He held up a hand in front of my face. “No. Please don’t say it again. I heard you. I just am having a hard time believing you.”
“Ryan, it’s true.”
“Who is he?”
I hesitated. This was tricky territory. “He works for my father.”
“Of course he does.” He ran his hand through his short hair. He stepped a little bit closer to me and it started to get hard to breath. “Why now? Why after all this time did you choose now, to come back here and ask me for a divorce, face to face?”
I turned and walked to the row of windows across the front wall. They looked out at the ocean beyond and I imagined this was what the view was like at the B & B. “It’s complicated.”
“So uncomplicate it for me.”
I turned back to face him, keeping my distance. “Look, we’ve been apart for ten years. We’re different people. We’ve moved on. Let’s—”
“I haven’t. Moved on, that is. Love ya as much today as I did back then. I’ve just been waiting for you to come to your senses and come back to me.”
“Oh, Ryan. That can’t be possible.”
“It is. I may have had my fair share of fun since you up and left me without a word, but that’s all it was. Just fun. Mindless and commitment free. All the time, just waiting for you. And ya, I knew it was unhealthy of me, but I couldn’t give you up.”
“But you need to.” I took a tentative step closer to him. “It has to happen.”
“Why?”
“I already told you. I’m in love with another man.”
“Name?”
“Richard.”
“Sounds like a right boring name to me.”
This wasn’t going anywhere near as well as I hoped it would. I never would have thought it could be good, but at least some sort of giving in on his part. I knew deep down he wasn’t going to allow this to be easy for me.
He reached out and swept a finger over my cheek and my eyes automatically closed, absorbing the tingle left behind. “Chloe, mo chroi.”
“Stop.” I took a deliberate step back from his touch and his words of love. “It’s over, Ryan. I’ve brought the papers prepared by my lawyer. You need to sign them.”
“I’m not signing your papers Chloe!” He roared and backed me up against the wall I had no idea I had crept up to. “You’re going to have to do oh so much better than that, love.”
He boxed me in and leaned his body towards mine. I was only five feet tall and his six foot frame towered and intimidated me to bend to its will. I could feel the anger and the desire rolling off him in waves. It was how he lived his life. Taking what he wanted, charming people to bend to his will. I couldn’t cave. He needed to be free of me and I needed to stay on track. The problem was, my body was interested only in what his body was selling. Now that it was healed, it wanted a taste of the good life.
“Please. Ryan, I need you to sign those papers.”
He carried on crowding me as if I had never spoken. His right hand skimmed down my side, settling on my hip. He leaned in, whispering his nose along my jaw line until his mouth was breathing fire into my ear. “We’re not over. We’re only just about to begin again.” I tried to tell my head not to lean into his voice, but it was messed up with the time change and all. I leaned in, betraying all that was hovering just beneath the surface of my resolve. I closed my eyes and savoured his presence, just for a quick minute.
I felt a whisper soft kiss being planted on my ear lobe. Oh, he didn’t play fair. He knew just where to touch me to take me back to the time before we were torn apart.
I let out a soft, breathy sigh and heard him groan. “You can go now and tell Richard he can fuck off. Tell your dad that he can try to take you away from me, but he’ll never succeed. You’re mine, Chlo. Always have been, always will be.”
He pushed up off the wall and turned to leave. “Wait, Ryan. Where are you going?”
“My break’s over, love. Aiden’s a shit bartender and I swore to Bren that I would not let his brothers single handily destroy everything he had worked so hard to create while he was away in America with Sam.”
I didn’t know any of these people he was talking about and was starting to feel really out of my league here. “Ry—”
He just walked out the door leaving me there wondering what the hell had just happened. “Shit.”
Chapter 5
Ryan
I pushed my way back into the pub and bee lined straight for Brennan’s office. I passed Aiden, who was busy making yet another horrifying attempt at pouring a Guinness, without stopping. I was so full of anger I couldn’t have cared less. I shut the door to the closet-sized room before anyone thought it would be a good time to ask me for something.
I leaned back against the door and closed my eyes, but all I could see was her. Tiny, beautiful and hardly changed since high school. With her arms and legs wrapped around a prick named Richard her father had handpicked for her, no doubt. It was just like we were teenagers again and I was up against the big bad wolf and the only way to escape his capture was marriage.
A soft knock sounded on the door and shook me out of my pity party. I had won her once before, I would just have to try harder to hold on to her this time. I didn’t know how long I had to win her back and convince her I could take care of her and love her like she deserved, so I would need to get a game plan together sooner than later. First order of business, get Aiden the fuck out from behind my bar before he destroyed my livelihood.
I didn’t bother asking who was knocking. I just turned and swung the door open, coming face to face with just the person I needed to see.
“Aiden, follow me.”
Aiden was a doctor in America, not a bartender, but I figured he had some skills with his hands, so it wouldn’t be all that hard to teach him how to pour the perfect pint. He also seemed to have amassed a small fan club in the short time he had been here. If I was into guys, which I totally wasn’t—let’s just get that out there—I would be into him. I figured most things with a heartbeat, including the resident goat would be into Aiden. He was a younger version of Brennan, and he was actually nice to people. The combination was turning out to be good for business.
I saw he had started about eight pints, all at different stages of settling, none looking like they would be drinkable in the next year, it would take so long to reduce the head on them.
“Throw that shit away, brother. You’re about to get a lesson in pouring a pint. Then, you’re on duty for a while, yeah?”
“Fuck, Ry. I suck at this shit. I’m a doctor, not a bartender.”
“No kidding. But I need you to do this for me. I’ve got to tend to something and it can’t wait. You’ve got your fan club to pass the time with, now don’t ya?”
He smiled at a particularly enthusiastic blonde in the group and leaned in to whisper something in her ear. Excellent. That should keep him working the bar for a bit anyway.
We cleared away the row of pints that I would need to drink on my own if I was going to sustain the trajectory I was heading on. As we were setting up for the orders, I felt her. Looking up, I saw she had pulled up her big girl panties, which by the way I did not care for one bit, and had come back in for round two.
Aiden nudged me in the side. “She’s come back for another try.”
I ignored him and carried on with my instruction, waiting and watching to see what she would do. She was terribly shy and this must be killing her to be standing there the focus of everyone’s attention. I kept an eye on her and Aiden’s serving at the same time and managed to help a few new customers as well. Aiden seemed to be picking up the hang of it, so I left him to it and decided to rescue Chloe.
I walked up behind her and grabbed her elbow, leading her to the back booth where we could have a small bit of privacy. She sat and looked me in the eyes. “Look, Ryan. I have to go back home tomorrow.”
Shit, my timeline had just been moved up drastically. I needed to expedit
e my non-existent plan in a fucking hurry. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Tell me really why you want a divorce.”
She squirmed and her body language confirmed everything I had suspected. Something was up and I was done listening to this bullshit. “Come on. Let’s get out of here for a bit.”
I didn’t give her time to argue, just got up and grabbed her again, feeling her tiny frame under my hand. I became overwhelmed with the urge to protect this woman. From who or what, I didn’t know. I just knew something had happened that day ten years ago, when I ran into her in the hall, trying to hold something in, and instead she had gambled on skipping school with the likes of me.
As we wove through the pub to the office to grab my jacket, all those memories invaded my brain. We had left that day and didn’t look back. She never told me what had her running and I never asked. We fell madly in love, the kind that only teenagers can pull off, and told the outside world to screw off. Well, at least until dear old dad intervened.
I grabbed my jacket, checked on Aiden and his fan club and told him to hold the bar down and stop wasting all the beer on his failed attempts to pour a pint. He flipped me off and I grabbed Chloe’s hand taking her out the back to my car.
“Where are we going?” Chloe looked concerned. I opened her door and gently pushed her down into the seat. I grabbed her seat belt and reached over to buckle her in, not bothering to answer her.
“Ryan!” Her voice had taken on a panicked sound. “Please, stop keeping me in the dark.”
“Doesn’t feel good, does it Chlo?”
She just sighed and looked out the window, seeming resigned to her fate of being kidnapped by me today. I wasn’t going to speak yet. I also didn’t trust myself not to just jump on her and try to fuck my way back into her life, so I needed to get this show on the road.
I pulled out of the lot and settled into my trip down memory lane while I drove. Chloe wasn’t going to actively participate in the conversation, so I let my mind slip away and thought of shit I hadn’t thought about in a long time.
I remembered the day I had found her crying uncontrollably on her back porch, and being only eighteen I had no idea how to make it stop. She had told me that her father wanted us to be over and that he was moving her back to America. I lost my ever loving mind. I got down on my knees and begged her not to listen to him. I asked her why? Why were they moving, but she had just looked at me with those unbearably sad, green eyes and shook her head. She had always been really good at keeping her secrets close to her chest.
I impulsively asked her to marry me. We could run away together. We were both old enough and screw what her dad wanted. Somehow, after days of begging, she had agreed and we were married at the courthouse shortly after. We had one night as a married couple before her father found us and somehow convinced her to leave me. Today I was going to find out what in the hell had he said to her to make her leave that morning, and I had just the tour in mind for this American girl of mine. This was the only plan I had. It had better work, or it was on to flat out begging.
I pulled into the parking lot and shut the car down and finally gathered up enough courage to turn and look at her. She had a single tear rolling down her face, and I knew I was on the right path. Today was my one big shot at getting her back. All the years of sleeping with women to try to get her out of my brain were over. That tear told me this hit home.
“Ryan. What are you doing?”
I didn’t answer. I hadn’t spoken a word since we had left the pub. I got out of the car and went around to her side and opened her door. She looked at me with pure agony in her soul. “I can’t do this Ryan. I can’t be here. You have to stop this and just listen to me.”
I held out my hand and pulled her out of the car and into my arms. She hesitated, but the memories here could move mountains for us. It felt amazing to have my arms around her, but I needed to get this day moving. I let go and grabbed her hand and we walked up the short incline to stand before the high school where we had met. It hadn’t changed a bit and I was glad for that. I tugged at her hand and lead her around to the side of the building to sit on the grass.
I flopped down and assumed a lazy pose, hoping she would take it as a sign to relax. She just stood there and stared at me with those large, beautiful eyes.
“Chlo, just lay down with me for a bit. I’m not going to attack you, although the thought did cross my mind a wee bit ago.”
She furrowed her brow and chewed on that tiny bottom lip she had that I loved so much. She must have decided to risk the attack and gently sat down in front of me, apparently ready to face whatever she needed to in order to accomplish her goal. Well, game on, sweetheart. Game on.
Chapter 6
Chloe
What was I doing here? How did I let it get this far? I needed to pull myself together and grow a backbone. This wasn’t going to get us anywhere. I gazed into those innocent, but totally mischievous eyes. They got me ten years ago and today appeared to be no different. He was the most sincere man I had ever met. He wanted only good for the people he loved, and somehow he had hung onto the harebrained notion that he still loved me.
Oh, I still loved him, with all the messed up fibres of my being, and that was why he needed to let me go. I took a deep breath and prepared to inflict as much pain as I could in order to get him to understand. The only problem was, I had often underestimated him when we were young, and it looked like I had done it again. He sat up and mirrored my crisscross apple sauce position. He took my hands in his and lightly skimmed my fingers with his rough and calloused thumbs.
“Do you remember the first time we flew out of here and skipped school together, Chlo? How you felt?” Great, he was taking us on a tour down memory lane.
I looked him in the eyes and couldn’t hold back the emotions that started to flow. “I was free.”
“That you were, my love. We both were.” His grip on my hands stilled and he released one to try to stem the flow of tears. “But you more than me, for sure. How’s your father?”
He was never one to mince words. My father was always what came between me and my freedom. I didn’t say anything, knowing that he was going all the way with this stop.
“What did he say to you that night? The night we met?”
“Why does it matter now, Ryan? It’s over between us. Why are we doing this?” I tried to pull my hands from his but he wouldn’t let me get away easily anymore. “Please, Ryan. I’ve moved on!”
He leaned in and got right in front of my face, up close so I couldn’t look anywhere but right at him. “We’re doing this because you owe me the decency of an explanation. I’ve been looking for that for nearly ten years, Chloe. And now you’re going to tell me what I need to know. You want those damn papers signed so bad? Then tell me why.”
Damn, stupid tears welled up and I was totally regretting my non-waterproof mascara choice. I didn’t need to look anymore pathetic than I already did. “The night we met, my father told me that there was no way I would be allowed to continue seeing you. He ordered me to stop talking to you and I was forbidden to date you.”
“And?”
“And what, Ryan? You can figure out the horrible remainder of what he said about you and your family. He was being an awful, disgusting man. You obviously know I completely disobeyed him and starting seeing you anyway.”
He tugged on my hands, pulling me up towards him. “Up, love. We’re heading to our next stop.”
“What?”
He didn’t respond, just grabbed my hand and tugged me back in his wake. Looking back at me, he smiled, deepening the dimples he had always sported. “I don’t have a lot of faith in Aiden, Chloe, so we need to step up the pace. He’s a crap bartender and I can’t have him pissing off the customers.”
We arrived back at the car, he opened the door and buckled me in and we took off, yet again to a destination unknown.
Another twenty minutes later
, I knew exactly where we were going. Slea Head. One of my favourite places on earth. Also one of the most nerve wracking drives on earth, rivaled only by Connor’s Pass, which we thankfully weren’t also driving along. Damn narrow Irish cliff roads. But the most dangerous roads, always seemed to bear the most amazing rewards and Slea Head was no exception.
We parked and I flew out of the car, letting the wind take my hair places my spirit had been longing to go. It whipped and danced and urged me forward towards the edge. I closed my eyes and relished the feeling of being alive. Today. Here, in this moment, was what I had right now. Cancer had taught me that. There were no guarantees the next minute of life existed for you, so you had better damn well take in the moments as they came.
I opened my eyes to find Ryan looking at me funny. “What?”
He smiled and shrugged. “I don’t know. You’re different out here. And, well, you’ve changed.”
My face heated. I probably looked like a dork with my arms flung out wide and a grin as wide as Mexico on my face. “I’m not all that different than what I used to be. I’m just feeling a lot nostalgic and a little giddy at being here without being afraid of what my father would do if he found me with you.”
I moved towards the edge of a rounded cliff and sat down on the grass. Ryan sat beside me, not touching, just giving me enough space to think for myself and still remind me he was there.
“I’ve thought a lot about you since you left, Chlo. Don’t think a day hasn’t gone by when I didn’t wonder what you were doing. Who was holding you? If he was doing half as good a job as I could.”
I sighed. I had lost track of the mission yet again. Ryan needed to stop talking like that and start thinking about divorcing me. I leaned against him and closed my eyes. I didn’t think I could look at him and still be convincing. “Ryan, why won’t you sign those papers?”
“And there you go, ruining a lovely moment.”
I got up to walk away. “It’s over, Ryan Murphy. Why can’t you see that? We haven’t been on the same continent for nearly ten years and yet you still insist upon keeping up this farce that we’re still together. What can I say to make you understand?”
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