“So go put on your boots!” I say. “Hurry!”
He meets us ten minutes later at the marsh.
“The trick is to be really quiet,” I tell everyone. “And not make any sudden movements.”
“I’m not touching the frogs,” Talia says.
I catch two, Botts catches one, and the girls all take turns holding the buckets.
At the end of the activity we return the frogs to the marsh. No frogs are injured in the activity.
“That was so gross,” Talia says, squirting her hands with hand sanitizer again. In the last forty-five minutes she must have used the sanitizer every three to four minutes.
But the activity was as fun as I remembered. The frogs were definitely as slimy.
And we all get covered in mud.
Thankfully, Gavin is not there to see me.
Jill snaps a picture of the nine of us. “This is totally going on the website tonight,” she says.
We smile for the camera and hold up our buckets. I fully expect a text worrying about warts from Fancy’s mom.
I take the girls for emergency showers. I have to break it off with Gavin tonight and I need to smell good to do it.
Evening Activity is Win, Lose, or Draw, and Gavin sits down right beside me on the bench in the Dining Hall while the kids are winning, losing, and drawing.
“Hi,” he says quietly.
“Hi.” I keep my tone serious. We can’t talk for real here, but I don’t want to sound too flirty since I’m going to end it. And I am. It’s over. I think.
“How was your day off?” he asks.
“Good,” I say, keeping my eyes on the kids. “I went to Botts’s. How was yours?”
“It was . . . shitty, actually. I spent the day with my dad at Sloan Kettering.”
Wait, what? I turn to him. “The cancer place?”
“Yeah,” he says, his eyes sad. He sighs.
“I’m so sorry,” I say, taking a breath.
One of the kids yells, “It’s The Wizard of Oz!” and everyone cheers.
“Me too,” Gavin says to me. His shoulders slump. “He has colon cancer. It sucks.”
“I had no idea your dad was sick,” I tell him, out of breath.
“He is. It’s kind of recent. Since May. I’m not dealing with it well.”
“It’s not an easy thing to deal with,” I say, my heart hurting for him. “My dad was sick too. He’s okay now, kind of, but it was hard. It’s still hard. I’m here if you want to talk.”
Suddenly I don’t just want to talk. I want to put my arms around him. I want to hold him. I want to take care of him. He needs me. I want to kiss him all over and tell him everything is going to be okay.
He nods. “Yeah. That would be good. I’ve been wanting to talk to you. . . . I was going to text you, but I don’t even have your number. I’m sorry I haven’t been around.”
“You should have my number,” I say. “I’ll give it to you later. I’m here tonight if you want to talk. Do you have OD?”
“No,” he says.
There’s more cheering at the front.
“Me neither,” I say.
“Want to hang out?” he asks, knocking his knee against mine.
“Okay,” I say. I say it so quickly, I don’t even give myself a chance to think about it.
“It’s so nice outside,” he says. “We can take out a canoe?”
I laugh. “Really? In the middle of the night?”
“You’re with boat staff,” he says. “You’re safe.”
After Milk and Cookies, I take the kids back to the bunk and help them get ready for bed. Janelle has OD and she’s letting the girls on both sides of the bunk try on her tube tops.
“Just what we need, eleven mini Janelles,” Talia mutters.
“Omigod,” Lis says. “She’d have an army.”
“It would be the cutest army ever,” I say.
“Or the skankiest,” Talia says, and Lis laughs. She’s very busy writing her name on the wall in black Sharpie. I’ve spotted her name in at least seven locations in this cabin alone.
“Come on,” I say. “Be nice.”
What would they think of me if they knew where I was going?
Skanky for sure.
But right now I care more about what I’m supposed to wear to go middle-of-the-night boating. A swimsuit? Will we end up in the water? Probably not. Just in case, I put on a bikini under my sweatshirt and leggings. I change super fast so my co’s don’t ask me what I’m doing. Going boating with Gavin in the middle of the night does not sound unsuspicious.
As soon as I’m ready, I hurry down to the beach and find him sitting on one of the benches.
He smiles. “Hey. Ready? I grabbed us two life jackets.”
“Okay,” I say. “And you’re sure no one will care? That we’re taking out a canoe?”
“No,” he says. “Boating staff does it all the time. We just try and be quiet about it.”
We take off our shoes and make our way toward the water. The moon and stars are out in full force.
The boat rocks as I get in, but I sit down on the seat at the front of it, facing the wrong way, toward him.
I hold on as he pushes the boat out and then jumps inside. He’s facing me and kneeling, his back against the wooden bar in the center. He paddles us into the middle of the lake.
We’re face-to-face. My legs are stretched out in front of me, almost touching his knees.
The lake is quiet. It’s just us and the fireflies.
“So,” he says. “We’ve been missing each other the last few days.”
“We have been,” I say. “How was your canoe trip?”
“Less fun without you.”
I laugh.
“How was your day off?” he asks.
“Less fun without you,” I tell him. The water is glass-still except for the ripples from his paddle. “This reminds me of the song,” I say.
“Which one?”
“The one about the boy and the girl in the canoe.”
“No idea what song that is. Sing it.”
“I have a terrible voice,” I say.
“Oh, I know,” he says. “Co-captain.”
I jab his knee with my toe. “You really don’t know the song?” I ask.
“C’mon, sing for me. Sing!”
I clear my throat.
“Just a boy and a girl in a little canoe,
With the moon shining all around.”
I pause.
“That’s it?”
“Oh, there’s more. You want the whole song?”
“I do!” He moves his knee up an inch so that it’s touching my foot.
“As he glides his paddle
You couldn’t even hear a sound
And they talked and they talked
Till the moon grew dim—
He said you better kiss me
Or get out and swim.”
“Ouch!” he says.
“So what you gonna do in a little canoe
With the moon shining all a—
Boats floatin all a—
Girls swimming all around!”
“So he forces her to kiss him?” he asks. “Is that why all the girls are in the water? Because all the boys are creeps? That’s messed up.”
“That is an excellent question. I seem to remember another ending too—What the heck, let’s neck. So in that version the girl kisses the guy to avoid going in. Highly problematic. Maybe I shouldn’t teach this song to the kids.”
“Probably not,” he says, but he hums the tune. Then he puts the paddle across the canoe behind him.
He gently traces his thumbs up my ankles. Oh, boy. Yes.
“You didn’t feel pressured the other day, did you?” he asks.
“Me? No,” I say. “Confused, yes. Pressured, no.”
“Yeah,” he says. “Me too. Although not that confused. More, really, really attracted to you.”
My heart zooms. “I’ve never cheated on Eli,” I say. “Or any
one. Or, like, anything. Never a test, or homework. I did once steal a candy bar from a 7-Eleven. But it wasn’t intentional. I was holding it and forgot I was holding it and walked out.”
“You’re such a goody-goody,” he says, smiling. His thumbs are on my knees.
“I ate the candy bar. I could have gone back and returned it, but I didn’t. Just totally ate it. It was a Twix.”
“Can I kiss you again?”
Yes. No. Yes.
“No pressure,” he says. “But you look incredibly hot right now.”
My lips and body burn.
“Okay. But we’re not telling . . . them,” I say. I don’t want to say their names. “Right?”
“I am not telling anyone.” He’s leaning over me now, and his hands are on my hips, and he’s lowering me onto the floor of the canoe.
The boat rocks with our weight.
“We can’t even tell our co-counselors,” I say. “Or anyone at camp. Who knows who’s connected to who.”
He nods. “This is just between us.”
“It’s so wrong.”
“Yes.” His lips are against my neck.
Suddenly my arms are around him and his hands are in my hair and we’re fully making out again.
We’re in the middle of the lake, under the stars and the moon, and I’m kissing the hottest guy at camp and I’m so turned on and all I’m thinking is that this is the sexiest thing I’ve ever done, and what’s the point of anything if I pass this up.
I pull away. “But still only kissing,” I say, and then put my tongue back in his mouth.
He winks at me the next morning at flagpole. It’s our thing, the wink.
I accidentally-on-purpose bump into him in the food line at breakfast.
He runs his finger down my leg at lunch.
Every minute I vibrate with excitement. Even when he’s not there, I’m thinking about him.
When we can get away with it, we sneak away from the crowds and find different places at camp to make out.
We stick to kissing only.
Until Rest Hour behind the Upper Field bleachers, where our tops come off.
But that’s the limit! Second base!
Until the Lower Field bleachers. Where my jeans come off, but not my thong.
From then on, underwear definitely stays on! That’s the rule!
Until his counselors’ room. Where his boxers disappear under his comforter.
We still don’t have actual sex. Everything else, yes. But not sex. Sex is the line. Everything else is kind of cheating, sure, but having sex with someone else is the worst kind of cheating.
If Eli somehow found out, I could say, but I never slept with him! I never slept with anyone but you!
And it would be 100 percent, technically true.
It’s pouring out. Lightning and everything. It’s ten thirty at night, and instead of going to Slice, we’re all packed into the Counselors’ Lounge. Gavin, Muffs, Lis, and I are sprawled on the carpeted floor in a circle, playing Hearts.
“Where’s JJ?” I ask. “OD?”
“Yeah,” Muffs says. “Apparently with Brody. . . .”
“Oooooh,” I say. “Interesting.”
Gavin’s hand is in the Doritos bag and I reach mine into it at the same time.
He runs his thumb down the center of my palm.
Mmmm. Maybe we can sneak off somewhere. Tonight would have been a great one for one of us to have OD. I feel bad that I’m not in the bunk, actually. The kids are probably terrified by the storm.
“Who’s sitting in your bunk?” Muffs asks. “Janelle or Talia?”
“Talia,” I say. I take a chip out of the bag, eat it, and then slowly, very slowly, lick the spices off my fingers.
Gavin readjusts on the floor. Ha!
“Anyone keeping her company?” Muffs asks.
“No,” Lis says. “She’s definitely on her own.”
“What’s her deal?” Muffs asks. “She never hooks up with anyone.”
“Maybe the guys here are too dorky for her,” Lis says.
“Maybe she’s into girls,” Muffs says.
“No,” Lis says, looking surprised. “At least I don’t think so. I really don’t think she’s into anyone.”
“Everyone’s into someone,” Muffs says. He stares at Lis when he says it. Lis turns red, and bites her thumbnail.
“No,” I say. “That’s not actually true. Some people just don’t experience sexual attraction. Like, their sexuality is asexuality. Welcome to the twenty-first century.”
“Okay, New York City,” says Muffs.
Botts chooses that moment to walk in. He is wearing a giant blue poncho. “In the CL,” he says into the walkie-talkie. “Everyone is fine on Upper Field.”
Lis turns even redder.
“You like Botts?” Muffs whispers. “Still? Seriously?”
“Keep your voice down,” Lis mutters.
The walkie-talkie crackles. “Everyone fine on Lower,” we hear Priya say.
“I heard Priya is hooking up with Benji,” Muffs says.
I nod, pretending I didn’t know.
“He is Smokin’ Hot Benji,” Lis says.
“Why don’t I get a nickname?” Gavin asks.
“Grumpy Gav?” Muffs says.
“Gorgeous Gav,” I say, batting my eyelashes.
Everyone ooooohs, and I worry I went too far.
“I had a nickname,” I say.
Lis looks up. “I thought we’re not allowed to talk about that.”
I look at Gavin. I shrug. “Zoe Buckman used to call me Porny. But I’m over it.”
He laughs. “Porny? Why?”
“Because of my big boobs,” I say. “She was jealous, what can I say?”
“She wasn’t the nicest,” Gavin says.
“Didn’t you go out with her?” I ask.
“For like a week.”
The door bursts open with basketball teacher Trevor on the arm of Janelle. They are both soaked and laughing, their clothes sticking to their bodies.
“Anyone have a change of clothes?” Janelle calls out.
“Just take it off, we don’t mind,” Lawrence says from the couch.
I see Allie glare at him from the other side of the room. I’m not sure if she and Lawrence are on or off this week.
“Is Janelle hooking up with Trevor now?” Muffs asks.
“I think they’re just friends,” I say.
“She has a lot of ‘friends,’” Lis says under her breath. “Talia’s afraid she’s going to give us crabs.”
“I’ve had it twice, it’s not as bad as you think,” Muffs says.
“Very funny,” Lis says and plays a card.
It’s Rest Hour. Gavin and I are walking to the office together to call our significant others. I’m going to call Eli and he’s calling Kat. To say hi. We figured we might as well keep each other company. I can’t decide if we’re being practical or sociopathic. A little bit of both?
“We’re not going to sit next to each other while we talk, are we?” I ask.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he says. “Too distracting.”
“So I’ll sit inside, and you sit on the steps outside?”
“Good plan.”
I push the door open to the office. “What’s up, Eric?”
“The sky,” he says. “It is up, up, up.”
Okey dokey.
I wave to Gavin outside. He waves back. I call Eli’s number and wait for him to answer.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hi.”
As we talk, I watch the back of Gavin’s head through the window in the door. The muscles in his neck are moving but I can’t tell what he’s saying. Then he turns to the right and I can see that his jaw is tightening.
I wonder what happened. Maybe she’s leaving him for a French billionaire? But he wouldn’t even care. Because he has me!
“Sam?”
“Yes,” I say, snapping back to my phone call. “Sorry. I couldn’t hear you for a secon
d. Interference. What did you say?”
“That I won money!”
“Huh?”
“We went to Monte Carlo! And I played poker and won four thousand euros!”
“What? Seriously?”
“Yes!”
“That’s wild.” Is Eli now a French billionaire?
“I know! It was fun. The casino was gorgeous. So fancy. And so many castles in Monaco! And you would not believe the cars that were lined up everywhere. Out of control.”
“I’m confused. Did you move over to Monaco?”
“No, we just went for the night. We didn’t stay there.”
“Who did you go with?” I ask.
“A whole crew. The Australians and some Americans. Oh! Wait! One of the girls’ boyfriends is at your camp too. I forget his name. Devin? His girlfriend is named Kat.”
I almost drop the phone. What?
Eli is with Kat?
“Really?”
“Yes! Small world, huh? I think she said he was a color war captain too? You have to know him. Devin?”
I feel vaguely sick. “I . . . yeah. Gavin. I think you mean Gavin.”
Is Eli Kat’s French billionaire?
“She’s here for a few days too. She’s friends with Sydney, a girl I met in Switzerland. They go to the University of Maryland.”
How is this even possible? Eli and Kat are hanging out in Europe? Eli and Kat went to Monte Carlo together? What, what, what is happening?
She’s friends with Sydney? Instagram Sydney?
I’m in a haze for the rest of the phone call—I think I say I love you, but I’m not sure.
Once I hang up, I see that Gavin is still on his phone, so I click straight to Instagram.
Eli posted a picture last night of a big group of people. I spot Kat right away with her gorgeous hair. Eli’s arm is around her. Eli’s arm is around her? What the hell? They are standing against a railing with blue water in the background. There are ten of them in the picture, all smiling and glamorous. Eli wrote, Amazing night in Monte Carlo. And then he even hashtagged it! #strikingitrich #noregrets #monaco. I don’t know what to do with this.
No regrets? No regrets?!
I can’t help it. I laugh.
He is having the best summer ever. With Instagram Sydney! And Kat!
He has no regrets? Not even about leaving me for an entire summer?
What else isn’t he regretting? Is he hooking up with Kat? Or Sydney? Or someone else?
Am I angry? I don’t even know.
Just a Boy and a Girl in a Little Canoe Page 17
