by Sara Hess
Sam appeared ready to hear from me now. I had to decide if I should tell her to mind her own business, or actually make use of what she was offering…a friend to talk to? She was right in that Carrie didn’t press me to talk if I didn’t want to, and I appreciated that. I knew she cared and was there for me, but I was accustomed to handling my own problems.
Surprisingly, the lock on the door to my emotions seemed to be disengaged at the moment and I felt the need to share.
Transferring the glob of shampoo in my hand to my hair I rubbed it in aggressively. “Evan isn’t known for his longevity in relationships so I’m not putting a lot of expectation into this thing between us.” I was starting to accept that sometimes you had to settle for short moments of happiness in life, or else you might not have any.
Sam sat down in one of the bathroom chairs. “But he’s different with you. I see it. Carrie sees it, and she said Nic sees it too.”
I liked hearing that because I didn’t want to be one of many, but while Evan might act differently he was still the same person.
“Evan’s warned me that he has a short attention span. Did you know that he’s a genius?”
Sam laughed. “Did he really tell you that? Talk about…”
I interrupted her. “No, Sam; he’s a tested genius.” I could see her brows rise in astonishment at my revelation. “That’s the reason he loses interest so quickly in women. He says few things can keep his attention for long. When you think about it it doesn’t sound too farfetched for an excuse.”
She frowned. “So he gave you a heads up that that he was going to lose interest in you…he actually said that? Damn, I always liked Evan, but that is such a douche-bag excuse.”
Even though I’d yelled the same thing at him I felt the need to defend him. “No, he says he feels something more for me than those other girls, but we’re talking about an ingrained trait of a person and that’s not something that can change.”
I stuck my head under the waterfall to rinse out the soap in my hair, and to halt the conversation. My need to spill had swiftly faded. It hadn’t helped me like I thought it would. I completed the rest of my shower as Sam dried her hair. When I finished and stepped out, wrapping a towel around me, Sam switched off her dryer. Her light brown hair was a downy cloud around her sympathetic face.
“You know, people change all the time.”
I knew that, but it was usually when they had to, were forced to. Evan’s life was nearly perfect, he had no reason to change, and I had never been enough to change anyone’s life before.
I smiled sardonically, tightening the towel around me. “Sure, all the time.”
She scowled. “I could see it happening. He’s all over you all the time. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was halfway in love with you.”
A fist squeezed my heart painfully but I forced out a laugh. Grabbing another towel I avoided her gaze as I wrung out the water in my hair. “Love is for fools, and I mean that in the best possible way in regards to those who are. Evan would probably tell you that love is a chemical reaction of endorphins and pheromones. Neither of us is meant for love.”
“Love may be foolish sometimes, but it doesn’t mean it’s not real.”
Sam’s tone had me looking up and I distinguished a hidden pain behind her solemn tone and gaze. What do you know…she was in love…and it wasn’t all hearts and flowers.
“What is your foolish heart telling you?” I was hesitant to ask because I didn’t like prying, but it was so out there on her face.
She smiled sadly. “That I’m in love with someone eight years older who doesn’t love me.”
She didn’t give a name, and I wasn’t going to press, even though her revelation made me incredibly curious. Sam being eighteen made eight years older kind of a big difference. I understood where she was coming from though and shared a commiserating sad smile with her.
But I shook myself out of it quickly and gave a huff and careless wave. “Love is an archaic word that our minds fabricated to rationalize teen pregnancy and uncomfortable clothes.”
Sam’s eyebrows shot up and she stared at me for a moment before breaking out in laughter. “Where the hell did you hear that from?”
Walking over to her I snatched the hair drier from her hand. “From my mouth; weren’t you listening?” Giving her a ‘duh’ look I switched on the dryer and drowned out her groan of exasperation.
CHAPTER TWENTY
EVAN
After grudgingly parting with Shaw so she could get cleaned up I made my way to the bedroom I was sharing with Blake. I opened the door to find he was still sleeping, tangled in his blankets and hugging a pillow.
I wonder who he was dreaming about?
Removing my sandy and crusty clothes I took a piss, and then stepped in the shower. Turning on the water jets my thoughts pondered the time I’d spent with Shaw last night and this morning. I’d never spent hours talking with a female or wanted to snuggle into one like I did her. Had no desire or inclination to, but I hadn’t wanted to let Shaw go last night. Sure, waking up next to a warm body was nothing new to me, but waking up wrapped around a body I didn’t want to let loose, lose myself in over and over again, and not let go of ever—well, that was a first.
Everything with her seemed better. Racing had even been more stimulating with her there; knowing she was watching me, cheering me on.
Even though my feelings for Shaw were potent, I wasn’t as confident as I led her to believe that they would continue that way; that I wouldn’t get bored and restless like I always did. With how much time I was spending with her I’d expected a decrease in interest, but surprisingly they were getting stronger.
I wasn’t scheduling more time with Shaw just because I craved it—and damn did I crave her—I was also trying to determine if boredom was going to set in before things between us became too serious. It was why I was holding off on having sex with her…and holding off was one of the most difficult and agonizing undertakings I’d ever put myself through. I wanted her like I’d never wanted anything ever in my life, but I didn’t want to hurt her again.
Weirdly, my need to protect her was more powerful than my desire to sink inside of her…at least I hope it was.
Shaw was stretching my self-control though. I thought after her first time she’d be more appreciative to my idea of going slow, but she was always trying to push us towards sex, and while I knew she wanted me it seemed like she was testing me. Shaw wasn’t an optimistic person; her life growing up hadn’t offered her many positive endings, so I don’t think she was expecting this thing between us to work out, and my past only added to her pessimism. I understood her mindset, and that only strengthened my resolve not to hurt her.
I’d been selfish when I’d used her body against her in my efforts to convince her to give us a chance, but I couldn’t step back. My desire for her was too great.
Nevertheless, I had to hang onto my will-power where she was concerned and understand my feelings before I led Shaw down a road that might bring more disillusionment in her life, and that I was this neurotic over her feelings was another new reaction she stirred within me. She didn’t just rouse a wish for fun and sex. She stirred more than my customary corporeal desires.
Hell, my customary desires went beyond customary when I was with her. They felt amplified by the hundredth…thousandth…degree. The half-swollen dick I was washing gave testament to that. The damn thing hadn’t been able to relax since she’d come back into my life. My blood was always hot and surging whenever I was near her, or even thinking about her. She was like Viagra.
“Where the hell were you last night?”
I turned my head to see Blake stagger in to stand in front of the toilet. A second later I could hear the stream of his piss over the shower’s flow.
“Shaw and I fell asleep on the beach.”
The stream continued. “You two are like gun powder and flint, and I’m expecting to see an explosion soon.” The stream stopped and then I heard a flush. �
�Nothing better than a big explosion, but there’s a pretty good chance of someone getting hurt.”
I peered through the glass with a frown watching him amble over to the sink. “And is that someone you’re referring to Shaw?”
He gave a small shrug. “I’ve known Shaw for a year, and while I don’t know her very well because she has a cement wall three feet deep surrounding her to keep people out, anybody can see she has some major feelings for you, and that was before she tackled you on the race track last night.”
I couldn’t hold back my grin because I had liked knowing she’d been concerned. “She did get a little carried away for what was basically a fender bender.”
Blake snorted. “That girl almost climbed the fence to get to you until I pulled her off to go around. Then I watched as she flung her sandals to the wayside so she could run faster. Witnessing her freak-out confirmed what I always suspected; that her cement wall was hollow on the inside.” He shook his head. “Did she tell you that I asked her out when I first met her?”
A scowl hit my face promptly at his declaration. “What! No she never mentioned that. You never mentioned it. Why am I just hearing this? You two fucking went out?”
Uncontainable anger rushed over me at the thought of them dating. Her virgin status said they hadn’t had sex but the thought of his lips or hands anywhere near her, or hers near him, would be a difficult thing to get past.
Blake laughed. “Shit man, calm the fuck down. No we never dated. Shaw shot me down in a way that had my dick shrinking in effort it get away. I thought she was the biggest bitch alive. She was Carrie’s best friend so I did my best to look past the bitch, and after awhile I figured out it was mostly a façade to keep people at a distance. Eventually we reached an amicable, if acerbic, friendship.”
“Are you still hoping to go out with her?” I didn’t like the idea of him holding a torch for her; maybe waiting on the sidelines for her.
He smirked. “If she showed an interest in jumping my bone I would have a hard time turning her down, because hey…she’s pretty hot.” He was asking for a kick in the balls. “But I would try my best because it would put too much drama in the middle of Carrie’s life since all we would have is a brief relationship because, and I hate to admit this, her temperament is a little more than I can handle.”
Knowing he was mostly trying to pull my chain, I grunted rinsing the soap from my body. “You’re damn right she’s more than you can handle.” That woman was exceptional; very few men would have what it took to match her. She kept me on my fucking toes. Shutting the shower off I opened the glass panel and grabbed a towel. “So what’s the point of your revelation?”
Blake leaned back against the sink in his boxers, crossing his arms. The dude was slightly taller and beefier than me and if we weren’t friends I would have thought he was trying to intimidate me. Even if he hadn’t been my friend it wouldn’t have worked.
“Even though Shaw is prickly and tries to be an island, she’s worked her way into my good graces. She adores Carrie and would do anything for her and that has only increased my respect for her. I don’t want to see her hurt.”
I secured the towel around my waist with an irritation. I was already anxious about hurting Shaw; I didn’t need everyone else breathing down my neck like it was inevitable as well.
“What the hell; I don’t remember all you guys warning Nic to be careful of hurting Carrie, and he was a man-whore treating women like disposable tissues. I at least had relationships, if brief, with the women I’ve been with.”
Blake frowned. “Oh, I talked to Nic about what would happen to him if he ever hurt Carrie, and if I’d been in her life when they met I would have pounded him for going near her. However, they’d already been going out for a while when Carrie and I reunited so I didn’t have much say, and it wasn’t difficult to distinguish he was tied in knots over her.”
Little did Blake know I was feeling similar knots concerning Shaw, but I wasn’t feeling the need to share that as I stepped over to the sink while Blake continued.
“And weird as it is, Nic being a man-whore who changed instantly when he met my cousin kind of says something about how he feels about her. You however are known for your short-term affairs. Have you warned her about that?”
Grabbing my shaving crème I squirted some into my palm. “She knows, and while it’s great that you’re worried about Shaw, she’s not related to you, Blake. I also find it two-faced that you would say you would bone her in a second if she wasn’t friends with Carrie but you’re cautioning me to be careful.”
I was having a hard time controlling my anger at his attitude. However, Blake was a friend and I wasn’t going to punch him in the face just for the fact that he was showing concern for Shaw’s welfare.
“That was in an alternate universe where she wasn’t friends with Carrie and we hadn’t become friendly, but she is, and we did, so that makes everything different.”
Blake was watching me steadily and I could see that he wasn’t missing my simmering irritation and was trying to diffuse it with some humor. It wasn’t working though. I slapped the shaving crème on my face glaring at him in the mirror.
He sighed, his expression turning apologetic. “Look, I can see that what’s going on with Shaw is dissimilar than your other women, but I had to say my peace on it. I like the hob-goblin and don’t want to see her hurt.”
My lip finally twitched, and I made an effort at relaxing my muscles. “I appreciate you noticing that things are different with Shaw, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. It’s why I’m trying to take things slow with her.”
Blake’s brows rose. “Really? So, sleeping on the beach wasn’t a euphemism?”
I dragged the razor down my jaw avoiding his gaze. “I’m not a eunuch, but I’m trying my best to pretend I am. Shaw’s an amazing person who’s had the worst luck in life; she deserves someone thinking about her first instead of themselves. I’m trying to do that for her.”
Blake shook his head as he headed towards the shower. “Like I said last night; there must be something about that house.”
I contemplated that and how Noah, Nic, Seth, and Landon had all fallen hard for their girlfriends. Was Shaw my Achilles? Shaking off that disturbing thought I smirked. “Worried you’re going to be next, are you?”
The shower door closed and I heard the water turn on. “Shit yeah, that’s a fucking alarming contemplation. I’m all for finding love, but I don’t want to be tied down in forever at the ripe young age of twenty-one.”
That was an alarming notion. I always thought that the guys were settling down with what they believed were their ever-after girls too soon. But if you found that one forever person were you really going to pass on it because the timing didn’t seem right? The guys all seemed happy and content in their relationships and I knew they weren’t lamenting their bachelorhood. Hell, Landon was married with a kid and was happier than I’d ever seen him.
If I’d speculated I would have said that Landon would have been the last person to fall in love. He and Nic had both been the worst man-sluts, but unlike Nic who had at least been cordial with his lays, Landon had been a complete asshole. He’d treated women like shit, but it hadn’t stopped them from spreading their legs for him because all they cared about was that he was loaded. That was the catalyst for him treating them like shit, and it was hard to hold his attitude against him if women allowed themselves to be treated that way.
Nic was another one I thought would have a hard time finding love. Neither of his parents had shown him any so I wouldn’t think he would distinguish the emotion when he came across it. But the first time he’d seen Carrie he’d recognized something different about her. He’d almost missed out on it, but he’d been given another chance and he hadn’t let it pass by him that second time.
And then there was me. I’d had the unconditional love of a mother, and I loved her unreservedly, but I wasn’t certain I had it in me to fall in love another person. It could be my
genius IQ or something else inside me making me think that, but I’d always been a restless soul; getting bored quickly and moving on to my next fix. Racing and business have been my only constant interests in life.
I mean, I loved the guys like brothers, and their girls like sisters, but to love one woman for life, spend forever with her…I don’t think I had it in me. I wouldn’t want to lead a woman on believing I could either, that’s why I warned them of my short-attention span. I’d always been careful about the type if woman I entered into a relationship with. They had all assured me that all they’d wanted was a good time.
It was becoming my worst fear that I was putting Shaw in a situation where she could develop feelings for me that I might not be able to return. If I had the strength of will I would have stayed away from her, but I didn’t. She’d burrowed inside me and I had been finding it difficult to function logically because of my desire for her.
How was I supposed to live like that? I might have eventually had some kind of breakdown or postal meltdown. No one wanted that.
So I had to see this thing through knowing there was a risk for heartache, but I was starting to comprehend that if I hurt her it would destroy me as much as it might her. And it appeared I’d be looking forward to a few beat downs from my friends as well.
Knowing all this I still rushed to get dressed so I could meet back up with Shaw as quickly as I could. Before leaving the room I did take the time to spread toothpaste on his deodorant, squirt some of my shaving crème into Blake’s toothpaste tube, and grabbed both our bags on the way out.
