It was as if I walked out of the present and straight into the past.
I drew in a deep breath as I heard my father come up the steps.
“Figured I’d find you in here,” he said.
“Didn’t you change anything?” I asked.
“Couldn’t step into the room once you left.”
I panned my gaze over to him and sighed.
“I don’t have a lot of energy in me to fight right now, Daddy.”
“Then don’t. Marry Diesel.”
“I’m a grown ass woman, Dad. You can’t force me to marry someone. This isn’t the olden days. I’m not your property to sell away for a deal.” Anger coursed through my body as I crossed my arms over my chest.
“I know I can’t force you, but I’m hoping you’ll at least consider it,” he said.
“Why?” I asked. “Why should I consider marrying Diesel when the two of you could strike a deal without me in the mix? What does this get you?”
“Your protection, princess.”
His eyes looked around my room before they fell back to me. He blinked a few times, almost as if he had a hard time believing I was sitting there. Then he breached the threshold of my room and came to sit beside me. It had taken me years to get my temper under control. It was something my mentor in culinary school had worked hard on. He always said ‘your emotions show in your food. Love it, and they’ll love it. Hate it, and they’ll hate it. But get angry at it? And they’ll get angry back.’ I worked day and night to control the temper I’d inherited from my mother. That dynamite explosion that happened the second someone attempted to question me. I couldn’t run a kitchen like that, I wouldn’t be able to take direction like that, and I sure as hell would never be able to own my own restaurant like that.
“You know I can protect myself,” I said.
“You need more than that.”
“Because I’m a woman?”
“Because you’re outnumbered. Princess, it wasn’t just Rex that came for you that night. It was his whole damn gang. And it took all of us there that night to get them to back down. He was just a teenager back then. Now he is a part of a much bigger club, and he is somehow calling the shots.”
“But marrying Diesel?”
“It’s the only way I know you’ll be safe, princess. You’ll not only be family to us, but you’ll be family to them. Family to his club. Two clubs at your side to protect you from whatever the fuck’s about to rain down on our heads. You wanted to come home after I warned you, so this is the consequence.”
“I know you want to make sure I’m safe. But I don’t have to marry Diesel to solidify that,” I said.
“It’s the only way I will feel comfortable with this. Knowing that two clubs have strong reasons to protect you.”
“Well, hate to break it to you, Dad. But you’re not the only party involved in this.”
He sighed and slipped his arm around my waist. He pulled me close to him, my head falling to his shoulder. I knew he was worried. Tense. Determined. I got my stubborn streak from him. He had it in his mind that this had to work a certain way and I had it in my mind that it didn’t. The two of us would sit here all fucking night debating this moot point if we couldn’t come to some sort of compromise.
“I know you just want me safe,” I said. “And I’m thankful for that. I’m also thankful you aren’t having me marry one of the guys from your club.”
He chuckled as his lips came down onto my forehead.
“I mean, really. They’re old enough to be my fathers. And those new guys? They look like they would have no clue how to fuck a woman.”
“I shouldn’t have cussed around you so much as a kid,” he said with a groan.
“I wouldn’t be your daughter if you hadn’t,” I said with a grin.
I rose my head up from his shoulder and looked deep into my father’s eyes. I took in his age for the first time. How weathered and tired and worn he seemed. The deep-set lines of his crow’s feet and the bags underneath his eyes. The shock of white hair that had no trace of the blonde I had been accustomed to ten years ago. The permanent downturn of his lips and the way it sagged his cheeks. The stress of his lifestyle and the smoking and drinking were becoming evident in his features.
“Don’t make me do this, Dad. There are other ways to do this.”
“I’m only going to say this once, Brynn, because I’m not as strong as I used to be. You came back, so you follow my rules. Now, I warned you of the danger. I told you what was going on. And I know you’re strong-willed like me. But that man almost took you from me once, and that shit ain’t happening again. You make it work with Diesel, or you go back to Los Angeles. Simple as that.”
I took a long sigh and tried to reason with him. “Daddy, I won’t marry him simply because you want me to. Or because your club’s code tells me I need to. I want to marry out of love. I want to have romance. I want to marry a man I know will take care of me and treat me the way I deserve. Who will support me in my dreams and endeavors. I deserve that, Daddy. All women do.”
“I know you do,” he said as he cupped the back of my head. “I know.”
“You know Diesel. He will force his club to protect me even if I’m not his wife.”
My father just stared at the floor. So, I grabbed his hand, and I forced him to look at me in the eyes.
“And Rex? That fucking ass wipe? He shouldn’t still be in control of this. His possible threat can no longer dictate the movements I make with my life. Rex’s possible retaliation will damn sure not be the reason I get married to anyone, much less D.”
My father studied me carefully before he sighed.
“I get that, princess. But you don’t understand everything that Rex has gotten himself into. Unless you at least consider working something out with Diesel, I can’t let you stay in town.”
“I’m not leaving,” I said.
“Then you marry Diesel.”
I threw up my hands in frustration. When had my father become so fucking stubborn? I took a deep breath and tried to calm my anger. I knew I wouldn’t be able to reason with him. I would have to figure my own way out of this.
I looked deep into his eyes, and the fear and pain there made me sick. I didn’t want to cause him any more worry or distress. I hated that he was forcing me to do this, but he was so convinced that this was the only way to keep me safe.
I felt completely backed into a corner with no way to escape. My only option was to set my own rules for this deal. If I agreed to work something out with Diesel, that would buy me some time to actually figure a way out of this. I could stay in Redding, and prove to my father that there no need for so much concern over me. I was sick of fighting with him. So, against everything screaming inside of me to buck up and fight back, I nodded.
“Fine,” I sighed. “I will talk with Diesel.”
“I can get behind that compromise,” he said.
“Good. Because I was about to default to an old-fashioned bar brawl. Those trophies over there look pretty sturdy.”
A grin spread across my father’s cheeks. I didn’t want to cause him anymore pain. I didn’t want to be any more of a stress load on his shoulders than I already had been. But I also didn’t want to leave him. Not after seeing what the past ten years without me had done to him. It grayed him. Hardened him. Sickened him. I saw it all in his eyes. I buried my face into the crook of his neck while his hand rubbed my back, soothing me and rocking me the way he always used to do.
Holy shit, it felt good to be home.
I wrapped my arms around my father and fell into his embrace. I’d always been a daddy’s girl. Loyal to my core to him, no matter the shit he kicked up. That man raised me while working through the grief of losing not only his other child, but the love of his life. Never once did he spiral into his grief and neglect me and never once did he make me feel as if what happened to my mother was my fault. He was loving. Caring. Strong, but a teddy bear deep down.
I’d be lucky in my life i
f I were to marry half the kind of man he was.
“Diesel’s got some stiff competition with you,” I said.
“Ah, I’m an old man, Brynn. Cranky. Drink too much. Smoke even more.”
“And you love me with your whole heart,” I said.
“You’re my princess, Brynn. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”
He pressed a kiss to the side of my head before he stopped rocking my body. I sighed and closed my eyes, preparing myself for him to get up and walk away. I’d been away from home for an entire decade. I didn’t want him to walk away. But I knew he needed his space. Time to think and process all that was happening. I knew there were things I didn’t know. Things those guys were hiding from me to keep me safe. Or to not scare me. Or whatever other asinine reason they had for keeping themselves tight-lipped. I was used to that kind of lifestyle. To getting bits and pieces of their world they had to offer up in order to get me to back down.
Some days, I enjoyed getting on their nerves.
But other days--like this one--I enjoyed giving them a place to rest.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I said as tears flooded my vision.
“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m glad to have you back in my arms, princess.”
My jaw quivered as my father pressed yet another kiss into my forehead. I closed my eyes and let the crickets chirping outside fill my bedroom. I knew I was an oddball. A weird one. While most daughters were mocking their fathers for wearing sweater vests and being out of touch, I was holding my father’s hand and walking through a mall. I wanted him chaperoning dances and football games instead of staying as far away as he could get. I was proud of the man my father was. I was proud of the life we led together.
It never bothered me one bit to show him affection. Even now.
Even at twenty seven years old.
“I love you, Daddy.”
Tears spilled from my cheeks as his arm tightened around me.
“Love you too, princess.”
***
After our heart to heart, my father got a call from one of the guys in the club. He apologized and said that he had some stuff he needed to take care of and he headed downstairs. Before he did though, he made me promise that I wouldn’t leave the house without him. I sighed feeling like a trapped teenager, but finally agreed to calm him down.
Once he headed downstairs, I laid back in my bed and let my mind wander. How was I going to prove to my father that there was nothing to worry about? Going directly to Rex myself was probably a stupid idea. Rex still thought I was dead, and showing up and trying to talk sense into him wouldn’t get me anywhere.
I agreed with my father and Diesel that he was dangerous. Hell, he was apparently out on bail for a murder charge. But I wasn’t so sure that I truly mattered so much to him as they all thought.
It had been ten years since I left. Ten years since Rex thought I died. Rex had to have forgotten about me by now. Or at least forgotten his obsession he had with me. I felt my body shudder as I thought back to the day of the shooting.
I had been turning down Rex for months. We went to the same high school. I was a year older than him, but every chance he got, he would try and get my attention. At first, I brushed it off, thinking he was just some silly kid but he got to be more aggressive. So, I avoided him as much as I could. But that only seemed to anger him. I started to notice him following me home from school. I refused to tell my father about it for weeks because I didn’t want him to worry. I could handle myself with a stupid fucking kid.
I grabbed my pillow on my bed and curled my body around it as I prepared myself for the memories that haunted me every day.
I pushed open the doors from the gym and walked out into the parking lot. My hair was still wet and I felt a slight chill in the air. My body was tired from doing laps back and forth in the pool, but I wanted to make sure I was ready for my swim meet that weekend. I looked down at my watch and noticed that tt was after six. I looked out at the parking lot and realized it was practically empty. I stayed a lot later than I meant to. I needed to get home, before my father started to worry about me.
As I walked up to my car, I heard footsteps behind me. Thinking nothing of it at first, I continued to walk. But as the footsteps grew closer to me I gripped my keys with my pepper spray attached in my hand as I started to walk faster to my car.
“Where you going so quickly, Brynn?” a voice said behind me. I felt a knot form in my stomach. I knew who it was without even turning around.
“I’m just freezing and ready to get home Rex,” I said as I continued walking to my car. I hoped he would give up and walk away. But just as I was about to reach my car, his hand gripped my wrist and turned me to face him.
“Well, I’m sure I could warm you up,” Rex said as he pulled my body close to his. I could smell the alcohol on his breath and noticed his bloodshot eyes. I tried to pull my wrist away but he gripped it tighter. With his other hand he yanked my keys from my hand. He unlocked my car and then shoved the keys in his back pocket.
“Stop it Rex,” I said firmly hoping he would just give up and let me go. But instead he just smiled as he backed me up towards my car.
“Rex, I’m serious. Leave me alone,” I said again as I tried to move away from him. But his arm was wrapped around my body pulling me up against him.
“Aw come on Brynn,” Rex said. He pushed my body back toward the car again and I felt my back hit the cold metal of the door. I quickly shifted my eyes around looking for anyone else in the parking lot. But I saw no one. Panic coursed through my veins and tried move away from him. With my free hand I pushed against his chest, but he wouldn’t budge. Instead, he just let out a cold laugh.
I moved my hand and tried to smack his face or scratch him but he quickly brought out a gun and held it to my head. My whole body froze.
“Get in the car,” he growled.
He pressed the barrel of the gun to my temple and I let out a slight whimper. Rex had been slightly aggressive over the past few weeks, but this was the first time I had ever seen him violent like this.
“Get in the fucking car,” he yelled.
I slowly turned around and started to open the driver’s side door with shaking hands. Then I felt the gun press into the back of my head.
“Not the front. Get in the back.”
I quickly shut the front door, and opened up the back. I racked my brain on how I could get away. Could I rush out the other side before he realized what I was doing? What about his gun? I could hear him unbuckle his belt behind me and I gulped.
Just as I was about to get into the backseat I heard motorcycles in the distance. I prayed that it was my father or Diesel. That somehow, they sensed that I was in trouble.
“Get the fuck in the car!” Rex yelled.
My eyes quickly shot up past my car and saw my father pulling into the school parking lot. Rex must have saw him too because he quickly shoved me into the back seat. When my hands hit the leather, my adrenaline kicked into high gear. I kicked Rex as hard as I could with my foot. I heard an audible groan as I scrambled for the door on the other side. Hoping my kick distracted him enough, I opened the door and pushed myself out of the backseat and screamed as loudly as I could.
My father’s eyes shot to mine and he quickly stopped his bike and pulled out his gun.
“He has a gun!” I screamed as I ran as fast as my legs would carry me. Gun shots rang around me as I heard Rex yelling behind me. I was so close to my father. I just needed to keep running. My legs burned as I ran towards him. I was inches away from my father’s bike when I felt a sharp pain in my torso. I stumbled slightly but I somehow kept moving. I reached my father and he grabbed me and pulled me onto his bike as he shot at Rex. I looked down at my torso and saw nothing but blood. Noticing the blood made the pain start to kick in and I screamed in agony. Black spots began to poke at the sides of my vision and I quickly succumbed to the darkness as I felt my father’s bike speed away.
I wip
ed my eyes from the fresh tears that ran down my cheeks. I don’t remember much after I passed out on my father’s bike. I remember bits and pieces, but not everything that happened. The next thing I truly remembered was waking up in the hospital. My father explained what had happened. He tried to get me to the hospital but Rex followed him and kept shooting. I was shot a second time in my leg and my father had no choice but to go to the lodge for backup.
My father rushed me inside and handed me off to one of the guys to get me to the hospital, while he stalled Rex. The rest of the guys helped my father but it apparently turned into a large shootout. Rex and his small gang were completely outnumbered by my father and the Black Hornets. So, he eventually gave up and ran.
While I was in surgery the whole plan of my death hand be formed. I hated it, but I had agreed with my father that it was better for Rex to think I was gone. I didn’t want to leave Redding. I fought with my father for days while I was healing to let me stay somehow. But in the end, he was right. The only way to make my death believable was for me to leave.
I just wished I could have told Diesel goodbye. I wished that I could have explained to him what had truly happened.
A fresh round of tears fell down my cheeks and I quickly wiped them away. I settled my racing heart and conjured D’s face in my mind.
It wasn’t the idea of marrying him that pissed me off. It was the idea that he could never love me the way I loved him.
Especially after how I left.
Chapter 7
Diesel
“So, we got their help or not?” Rock asked.
“Bullshit. You know damn good and well we don’t have their help now,” Brewer said.
“You guys need to shut the fuck up,” Knox said. “Diesel’s going through some shit right now.”
“Yeah, and so are we,” Grave said. “Monroe’s three weeks away from giving birth and Everly’s turned over into her third trimester. This shit’s gotta get wrapped up.”
Diesel (Dead Souls MC Book 5) Page 4
