by Robyn Okrant
Because I’m not watching the show every day, I have time to collect myself and evaluate the project so far and how it’s changed for me. I started out the year in a much more lighthearted way. I began as a blank slate and had boundless energy, optimism, and curiosity. Now I’m feeling overwhelmed and am experiencing more extreme reactions toward each episode. I feel a twinge of fear when I turn on Oprah every morning, as if I’ll hear something else I’m doing wrong or missing in life that I wasn’t even aware of. I’m having a little childish resentment toward Oprah and often feel she’s pressuring me to live in a world that doesn’t mesh with my own priorities. I’m not having much fun right now.
It’s interesting because as my readership grows with each new radio, Web, or newspaper story about me (I’m up to 53,730 visits), I feel as if I’m expected to be lighthearted and amusing. They’re the organ grinders, I’m the dancing monkey. Still, I’m attempting to be the most authentic and honest primate I can be, even if it means being a killjoy and talking about the glaring differences between Oprah’s idealized world and my own. I notice many interviewers are nudging me toward deriding Oprah or are expecting me to mock her.
One radio host keeps asking me, “What do you hate about Oprah?”
I tell him, “Nothing.”
He says, “Just tell me one thing you can’t stand about her.”
I tell him, “Nothing.”
He says, “Just one thing. One thing you absolutely hate about her.”
I look at the clock.
Here at Kripalu, I pass a framed poster of the Dalai Lama in the stairwell on my way to my room. Underneath his photo is a quote that hits me in the gut: “Through compassion, you find that all human beings are just like you.”
I have an epiphany, or what Oprah calls an “Aha! moment.” During times of internal conflict, seeing differences is always easier than finding common ground. I notice myself falling into that rut and decide to take advantage of the positivity of this sanctuary and spend my quiet time considering how Oprah and I might be alike. At first it’s difficult, and the only thing that jumps to mind is our common struggle with weight, but then, as the days pass, I find a new similarity each time I thumb a new blog entry into my phone.
Day One: Neither Oprah nor I can be all things to all people. I’ve been receiving requests from companies to endorse their products on my blog. One person actually thought I’d make a good spokesperson for cleaning products. Hilarious. Clearly they hadn’t read my blog entry admitting that Oprah’s website diagnosed me as a hard-core hoarder or that, more than once, I’ve worn a bathing suit top as a bra because I ran out of laundry. If my tiny project and the small amount of media attention I’ve received is an indication that being in the public eye makes you a target for this type of request, then I have to imagine Oprah is literally bombarded by such inquiries every day.
I’ve also been receiving requests to support people’s pet causes on my website or promote their worthwhile events. At first, I can’t understand why. I’m really no one special, just a yoga teacher with a blog. Then I figure it out: They are less interested in me than they are in taking advantage of my frequently read website. Instead of feeling used, I have a driving desire to help everyone. But I won’t advertise on my blog, and I guiltily turn down requests to promote other causes on the website. While I do what I can monetarily, my shallow pockets keep me from being an effective philanthropist. I wish I could be of more assistance.
As much as Oprah does to promote positive change in the world, she’s frequently blamed for not doing enough. I’ve received e-mail from people very upset that she does not publicly or actively support their specific organizations. Others feel slighted and distressed when she raises millions for philanthropic causes other than their own. I’ve read messages from readers upset she built a school in Africa; they wish she had allocated her funds to American schools. How on earth is Oprah expected to be all things to all people? She runs a billion-dollar corporation and already has thousands of people depending on her. I can’t be, and all I do is write and teach people how to do downward-facing dog.
Day Two: We both love inspirational quotes. Many of Oprah’s bulk e-mails are graced with some of her favorites, and she frequently shares quotes she loves on her show. She’s acquainted us with one of her favorites from A New Earth: “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” I’ll admit, that’s a pretty good one. Still, it’s a far cry from my all-time favorite: “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”*
Words are powerful, life changing, and life affirming. Clearly, Oprah and I both appreciate statements that stop us in our tracks and inspire us.
Day Three: Oprah and I forget to have fun. She seemed shocked in a recent episode that most of her audience made certain they stopped to have fun every single day. It’s an important step in achieving a healthy and harmonious life according to her guest Kathy Freston, author of Quantum Wellness and creator of the 21-day vegan cleanse. Oprah reflected on how much she works, and it appeared to me that she rarely has time to inject fun into her daily life. This spurred me to contemplate my own habit of filling every waking moment with activity, responsibilities, new projects, obligations, and plans for the future. At the beginning of the year, Oprah mentioned in her magazine that we all need to take a breather. I think I might need to go back and read that issue.
Day Four: We talk A LOT about our friends. We think they’re talented, smart, caring, and fabulous. We’re amazed and inspired by them. Oprah gushes about Gayle King, John Travolta, and Maya Angelou. I can go on and on for days about Scott, Grace, and Jefferson. Don’t envy us. I’m sure you have notable friends of your own. In addition to her megafamous buddies, Oprah also has a talent for making her audience feel as if they’re in her group of girlfriends. Many of the women I’ve spoken to feel as if they have a personal bond with her. I’m relieved I’m not the only one who has an imaginary relationship with Oprah.
Day Five: We both require other people’s acceptance and support to do our work. Whether I am teaching, performing, or writing, I’d be doing it in a vacuum unless I made other people happy. As a freelance graphic designer, I worked in a home office. I didn’t see anyone for the entire day, communicating almost exclusively via e-mail. My poor husband would come home from his own job and I’d start chattering a mile a minute, like a squirrel on crack. As much as I enjoy my alone time, I do thrive by working around other people. My current work is mainly about making other people feel good or entertaining them. Sometimes I get lucky and manage both those things. If I don’t constantly challenge myself to improve as a teacher or keep taking risks as an artist, no one is going to show up and I’m going to be doing sun salutations alone in a room or end up using an unread script as a pot holder.
While Oprah no longer has to bend over backward to maintain her audience like I do (that’s a little yoga teacher humor), she must constantly please, fulfill, and meet the expectations of a wide variety of people in order to stay in business. We both must strike a balance between keeping people satisfied and staying true to our own vision. Sometimes there are compromises to be made. For me, it might be to adjust a couple lines in a play to make a producer happy. For Oprah, it might be promoting an ice cream company the day after her Best Life Challenge episode. Our success is dependent on the acceptance of our audiences or the people whom we teach.
These five ways Oprah and I are alike might seem like a stretch, but I’m not trying to be silly or tongue-in-cheek. At this moment, they are a bit of a lifeline to me. These commonalities, even if I’m just imagining them, are keeping me from feeling alienated from her and by her. Plus, it’s nice to know I can find some similarities with an incredibly bright, successful leader. It’s like a game of Six Degrees of Separation, except using personality traits instead of tenuous personal connections.
July 30, 2008
How do you know if you’re having an out-of-body experience?
I feel as if I’m watchi
ng myself in a surreal scene: I am sitting cross-legged on the floor, creating my vision board, knocking another item off Oprah’s advice list. I’m also being interviewed by a journalist from the New York Times and there is a photographer snapping pictures of my adventure in self-reflective arts and crafts. They’ve been in my apartment for several hours, watching me like hawks. They watch me watch Oprah. They watch me eat. They watch me blog. Right now they’re watching me cut out pictures of healthy spines, a beach paradise, and the city of Paris from magazines. I’m growing a little paranoid. Now that my anonymity is broken, I have something else in common with Oprah: The public interpretation of my project, my intelligence, and my motives is entirely out of my control. Everything I say can be chopped up, shuffled, and tossed like a salad. I had more control over my project when everything was simpler. Just me, my TV, and my blog.
I try to relax and breathe. I really do believe I can trust these people in my apartment. They seem to understand what I’m attempting. But maybe I’m just naive. I try to convince myself that no one reads the New York Times, but even I have limits on my denial-o-meter. I’m feeling very vulnerable right now and wish I had more control over the moment. This is not a position I relish.
I cut out the words “security” and “peaceful” from a magazine and place them prominently on my vision board.
Photo © Jim Stevens
Hard at work in my usual uniform - no makeup, no shoes, schlumpadinka clothes. I love my job. Gray roots? What gray roots? My hair color is totally natural.
Photo © Jim Stevens
Gray roots? What gray roots? My hair color is totally natural.
July 2008 Accounting
Date Assignment Cost Time Notes
7/1 Read O from cover to cover. (LO) 3h 30m This one wasn’t really a standout for me, although I liked Martha Beck’s article quite a bit. I imagine I’ll think about it when regret seeps into my life.
7/10 “Alexis Stewart talks candidly about trying to get pregnant on her radio show Whatever, on Martha Stewart Living Radio. Tune in to follow her progress there.” (SHOW) 4h 0m I can’t find this anywhere. Is she still talking about this topic? The show was a rerun. Still looking… still listening. (O)
7/10 Bake cookies that Oprah loved from Jessica Seinfeld’s Deceptively Delicious. (SHOW/WEB) 14.45 0h 30m Hilarious! www.livingoprah.com/2008/07/deception.htm
7/18 “I want the world to see this movie because we need it. We need it.” (re: Akeela and the Bee) (SHOW) 1h 52m Cute!
7/21 “Anytime you are forced to have sex against your will, it’s rape. Even if it’s your husband. And if you need help, you call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.” (SHOW) 0h 0m I hope this resonates with all women who need help.
7/22 Take the YOU: Staying Young Aging Quiz. (SHOW) 5h 0m I scored an 80 to 89 percent. I know how I can improve and I want to! (O)
7/24 Learn to accept all people. (SHOW) 0h 0m Working on it. This has made me a lot less angry during election season. (O)
7/25 Read Eat, Pray, Love in 2 weeks. (SHOW) 15.00 5h 0m Wow. I want to take that trip. I’ve always wanted to travel to India, especially. I wish I could leave tomorrow.
7/28 “… the Miraval Spa in Arizona. If you ever get the chance in life, that’s where you want to go.” (SHOW) 0h 0m I can’t imagine I’ll ever get the chance — yoga teachers can’t usually afford to go to spas, unless we work at them! (O)
7/29 Dye hair roots with Perfect 10 hair color. (MAG) 83.94 1h 40m I touch up my roots approximately every 4 weeks. ($13.99 per box × 6)
Date Assignment Cost Time Notes
Throughout Month Watch every episode of Oprah. (LO) 23h 0m 23 shows
Throughout Month Do Best Life Challenge exercise. (BLC) 6h 40m 80 minutes a week for 5 weeks
Throughout Month Take A Course in Miracles. (WEB/SHOW) 7h 45m approx. 15 minutes a day for 31 days
MONTHLY TOTAL 113.39 58h 57m
YEAR-TO-DATE TOTAL 2,768.58 873h 48m
ONGOING PROJECTS
– “Reinvigorate your appearance with some great advice on how not to look old…”
– “Rethink your eating habits with some absolutely delicious and utterly original meals…”
– Use cloth and reusable bags at grocery store. No more plastic.
– Change lightbulbs to energy-efficient bulbs.
– “I think in terms of investment, it’s the best thing you can ever give yourself is to have beautiful surroundings.”
– “I would just say to anybody, whatever secret you’re holding, live your own truth.”
– Sharon Salzberg meditation
– Make your rooms personal.
– Best Life Challenge exercise and diet guidance
– “I do want you to start thinking about, as I have started thinking about, how much you consume. I mean, like every time you throw away a paper towel. Every time you are, you know, wasteful with food in your house… just think about how much you really need.”
– “Get a lift when you come in the front door.”
– “I want you to savor every meal.”
– “I want you to pay attention to how happy women get that way.”
– A Course in Miracles
– Declutter home/life.
– A New Earth meditation
– “With the arrival of spring, I hope you, too, will reconnect with nature.”
– “When you think that you’re going to get in a car and drive, I want you to think about this mother holding her daughter’s head on the side of the highway. That’s the thought I want to come to your mind before you go to get in the car after having even one drink.”
– “Stop defining yourself by what you see — or think you see — when you look in the mirror.”
– “Everybody think about this: On the way to work or on the way to do whatever you do during the day… how many negative things… The negative tape that’s playing in your head all day long about yourself. I can’t do that, I shouldn’t do that, I’m too fat, oh, look at my thighs…”
– “I think we should be open like Horton.”
Accounting Abbreviations: LO = Living Oprah Project Task, SHOW = The Oprah Winfrey Show, WEB = Oprah.com, MAG = O, The Oprah Magazine, BC = Oprah’s Book Club, BLC = Best Life Challenge, (O) = ongoing project
Video: This is to the chickpea chocolate chip cookies I made for my husband and his coworkers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDhOyDXgdhY
Blog: Anonymity broken on NPR: http://www.livingoprah.com/2008/07/my-cover-is-blown.html
Radio Interview: This is my All Things Considered radio interview mentioned in the chapter: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92602017
Newspaper article: This is the article in the New York Times mentioned in the chapter: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/17/fashion/17oprah.html
AUGUST:
America gets a report card
Time spent this month: 65 hours, 25 minutes
Dollars spent this month: $282.74
Most adorable and cuddly suggestion: To adopt a pet from a reputable shelter (inspired by the show as well as advice on Oprah.com). Welcome to our new kitty, Selmarie! I could just eat her up.
Words that stuck: “I’ve noticed, no matter how long someone may have been doing their thing, they haven’t truly been discovered until Oprah says so.” — Comment made by Samantha Marquis on Living Oprah blog
OPRAH BURNS up the TV screen with a rapid-fire week about what is wrong with our country. From schools to health care, she leaves no stone unturned. To borrow a phrase, she’s mad as hell, and she’s not going to take it anymore. She doesn’t think we should, either. It’s as if this series of reruns has been specifically designed to impress upon us that we are one broken nation. The commenters on my blog are fired up, and as my cell phone vibrates to notify me when I get a new note, it sounds like I’ve got a beehive in my purse. Inspired by Oprah’s political shows and her involvement in this year’s presidential campaign, many people have been speculating
that she will end up running for or be appointed to public office, but I disagree. At this point in her career, I can’t imagine why she’d involve herself in the red tape of government when her own platform is already incredibly powerful. She doesn’t create policy, but she definitely impacts it. She rouses us to vote a certain way or call upon our elected representatives to generate the change she believes will make our country a better place. Just ask Pennsylvania’s state senators who were bombarded with letters from Oprah’s audience to vote for H.B. 2525 (otherwise known as Pennsylvania’s Dog Law) to prevent inhumane treatment of canines. Oprah asked her viewers to use the form letter on her website to contact their senators. The vote will be in October, and I’m pretty sure I know which way the tide will turn.
While I don’t disagree with her shows about America’s broken systems per se, I wonder if there’s an ulterior motive to the timing of this programming. We’re up to our eyeballs in the presidential campaign, and these shows are a not-so-subtle reminder that the US of A is in trouble and is in need of positive change. I don’t think there’s any coincidence Oprah’s candidate is running on this platform. These gloomy episodes are painful to watch, and I will admit if I weren’t doing this project, I’d turn off the television. Luckily, I signed my Best Life Challenge contract or I might feel the urge to turn to food for emotional comfort right about now.
