by Amy Davies
Fuck, double fuck. I toss my phone onto the passenger seat and slam my hands a few times on the steering wheel. Fucking shit, why can’t I stop screwing up with this girl? Oh, fuck my life right now. I start my car and Linkin Park’s ‘Guilty All The Same’ starts to play again and they are fucking right, I was quick to blame Letty for acting like a bitch when in all fairness I was a total dickhead to her as well. Maybe I should try the Rafe and Lucy route to try and be friends with Letty first. Maybe take her and Demi out for the day, maybe a beach visit or pay Six Flags a visit. What little kid doesn’t like Six Flags, right? Before I can drive away, I see Letty leave The Hot Pot, and I decide to follow. Creeper much? I know but I need to get to know this girl.
But I also know that I need to control my dickheadedness. The boys would laugh if they could see me now. I follow her two blocks keeping my eyes on that perfect tight ass in those jean shorts, the t-shirt that she is wearing making her tits look fucking edible. She is wearing high top trainers. Me and Rafe are similar in the ladies fashion department. We both like a girl to be herself and more casual than high maintenance. My phone dings in my back pocket and I can’t stop the big shit eating grin that slides across my face. I slide my finger across the screen and take a glance at too where Letty is still walking.
Letty: You stalking me now ;)
The little minx knows I’m following her. Busted.
Me: Who me? No I just happened to me walking in the same direction as you ;)
Letty: Yeah, Yeah I don’t believe you ‘Drummer Boy’
I laugh out loud, scaring the old lady passing me at the time, I look up at Letty who is looking at me over her shoulder; she swings her hips that little bit more tempting me. I bite my lip and Letty’s step falters. Got ya baby, I smile to myself.
Me: Drummer Boy? There ain’t nothing boy about me, baby.
I look up from my phone just to make sure she is still walking in front of me, which she is thank God. She looks back at me again and winks. Fucking hell, that one little wink sends jolts of lighting to my dick. But my dick quickly shrivels up when I see where Letty has stopped. She looks back at me and crooks her finger at me to join her. She is standing outside ‘Star Bright Day Care Center’ so I take it she is picking Miss Demi up then. I stop next to her and smile.
“Well, hello there Miss. You come here often?” I wink at her. She gives me a smile that I am really learning to love. She adjusts her bag strap, which is lying perfectly between her amazing breasts that are screaming at me to play with them.
“Well hello there, Mr. Phoenix. I do come here most days, as a matter of fact. I come here to pick up a very beautiful lady friend of mine. You might know her” she says in, a seductive voice that makes my dick jerk to attention. “You coming?” She jerks her head, towards the day care doors.
I smirk at her and give her a Phoenix answer, “I will be.” I wink at her and she bursts out laughing. We climb the few steps up to the big glass doors. I stand behind Letty, close enough that I can smell her. She smells like the baby powder she must use on Demi. She pushes a button and a buzzing noise brings me out of my Letty daze. A voice comes over the intercom.
“Hello, can I help you?” The lady sounds of an older age.
“Hey Maggie, its Letty I have come to pick Demi up.” The doors buzzes and Letty pulls the door open and I follow her through. The day care reception looks like Fort Knox; security cameras are in every corner, and there is a large counter with a glass window with a small speaker vent. There is no way in hell anyone of those kids is being taken from here I have a strange feeling of relief knowing that Demi is safe here. Letty touches my arm and then I notice that there is an older lady standing next to Letty holding a clipboard in her hands.
“Oh I’m sorry. What were you saying?” I ask, looking between Letty and the lady she is standing with.
“I was just about to introduce you to Maggie here. She needs to know who you are before we can go to the next room and collect Demi. So as I was saying, Maggie, this is my boyfriend Ryder.” I look between the two women again and Letty nudges my shoulder.
“Oh yeah sorry, I had a late night last night not a lot of sleep” I wink at Maggie who blushes. Still have it ladies and gentleman.
“Ok Ryder do you have any ID on you, please? I will need to check who you are and give you a visitor’s pass.” Like I said, Fort Knox. After showing my ID and signing a few forms, we were allowed into the next room where we had to sit and wait for Maggie to go and get Demi. This gives me a few minutes alone to talk to Letty and maybe try and clear the air.
“Listen I…”
“I’m sorry Ryd…”
We both speak at the same time and we let out an awkward laugh. Letty touches my thigh with her small soft, hand stopping me from speaking. Shit, I fucking love it when women touch my thighs, especially when they squeeze them like Letty is doing now. My dick jumps in my jeans and I’m praying that no one, especially Letty, can see my growing hard on.
“I’m sorry for my bitch moment at the coffee shop; I understand that you took the first step by coming to see me. You even apologized to me and I was a complete bitch to you and for that I’m sorry.” She tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear and looks to the floor. She even blushes a little. I reach my hand over to her face, bringing her eyes to meet mine. God, her eyes are so beautiful, I could get lost in them. Wow could I be any cheesier right now?
“Letty, baby, you don’t need to apologize to me ok? I was a total dick to you that day at the beach and I shouldn’t have assumed that you were with Demi’s father. I should have asked you before walking away. I know that this sounds really weird and I really hope you don’t think I’m a creeper or anything, but I feel a strange need to protect both you and Demi. I have only met her once and you only a few times but Christ, the need is there. I don’t know where these feelings are coming from and they scare the crap out of me but I would like to see what they might grow into. I know that Demi must come first and I am willing to take things slow with you. I won’t push you, Letty you set the beat. So what do you say?” She doesn’t think this time but she does kiss me, so I guess I got my answer, right?
The door swings open mid kiss and Miss Demi come’s bouncing out of the room, wearing a big smile and runs over to Letty and me.
“Ryder, you came to get me from Miss Maggie’s?” I pick her up and smile at the darling little girl in my arms; I know some people would think that it’s too soon for feeling like this but having Demi in my arms feels right. Shit what this little girl does to me?
“I did. Is that ok with you, Miss Demi?” I wink at Letty, who smiles back at me. Maggie hands Demi’s backpack to Letty and we say our goodbyes while walking out the door.
“I like you picking me up, Ryder.” She kisses my cheek and I can’t believe that I blush. A freaking four year old little girl has made me blush. Letty sees and kisses my other cheek. “I’m hungry, Mama. Can Ryder take us on a date like Auntie Quinn’s date last night? Because she said that her Mr. Yummo treated her with food and then a very special desert that made her scream his name. If Ryder takes us for food and desert we can scream his name, Mama. Please?” I look at Letty and try to hold my laugh in but to be honest I think Letty has stopped breathing.
I give in and let out a full belly laugh which sets off both Letty and Demi; I kiss Demi on the cheek and invite them to grab a bite to eat.
“Oh Demi, you baby girl have made my day. How about I treat you and Mama to a bite to eat; where would you like to go?” I look at Letty and she nods at me. I can’t stop myself from leaning into her and kissing her soft lips. Demi giggles in my arms and I pull away. She has a huge ass smile on her face. “What are you smiling at, Angel?” Her eyes widen at the pet name I just called her. She buries her head in my shoulder and giggles more.
She lifts her head to look at Letty and back to me and with a shy smile. “I don’t see Mama kissing boys, it’s funny.” I shake my head and lace my fingers with Letty’s and we walk towa
rds my car. Demi talks about her day at day care on the way to my car, which isn’t far, but once we reach it we realize that we don’t have a car seat for Demi. Me being the man that my mom and dad raised, offer to buy a new car seat just for my car but Letty shoots my idea down. She says that we can walk to a diner closer by so we don’t need to the car.
Little does she know that I will be buying Demi a new car seat just for my car anyway. Demi loved touching my new Super Duty, in all its perfect red hotness. We head over to Ed’s Dinner and Demi keeps the conversation flowing. She is truly a bright little girl for her age. Oh and she is like a fucking information sponge, she doesn’t forget a single thing you tell her.
“Ryder, your car is like a Ladybug, but with no spots.” I smile at her and open the door for her and Letty to enter. The hostess seats us at a table by the window and Demi enjoys watching people walking pass, even a few girls and kids wave back at her. She just smiles and keeps waving at the passing people.
“So, Angel what would you like to eat? Get anything you want but as Mama Phoenix always says, that you must eat all your dinner before you get desert. So what will it be my two favorite ladies?” I wink at Letty.
“Mama never lets me have ice cream before food. Right, Mama?” She lowers her voice to a whisper. “But Auntie Quinn does, but shhh. Don’t tell Mama ok, Ryder?” I smile at her and we do a pinkie promise. Letty looks away pretending that she hasn’t just heard her daughter narking on her best friend.
We order our food and we sit and chat comfortably. Demi holds most of the conversation but Letty and I join in. Once our food arrives, I sit back and watch Letty interact with her daughter. Letty helps cut up Demi’s fish bites and she never adds salt to her food. She helps her with her drink. I could honestly say that I could sit her all day and watch these two. Most guys my age would run for the hills at the thought of hooking up with a single mom, but I can’t help how I feel. I think Rafe will understand where I’m coming from but Reeve will probably tell me to fuck and run. But I won’t to do that; just the thought of leaving and hurting Letty and Demi makes my stomach knot painfully.
Letty must see the concern on my face, because she reaches over to touch my hand, concern written on her face also. “You ok?” she asks in a hushed tone. I nod and give her a weak smile. Taking a drink, I see two girls approach our table. Fuck not now.
“Are you Ryder from Inside Noise?” the blond asks. I automatically slip into my rock star persona, I can’t stop it. It just happens.
“Sure am, babe. You want an autograph or something else? Maybe your t-shirt or what’s underneath?” I see Letty tense and I regret it as soon as it comes out of my mouth. Letty stands and throws money on the table, picking Demi up from her chair and retrieving her backpack she stops and looks at the girls and gives me a disappointed look.
“He is all yours girls” With that she leaves the diner with Demi firmly sitting in her hip.
Jesus fucking H Christ. Only me, only fucking me.
Chapter 8
Letty
God, I am such a moron I truly believed the speech that Ryder gave me at the day care about wanting to see what we grow into. Fucking bullshit if you ask me. See this is why I don’t date or ever introduce any man to Demi, because I know she will get attached and then get hurt. She cried a little after we left Ryder at the diner with those girls. I can’t believe how quick his personality changed right in front of me and Demi; she doesn’t know what was going on but that is beside the point.
He turned into Rock Star Ryder fucking Phoenix while my daughter sat across from him. I let myself fall for his words so easily; god I am so damn stupid. By the time Demi and I arrive back at our apartment, Ryder has tried calling me and a number of texts have come through, but I ignore them all I will check them once I get Demi bathed and settled into bed. She has had a full and busy day.
I settle Demi into her bed and press play on her iPod docking station to play her bedtime music Rhianna’s ‘Diamonds’ plays and I smile to myself. I kiss the top of Demi’s head. “Goodnight my bright shining diamond. It’s just you and me, baby” I slowly back out of her room and sling myself into my couch. Today has been a full mixture of emotions from enjoying my day off to having a total bitch moment to feeling maybe just maybe that I could have a man in my life that excepts Demi and me as a package deal, to being made to feel invisible in front of Inside Noise fans like I was nothing, like we were nothing.
My phone beeps, alerting me that I have a new text. I take a deep breath and head over to the kitchen table to dig through my bag for my iPhone.
Ryder: Fuck, I’m so fucking sorry Letty please answer the phone I am calling you now.
I see that there are seven missed calls from Ryder and two from Quinn. I send a quick text to Quinn.
Me: I’m ok; just have a headache so we are having an early night. Text tomorrow.
Quinn: You had better text me in the morning bitch ;) love ya
Me: Love ya too bitch
I read a few more texts from Ryder, all pretty much saying he is sorry for being an asshole and acting the way he did and for the way he treated me and Demi. A little late there, bud. I don’t get the whole saying sorry after the fact; it’s a pointless effort to me. I don’t respond to any of his texts or call him back I really don’t see the point. I chill out on my couch and watch some ‘Control’ on TV got to love James Wilde. I scroll through my phone and check my Facebook and see I have a new friend request from none other than Ryder Phoenix. Really? Do I let him stew a little longer or just get it out of the way?
I hit except and almost I am tagged in a status, great what hell has he tagged me in.
Ryder Phoenix Status
I screwed up today with my new girl, I would really like her to answer her phone for me please Letty Shaw
I can’t help but laugh as the first comment pops up.
Lucy Cooper – What did you do, Ry Ry? Didn’t I tell you not to screw it up with them!!!!
I see that Lucy is the blond from the coffee shop and the guy that’s in her profile picture with her is Rafe, Ryder’s brother. So from her comment he must have talked to his friends and brothers about Demi and me. Shit. Another comment pops up.
Beck Hudson – Dick move, especially since there is a kid involved.
Ok, I do not want Demi talked about on Facebook. So I text Ryder.
Me: Delete that FB status now please!!!!
I place my phone on the coffee table and head over to the fridge to grab myself a soda. My phone starts ringing on the coffee table. I trek over and see Ryder's beautiful face on my screen. Taking a deep breath, I slide my finger across the screen to answer his call.
“Hello?” I say in a hushed tone. I’m trying to keep the hurt out of my voice but I guess that was an epic fail.
“Letty, oh fuck. I have hurt you, haven’t I? Jesus, I am so sorry Baby, really I am. Shit Letty, please tell me that I haven’t screwed this up ready?” I can hear the desperation in his voice but as much as I do really want to try and see where this goes, if he is quick to fall back into his rock star role, what about when he has a gig and I have to go watch him? Will he flirt with other girls while I’m there? I really couldn’t handle that if he did.
“Ryder I really don’t know how I feel at the moment. My emotions are all over the place and I have to think of Demi; she is my first priority in everything here. Listen, give me a few days and I will see how I feel. It’s a lot to take on. You are big deal around her Ryder and all the girls know who you are. I can’t compete with them.” I hold my breath waiting for his reply; I hear him sigh. I’m unsure as to how he is going to respond. He is quiet for a few minutes, so I look at my phone, thinking the line dropped out but the line is still open. “Ryder, are you there?”
“Do you know what? Fine Letty, take a few days. I’m not going to push you, you want to see me again just call or text or whatever. I won’t chase you; I don’t need to chase women. Later.” he says in a standoff-ish way and then he hangs up o
n me. Well shit, that hurt.
Was I wrong to ask for a few days to sort through my feelings?
He begged me to try and give us a chance but then when I ask for a few days, he sulks off like a freaking three year old? I swear, Demi acts more mature than he was just then. Shit. I throw my phone on the other side of my couch and pick my laptop up from off the coffee table. I read through my emails and see that Andy has emailed again.
God, this guy just doesn’t like being told no. It’s hard to think that there are men out there that want nothing to do with their children until it suits them; they are pathetic. Even though I hated him for the way he treated me when we found out I was pregnant he is still my daughter’s father. I scroll through my Twitter account and see nothing new so I log onto my Facebook account and see two friends of mine are getting married; I remember them in high school being totally in love. Wherever he was, she was right by his side so sweet. I thought that I would have that with Andy but hey, we can’t have it all.
But as far as I’m concerned I won the best prize, Demi. Ryder updates his status while I’m scrolling through. I forgot we were friends now.
Ryder Phoenix – What trouble can I get into tonight? Need a big ass drink after the day I have had.
A comment pops up straight away, with a girl telling him to call her. Ryder replies with a wink emoji, a fucking wink. Well fuck that, if that’s how he wants to play this then game on Phoenix. I scroll through my phone and find the guy I’m looking for.
Me: Hey how you doing? Not chatted in a while
Dallas: Hey sweetheart, I’m good, long time no chat. Settling in. Dad is a slave driver but glad to have my own space again. How you been? We should meet up for a drink.
