by Burke, Dez
“I was afraid of losing you, and it was the only way I could think of to stay connected when things ended,” he says. “It was a stupid act of a desperate man. I was willing to do whatever it took to keep you from walking away when this was all over.”
I shake my head at his screwed-up logic.
“That was seriously the worst plan ever. How did you know I wouldn’t have an abortion and never tell you about the baby if I did get pregnant?”
“You wouldn’t do that.”
“No, you’re right, I wouldn’t. In any case, it’s a good thing I can’t get pregnant just by missing one little pill. A person would have to be seriously unlucky and the timing would have to be perfect to get pregnant.”
“Or lucky,” he says. “All according to how you want to look at the situation.”
Suddenly I remember the queasiness I’ve been feeling lately and the uncharacteristic emotional state I’m constantly in. Considering our situation, I had attributed it all to stress.
Could I have missed more than one pill around the time when the investigation first started? Since I wasn’t sexually active at the time or even planning to be, I wasn’t really paying close attention.
Can I be pregnant?
“I knew you would be mad,” he says. “I’m sorry. I know it was stupid. But no harm done, right? When we do get ready to have kids, I want a whole bunch. Maybe even an entire motorcycle club, which would be thirteen.”
He stops talking when he sees the overwhelmed look on my face.
“Only when you’re ready, of course,” he continues. “No pressure. Maybe you should forget I mentioned any of this. Show me the tapes again. Let’s talk about something else.”
“And what would happen if your plan had worked and I was pregnant?” I ask casually. “Did you think that far ahead in your grand scheme?”
His face lights up at the thought. “Then I would be the happiest man in the world. And honestly, that’s about as far as I got with the plan.”
I roll my eyes. “Figures.”
“I can see that you need some warming up to the kid idea, so we’ll take our time,” he says. “No rush. If I have you, that’s all that matters. I can wait for as long as you want.”
“I don’t want you to get your hopes up too soon,” I say slowly. “But the dirty deed might have already been done. I haven’t been feeling well and I passed out which was weird.”
Sam’s mouth drops open in shock. For once, he’s speechless.
“Are you saying you might be pregnant?” he finally asks.
“Maybe. I should probably take a pregnancy test.”
His eyes explode back to life. He’s so excited he’s about to jump out of the chair.
I hope I don’t disappoint him again.
He gently slides me off his lap and stands up.
“Where’s the nearest pharmacy?” he asks. “You stay here and keep working. I’ll go get a pregnancy test.”
I give him directions, and two minutes later he’s burning rubber pulling out of my driveway.
While he’s gone I think about what it would be like to have a child. I’ve never seriously considered it before because I didn’t think it would ever happen for me. And now the thought of carrying Sam’s child feels like the most natural thing in the world.
I love the baby already.
Please God, let me be pregnant.
***
Sam roars back minutes later and rushes into the house with two bags. He hands one bag to me and pulls a two-liter bottle of ginger ale and a box of saltine crackers out of the other.
“What is that for?” I ask.
“Morning sickness,” he answers. “Trish lived off of this for a month when she was pregnant.”
“Aren’t you getting a little ahead of things here?”
He takes my hand.
“Come on. Let’s go do the tests.”
“Tests?” I repeat. “How many pregnancy tests did you buy?”
“Three. I couldn’t decide between the different brands. So I bought them all.”
“I can handle the test by myself,” I say. “You sit here and have a glass of ginger ale and some crackers.”
I take out the pregnancy tests and head for the bathroom where I place them all on the counter. After reading through the directions on all three, I choose the test where the actual words ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’ appear. Keeping it simple will give me the best chance of not screwing it up.
I sit down on the toilet and notice a shadow under the bathroom door.
“I can’t pee if you’re standing there,” I say. “At least move down the hallway.”
Sam sighs and I hear him walking a few feet away.
“Farther.”
He chuckles and makes a point of stepping loudly down the hallway.
I take a deep breath and pee on the stick.
How did my life change so fast?
I would have never imagined being in this place. After carefully placing the test on the counter, I call for Sam.
“You can come in now.”
He tentatively opens the door and steps inside.
“How long does it take?” he asks.
“Three minutes.”
He leans back against the door, crosses his arms, and gives me that slow smile that I always find so damn irresistible.
“A few months from now, I bet I have a raging fetish for pregnant women,” he jokes. “Or a pregnant woman, I should say. Your boobs are going to be gigantic.”
“How can you think about sex at a time like this?”
He slides his arms around my waist and nuzzles my neck. “I’m always thinking about sex with you. Even when I’m asleep, I dream about it. I want you to know that even when you get as big as a cow, I will still find you as sexy and gorgeous as I do right now.”
“Oh, thank you. That makes me feel so much better.”
I lean back against him and trace the tattoos lining his forearm.
“I love you, Sam.”
“Not as much as I love you, sweetheart.”
He reaches over and picks up the test stick.
“And this is the absolute best day of my life,” he says. “We’re going to have a baby!”
“What? You’re kidding! Let me see.”
I look at the stick to double check. Sure enough, I’m pregnant.
How did I get so lucky?
“I know the exact moment it happened too,” he says. “Remember the episode in the kitchen with the chocolate syrup?”
“Could I ever forget it?” I say. “I hope I never do.”
“Just so you know I really did forget the condom that day. I wanted you so much that I couldn’t think straight. And then when you told me not to stop, I thought my brain would explode. I knew there was chance that I could get you pregnant and I wanted that to happen more than anything.”
My mind goes back to that moment. I remember every detail clearly.
“If I had known, I would have wanted it too,” I say. “I wonder if we should offer to buy the wooden kitchen island from the people who own the house?”
Sam grins down at me. “We probably should. For more reasons than one. Now that we’re having a baby, I have a very important question. Will you marry me soon? Like tomorrow?”
“Marry you?” I say with a laugh. “Is this your idea of a romantic proposal? Because it needs some work. You’re holding a stick that I peed on.”
He puts the pregnancy test back on the counter and tugs me closer.
“Better now?” he says. “I don’t want to wait. If we’re married, the Steel Infidels will have to accept you as one of our own. You’ll automatically be under our protection. And I also won’t have to worry about any blowback from the club against you.”
“Is that the only reason you want to get married?” I ask.
“You mean besides the fact that I love you, I’m crazy about you, and I don’t want to be without you for even a day?” he replies. “Maybe I should have said that first
. So will you marry me? If you don’t say yes, I’ll keep bugging you until you do.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” I tease. “Yes, of course I’ll marry you.” I slide a hand over my stomach. I still can’t believe I’m actually pregnant. “This baby needs a daddy.”
Sam looks concerned all of a sudden.
“Is that the only reason you said yes? For the baby?”
“I’m marrying you for me,” I say. “I honestly think I fell in love with you before we ever met. I spent weeks studying you and looking at your photos. When we finally met on the mountain, it was like our future started that day.”
“Do you want a wedding?” he asks. “The last Steel Infidels wedding was a fucking disaster. I’m not sure we want to go through that again. Jesse and Trish decided to go with a small private ceremony at the house for their wedding.”
“I know all about Flint’s wedding,” I say. “No, I don’t want a wedding. I’m not a lace and flowers kind of girl. All I want is a piece of paper that says Delilah Mason on it. The sooner, the better.”
“Can I still call you Lila?” he asks. “You will never be Delilah to me.”
“If I can call you ‘all mine.’”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lila
I arrive at the field office early on Monday morning with a car full of photos and surveillance tapes. I nod at the receptionist as I make my way to my cubicle with the first load of boxes.
“Delilah!” she says in surprise. “I almost didn’t recognize you with the new hair color. I like it.”
“Thank you,” I say. “I dyed it for the undercover job I was working on. As soon as I get a chance, I’m going back to the old color.”
That’s a lie.
I’m never going back to mousy brown, and soon I’ll never wear a drab business suit again either. My boss, Frank, spots me walking past his office. He hurries out to greet me in the hallway.
“Were you able to pull all of the surveillance equipment?” he asks.
“Yes, I got it. All of the cameras and bugs. There’s nothing left to retrieve so we’re out of there. Operation Thunderclap is no longer an undercover job. All I need to do is put a group together to help me go over the tapes and we’ll nail these guys.”
“You’ve looked at all the tapes?” he asks.
“Not yet,” I reply. “I pulled them Friday and had a bunch of family stuff to catch up on over the weekend.”
He’s practically salivating over the thought of what he thinks is on the tapes. Little does he know that there is absolutely nothing worthwhile to the ATF on any of them.
“I’ll need your full written report by the end of the week,” he says. “I hope you documented everything.”
“Of course,” I say. “You know me. Always OCD about details. The Inked Dragon is a busy place. Lots of suspicious traffic going in and out of there. Would you believe even cancer patients?”
“That’s odd,” he says. “What would cancer patients be doing there? Are the Steel Infidels selling drugs too? As if illegal cigarettes, booze, and guns aren’t enough.”
I hesitate and make it look like I’m thinking hard about it.
“I can’t say for sure. What other reason would the women have for being there? Marijuana for medical purposes would be my best guess. I took plenty of photos and tracked down IDs on a couple of the women if we need to interview them later.”
The two women whose names I wrote down for the report would sooner run over a federal agent with their car than do anything to hurt Sam. One was a good friend of his mother and the other an old high school English teacher. He designed both of them tattoos to cover up their surgical scars. If ATF agents show up at their house to ask about Sam’s tattoo shop, the women will probably shove boobs covered in flowers and dragons in their faces.
“We need to wrap this whole thing up by the end of the week,” he says. “Most of the field agents are in the office today, so go pick a team to help you out. Tell them I said Operation Thunderclap takes priority over everything else they’re working on. My ass is on the line with the suits up at the regional office.”
I’m glad his ass is on the line because Operation Thunderclap will turn out to be a colossal failure for the ATF. Since my ass is technically on the line too, I’ll make a big show of feeling terrible and embarrassed about how things went down when the time comes.
After a few weeks of being assigned grunt work for punishment, I’ll turn in my resignation letter citing personal reasons. They’ll believe me when I say that my elderly parents need more care. In reality, they’re leaving soon for a two-month South American cruise and will be having the time of their lives.
While I unpack the boxes from my car, I give careful consideration to the agents who should work with me. I pick out the three most intellectually-challenged agents in the office and tell them to meet me in the conference room. After dividing the most current audio and videotapes between them, I settle down and pretend like I’m going through the first two weeks of the operation.
Even after knowing that Erik cleaned the tapes completely, I’m still on edge.
All it will take is one tiny slip up.
For the next five days, I’ll sleep at the office if I have to. No way in hell am I leaving the evidence alone with any other agent. If a question were to arise, I want to be here to smooth it over.
Hell week, here we go.
My family is on the line.
***
“What the hell do you mean there isn’t any evidence on the tapes?” Frank bellows several days later.
He’s standing at the head of the conference table and is so furious the veins in his neck are throbbing. The three other ATF agents working the investigation are seated at the other end of the table near me. From the looks on their faces, they’re all wishing they could crawl under the table and hide. Luckily, Frank’s wrath is directed at me instead of them.
“I’m as upset and shocked as you are,” I say. “I don’t know how we could be so far off base about the Steel Infidels. Obviously our intelligence has been wrong from the very beginning.” I pick up a file and hold it up. “Remember our source in Bardsville? The preacher who tipped us off about the illegal alcohol sales? Turns out he is screwing one of his church member’s fifteen-year-old daughter. The local cops arrested him yesterday.”
With my help of course. I hacked the man’s computer and anonymously sent all the info to the local police department.
“Are you kidding me?” Frank slams his hand on the table and starts pacing back and forth between the table and the whiteboard.
I sit back and mentally prepare myself for the oncoming temper tantrum. He whirls around and points a finger at me.
“You were the lead agent on this investigation. You said they were shipping in loads of alcohol and selling it out of the back of the tattoo shop. I’ve never known you to screw up this bad before. Or screw up at all. What the hell happened?”
“It was all bullshit,” I say. “The Steel Infidels are nothing but a bunch of weekend bikers. Riding around town on their noisy motorcycles, talking big and spreading rumors about how tough they are. None of it is true.”
Frank opens his mouth in surprise and closes it again. “What are you saying?” he asks. “That they spread rumors about themselves to build a reputation as badasses?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. Let me give you an example. Sam bragged that he knew a couple of moonshiners and offered to take me to meet them. When we get there, the moonshiners turned out to be his old aunt who makes apple brandy in her kitchen. Can you believe it? That’s the kind of crazy stuff I went through the whole time I was working undercover.”
I lean back in the chair and cross my arms.
The other agents snicker. Frank gives them an angry look and they immediately stop. I wonder how I’ve managed to work under him all these years.
“They’re not running guns, either,” I continue. “I don’t think the Steel Infidels even carry g
uns. The entire time I was hanging around them, I never saw a single gun. Do you know what they do at their parties? They play basketball. What kind of a motorcycle gang plays basketball?”
“Damn it!” Frank says angrily. “Somebody better tell me what was on a month’s worth of tapes then.”
“Not much,” I say. “Mostly talk about tattoos, boobs, and whose turn it is to pick up a gallon of milk on the way home. Normal brother stuff.”
Frank suddenly looks suspicious of me and turns to the other agents to confirm. “Did all of you watch and listen to the tapes, too?”
“Yes, sir,” they all say, nodding.
“All of them?” he asks again.
“We split them up,” one of the agents says. “So between us, we went through every minute of tape. There’s nothing suspicious on the tapes.”
Thank you, rookie agent. I owe you a drink.
Frank glares at me. “I’m very disappointed in your work on this case. For the next month, you’ll be staying in the office and helping out with the paperwork on the other active investigations. I’ll have to think long and hard about sending you out into the field again anytime soon.”
I nod and try my best to look contrite. Everything is going exactly as I planned. All I need to do from this point on is mark time and keep my nose clean for a few more weeks, then I can kiss this life goodbye forever.
“What about Operation Thunderclap?” I ask. “Does this mean you’re shutting it down for good?”
“What the hell do you think?” he yells in irritation. “Yes, I’m shutting the operation down today, and that includes the taps on their landlines. I’m taking enough heat about that already from the local judge. We’ve wasted enough agency resources on this case as it is. Operation Thunderclap is over.”
Yes!
For the first time in weeks, I can finally breathe again.
I can’t wait to call Sam.
Chapter Thirty
Lila
I’m dreading this.
Seeing Sam’s family again now that they know about me is going to be a disaster. He thinks his brothers and their wives will accept me because the investigation is over.
