1 Eat a piece of whole grain bread with olive oil every day before dinner for 2 weeks. (SHOW) 5.79 0h 42m We had olive oil in the house, so I didn’t have to buy that. I did not like doing this at all. I don’t need nutrition dumbed down — I get it. For the first week, I made homemade bread. Oddly, there is no whole grain bread recipe on Oprah.com that I can find. Second week I got lazy and bought it. (3 minutes per slice/14 days)
4/5 Outrageous Oreo Crunch Brownies. (WEB) 32.48 1h 10m Everyone loved these brownies. I sent some to work with Jim, and his coworkers enjoyed them. For this price, I’m relieved! On Peapod.com “Pillsbury Thick ’n Fudgy Brownie Mix Chocolate Chunk” costs $1.99.
4/6 Watch the Big Give. (SHOW) 1h 0m
4/7 Go to Oprah.com and read the rest of Oprah’s conversation with Big Give contestant Rachael. (SHOW) 0h 10m This contestant got everyone’s hackles up. Oprah did a good job with her. Spicy conversation!
4/7 Buy several packs of Pampers (the One Pack, One Vaccine program) and put them in “a pretty box.” (SHOW) 47.11 0h 15m Wow, pooping babies are expensive. Bought pretty boxes. Possibly too pretty for diapers. Donated these.
4/8 Read ANE, chapter 6. (BC) 0h 25m
4/8 Do ANE homework. (BC) 0h 20m
4/8 Call and watch this Oprah episode with “best friend.” (SHOW) 0h 5m I’m not counting this as an hour since I would have watched anyhow. I just counted the phone call. Show was about Martina Navratilova and Coach Vivian Stringer. Awesome women.
4/8 Download and watch ANE online class. (BC) 1h 30m
4/9 Buy Standing Tall: A Memoir of Tragedy and Triumph by Coach Stringer and give it to a young woman in your life. (SHOW) 20.46 0h 10m Sent this to my cousin Taryn because she plays college basketball. Go, T!
4/13 Watch the Big Give. (SHOW) 1h 0m
4/14 Read ANE, chapter 7. (BC) 0h 40m
4/14 Do ANE homework. (BC) 0h 25m
4/15 Download ANE webinar and watch. (BC) 1h 30m
4/16 Tape the show… “This show is going to liberate women everywhere.” (SHOW) 2.99 0h 0m I guess I’m counting the amount I spent on the tape, since it’s an assignment.
4/17 “This is a show I want you to start thinking about for you and your family… to try to live with less… how much do you really need?” (SHOW) 0h 0m
4/17 Check out the “Your Family’s ‘Live with Less’ Challenge.” (SHOW) 336h 0m This was optional if we wanted to create some change in our lives. My husband and I always talk about wanting to get better at this, so we decided to do it. We did the project every moment we were awake, so I subtracted 8 hours a day while we were sleeping. A big lifestyle change that had a larger effect than I thought it would. (16 hours a day for 21 days)
4/17 “Don’t waste another second of your life on a job that you hate. Free yourself.” (SHOW) 0h 0m I love my job, luckily. What if I had to quit a job in this economy?
4/20 Watch the Big Give. (SHOW) 1h 0m
4/21 Use neti pot. (WEB) 0h 5m I am sick. Dr. Oz’s suggestion on Oprah.com was to use the neti. I had one buried in my linen dresser. Dug it out and used it.
4/21 Read ANE, chapter 8. (BC) 1h 0m Heavy, dude.
4/21 Do ANE homework. (BC) 0h 30m
4/22 Download ANE webinar and watch. (BC) 1h 30m
4/22 Own a copy of Planet Earth. (SHOW) 34.99 1h 0m Cheapest copy I could find.
4/22 “Become part of this new and exciting global consciousness. You can begin by doing just one or two things differently starting today. Start with plastic bottles and paper bags.” (SHOW) 41.90 0h 30m We love our Siggs. ($19.95 for Jim and $21.95 for me)
4/25 Put a little tray on a table in the entry of my home. (SHOW) 16.00 0h 30m Cute. Cute. Cute. I love my tray.
4/25 Buy a Lowe’s fire pit. (SHOW) 65.05 2h 0m Got it on sale! Lowe’s is far away from my home. My friend Grace drove. Thx, G!
4/28 Read chapter 9, ANE. (BC) 0h 35m
4/28 Do ANE homework. (BC) 0h 30m
4/29 Make donation to Angel’s Gate veterinary facility. (SHOW) 10.00 0h 5m It’s all I’ve got. I love animals, wish I could give more right now.
4/29 Download ANE webinar and watch. (BC) 1h 30m I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Date Assignment Cost Time Notes
Throughout Month Watch every episode of Oprah. (LO) 22h 0m 22 shows
Throughout Month Do Best Life Challenge exercise. (BLC) 6h 40m 80 minutes a week for 5 weeks
Throughout Month Take A Course in Miracles. (WEB/SHOW) 7h 30m approx. 15 minutes a day for 30 days
MONTHLY TOTAL 276.77 400h 12m
YEAR-TO-DATE TOTAL 1,915.78 628h 18m
> ONGOING PROJECTS
– “Reinvigorate your appearance with some great advice on how not to look old…”
– “Rethink your eating habits with some absolutely delicious and utterly original meals…”
– Use cloth and reusable bags at grocery store. No more plastic.
– Change lightbulbs to energy-efficient bulbs.
– “I think in terms of investment, it’s the best thing you can ever give yourself is to have beautiful surroundings.”
– “I would just say to anybody, whatever secret you’re holding, live your own truth.”
– Sharon Salzberg meditation
– Make your rooms personal.
– Best Life Challenge exercise and diet guidance
– “I do want you to start thinking about, as I have started thinking about, how much you consume. I mean, like every time you throw away a paper towel. Every time you are, you know, wasteful with food in your house… just think about how much you really need.”
– “Get a lift when you come in the front door.”
– “I want you to savor every meal.”
– “I want you to pay attention to how happy women get that way.”
– A Course in Miracles
– Declutter home/life.
– A New Earth meditation
Accounting Abbreviations: LO = Living Oprah Project Task, SHOW = The Oprah Winfrey Show, WEB = Oprah.com, MAG = O, The Oprah Magazine, BC = Oprah’s Book Club, BLC = Best Life Challenge, (O) = ongoing project
Blog: Blog about fire pit assignment: http://www.livingoprah.com/2008/04/more-stuff-really.html
MAY:
I’d kill for a burger and a latte right about now
Time spent this month: 140 hours, 23 minutes
Dollars spent this month: $417.64
Advice that made my dad roll his eyes: Oprah’s suggestion to watch her show on past life regression with “an open mind.”
Most surreal moment of the month: Seeing myself as a character in a syndicated comic strip called “Blog Jam” by Greg Williams. My hair even looks frizzy in a cartoon. As Charlie Brown would say, *SIGH*.
Poll result: Do you think Oprah is more content than the average woman?
Yes (43%)
Probably the same (27%)
No (29%)
APRIL SHOWERS bring May’s rash of celebrity interviews. These shows are light and fluffy, like televised meringue. They might not be groundbreaking or full of useful information, but most feel like a breather for me, and the 60 minutes fly by.
Oprah appears laid-back with her famous guests. The delineation of status is not quite as pronounced as it is with her average Jane and Joe visitors, and absent is my sense that she might be talking down to people or feel the necessity to act as their guide or teacher. The more famous the guest, the more level the playing field. This, in turn, makes me feel more relaxed when I watch the show. Of course, whether her guests are famous or not, they are appropriately deferential to their hostess, and many female celebrities arrive wearing the telltale red-soled shoes of Oprah’s favorite footwear designer. Today, on May 1, three-quarters of the principal cast members of Sex and the City wear their Louboutins to visit the set. Including Oprah’s, there are eight red-soled shoes on the stage, and a quick calculation lets me estimate that these women are walking around on over a month’s worth of my salary.
No matter how huge the celebrity is who sits on her couch, no one sasses Winfrey or challenges her in any substantial manner. Everyone compliments her copiously, and most people mention at least once how amazing it is to be on her show. It’s her world; she is always treated with respect and honored as an institution. It reminds me of the protocol that is required when one meets the Queen of England. Or so I’m told. The Q of E and I don’t hang out as much as we used to.
Oprah has created a cult of personality for herself, and even if her ratings falter, her status does not. To the outside eye, she has seemingly impervious prestige. “Queen of Talk” might be an honorific, but she’s a reigning member of the media monarchy. This in itself is an admirable feat for someone who didn’t arrive in the world of show business through nepotism, endless connections, or with her pockets already overflowing with dough. She earned every rung she climbed on the ladder. Harpo is her Camelot, and many of us who live and work outside the walls of her company wonder what mysteries lurk there. I imagine many experts, such as Dr. Oz, Suze Orman, and Nate Berkus, to be her Knights of the O Table. Their mission? To guide Oprah’s audience to find the elusive Best Life grail. This is no democracy. When appearing on her show, writing for her magazine, or recording a piece for her satellite radio station, they do not veer from Oprah’s mission. And while they might be the experts, Oprah is their leader and the catalyst of much of their fame and visibility.
They are authorities in their own fields and famous in their own right, but their influence cannot hold a candle to Oprah’s. No one in the world can understand the experience of wielding her power. There are other wealthy folks out there, other giants of industry, other entertainers, other philanthropists, other highly loved and respected celebrities, other self-help gurus, other political pundits, but no one I am aware of has all of these facets (and more) rolled up in one. She’s like a burrito with the works. That’s when it dawns on me: Oprah is peerless. If she so chooses, she can hobnob with every aspect of our culture’s so-called elite, with movers and shakers. And there is no question that she has friends. But she doesn’t have anyone else in her position with whom she can commiserate over a plate of potato skins. Whom can she ask, “What do you do when Marie Osmond’s company makes a creepy baby doll in your image? Doesn’t it freak you out when the doll’s eyes follow you around the room?” Her words would echo off the walls because there’s no one quite on a par with Oprah. Yes, yes, yes, we are all unique and special like snowflakes, and while I don’t think Oprah is any more important than we are, she is literally without a peer.
The extraordinary niche she’s created for herself has left her in a position where it’s absolutely impossible to find an equal. I can’t fathom this, and it kills any desire I might have to walk in her shoes. On the surface, it all looks very sexy and cool to live in her world, but in reality, I think I prefer the simplicity of my life.
Oprah recently said, “I don’t get excited about a lot of things.” I replayed this a couple times on my VCR because it was such a foreign thought to me. Oprah has had a huge range of experiences: ups and downs, wealth and poverty, discrimination and total adoration. How can she keep her sense of wonder alive when there is very little left to amaze her? That night in bed, I’m still thinking about her statement.
I roll over to face Jim. “Oprah says she doesn’t get too excited about much. I was thinking about it. I think I get excited about everything.”
Jim thinks for a moment. “Um, yeah, you do. It’s exhausting.”
“For me or you?” I ask.
He laughs, but won’t answer.
Maybe it’s her lack of excitement that compels her to keep building her empire. Thrills aren’t experienced as regularly for her as they are for most of us, so perhaps she needs to create her own. She strikes me as a woman who would become bored out of her gourd if she stopped growing and moving forward. Oprah generates her own excitement.
* * *
Today I learn Oprah doesn’t believe in having a television in the bedroom. I’m nervous about sharing this tidbit with my husband. I’m worried he’ll turn to stone and crack into a million pieces when I tell him that he’ll need to bid farewell to the small TV on his side of the bed. Last December, when we decided to give this project the green light, we never suspected the toll it would have on him. But now I’m really concerned he’s starting to feel that his role in my life is taking a backseat to my commitment to Living Oprah. This is not remotely true in my heart — words are not enough to represent the depth of my feelings for him — but in interpreting my behavior this year, I can see why he might come to the c
onclusion that he’s less important to me than my experiment. Maybe I’m just paranoid. I know he understands because he’s an artist as well, but I think he’s uneasy.
Tonight, I approach him while he’s scooping the cat’s litter. I ask him how he’s doing with everything so far this year.
He doesn’t turn around but answers, “Fine.”
I was right.
He’s not happy.
I’m going to be squeaky-clean inside and out. Oprah is plunging into a 21-day vegan cleanse and has invited us to join her. The idea of doing something with Oprah rather than performing something decreed by her is interesting, and I look forward to hearing how she manages this period of deprivation. I’m excited to give it a try, but nervous about it at the same time. Over a decade ago, when I was at my heaviest, I was a vegan. I am such a talented eater that I got fat on tofu and organic spinach. I also have memories of doing many ultralow calorie cleanses to kick-start weight loss. I’d lose a ton of weight in a short period of time (I once dropped 30 pounds in 30 days) and gain a ton and a half back (you do the math). Because of those experiences, I’ve shied away from any program with “cleanse” in the title.
I am relieved when the creator of this particular program describes it to us. It’s going to be tough but not unhealthy and is more about conscientiousness than low-calorie fasting. We’re to give up all animal products, sugar, alcohol, gluten, and caffeine for 21 days. A headache starts to creep up on me as I begin to yearn in a very deep way for my much-beloved cup of green tea. I actually just finished a mug of sencha, so the pain and the craving are totally psychological. It’s hard to break a daily habit even when I know it could do me some good. I won’t lie, though. My mental timer has started counting down to the finish line. I have 20 days, 23 hours, and 51 minutes to go. This will be a breeze.
