by Robyn Okrant
My family rocks.
Not in a “my dad lays down the beats while sister makes her guitar gently weep” kind of way. It’s more of a “I can’t believe my family supports me so much they’re allowing me to hijack their favorite holiday” sort of deal. I am incredibly grateful to be part of this gene pool. For the most part, we all enjoy one another’s company and support each other’s endeavors. I’d have to push pretty hard to cause them to turn their backs on me, but I might have finally discovered a way to test their limits. It’s a little something we’re all calling Oprah Thanksgiving.
They’ve allowed me to kidnap our tried-and-true (and much loved) turkey day menu and replace it with recipes I’ve gathered from Oprah’s show, magazine, and website. Usually, our family is mighty laid back when we converge upon my mom and dad’s home in New Hampshire. For my relatives who enjoy watching television, there is parade, football, and National Dog Show viewing. As we watch the well-groomed pups prance around, my family asks what happened with Oprah’s advocacy of Pennsylvania’s Dog Law early this year. I inform them it passed last month. There is a brief cheer before everyone returns to planning their Black Friday shopping strategies. There is eating and there is more eating. And there is a lot of sitting around, relaxing, catching up, and laughing. It’s loosey-goosey, and everyone looks forward to it all year. This year, I’m surprising everyone with activities suggested in Oprah’s various media. This enforced structure is either going to be a hit or a groaner.
Our holiday is loosely collaborative. My dad makes the turkeys, my mom and my aunt Rayna cook the myriad of side dishes and bake desserts. And by “bake desserts,” I mean buy them. The remainder of us pitch in when we are asked or allowed. This year, we’re going full-out potluck. Oprah.com tells us to “share dinner duties.” My mom and I have gone through all the Thanksgiving-specific recipes on the website and in O to plan the menu, and I’ve doled out the responsibilities accordingly. I was a bit shy about asking my relatives to bend to Oprah’s will, but for the most part, they jumped at the opportunity to be part of my project.
Now it’s time for our big dinner, and we’re all sitting around my parents’ dining room table oohing and ahhing. Everyone looks ready to dig into the meal, but they have to put up with me taking photos and video of the table before we eat. Luckily, the novelty of Oprah Thanksgiving hasn’t yet worn off, and everyone remains patient and plays along, smiling for the camera. Then I notice a few folks taking stock of what is missing from the table. Sure, the new dishes look like fun, but will we survive without our much-beloved brisket? And where the (insert explicative here) are the mashed potatoes? I better green-light the start of this meal before there is a mutiny.
No one will tell me exactly how much they spent creating their recipes. I, of course, kept track of my receipts for the sake of the project, but my family refuses to tell me their expenses, insisting it was their duty to bring the dish and so it’s none of my business what they spent. Still, I would wager my two beloved cats that they spent far more than usual. I know this because of the extensive ingredient list for each recipe and because there isn’t a can of cranberry sauce or a french-fried onion–coated green bean casserole in sight. And, most telling of all, the good china and silver came out.
Here’s a little compare-contrast list of the usual Okrant family turkey day versus Oprah Thanksgiving. You’ll note I stayed in people’s comfort zones, lest they revolt.
Okrant Oprah
Green bean casserole with french-fried onions (Did somebody say cream of mushroom soup?) Slow-Roasted Green Beans with Sea Salt and Olive Oil (Nice. The goopy soup and onions were missed fiercely, though.)
Green salad (with countless bottles of dressing for everyone to choose from) Festive Holiday Salad (Really nice. Restaurant-y.)
Relish Tray (kosher pickles, black and green olives. My sister and I wipe this out before the meal begins.) Bacon-Nut Stuffing (I loved this. I was the only one, much to my delight. More for me.)
Canned cranberry sauce. (Can’t help it, I think the ridges from the aluminum can make it taste delicious.) Cranberry Fruit Conserve (This was a family favorite!)
Mashed potatoes (homemade, hand-mashed. Adored by my family. Even eaten on leftover turkey sandwiches the next day, along with a slice of cranberry sauce.) Roasted Rosemary Potatoes with Garlic and Shallots (We loved this side dish. And we learned where the shallots are in the supermarket. Those suckers are expensive and hard to peel, but delicious.)
Roast turkey (two of ’em. There’s lots of us and we require major leftovers.) Classic Roast Turkey (Good. Needed to be babysat more than our usual birds.)
Gravy. (Created by Team Gravy. My cousin Steven and I even wear T-shirts with the Team Gravy logo on them while we whisk. Ridiculous? Yes. Classy? No. Fun? Totally.) Turkey Gravy (I’m biased, but I think Team Gravy puts this to shame.)
Sweet potato casserole. (Yes. With the mini marshmallows. A classic.) Thyme-Roasted Baby Carrots (Another fave. We don’t usually break out the fresh herbs, but it was great.)
Baked sweet potatoes. (Because not everyone likes mini marshmallows.) Sweet Potato and Pecan Pie with Cinnamon Cream (I didn’t eat this one, but nobody liked it. It sounded delicious, but there were lots of grimaces.)
Pumpkin pie, pecan pie, apple pie (all slathered with spray whipped topping. I never understood my family’s fondness for this, but I support their right to enjoy pressurized “dairy” food.) Low-Fat Pumpkin-Banana Mousse Tart (Everyone says it’s blah — but still the best of all the desserts. I stay mum as my cousins break out the spray whipped topping. Do they carry the stuff in holsters?)
Baked apples (There’s always someone on a diet in my family, so we like to have some dessert alternatives available.) Cream Cheese–Chocolate Chip Cookies (not on the Thanksgiving menu, but my aunt threw them in the mix for people to munch on. People took one bite and left the rest on their plates.)
I think there were positives and negatives about dinner, but overall, I found it really fun. I especially enjoyed going grocery shopping with my mom, dad, and Jim on Wednesday. It was like a scavenger hunt. Also, it’s nice to think and eat outside the box every now and then. Ruts are safe and comfortable, but a breath of fresh air is much appreciated. After we polish off our meal, we all agree that next year we’ll bring back the carrots and, without a doubt, those rosemary potatoes. I could sleep on a bed of those suckers and be content.
Between our delightful dinner and our disappointing dessert, we play a little icebreaker getting to know you game that was suggested on Oprah.com. Jim is responsible for copying the questions suggested on the website onto small cards, and while everyone digests we are meant to answer such things as:
How do you want to be remembered?
What would you do with a million dollars?
What is your mission?
A couple of these Oprah-approved questions are asked, but then Jim rebels and sneaks in some deeper, more meaningful queries.
What’s the most naked you’ve ever been in public?
If you could commit one crime without being caught, what would it be?
Would you rather be locked in a room with a tiger or lick the foot of a homeless person?
This is when the party really gets started. I can say without a shadow of a doubt I am learning more about my father than I ever knew before. Why must he be so descriptive with his answers? It’s a possibility I might be in therapy for many years to work through it all.
The game itself appears to be a form of training wheels for families without a lot to talk about. My family, never at a loss for words, definitely enjoys the activity but is eager to get back to our own conversations once the game is over. Everyone eats a bit of dessert, but not much of it, and then scatters around the house to nap, catch up, watch football, or plan their shopping excursions for the next day.
I run upstairs to put together the hostess gift Oprah has suggested on a recent show about how to have a thrifty holiday. She thinks one of the nicest things
a person can receive is a personal note of gratitude.
She says, “The words from your heart mean more to people than anything you can buy.”
As someone who has kept meaningful notes since childhood, I totally agree and am excited to create this gift for Mom. Earlier in the day, I gave everyone a card on which to write a note, and I’ve just gathered everyone’s missives. I am putting the finishing touches on a collage-covered box (smothered with images of Oprah) to house the cards. I’m a little worried that my mom might think the gift is corny but am pleasantly surprised when we present the box to her. She is touched by the thoughtfulness. I give all the credit to Oprah. Although, to be honest, a couple relatives grumbled a bit about having to write their sentiments on paper. I think sometimes folks feel a lot of pressure to be eloquent, but my mom had no complaints.
As the family starts thinking about leftovers, I have to go to my old room to watch a tape of today’s Oprah. My dad sweetly recorded the rerun earlier this afternoon so I could spend time with the gang. As I grab my notebook and a pen and hit play on the VCR, I hear my family bursting with laughter downstairs. I get suddenly and unexpectedly sad. I am upstairs, watching TV and taking in all of Oprah’s words, unable to spend precious time with my family. It dawns on me that much of my year has been the same: watching TV, following advice, trying to find my elusive “best life.” All the while, my “real life” slides past in a blur.
Photo © Jim Stevens
My dad and I scoop up the Roasted Rosemary Potatoes with Garlic and Shallots.
Photo © Jim Stevens
My family enjoys an Oprah Thanksgiving (without mashed potatoes).
November 2008 Accounting
Date Assignment Cost Time Notes
11/1 Read O from cover to cover. (LO) 4h 0m
11/3 “Love your vulva.” (SHOW) 0h 0m Oh, I do. (O)
11/3 Kiss Jim for 10 seconds every day (SHOW) 0h 10m Daily (O)
11/3 Look at my genitals in a hand mirror. (SHOW) 0h 5m Yup. Still there.
11/4 Vote. (SHOW) 0h 10m I love Election Day.
11/4 “Nobody should watch alone.” (SHOW) 5h 0m Invited friends over to watch election.
11/6 “Private invitation: Shop the all-new Oprahstore.com!” (E-MAIL) 0h 15m I came, I shopped, I did not spend.
11/6 “There’s seven seconds in this film that will change your life forever.” (movie: Seven Pounds with Will Smith) (SHOW) 12.00 1h 58m We saw it. Weren’t sure which 7 seconds were supposed to be life-changing, though.
11/6 Watch Oprah on 30 Rock. (“Tune in tonight!”) (SHOW) 0h 30m Check.
11/10 See movie Australia. (“It’s a definite must-go-see.”) (SHOW) 20.00 2h 45m Longest. Movie. Ever.
11/10 “We’re gonna start callin ’em bikkies, too!” (SHOW) 0h 0m For the remainder of 2008, I will call cookies “bikkies” like the Australians do. Oprah finds it fabulous.
11/11 “Live with cellulite. Be happy.” (SHOW) 0h 0m Trying. Not poking my butt in front of the mirror anymore. That’s a start. (O)
11/12 “I want you to look around your house right now. Is it messy? Is it disorganized? Are there piles of stuff lying everywhere?” (SHOW) 0h 1m No. It’s lookin’ pretty good.
11/12 “So, if somebody shows up at your door and says, ‘Peter sent me,’ do not let them in.” (SHOW) 0h 0m Warning her audience about fakers pretending to be with the Oprah and Peter Walsh Clean Up Your Messy House Tour. (O)
11/12 “If you’re ready to clean up your messy house… sign up at Oprah.com and join our tour. You’ll receive monthly homework assignments. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Don’t try to turn in your assignments early. Just stay with the program, okay?” (SHOW) 8h 10m 10 minutes a day (O)
11/13 See Marley & Me. (SHOW) 21.50 2h 0m Oprah said I will “love” Marley & Me, starring Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson. Saw it.
11/18 “So, the next time you’re walking down the street and you see someone who looks different, like seven-foot-tall Brendan… don’t just stop and stare or pass by and then, you know, whisper to your friends. What he wants you to do is look him in the eye and say hello.” (SHOW) 0h 0m I’m doing this — but have to say, if I’m walking down the street in my back brace and someone says hello because of it, I’m going to be very uncomfortable. (O)
11/19 See The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. (SHOW) 11.00 2h 46m Well, Oprah did say it was the movie to see.
11/21 “The first thing you need to do, in preparing for sex, I say, is wash yourself…. I’m just assuming that everybody is taking a shower.” (SHOW) 0h 30m I’ll let you guess — did I take just one very long shower before sex, or lots and lots of super short ones?
11/21 “And what this says, everybody, is that you constantly have to work at it. And the most important thing… is that if you’re thinking that it’s going to just naturally happen, you are mistaken.” (SHOW) 0h 0m Regarding sex and long-term relationships (O)
11/24 “That’s who you call. Call Lowe’s!” (SHOW) 0h 3m I called to ask about chairs. This was the last assignment I completed on 12/31.
11/25 “Get rid of your toxic friends.” (SHOW) 0h 0m (O)
11/25 “So, everybody needs to stock their shelves with beans” and “Add more beans to your diet. And they’re cheaper, too.” (SHOW) 39.63 0h 45m soooomaaaaanyyyyy beeeeeansssssss
11/26 “You must rinse well, inside and out… and then pat it dry and place the turkey in a large roasting pan.” (SHOW) 0h 5m Ew.
11/26 “If you have a friend who has a dog, you must give them this book. And you write the inscription to the person and their dog. And they will love it.” (SHOW) 25.75 0h 30m Bought, inscribed, and wrapped The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, a novel by David Wroblewski.
11/26 “Take Cristina Ferrare’s step-by-step cooking class online on Oprah.com.” (SHOW) 0h 25m Watched video of Ferrare making turkey, gravy, sweet potatoes, biscuits, cranberry sauce, creamed spinach, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. I’m salivating.
11/26 Make Pumpkin Chiffon Pie. (SHOW) 4.93 0h 45m Done on Christmas as my aunt already made a pie for Thanksgiving. ($1.19 pumpkin, $2.49 crust, $1.25 sugar… sister-in-law provided the remainder of ingredients)
11/27 “First, my thrifty idea for a hostess gift: Create a gratitude box. Give out the notecards to all the guests and then ask them write a special note to the host. And then put all the notes in the box.” (SHOW) 0h 45m Mom loved it.
11/27 Play getting to know you game. (WEB) 0h 45m Jim led the game, my whole family played.
11/27 Oprah Thanksgiving (WEB) 105.23 7h 30m This was a drop in the bucket, costwise. It was all I was allowed to contribute to the dinner financially. My mom can give you a better idea of the price tag. (time was for planning, shopping, prep, cooking)
11/28 Give Inconvenient Truth to friends and family. (SHOW) 19.99 0h 15m It was actually hard to find someone who hadn’t seen it.
Date Assignment Cost Time Notes
Throughout Month Watch every episode of Oprah. (LO) 20h 0m 20 shows
Throughout Month Do Best Life Challenge exercise. (BLC) 5h 20m 80 minutes a week for 4 weeks
Throughout Month Take A Course in Miracles. (WEB/SHOW) 7h 30m approx. 15 minutes a day for 30 days
MONTHLY TOTAL 260.03 72h 53m
YEAR-TO-DATE TOTAL 4,352.67 1135h 47m
ONGOING PROJECTS
– “Reinvigorate your appearance with some great advice on how not to look old…”
– “Rethink your eating habits with some absolutely delicious and utterly original meals…”
– Use cloth and reusable bags at grocery store. No more plastic.
– Change lightbulbs to energy-efficient bulbs.
– “I think in terms of investment, it’s the best thing you can ever give yourself is to have beautiful surroundings.”
– “I would just say to anybody, whatever secret you’re holding, live your own truth.”
– Sharon Salzberg meditation
– Make your rooms personal.
– Best Life Challenge exercise and diet g
uidance
– “I do want you to start thinking about, as I have started thinking about, how much you consume. I mean, like every time you throw away a paper towel. Every time you are, you know, wasteful with food in your house… just think about how much you really need.”
– “Get a lift when you come in the front door.”
– “I want you to savor every meal.”
– “I want you to pay attention to how happy women get that way.”
– A Course in Miracles
– Declutter home/life.
– A New Earth meditation
– “With the arrival of spring, I hope you, too, will reconnect with nature.”
– “When you think that you’re going to get in a car and drive, I want you to think about this mother holding her daughter’s head on the side of the highway. That’s the thought I want to come to your mind before you go to get in the car after having even one drink.”
– “Stop defining yourself by what you see — or think you see — when you look in the mirror.”
– “Everybody think about this: On the way to work or on the way to do whatever you do during the day… how many negative things… the negative tape that’s playing in your head all day long about yourself I can’t do that, I shouldn’t do that, I’m too fat, oh look at my thighs…”
– “I think we should be open like Horton.”
– “Alexis Stewart talks candidly about trying to get pregnant on her radio show Whatever, on Martha Stewart Living Radio. Tune in to follow her progress there.”
– The YOU: Staying Young Aging quiz
– Learn to accept all people.
– “Stop saying that” (re: using the word “just” to describe ourselves).
– Take Dr. Oz–recommended vitamins and supplements (vitamin D3, folic acid, fish oil)
– Rise and Shine — how to wake up less stressed.
