I'm in a really good mood today. Actually, I've been in a good mood ever since Willow got back from college, and my mood got even better when we got back together.
My surprise is that her favorite local band is playing tonight and I got tickets on my way over here.
"Willow?" I go to her room but she's not there. I know she's home. I told her I'd come here right after class. We have two hours before her parents get back from the farmers' market. While I was in class, Willow kept texting me with what she'd like me to do to her in those two hours. I swear she only did it to embarrass me. I had a hard-on practically the whole damn class. I didn't even look at the last few texts she left me. If I had, I wouldn't have been able to walk out at the end of class.
"Willow, where are you?" I check the kitchen and then the living room. "I got your texts." I smile. "I didn't know you had such a dirty mind."
It's true. Willow used to be kind of shy when it came to sex, which made sense because she was younger then and inexperienced. She was only 16 and a virgin when we first did it. But even after we'd been doing it for months, she never took the lead, never wanted to try anything new, never talked dirty. And I was okay with that. I never pushed her to do anything she wasn't comfortable doing and I never would.
But now, being with her again, it's totally different. She isn't afraid to take charge or tell me what she wants, which is damn sexy, to the point that just thinking about those texts has got me hard again.
"Come on, Willow. No more teasing." I walk down the hall. "Where are you?"
I've searched every room but the office. The door is closed so I open it and see her sitting on the floor. The file cabinet is open and papers are scattered all around her. Her eyes are red and puffy and she's staring straight ahead, a dazed look on her face.
"Willow?" I slowly approach her, and as I do, I notice a piece of paper on the floor next to her leg. It's a bill stamped with the word 'overdue' in bright red ink.
She knows. Shit.
"Willow," I say quietly, kneeling down in front of her.
"You knew," she whispers, her eyes looking past me.
"Yes, but I was going to—"
"You knew and you didn't tell me." Her voice is shaky and a tear slips down her already wet cheek.
"Just let me explain." I reach for her but she shoves me away.
"Get out!" she screams. "Get out of my house!" She starts kicking at me, pushing me back.
"Stop." I grab her legs, holding them down. "We need to talk about this."
"You had weeks to talk about this! And instead you lied to me!" She struggles to get her legs free and starts hitting me. "Get out!"
"I'm not leaving."
"I don't want to see you." She stops fighting me and looks down. "I need to be alone."
"What you need is a friend." I let go of her legs and sit cross-legged in front of her. "Willow, say something."
"You're not my friend." She hiccups the words as she breaks down into a full-out cry. "A friend would've told me what's going on. But instead, you hid it from me. Acted like everything was great." She takes a breath. "Is that why you wanted to get back together with me? Because you felt sorry for me?"
"No! You know that's not the reason."
"Then is it because you knew I wouldn't be going back to school in the fall? You knew I'd be staying here so you thought you'd—"
"Willow, stop making up shit." I grab her hand and hold onto it as she tries to pull away. "First of all, you're going back to school in the fall. That hasn't changed."
She picks up one of the bills and shoves it in my face. "Do you see this? It's a bill for $3,000! It's overdue and racking up late fees. And it's just one of I don't know how many. There's no money for college, Silas! My parents don't even have money for food." Her head drops and she starts crying again.
"You're still going to college." I rub her hand. "They haven't touched that account."
Her head lifts. "But they need the money."
"Yes, but they want you to go to school."
"Who cares about school?" Her sadness is suddenly replaced by anger. "They need to pay off their bills! What the hell is wrong with them?" She tries to rip her hand from mine but I grip it tighter.
"It's important to them that you finish college. They don't want you to get off track."
She's quiet, and I see the guilt on her face. She thinks this is her fault. She has a timeline for her life, a list of what she needs to accomplish along with dates for when those things must be done. Her parents know this, and they know how much it means to her to achieve her goals. They agree with me that the path Willow is going down won't make her happy, but they also know they can't talk her out of it, so they've always been supportive of her and never tried to hold her back.
"I'm not letting them do this," she says. "I'm going through each one of those bills and paying them off. I don't care if it drains my college account. It has to be done."
"That's not your decision, Willow. This is your parents' decision. It's their farm. Their house." Shit. Why did I say that?
"The house?" Her face crumples and the tears fall again. "We're losing the house?" When I don't answer, she says, "That's why my parents redecorated, isn't it? That's why they painted all the walls. Got rid of the clutter. They were getting ready to put the house up for sale. That's why that lady came by to see the house. Has someone already bought it?"
"No. It's not even up for sale yet so I don't know why that lady came over. Maybe she heard it might be going up for sale. Maybe your mom told her."
"We can't lose the house," she whispers, sniffling.
I sit next to her and force her into my arms. "They may not have to sell it."
She rests her head against my shoulder. "Do you know that for sure? Or are you just saying that?"
"Nothing's for sure. But at this point, they're not ready to sell."
Given how angry she is at me, I'm surprised she's not shoving me away. Instead, her body relaxes against mine as I continue to hold her in my arms.
"They're losing the farm, aren't they?"
I sigh. "You should really be asking your parents this. I don't know all the details."
"They'll just lie to me. They'll make it sound like it's not as bad as it really is. I need you to tell me the truth, Silas. Please."
I sigh again. "The truth is...yeah, they might lose the farm. If they can't pay off their debts, then they'll have to sell the land."
"How much do they owe?"
"I don't know. Your dad didn't tell me."
"Maybe my college fund won't be enough." She pushes off me and moves over a little. "If it's not, they'll have to get a loan. They hate banks, and I know it would be taking on more debt, but right now they have to pay their bills."
"They already..." I don't finish the thought because I don't want to tell her.
"They already what?"
She wants the truth so I need to tell her. "They already have bank loans. And they haven't been able to make the payments. The banks won't loan them any more money."
She leans forward and covers her face with her hands. "How did this happen? Everything was fine a year ago. So what happened?"
"I'm not sure. But maybe everything wasn't fine last year. Maybe they've been in trouble for a while and just never told anyone."
"I don't know what this means. I'm so confused right now. And panicked. I can't go back to school in the fall. My parents need my college money, and if they refuse, I'll force them to take it. But then what? What do I do? Get a job? Live with my parents?"
I move so that I'm facing her. "You'll figure it out. You don't have to have all the answers right this second." I hold her chin up so she'll look at me. "You didn't let me finish what I was going to say earlier. The reason I got back together with you? It wasn't for any of the reasons you said. It was because I love you, more than anything. I don't want to go another day without you in my life. I've never given up on us, Willow. The timing was just wrong the first time. But as for us?
There was nothing wrong about us. Then, or now. I know that now more than ever. And together, we can get through this."
"It's over, Silas." She pushes me away and stands up. "I can't do this anymore."
I jump up. "Willow, don't say that. You're just angry. I know this is hard, but I'm here for you, for whatever you need."
"I need you to go." She walks to the door, holding it open. "And don't come back."
"Willow." I meet her at the door. "Of course I'm coming back. I love you. I'm going to be here for you."
"I don't want you here. I don't even want to be friends with you anymore."
I stare at her, shocked that she's saying this. Just minutes ago, she was hugging me, clinging to me like she didn't want me to leave. And now she's kicking me out? Ending our friendship?
"I know you don't mean that," I tell her. "You're just mad. Mad at your parents. Mad at me. Mad at the situation. And I totally understand. But we can get through this. I promise."
"You lied to me, Silas. You've never lied to me, not even about something small. And this whole time you knew this huge secret and you wouldn't even tell me!"
"Because your parents—"
"Stop! I don't want to hear it." She looks at me with hate in her eyes. She's never looked at me that way. "I don't want your excuses. I trusted you. I get why my parents lied. I don't agree with it but I get it. They're just being parents, trying to protect their child. But you're my best friend. You always have been. And best friends tell each other the truth, even if the person doesn't want to hear it."
I'm getting angry now, because Willow kept the truth from me for years.
"Have you always told me the truth?" I look her in the eye.
She glances down. "Yes."
"So when you said you didn't love me anymore when you broke off our engagement, was that the truth? Because just last week, you told me you never stopped loving me. So which is it?"
I see her lip quiver and hear her shaky breaths, but she doesn't answer.
"Which is it, Willow? Do you love me? Or was that just a lie?"
She keeps her head down, but I see the tears drip from her face as she whispers, "Please. Just go."
I walk out the door and she closes it and locks it behind me. I stand there a moment and hear her sobbing as her body slides against the door onto the floor.
My chest is burning, aching, desperate to help her. I want to hold her and tell her everything will be okay, but that would be a lie, and I'm done lying to her. Besides, right now, she doesn't want to see me. I thought she was just saying that, but when I saw how she looked at me, that look I'd never seen before, I knew I needed to give her time alone.
Willow is right. I've never lied to her. I've always told her everything, even things I knew would embarrass her, like if she had food in her teeth or toilet paper stuck to her shoe. We have the type of relationship where we can tell each other anything. And so I've always been open with her. Never held back. Until now.
I never should've agreed to keep this from her. She had a right to know. This affects her education, her life, her future. Her parents were wrong not to tell her, and wrong to ask me to keep this a secret. I love her parents, but right now, I'm really pissed at them.
I go to the living room and sit down on the couch. Despite Willow's request, I'm not leaving. Not until her parents get home. She might need me. Or maybe she won't. Either way, I'm not leaving.
I get my phone out and call her dad.
"Hi, Silas," he answers. "Aren't you supposed to be at class?"
"It ended an hour ago. I'm at your house right now. When I got here, I found Willow in the office." I pause. "She knows."
"I don't understand. I had everything locked up."
"She broke the file cabinet open."
"Why would she do that? Did she suspect something? Did you say something to her?"
"No. I didn't say anything."
But now he has me wondering why she did it. Why would she break open the file cabinet? She had to have known something was up. But how did she know?
"Where is she now?"
"Still in the office. I tried to talk to her but she kicked me out. She doesn't want to talk to anyone. She told me to leave, but I'm going to stay here until you guys get home."
"We'll try to get out of here. We've been really busy today. We can barely keep up. But we'll close up early and go home."
"If it's busy, you should stay there and keep selling as much as you can. I'll stay with Willow until you get back."
"Thank you, Silas. Candace and I will be home as soon as we can."
I hear people talking next to him. "You better get back to work."
"Yes. We'll see you soon."
He ends the call and I remain on the couch, not sure what to do. I don't feel like watching TV. My mind is on Willow. She's all I can think about. I want to go back in there but it's too soon. She needs more time.
I check my phone and see the text Willow sent me at the end of class. The one I didn't look at. It wasn't one of her dirty texts. It was a text that says, You lied to me. That's it. Just four words. If I'd read those four words before I left class, I would've known what I was walking into when I got here. Maybe I could've explained myself better. Used better words. Said something to make her not hate me so much.
"Dammit," I mumble, feeling angry and frustrated. I lean back and put my arm up on the back of the couch. My hand hits something, knocking it to the floor. I look back and see it's a baseball cap. Willow's dad doesn't wear baseball caps. Someone must've left it here. I get up and go around the couch and pick it up. It's a Raiders' hat. Trent loves the Raiders. It's his favorite team. So I guess that explains how Willow found out.
I call Trent's number.
"Hey, what's up?" he asks in his usual laid-back tone.
"Are you happy with yourself? Is this what you wanted? Because you might've just got your way."
"What are you talking about?"
"I just talked to Willow."
"Oh," he mutters.
"That's it? That's all you're going to say?"
"I didn't mean to tell her about the farm. That was an accident. I was angry and it just slipped out. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it."
The one good thing about Trent is that he owns up to his mistakes. He doesn't lie and pretend he didn't do it or try to blame someone else.
"Why did you come over here?" I ask.
"You're at her house right now? Where is she?"
"She locked herself in the office. She told me to leave but I didn't. I found your hat, by the way. Now tell me why you were here."
"You're going to be pissed at me but I don't care. I went over there to tell Willow to stay away from you."
"What the hell? Why would you do that? You know how much I want her back!"
"Which is why she needs to end this. You're getting way too attached to her. It's even worse than in high school. And you'll love her even more by the end of the summer. Just in time for her to rip your heart out before she leaves for college."
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" I yell into the phone. I'm so pissed at him right now, more than I've ever been. "You had no right to tell her that. Do you have any idea what you've done? Do you even care?"
"Silas, I wasn't trying to be an ass. I really am worried about you. I don't want to see you go through that again."
"Then stay the fuck away from me and you won't have to."
"Hey. Don't be ending our friendship over some girl."
"She's NOT just some girl. She's the girl that I love. And you may have just destroyed any chance of us getting back together."
"Is that what she said?" He sounds hopeful.
"Yeah, that'd make you happy, wouldn't it? Well, you got your wish. She broke up with me. But I won't accept it. She's angry and hurt and she's not thinking straight. Hopefully, in a day or two, she'll have calmed down and I can talk to her again. If not, I'm going over there and strangling you."
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm s
orry about telling her about the farm, but I'm not sorry about asking her to be honest with you. And honest with herself. That's what I told her, Silas. I told her to think about what she really wants. We all know what you want, but does she want the same thing? Because up until now, she's made it pretty clear what she wants, and sorry, man, but you're not in her plan. So unless that's changed, there's no use doing this to yourself."
"We're done talking about this. I'll leave your hat at the front door. MY door, not Willow's. Stay away from her. And stay away from me." I end the call.
I know in his warped sense of reasoning, Trent thinks he was doing me a favor, but it only made things worse. I can't be friends with him if he keeps interfering with Willow and me.
Then again, maybe there is no Willow and me. Maybe it's over. For good this time.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Willow
For the past hour I've been going through my parents' files, seeing all the unpaid pills, but not believing any of this is true. The evidence is all around me and yet I don't want to believe it.
How could they let this happen? My parents have been running the farm for twenty years and we've never had money problems. They may be liberal in their beliefs, but they've always been conservative when it comes to money. They don't buy expensive clothes. They don't eat out much. They live in a small house and only have one car. So how did this happen? Where did all their money go? Why are they in so much debt?
I toss the bills aside and lean back against the wall. I close my eyes, trying to focus on a way to fix this, but instead, I keep seeing Silas in my head and how sad and hurt he looked when I told him we were over.
But he lied to me, so what choice did I have? I had to break up with him. If I can't trust him, then we can't have a relationship. He had so many opportunities to tell me the truth. Just a week ago, I asked him if he thought my parents were having money problems and he didn't give me an answer. He let me think everything was okay. I trusted him to be honest with me and he wasn't.
I rise up from the floor, grab some tissues from the desk, and wipe my face off. My parents will be home soon and I need to get myself together before they get here. I don't want to fight with them but I have a feeling that's what will happen. They'll try to tell me I'm going back to school in the fall and I'll refuse and then we'll start fighting.
Still Love You Page 22
