by Sara Hess
Seth gave me the address and I punched it into my navigator as I reversed out of the driveway. Any tiredness I was feeling vanished. Anticipation and eagerness rushed through me.
“What’s she doing there?” Shaw had never mentioned an interest in poker.
Seth paused for a moment before answering which raised my anxiety. I did not want to hear that she was there with another guy. “The house we’re at has these gamer parties and she’s here playing.”
That sounded innocent enough, so why the hesitation. “Why does it sound like there’s something you’re not telling me?”
“She’s just dressed…differently.”
Seth normally didn’t say a lot, but he wasn’t usually vague either. “What do you mean, differently?” My first thought was a short skirt and barely there shirt, and I growled at the thought of other guys seeing her that way.
He huffed. “I can’t explain it to where you would believe it.”
I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle the guy. “Try.” I gritted out.
“Sorry, you’ll have to wait.” Then he hung up on me.
Dick!
I raced through the streets as fast as I could without causing an accident or getting a ticket, arriving at the address in nine minutes…five minutes sooner than the navigator first predicted. Parking on the road with the dozens of other vehicles I jumped out and jogged to the house. The neighborhood was clearly upper class; the homes in the area probably worth around seven-hundred thousand.
Music and numerous voices emanated from the house and not bothering to knock I pushed the front door open and stepped in to find several people milling around the hallway. Most of the noise was coming from my right so I turned in that direction walking into a live video game room. Lights were dimmed and there were monitors everywhere with people sitting in front of them playing video games.
A rapid scan of the room revealed no sign of blazing red hair though.
“That was quick. Were you just around the corner when I called?” Seth asked, stepping up beside me.
“Where is she?” I didn’t have time for chit-chat.
He just snorted at my rudeness. “She’s over to the left playing Destiny.”
My head shot that way but I still didn’t see my red head. There was only one girl and she had shoulder length purple hair. “She’s not there.” I grumbled impatiently.
“She’s the one in the purple hair.” He grunted.
My head swiveled his way in angry bewilderment to see him smirking at me. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“That’s Shaw in a wig over there. Nadia recognized her. She said she’s seen her here before but never realized that it was her until today. She was on her way over to talk to her but I intercepted on your behalf. Lucky for you Nadia likes you and wants to see you two work things out.”
I glanced back towards the girl with purple hair in disbelief. Why the hell would Shaw be in a wig? I could only see the back of her head so it was difficult to believe Seth’s claim. Shuffling around the room, and groupings of people, I got in a position to view the girls side profile.
Her hair was in a bob cut that obscured half her face and she was wearing purple lipstick that messed with her features too much for me to recognize her from here. The clothes she was wearing wasn’t anything I’d seen on Shaw before; black combat type boots, black ripped stockings, short black and purple mini-skirt, two thick leather bracelets, and a black t-shirt with something written on the front. The girl twisted just enough and I was able to read the words.
Find a short pier and start walking.
My heart started thudding…it was Shaw!
I marched over to her stepping directly in front of her. Green eyes rimmed with black liner met mine and widened in shock…pain…and then icy anger.
“I told you we would talk, and your times up.” I let her hear the determination in my voice. She wasn’t going anywhere until I discovered what her problem was.
Shaw leaned back into the couch with a sneer. She looked like one of those video game Japanese Goth girls, and astonishingly…it fucking worked for her. She looked hot, even with the bizarre purple lipstick. The urge to grab her, slam her against a wall, lift up that shirt, rip one more hole in those stockings, and drive into her was nearly overpowering. The only thing stopping me was that she was looking at me like she wanted to drive my nuts up into my throat.
“Dude, you’re blocking the screen.”
My gaze shifted to the pasty white, skinny male sitting on the couch with Shaw. If this guy ever saw sunlight he’d burst into vampire flames. I gave him a look that had him jumping up and rushing for the nearest coffin.
“I don’t remember assholes being on the guest list tonight. If you need help finding the nearest bottomless pit I would be happy to give you directions.” Shaw’s words held a callous edge that hadn’t been there before.
Irritation flared in me. “I’m not exchanging barb’s with you tonight, Shaw. We’re going to actually talk.”
She barked out a dark laugh. “There you go again thinking I’m playing. Believe me when I say I’m speaking from the heart.”
I sat down next to her and that her bouncing up to her feet. I grabbed for her arm to stop her but she jerked it away violently. “Don’t ever fucking touch me.” She yelled furiously.
I stared at her in shock. Where the hell was all this rage coming from?
The room had gone quiet at Shaw’s outburst but our gazes stayed locked in fury and resolution.
“Shaw, tell me what I did?” It took everything to keep my voice calm because my anger wanted to ignite as well.
Her hand pressed into her belly and I noted that it trembled. “You were born.” She sneered before turning and stomping away.
I followed her in frustration but didn’t stop her. I was hoping we could find a less conspicuous setting to talk where people weren’t staring with palpable curiosity. Seth and Nadia were standing together against a wall watching us like everyone else, but their expressions held apprehension.
Before Shaw made it out of the room a guy walked up to her grabbing her shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
My muscles tensed as I surveyed him. He was about five-nine, lean, with dirty-blonde hair, and I guess mildly attractive in a desk-jocky sort of way. His concern for her was obvious. Who was this guy?
“An uninvited guest. I’d ask you to round up the posse to kick him out but they’d probably run for the hills at the sight of him and his friend. Todd already did, the douche-bag.” There was no usual humor in Shaw’s tone as the words shot from her mouth.
Her attitude had me completely confused and angry. “Shaw, what the hell did I do? You’re behaving completely irrational.”
She spun on me in fury and screamed. “You must want to go through life without balls because that is the wrong fucking thing to say to a woman. You want to know what you did, you and the entire male species exist.” Even though I only had eyes for her I did notice the guy behind her wince. “All you’ve cared about his whole time is getting in my pants. Well, congratulations, you did it, but don’t think you’ve won anything special because I’ve been had by half my high school and the entire Sigma Chi house, and their friends.”
My anger erupted at even the thought of that and I got in her face. “You were a fucking virgin so don’t be spouting that shit to me.”
She laughed harshly and I could smell heavy alcohol on her breath. “Have you been telling people that? They must have been laughing their asses off. No one would believe that Slutty in the Sack Shaw was a virgin.”
Why the hell was she saying this shit about herself? “I hadn’t told anyone anything until this second when you tried making yourself into a slut.” I yelled.
Her eyes narrowed and she scorned in a lower voice. “I made myself into a slut…That’s really fucking funny.”
I inhaled a calming breath trying to get control of myself. “Shaw, I wasn’t just trying to get into your pants. I…”
“Don’t waste your breath.” She interrupted contemptuously. “I know all about you, Mr. Monthly. You like to keep a girl at your beck and call for a month until you get bored with her. Well, I don’t need twenty-nine more days of your bullshit.”
I stared at her in astonishment.
Shaw bared her teeth and backed up to swing her arms around the guy who’d walked up and was now watching us in anxious incredulity. “I’m the one that got bored this time and found something better; a few of them actually.”
Something twisted in my chest painfully and fury exploded within me. “Why are you being such a bitch?”
She sneered. “It’s the second best thing about me besides my snatch.”
I couldn’t take anymore. The urge to hit something was overwhelming, but no matter how much of a bitch Shaw was being I wasn’t going to hit her. The guy next to her was a perfect target but she was all over him and I’d take her down with him. Spinning, I stormed out of the dead-silent room and flung open the front door with bang. When I hit the walkway I stood there breathing heavily through the fumes of anger.
“Shit...that was…Shit.” Seth stepped up next to me eyeing me cautiously.
I couldn’t talk yet; my thoughts were consumed with Shaw fucking other guys.
Nadia came out a second later wearing a distressed look. “What in the hell happened between the two of you? Please don’t tell me you took Shaw’s virginity and then told her you only wanted a month with her.”
Unable to speak I shook my head, but the fact was it had been my first intentions with Shaw. She’d changed things though, got under my skin, and I hadn’t known what the hell I wanted from her, besides her. It was all fucked up now.
I heard foot steps coming up behind me and a voice exclaim, “You’re still here.”
Turning, I discovered Shaw’s fuck buddy, and since she wasn’t hanging off of him anymore he was free game. One punch and he was down on the ground, and I wasn’t done. This guy wasn’t going to be able to stick his dick in Shaw for some time…if ever again. Before I could get to him again Seth’s arms were restraining me.
“Let me the fuck go, Seth.” I roared.
The dead-meat on the ground covered his bloody nose with one hand and held out the other to ward me off. “I’m not sleeping with Shaw.” He shouted.
The words only slightly appeased me. I struggled in Seth’s arms still wanting to kick his ass.
Nadia moved between us. “David, what’s going on with you and Shaw?”
His name hit a chord…David? That was the name of Shaw’s high school friend she was staying with; the one I thought might be consoling her. Knowing who he was didn’t make me feel better.
“We’re friends, that’s all. There’s never been anything between us.” He avowed.
“Then why is she saying that you’re fucking?” I growled.
He watched me guardedly as he stood. “Because she’s pissed and hurt and her defense mechanism is to rip into anything around her.”
The constriction in my chest eased somewhat…but not all the way. “What about the other guys?” I bit out.
David’s eyes narrowed on me. “Like I said before.”
I blew out a breath. Feeling my muscles relax some Seth loosened his hold and stepped back.
“Do you know why she’s pissed and hurt, because I’d love to have some light shed on the situation? I’m fucking clueless.” The glare I gave him warned him he was in deep shit if he didn’t tell me.
Using his t-shirt he carefully wiped at the blood on his nose. “Don’t think because you could kick my ass I’ll roll over on Shaw. I did that once and won’t ever again.”
It was good he knew I could kick his ass. I was also grudgingly impressed that he was sticking up for her at his own peril even though I disliked him intensely at the moment. “Why’d you come chasing after me then?”
“For Shaw. I’m worried about her. For the last three weeks she’s been in a downward spiral; not caring about anything. I knew something happened but she won’t tell me what.” He gave what sounded like a despondent sigh. “Seeing you two argue explained a lot though. Shaw doesn’t let anyone close, but from what I saw and heard she let you all the way past her walls. Except you seemed to have fucked it up.”
I got in his face and bellowed. “That’s the fucking problem; I don’t know what I did. We went to sleep and I thought everything was fine, but when I woke up she was gone and wanted me dead.”
He glared back at me. “There’s one thing that gets her hackles up; dickhead guys who try to get in her pants. But it’s a little bit more than that. Shaw got a reputation in high school that was completely undeserved. One guy started it and the rest didn’t want to be left out. They either lied because the first guy told them to, or they didn’t want to be the one she’d refused. Her reputation was shredded to hell. The guys were awful to her, and it wasn’t just the guys, the girls were just as bad.” He shook his head sadly.
My anger was switching sides rapidly. This explained a lot of Shaw’s attitude; why she’d verbally flipped me off the first time we’d met, and why she relied on cutting remarks. They were her armor.
“I still don’t know why she’s so angry at me. If it was this monthly girl thing she wouldn’t have slept with me in the first place. Something happened in the time I went to sleep and woke that I’m completely oblivious to.”
David’s eyes were hard as he shrugged, telling me he didn’t know either. “It’s apparent she thinks you were using her. If she had sex with you she obviously put a great deal of trust in you. You did something to screw it up.”
I growled as we circled around the same problem all over again. What the hell had I done? Maybe she was just being too sensitive? I wasn’t denying that she had reasons to be guarded because the girl had been shafted all through her life…and as that hit me all my anger at her evaporated.
Shaw didn’t have any reason to trust anyone; dumped in a McDonald’s bathroom as an infant, shuffled around in foster care because no one wanted to adopt her, dumped in a shitty home with shitty foster parents, dumped on all through high school. She expected to be dumped…discarded. That’s why she held everyone at arms length.
But what made her think I was going to discard her? I could see how my less then stealer past might have made her think I was using her, but I was pretty certain she didn’t know about it then. I doubt she would have slept with me at all if she did. How she knew about it now was curious, but not relevant to the initiation of the problem.
I expelled a deep sigh. “I don’t know what to do?” And that was a revelation, because I considered myself smart enough to fix anything. “She won’t tell me what I did so I can fix it.”
David’s expression twisted in sorrow, but I could see it wasn’t for me. “Shaw must have seen something good in you for her to trust her body to you, and that’s why I came out here. I was hoping to get to the bottom of it so I could somehow fix it for her. Shaw’s my best friend. We used to be really close, sharing everything, but then I screwed up and it’s never been the same. I would do anything for her, and even though it’s not the same between us she would do anything for me.”
I frowned at the thought of them ‘sharing everything’. At least I knew there was one thing they had never shared. “How did you screw up?”
He swallowed, looking ashamed. “We became friends during our sophomore year and spent almost all our time together for eight months. We were each others only friends, both of us outcasts. I didn’t care what they were saying about her and after I got to know her I knew none if it was true. I’m the one that got her interested in computers. All she knew before was how to troll the internet.” He grinned faintly. “But she was a natural when I started teaching her more intricate computer play, and she surpassed me pretty damn quickly.” The grin faded. “One day Ford, the guy who started the rumors and gave Shaw the hardest time, came up to me and started chumming up to me; saying he’d always thought I was gay but I couldn�
�t be since I was hanging out with Slutty Shaw all the time. There were about a dozen guys with him and all I could focus on was that they thought I was gay.” He rubbed at his chest like he was in pain.
“I folded like a fucking coward. I told him we were having sex, but I made it sound like we were a couple. They all laughed and Ford said she was leading me around by my dick if I thought she was only having sex with me. A couple of them lied and said they’d done her in a four way just last week. And then they yelled over my shoulder, ‘Isn’t that right, Shaw’.” David sighed regretfully. “She’d been standing behind us and heard what I’d said. She walked away without a word and didn’t talk to me for weeks. I apologized everyday and tried convincing her I did it for her; hoping that if I convinced them we were in a relationship they’d leave her alone, but she didn’t care. All she cared about was that someone she trusted lied about her.”
“I finally cornered her and told her the real truth. The truth I hadn’t wanted to admit even to myself. I confessed that I was gay and when those guys had raised that fact it had scared the shit out of me. I didn’t want to be gay, I didn’t want other people knowing I was gay, and I thought in my own twisted way I was helping the both of us. It took her another week but she forgave me. But like I said, it has never been like it was. She used to tell me everything, but she doesn’t anymore.”
I stood there silently as David revealed his past with Shaw, my emotions all over the place. I understood now why she’d said school sucked. It sounded like it had been hell for her. She’d had one friend, this guy standing in front of me, and he’d thrown her under the bus. I could almost see where he was coming from in wanting to protect Shaw with a fake relationship, but the balance had probably fallen mostly on his own fear of being outed as gay. He realized that which was stopping my fist from meeting his face again, but the additional scars he’d added to Shaw were there and hadn’t been erased. What he’d done had only made it more difficult for her to trust people.
“You deserved that punch I gave you.” I grunted.
I got a nod of agreement. “It was a long time coming.” He sighed. “You know, Shaw would kill me for telling you anything about her. It might even feel like another betrayal to her, but she’s hurting because of you and that means you mean something to her. It sounded like you care for her and she needs more people in her life that do, but she doesn’t let down her walls to let anyone in. I would suffer her wrath if she could find something more with you?”
