I rolled my eyes again, skipping off to the room to shower and change.
Chapter 17
It felt great to finally be wearing clothes that fit me. I had no annoying gaps, no flesh on display.
The moment I opened the bathroom door, Kai was there. He sat on my bed; his head immediately lifted, his eyes seeking mine. He smiled softly. “Feel better?”
“Much.” I pointed to my stomach. “No more peep shows.”
He chuckled. “I don’t know if that’s what I would call it.”
I shrugged, moving to the closet. I opened the door and stopped short at the sight before me. I walked back out and looked at Kai. He gave me a mischievous grin. I pursed my lips, walking back into my closet.
Kai had pushed all my old clothes to the back and hung everything that we’d just purchased in the front. He’d also moved the few dresses that still fit to the front with the good clothes. He saved me the heartbreaking trouble of segregating everything I couldn’t wear anymore. He probably saved me a few tears too.
I tossed my dirty clothes in the hamper, closing the door behind me. I immediately went to him, throwing my arms around him. He didn’t hesitate hugging me back. I kissed his cheek. “Thanks. I really, really appreciate it.”
“You can repay me with dessert.” The sparkle in his eyes and curve of his lips told me his words were left up to my interpretation, that he wouldn’t mind either dessert.
I smacked his arm, jerking back. “Way to ruin the moment.”
He laughed. “Mood swings and abuse. Maybe I’m not so envious of Kellan anymore.”
“I’m not moody!” I stomped off towards the kitchen.
Sanders yanked me into his arms, planting a kiss on my forehead. “Stop picking on my girl,” he barked at the other guys.
“Yeah!” I said.
“How are you, sweetie?” he asked, releasing me in front of him.
“Good.”
He sobered. “You had another note on your door. It said something like the same thing: another riddled warning.”
My stomach tensed. My brows dipped together as I looked up at him. “Should we be taking them more seriously?”
“We’re doing all we can. I was just letting you know, that’s all.” He brushed back my wet hair. “Call me when my plate is ready?”
“Okay.” I nodded, giving him a less than enthusiastic smile.
He slinked towards Drexel. Both men walked towards Drex’s bedroom with their hands stuffed in their pockets. The way they snuck sideways glances at each other, you could tell they wouldn’t be able to keep their hands to themselves otherwise. There was an obvious connection between the two of them. While they’d relaxed about showing their affection for each other in front of Kellan and me, they were careful to conceal it in front of the others, even the ones who knew the truth about their relationship.
The moment I stepped into the kitchen, there was a knock on the door. I immediately looked at the security monitor on the wall. From the looks of it, Auggy and Aunt Claire were going back and forth about something.
“I’ll get it.” Kai started for the door.
“Thanks.”
I began pulling out my baking supplies while Kai answered the door.
“I’m damn near family. I should have the code to get in any time I want!” Auggy grumbled.
“I don’t even have the code,” Aunt Claire countered.
“Well we should,” Auggy responded. “With what’s been going on lately plus her condition, an emergency could happen at any time.”
“Don’t even start with that. My head can’t handle any more nightmare scenarios.” I heard Aunt Claire’s heels clacking against the floor, as they drew closer.
The front door closed and suddenly they were all there, watching me.
“Hi.” I gave them an inviting smile as I set down the final necessary ingredient on the island.
“How are you, honey? How are you feeling?” Aunt Claire closed the distance between us, swiftly, feeling my face with the back of her hand.
“I’m fine.” I tried to assure her, but she didn’t listen.
“You look like you’re not gaining enough. Have you been eating? Kai, has she been eating good?” She looked at the counter and back at me. “Don’t tell me you’re still doing all this cooking. Why haven’t you hired anyone yet? Oh, no, no, no. You’re doing too much.” She started pushing me towards the living room. “I told you Augustine! That damn army of yours has her running all over the place. Meanwhile she’s managing her own army of vamps, struggling to keep up with orders for her business, and who knows what else. Throw in a social life and a needy man - because Lord knows you’re all needy in some way - and I’m surprised she can still stand. It’s not good, Lex.” She pushed me down onto the sofa, shoving aside several items on the coffee table before pulling it towards me. “Feet up, now,” she ordered.
“Will someone please turn her off?” I frowned.
Drexel and Sanders came out of the room, probably to see what the ruckus was all about.
“I’m fine, Aunt Claire. You can ask Drex.” I began sliding the coffee table away, but she stood in front of it to block my move. When she turned to face Drex and Sanders, I rose up on the sofa and climbed over the arm. Running past Auggy, I maneuvered behind Kai before poking my head around his side to watch her. She really was hell in heels, even though I knew she meant well.
“Lexi, I’m just trying to help. With Kellan being gone, I can only imagine what these men have you doing.” She eyed Drex then Kai, suspiciously.
Kai bristled in front of me, clearly taking offense to her insinuation. I couldn’t blame him. He’d been the total opposite of everything she was accusing him of. He’d been amazing.
“Oh leave the boys alone, Claire. Lexi has a mouth of her own: boy does she.” Auggy looked at me pointedly before continuing. “If this is too much for her, I’m sure she’ll let us know.”
“Yes, well, I also know that she’s refused to ask for help in the past.” She focused her attention on me. "I hope you understand it’s not just you anymore, honey. You have to think about the well-being of that baby too. Stress isn’t good…for either of you.” Aunt Claire’s expression softened a tad.
I sighed, stepping out from behind Kai. “I know that, Aunt Claire. I know you mean well too, but I think I can judge for myself what is and isn’t too much. I’ll admit it, my business is overwhelming. I do need help with it, but I haven’t found anyone yet.”
She studied me for a minute. “I’ll make you a deal. If you hire someone to help you with the bakery, then I’ll back off. I won’t stop worrying, but I’ll stop pestering you.”
“Deal.”
She stretched her arms out expectantly. I went to her, falling into her embrace. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I just hate to see you run yourself ragged. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stopped by and you’ve been sleeping.”
I jerked back, frowning. “When did this happen?”
“Oh no you don’t. You’re not going to work yourself up over something that you can’t change.” Her tone suggested there would be no arguing.
“I’m not upset that I missed you, I’m upset that Kellan never told me.” I looked at Drexel. He looked away. Unease slithered through my stomach. My chest tightened as I tried to figure out one possible reason to justify him not telling me. When I came up empty, my soul lost a bit of its flare. How could he? Why would he?
The room was silent; no one would look me in the eye, as if they all knew something I didn’t. “Spill it,” I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest and taking a step away from Aunt Claire.
At their continued silence, I was incensed. I had to force my lungs to expand and my mind not to wonder, yet, even concentrated effort didn’t work this time. My lungs struggled to work as my mind traveled, many hurtful scenarios passing through it.
Rage shot through me, heating my flesh. I felt my features pull as the baby moved, its heartbeat picking up. They were keeping the
truth from me. They knew; they had to know based off their reactions. I saw the telltale blue out of the corner of my eye and hot tears began to sting my eyes.
Auggy cleared his throat. “I, uh, don’t know for sure what the nature of their relationship was or is, but Kellan has been corresponding with a secret informant. That’s where he went. He went to meet whoever it is.”
“Augustine!” His name was a rushed whisper, a hushed scold, rolling off Aunt Claire’s lips. “I wouldn’t worry, honey. Kellan loves you; you know that. This is work related. Nothing more.”
“Both of the people he works with, and for, are here,” I bluntly stated.
My heart raced. For the first time ever, it felt like my spirit was caged. I wanted so badly to escape my body, to leave this reality, yet I was stuck…I was stuck facing the possibilities while my supposed friends and family made excuses and tried to bat away my sensibility.
The blue must have faded, despite my emotions being revved up, because I felt firm arms wrap around me. Through my bleary consciousness, I smelled him. Kai pulled me into his chest, rubbing gentle circles on my back.
“I think you all should leave,” Kai said, not bothering to look at them.
I slid my arms around his waist, nestling my face into his chest. I was thankful he was there, grateful for the refuge he provided. He was the barrier, my protector from the world right now.
I felt Aunt Claire’s hand rest upon my shoulder. “I’m sorry, honey. I’ll call you later.” Her voice laced with regret.
Sobs erupted from me. My chest ached as I thought of who or what Kellan was doing. I was over here getting fat and he was Gods knows where doing God knows what. I was losing him, or maybe I’d already lost him.
A dark abyss opened at my core, sucking the life out of me. Tumultuous emotions fogged my mind, draining my body as tears streaked down my face onto Kai’s white T-shirt.
He hugged me tight, never rushing me, never interrupting me. He let me cry it out; he let me know he was there, but didn’t try to change my mind or justify anything.
How had this happened? Slowly, Kai was becoming the man I needed and Kellan was slipping away, no longer even being the man I wanted. If Kellan didn’t want me, then I didn’t want him. If he couldn’t love me in spite of my baby weight, then I didn’t need him.
A new wave of despair washed through me. The earth felt like it cracked at its center, my whole world shattered at the thought of walking away. Damn it! Why was it so hard? Why did I have to love him so much? Why did this have to hurt so bad?
***
Kai
Leka trembled in my arms, her entire body shaking from the force of her sobs. My heart broke, my soul ripped to shreds at her anguish.
I wanted to rip Kellan’s fucking head off! I told him not to hurt her, yet here he was destroying her. She didn’t deserve this. I didn’t care what his reason was for going away, if she was his equal, as he claimed, then she deserved the truth, even if it hurt.
I could only imagine what she was going through. It seemed like everything was crumbling around her. Everything she’d loved was being taken from her; questions, the unknown, being dangled in its place.
I lost track of time. I didn’t know how long I’d been standing there holding her before she began to calm down. Too long. My mind had traveled in the circles; my emotions swam the same repetitive lap as I comforted her. I was pissed off at him, I was disappointed in the people she trusted, and I was sad for her. It was hard to love someone who didn’t love you back.
That was the thing though. As much as I wanted to hurt Kellan, I couldn’t, because that would certainly damage her too. She loved him. It was obvious with every tender look she gave him. In every touch she shared with him was a delicate passion, and in every thought she had of him was a lingering bliss. He was a jerk, but she loved him anyways. He didn’t deserve her, but she wanted him in spite of what she could get, what she could have.
I thought back over my conversation with Will. After tonight, I will be looking forward to fate.
***
Lexi
A numbing pain spread through me as my tears dried. I wiggled out of Kai’s strong arms, staring forward, at his shirt. Pink watermarks marred his once white shirt.
“Sorry. If you take it off, I’ll wash it.” My voice cracked. Damn it.
He lifted his shirt off over his head and tossed it aside. He wiped away my stray tears with the backs of his fingers.
Slowly, I lifted my eyes, marveling up the solid plains of his muscled body to his heavy gaze. There was so much to face in the depths of his brown eyes.
I stared into him, falling deeper and deeper into his warmth as each second passed. Our souls didn’t collide the way mine and Kellan’s did, but it didn’t stop me from loving him. It didn’t stop him from loving me with unyielding devotion.
I placed my hand on his chest. He was like smooth stone beneath my palms.
He remained still, his chest rising and falling under my touch. His eyes seemed to look straight through me, as awareness alerted every cell in my body. He didn’t bother to hide his desire. His pupils dilated as his breathing picked up, as his muscles flexed with anticipation.
My stomach twisted, my pulse raced as I lowered my attention to his lips, full and soft; tempting. Before I realized what I was doing, I leaned in closer to him. I moved my other hand to grab his side.
His arms remained at his sides. He watched me like a hawk, so keen and observant.
I shifted to stand on my tiptoes, bracing myself on him as I stretched up towards him. He bent his head slightly to meet me. I gently brushed my lips across his. Warm pleasure filled me, gathering in my womb.
His breath hitched, yet he didn’t move. He let me make the moves, allowed me to decide what I wanted.
In this moment, while my soul wanted Kellan, while my heart was torn, my head clearly shouted for Kai, propelling me to kiss him.
I pressed my lips against his, more confident this time. He met the demands of my mouth, never hesitating to return the caress of my lips.
I ran my tongue along his lips before tasting him. His flavor exploded on my tongue as his arms slowly wrapped me against him. He lifted me into his arms, making it easier for me to reach him.
I moved my hands up and ran my fingers through his hair, resting my forearms on his shoulders.
My pulse began to race as he surrounded me. I inhaled him: tasting him, feeling him…taking in his scent. I felt his every desperate gasp for air between touching my lips to his. Every brush of his bare upper body against my flesh sent chills through me; awakening an excitement - a desire for more - that sparred through me. Sparring because I knew I shouldn’t want this. I’d fought my feelings for Kai for so long, yet I couldn’t challenge them anymore.
It wasn’t because I didn’t love Kellan; it wasn’t because I didn’t want my relationship with Kellan; it was simply because Kai treated me better. It was because Kai made me feel valued while Kellan dismissed me. It came down to feeling, not conscience. It was rooting in despair, not faith.
Our kiss intensified as passion began to surge between us. This was the turning point. This was the critical decision everyone had to consciously make. My body was alive, my nerves sizzling with sensation. I wrapped my legs around his middle, feeling the hard length of him beneath me. Could I really stop now?
Every breath I took was filled with him. His hands moved over me with eagerness, with need. I felt so safe, so loved in his arms. But would that love last if I went any further with him? When a resounding ‘yes’ echoed in my mind, I knew I was in too deep. I knew my heart - my emotions – was too entangled with his.
My conscience was blocked by my physical drive, hiding beneath Kai’s expert lips as they teased and tasted me. In his arms, I felt like a schoolgirl, anxious and ready for her first time. I knew my wants were safe; I knew he would take care of me.
I pulled back. “Bedroom,” I said, immediately capturing his lips again.
He carried me to the bedroom. I heard him kick the door shut behind us. He never lost rhythm; his lips never veered.
He climbed on the bed with his arms still wrapped snuggly around me. He gently laid me down, carefully positioning my body between him and the bed. He ran his hand along my side, stroking his tongue against mine.
Abruptly, his hand steadied, and he pulled back.
My eyes shot open. His eyes were squeezed shut; his lips were smashed together. Creases lined his forehead as his brows crowded inward. His expression conveyed anger mixing with frustration. Each labored breath was a huff. Watching him closely, I saw his jaw begin to quiver. My heart shook, killing every ounce of desire within me to focus on a more substantial need. Kai wasn’t angry or frustrated. He was in pain.
The need to comfort him settled within me. I swept his hair away from his face, tucking it behind his ears. I smoothed my hands over his cheeks. I didn’t want to rush him. I didn’t want to hurt him anymore.
The baby chose this intense moment to move.
Kai’s eyes flew open. They were glossy as they regarded me. He offered a weak smile. “Leka.”
I dropped my legs, freeing him. He slipped his hand between us, soothing it over my rustling baby.
His eyes were lit with emotion…and then he frowned. He moved his hand away, shaking his head negatively. “I can’t.” The pained expression returned. “Fuck! I want to so bad. I crave you so intensely that my entire body feels like it’s going to split at the seams, but I can’t. You want this now because you’re upset. And as much as I want you in that way, if we did it now, it would be ruined with your regret later. I can’t love you now only to have it hurt you later.”
I shook my head. “I won’t.” The words sounded feeble, even to me. I closed my eyes, sighing. I opened them to face him again. “I’m sorry I dragged you down with me.”
He smiled. “I’m not. I love you, Leka. I’ll cherish every bit of affection you give me within these boundaries.” His tone was reverent, confirming his words.
Tears welled. Why couldn’t Kellan feel the same way? Why couldn’t he treasure me like Kai? I knew comparing the two was wrong; they were two completely different people. But this moment highlighted how wrong my choice was logically. My soul may have declared one single victor, but if fate had any sense, she would change that detail.
5 Darkness Falls Page 12
