Living Oprah
Page 16
I am appalled by the thought and decide I need to get away from my TV for a while. I pull on my leopard-print shoes and whisper “we love you” to them as I head out for the day.
Photo © Jim Stevens
Clipping coupons in order to shop for non-perishable food items to donate to a local food pantry. Oprah encourages us to give in any way we’re able…
Photo © Jim Stevens
That’s our new kitten, Selma. To date, she’s my favorite assignment. I adore her.
August 2008 Accounting
Date Assignment Cost Time Notes
8/1 Read O from cover to cover. (LO) 3h 30m I like the “sexy” article. AND the men-centric articles.
8/1 “Stop saying that.” (re: using the word “just” to describe ourselves) (SHOW) 0h 0m Great advice. (O)
8/4 Purchase O. (LO) 4.50 0h 5m Where is my subscription?
8/5 Make sure you get the D3 (500 IU twice a day) / 400 mcg twice a day (folic acid or folate, or folicin, which is sometimes listed as vitamin B9) / either 1 gm of distilled fish oil before lunch and before dinner (Dr. Oz) (SHOW/WEB) 38.91 0h 0m There were more vitamins to take, but these were the ones missing from my daily routine. These were recommended by Dr. Oz for women age 20–40. [$24.61(Omega 3 fish oil), $3.32 (folic acid), $5.99 (vitamin D), $4.99 SH] (O)
8/7 “If you wanna know how bad schools really are in the nation, read The Shame of the Nation.” (SHOW) 10.17 4h 0m I always get defensive about this topic as my mom is a terrific public school teacher.
8/7 “If you’ve watched this show today, and you realize that your child is one of the children who is not getting the best that this nation has to offer or if you are concerned about what’s happening to other kids in this country, go to StandUp.org.” (SHOW) 0h 15m When I first visited Bill and Melinda Gates’s Standup website, it wasn’t functioning. How ironic.
8/13 Rise and Shine: How to wake up less stressed. (WEB) 3h 30m I liked this! (30 minutes a day for 7 days). Will continue. (O)
8/13 Shiatsu (WEB) 1h 10m This was nice… but I’d prefer someone else to do the work. (10 minutes a day for 7 days)
8/14 “So, Why Did I Get Married? You and your friends’ll be talking about it. Better yet, talk about it with your husband.” (SHOW) 0h 10m Talked to Jim about the movie. We’re all set. Thanks!
8/19 “Play along” with Oprah’s live audience and take Dr. Oz’s online health quiz. (SHOW) 0h 5m I did pretty well. I learned about jellyfish stings. Handy.
8/19 “Be sure to check him out on XM156, Oprah and Friends, and also on our section of Oprah.com. Keep those questions coming.” (SHOW) 0h 20m For some reason, I’m intimidated by satellite radio. (O)
8/20 “This Sunday… let this story inspire you. Instead of pitching those coupons, cash them in, go to your grocery store.… The better thing I think you can do is to combine it, get your friends in on it, combine them… go to the grocery store, use the coupons, give the food to your local pantry… do what you can.” (SHOW) 13.15 1h 0m Deposit was to the Greater Chicago Food Depository. This made me feel awesome. I can’t believe with coupons and other sales, I spent $11.65 on $25 worth of groceries. Too cool. Sadly, the coupons weren’t for food I’d eat, necessarily, but still it was relatively nutritious. I did my best not to get junk. I plan to do this even when the year is up. It felt better doing something with my own time and hands rather than just sending in a donation. ($1.50 for newspaper and $11.65 for groceries) (15 minutes clipping / 45 minutes to shop and donate)
8/20 “Go to Oprah.com for more information on the pajama program. And we want new pajamas, too, we don’t want your old, discarded pajamas.” (SHOW) 10.00 0h 5m Donation to program.
8/20 If we’re inspired by John Wood’s Room to Read program, we can go to Oprah.com to help. (SHOW) 25.00 0h 10m Decided to give to girls’ scholarships in Nepal, a country I care a great deal for. I spent about a month there in 2001.
8/24 Adopt a cat from a shelter. (SHOW/WEB) 85.00 4h 0m Welcome to little Selmarie! We love you already. Followed Oprah.com advice on pet adoption. ($75 adoption fees/$10 required cat carrier)
8/27 Read “Ten Secrets to a Better Love Life.” (WEB) 9h 30m Oooh-la-la. (O)
8/27 Paint bedroom. (“First of all, you need a good color.” — Oprah) (SHOW) 76.24 3h 0m This is meant to help us sleep better. (60 minutes to choose color and shop; 2 hours painting)
8/27 Purchase O, The Oprah Magazine Cookbook (LO) 19.77 0h 30m Will let Jim choose recipes. Going to try to cook recipes with ingredients I already have in the house, so I can stop spending so much money.
Date Assignment Cost Time Notes
Throughout Month Watch every episode of Oprah. (LO) 21h 0m 21 shows
Throughout Month Do Best Life Challenge exercise. (BLC) 5h 20m 80 minutes a week for 4 weeks
Throughout Month Take A Course in Miracles. (WEB/SHOW) 7h 45m approx. 15 minutes a day for 31 days
MONTHLY TOTAL 282.74 65h 25m
YEAR-TO-DATE TOTAL 3,051.32 939h 13m
ONGOING PROJECTS
– “Reinvigorate your appearance with some great advice on how not to look old…”
– “Rethink your eating habits with some absolutely delicious and utterly original meals…”
– Use cloth and reusable bags at grocery store. No more plastic.
– Change lightbulbs to energy-efficient bulbs.
– “I think in terms of investment, it’s the best thing you can ever give yourself is to have beautiful surroundings.”
– “I would just say to anybody, whatever secret you’re holding, live your own truth.”
– Sharon Salzberg meditation
– Make your rooms personal.
– Best Life Challenge exercise and diet guidance
– “I do want you to start thinking about, as I have started thinking about, how much you consume. I mean, like every time you throw away a paper towel. Every time you are, you know, wasteful with food in your house… just think about how much you really need.”
– “Get a lift when you come in the front door.”
– “I want you to savor every meal.”
– “I want you to pay attention to how happy women get that way.”
– A Course in Miracles
– Declutter home/life.
– A New Earth meditation
– “With the arrival of spring, I hope you, too, will reconnect with nature.”
– “When you think that you’re going to get in a car and drive, I want you to think about this mother holding her daughter’s head on the side of the highway. That’s the thought I want to come to your mind before you go to get in the car after having even one drink.”
– “Stop defining yourself by what you see — or think you see — when you look in the mirror.”
– “Everybody think about this: On the way to work or on the way to do whatever you do during the day… how many negative things… the negative tape that’s playing in your head all day long about yourself. I can’t do that, I shouldn’t do that, I’m too fat, oh look at my thighs…”
– “I think we should be open like Horton.”
– “Alexis Stewart talks candidly about trying to get pregnant on her radio show Whatever, on Martha Stewart Living Radio. Tune in to follow her progress there.”
– The YOU: Staying Young Aging quiz.
– Learn to accept all people.
Accounting Abbreviations: LO = Living Oprah Project Task, SHOW = The Oprah Winfrey Show, WEB = Oprah.com, MAG = O, The Oprah Magazine, BC = Oprah’s Book Club, BLC = Best Life Challenge, (O) = ongoing project
Photo © Jim Stevens
Our white walls… just the way our landlady prefers them…
Photo © Jim Stevens
I love the new color! The bedroom is still the size of a postage stamp, but it sure is prettier.
blog: Clipping coupons and newly adopted kitten: http://www.livingoprah.com/2008/08/sunday-night-check-in.html
SEPTEMBER:
Shaky ground
&nb
sp; Time spent this month: 70 hours, 45 minutes
Dollars spent this month: $580.28
Oprah quote that made my (single) friend Grace scream: “As long as you have a husband, you can have as many cats as you want.”
Just when I got them worn in the way I like: Change bedroom pillows if we “have the same pillows that you got married with. That is just wrong.”
Words that stuck: “In the book, please don’t kill off Jim, he was one of my favorite characters. ;)” — Comment made by Seb Sharp from Australia on Living Oprah blog
IN THE ninth month of Living Oprah, I’ve decided to change my husband’s name to Saintly McSainterton. He’s either the most patient man on the planet or this project has beaten him down to an emotional pulp. One way or the other, it’s worked out great for me. He’s put up with changes around the house and tests to our relationship. I thought he’d run screaming when I told him we’d be completing Oprah’s Evaluate Your Marriage questionnaire back in March, but he didn’t. I thought he’d put up a fight when I told him we’d be removing the TV from our bedroom in May, but aside from a little puppylike whimpering, he acquiesced. I thought he’d panic when I informed him we’d be publicly improving our sex life with the Spice It Up in the Bedroom program. This time I was right. Two out of three is really commendable, though, isn’t it?
He was worried (read: terrified) about how I would disclose information online about our sextravaganza, and so, in the best interest of my marriage, I promised to be discreet and vowed not to spill too many erotic beans on my blog. I made no such promises when I signed my contract for this book, however, so let’s get dirty, shall we? (Elsewhere in the city of Chicago, Jim gets an inexplicable shiver up his spine that causes him to drop a glass of ice water in his lap. Coincidence? I think not.) Actually, it really only gets PG-13, so you don’t need to turn on the Barry White music or pour yourself a glass of wine.
Like many couples swept up in the hustle and bustle of our lives, we tend not to take special time out to connect. The program urges us to make dates. And while at first we think this is pretty dorky, we end up really enjoying ourselves. We alternate responsibility for planning the dates we’ve penciled in our calendars each Friday night. Right now, we’re a bit broke because of the project, grad school, and the general financial wear and tear of the year, so we have to get creative with our planning. It’s refreshing. We like each other! I return to the website, feeling quite successful in step one of the miniproject, and I’m excited to move on. Then I realize that, in my haste, I originally read the page wrong. We’re not just supposed to have a date night to spend time together, we’re supposed to make a date night to actually have sex. Ohhhh! I get it. Well, I didn’t, but I will now. And what the heck, we already have Friday nights set aside, so why not continue to use them? What follows is the most boring, perfunctory sex of our marriage. After one of these dates, instead of cuddling, we actually work together to unclog a stubborn bathtub drain. Ah, the romance. We decide to move on to the next step.
Step two is to have sex out of the house. I wonder if all our friends and family reading this book now are a little freaked out by our offers to housesit at the end of 2008. Are you regretting that you took us up on the offer? Don’t worry, only a few of you should be concerned. Moving on!
Step three is to redecorate our bedroom. We already decorated à la Nate Berkus, so we don’t relish the idea of repeating the project. Also, our bedroom has space for only our queen-sized bed, with about 18 inches between the sides of the mattress and the walls. It’s not the easiest space to get creative with. Still, we hang a couple framed posters and get new sheets. We buy jersey sheets, and after our first night sleeping on them realize we probably didn’t make the sexiest choice. When we crawl into bed, it feels like we’re climbing into a Gap T-shirt display, and we both conk out pretty quickly, swathed in cottony comfort. I put some scented candles on the windowsill and light them, which sends Jim into a sneezy, allergic fit. I replace them with a less smelly variety and buy Jim a box of tissues. With lotion.
The next steps are fun and lead us to explore what each of us wants in the sack. I always wanted jersey sheets, so I’m already pretty happy. In all seriousness, the communication is really helpful. I thought we had been open with each other before, but this peels a few more layers of the sexy onion. I share fantasies with Jim that I never have before and learn more about him than ever. It’s fun. Exciting. There’s a charged energy in the room whenever we have one of these discussions. After months of barely having sex because we’ve been so focused on the project, it’s nice to reconnect. And yes, when I type the word “reconnect,” I am winking and nudging my computer.
We’re urged in the next step to try something new and to stop ignoring any physical sexual problems we might be having. We head to our neighborhood drugstore and take a romantic stroll down the erotic aisle, which is perplexingly combined with the foot care section. We purchase a new product we’ve seen on TV recently that is supposed to be sexually stimulating for both men and women. I also pick up some callus remover while I’m there. I’m embarrassed to tell you what the sensual product is because my in-laws will be reading this book. Let’s just say it is suggested on Oprah.com and it rhymes with zubricant. We rush home to give it a go. Unfortunately, Jim doesn’t really experience anything different, but I feel as if someone’s set fire to my vajayjay. After ruling out the need to make an embarrassing trip to the emergency room, we decide we can check that off the list and move on. I have to stand up for the remainder of the evening.
The next steps advise us to take it slow and not to be worried at all about what we think is normal. We’re not supposed to compare ourselves to anyone else. I’ve been a little panicked as of late because Dr. Oz told us that men should have sex four times a week to lengthen their life span. So, if I’m not in the mood, I am basically sending Jim to an early grave. No pressure there.
Frankly, I do compare myself to other people around me when it comes to sex. If the amount of shows Oprah dedicates to sexual dysfunction and confusion are any indication, it’s clear that lots of us feel like we can’t cut the mustard. I take some comfort in knowing I’m not alone. And yet, all the messages I’m receiving in the movies and on TV definitely give me a skewed sense of what a normal sex life should look like. Jim and I agree to stop pressuring ourselves and decide we are just fine as we are. Moments later, I’ve gone back to judging myself, but I don’t let on to Jim, who seems content for the time being.
The last suggestion to couples is to keep trying. This year has been pretty trying so far, that’s for sure. Still, Jim and I always desire to strengthen our relationship, and “keep trying” should be on our to-do list every single day, regardless of whether or not I’m Living Oprah. After just five years of marriage, it’s clear that things can get pretty stale if we’re not vigilant. We want to be in a continually evolving partnership; it’s just that sometimes we forget. I guess it takes the website of an unmarried talk show host to remind us.
I receive my Oprah’s Spirit Newsletter today via e-mail. I get a lot of bulk O-mail this year: from Bob Greene and the Best Life Challenge to missives advertising the Oprah and Friends satellite radio network. My in-box also fills with Book Club newsletters, Oprah.com Money News, The Oprah Store advertisements, Oprah magazine mail, the Angel network, and so on and so forth. I generally unsubscribe from bulk e-mail so fast that you’d think it carried the plague, but I consider Oprah’s e-mail to be research and allow it to pour in. It’s a little overwhelming. The Spirit e-mails tend to focus on such topics as gaining clarity, managing stress, and discovering the meaning and purpose of life. Today’s topic is friendship, and I am a little surprised to read that there are “5 Friends Every Woman Should Have.” I’ve never before broken my friends into types, but I am fascinated. I have to find out if my relationships meet Oprah’s standards.
I click on the link and am sent to an article on Oprah.com written by Michelle Burford for O magazine. The friend ca
tegories are:
The Uplifter
The Travel Buddy
The Truth Teller
The Girl Who Just Wants to Have Fun
The Unlikely Friend
After reading the short text, I discover I am more or less covered in four of the five friend-egories. The companion I seem to be missing is the Girl Who Just Wants to Have Fun.
I rack my brain but can’t think of any current friend who would fall into this classification. I never felt lacking in great friends, but maybe the folks at O are right and I might be missing out. The e-mail did say that every one of us should have these gals in our lives. I decide to reacquaint myself with the only person I can think of who once filled this slot in my mid-twenties.
I drop her an e-mail and receive a note back the next morning filled with exclamation points and animated smiley-face emoticons. My life is much more mellow than when she and I were close, and while I might regret this, I set up a date with her for the following week. In the days leading up to our lunch, I show Jim some old photos of us. She and I are almost always in action in these shots, as if we can barely contain our energy when we’re together. I repeat stories of our antics over and over again, and Jim pretends he hasn’t heard them a million times before.
I am getting excited to see her now. I’ve gotten so serious over the course of this year and could use some help lightening up. She reschedules with me twice, and when the big day finally arrives, she calls a few minutes before our meeting time to tell me she’s running a bit behind. Thirty minutes later, she rushes in the door, and instantly my irritation at having to wait for her dissipates. We find a table and sit. I’m ready to have fun with a capital F.