"We'll go to my place. I'll get a line on your fiancé from the General Store, maybe."
"But we're closer to San Antonio from here?" She looked at him flustered, as though she had just come out of some fog.
"I'm not sure that's where to look any longer. It's been four years since your capture. And your fiancé intimated that he had been traveling around a bit, so we'll check with Mrs. Summers for more information. Maybe he left an address for contact, since he put up the notice."
Amelia nodded. "I suppose you are right. The last I heard they were all in San Antonio, but you may be right, it has been four years."
"We'll take you ladies to my farm, and Hodge and I will scout out where to go from there." Cale assured her once more.
She nodded, but the look on her face was not a happy one. Her apprehension made him nervous. After all, most folks wouldn't know how to react after so long a captivity. Cale felt sorry for her in a way. What if her fiancé hadn't waited for her? What if her folks rejected her because she had survived? It had happened before. They might consider her more Indian, than white now. The repercussions of rescuing her, hit him in the face. She could face rejection in the most harsh of ways and he wasn't sure how to handle it. If they rejected her, what was he going to do with her; he had a farm to run?
He wasn't sure what to do, but he'd have a talk with Hodge about it. Hodge might reassure him that all would work out.
But who was going to reassure Amelia?
Later, that night, Sarah set up camp quickly when they stopped along the riverbanks. It was an hour or so before the turkey was ready to eat. Amelia was starved and she ate vigorously. Cale saw where her manners had been replaced by her hunger. He also saw that she adapted to the Indian ways much more than she let on. Perhaps that was part of the reason for her apprehension.
When she saw how he was staring, she sat up straight and held her food primly in her hand.
Being a proper lady might be hard to pull off in front of her folks now. He hadn't given it a thought until he saw the savage way she attacked her food.
She glanced up once to see his shocked face and wiped her face. "I'm sorry, I guess I've lost a lot of my manners…It's something I'll have to work on. It would never do with Bertram…."
"Don't be. You're hungry. Eat. And Bertram's not here."
"I saw your face…your expression. It will be the same with my folks. I have forgotten the ways of my own people. But…in my defense, I had often starved, so social graces escaped me in place of my own survival. I tend to attack food like…a savage, I suppose. I'm sorry. I guess I'm going to have to relearn some of my manners." She sighed heavily, taking her plate to the river to wash it.
Her shoulders slumped and the effects of the drugs were wearing off now. The look on her face when Cale and the others stared at her, made her ashamed.
"Now you see one of the reasons I don't want to go home." She said when she saw Cale standing nor far from the creek.
"Don't fret about it. You have plenty of time to get things back to normal. No one can expect you to act the same."
"They will…"
Cale followed her. He realized the trauma she was facing was real and he wanted to help her.
"Bertram is a lawyer. If he'd seen what you just saw, he'd be ashamed of me. He's a refined gentleman, and a lady doesn't act that way."
"Look, how you eat, doesn't bother me or Hodge, but I guess you are right about your folks. I'll help you all I can. I know this isn't going to be an easy adjustment." Cale looked into her eyes. "You've had a hard time of it, and you are right, you probably aren't the same person. But…they'll have to adjust too."
"That's what I'm afraid of, their adjustments. They won't understand. I know them. Or I did. I know how they are. They won't expect a savage."
"I guess not…but you can relearn those ways. You just haven't been around those kinds of people lately and like you said, the Comanche starved you so…you've a right to be that way."
"Iron Kettle told me you were a good man. I respect his opinion. But you don't understand. Facing my relatives will be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm not sure I can fool them into believing I'm the same person I was. I'm not. I'm not even sure I want to be the same person. I've already told you, I'm not at all sure I will be welcome after such a long time with the Indians. And my ways have changed, some of them for my own survival, some because I adjusted to their way of life. I know they won't understand it. I can't expect them to. I feel as though there is no place for me any longer. I'm not sure I'm even white any longer." Amelia cried. "My skin is white, but my heart isn't."
She stuck out her hands to look at them.
Cale nodded. He saw the hurt and pain on her face. "I'm sorry, I hadn't thought through all the problems. It'll take a while to locate them anyway, and that will give you time to adjust to the white world once more."
She hung her head. "Maybe, but…I'm not sure I want to adjust to the white man's world once more. You just shot a man, and thought little of it. That's the white man's world."
Cale frowned.
"Yeah…"
"I'm sorry; I had no right to say that. That sounded almost like the old Amelia."
"So maybe there's hope after all." He grinned at her.
Her head hung, and she glanced up at him with trepidation. "I’m sorry; I have no right to judge you. You aren’t judging me…"
"Don’t worry about it." He started to walk off then turned to look at her. "If you decide not to stay with them, we'll work something out."
She was silent a moment.
She turned to look at him and tried to make him understand how she felt. "I loved living with Iron Kettle's people. They were such a good and honest people. I grew to love them. Respect them. Now…another adjustment. It seems…almost unfair to have to adjust so many times…"
Cale thought about it for a long moment and nodded. "You're right. It is unfair. I guess you are going to have to find some way to cope with it. And since I've never been through this before, I don't know exactly how to help you cope. But living with the Indians is no longer an option. You gotta understand, you have to go back to the white man's world. Most of the Indians will be living on reservations, and a white girl in their camp would only mean trouble for them."
"Of course you are right. I don't expect you to have all the answers. And I'm sorry I shared my thoughts with you. Perhaps I've shared them too often. I don't mean to trouble you." She sighed once more.
He came toward her and bent down on his knee so he could look into her troubled face.
"You aren't troubling me, Amelia. None of this is your fault, but it is a problem and somehow we'll have to get through it. But…I can assure you, the three of us will figure out a way to help you. And you are wrong about one thing, that shooting back there, wasn't something I wanted to do. It was necessary that's all. They had plans for you, and I didn't think you'd enjoy them. One of the truths of this is that you are a 'white squaw' to some. They won't respect that. Going back could put you in a lot of danger with folks like that. You've got to be aware of that. There will be others."
Amelia's eyes rounded on him as though she just now considered it.
Impulsively, she came up to him and kissed him on the cheek, then ran back to camp.
Cale was stunned. Somehow, the kiss on the cheek meant more to him than the kisses on the lips. Maybe because she was sober now and meant it. Or maybe because he didn’t want to admit that he kissed her back.
With careful consideration, he realized she was merely thanking him for any help they might give her.
She was a nice woman, but torn between two peoples, two worlds.
As everyone bedded down, she went to sleep quickly.
"She's gonna have some readjusting problems, Hodge. More than I anticipated. People like those men back there and maybe even her fiancé."
Hodge nodded. "She is more Indian than white now. This is how it is for a captive. They never fit back into white man's
world. An Indian can tell a white captive this, but it is something they have to go through to see it…"
"I believe you are right. I told her we would help her as much as we can."
"Then we will help her…" Hodge nodded.
"Night Hodge…Sarah."
Hodge grunted and he and Sarah lay beside each other under the same blanket.
Cale stared at Amelia for a long while before he closed his eyes. She was a beautiful woman, with her fair skin, like peaches, and her beautiful golden hair that curled around her face and shoulders. Yet, he quickly realized it wasn't her outside beauty he was looking at, but her soul. For a woman like her to care for the Indians, it meant something. She had learned from them, something most white people never did.
Honest and caring, and yet very strong too, Amelia had a strange appeal that caught Cale's attention. However, her temper could flare easily, and her sense of right and wrong differed to some degree. But she had a lot to learn yet.
Funny, but when he agreed to take her to her people, he thought he'd be doing her a favor, now he wasn't as sure.
It would be another day before they were home. They traveled slower going back slower than coming down. They made more stops for the women, and stopped earlier to rest.
Hodge did the hunting for food; Cale took care of building the fire and the horses.
The women both worked to prepare a meal and clean up afterwards. The two of them worked well together, as though they had done it many times before, and Cale reckoned they had.
While Cale studied on that, Hodge came back with the game. "She's more Huaco than white now. She gets along good with Sarah too."
"Yes, she does…Maybe you take wife; she won't have to go back to her white people…"
"Hodge…" Cale frowned at him, and then slowly smiled. Did Hodge consider him an Indian too?
"I brought sage hen for supper…" Hodge raised the game for him to see.
"Yes, I see that…" Cale frowned at him.
"Be home tomorrow…" Hodge nodded and walked off.
Cale watched him walk off and shook his head.
The woman was promised, and Cale intended seeing she got her chance at that promise…
Chapter Six
"Is this where you live?" Amelia asked, glancing around the farm. The earth had been plowed under for the next year's crop. Trees lined one end of the field, a house stood against the horizon. It looked in good shape too. The barn was big and there was an attached shed. She heard horses in the barn.
"You've got animals in the barn? I heard them. Did you leave them here alone, unattended?"
"Of course I have animals. All farms have animals, and no, I did not leave them unattended." His glance slid over her in a hurry, frustrated that she would even think that.
"But, you've been gone several days, how were they fed and watered?"
"Got a good neighbor."
"Oh…" She nodded. "I see you have chickens, pigs, and I thought I heard a cow…"
"That's right."
"It's a nice place." She murmured almost under her breath. "Much bigger than I expected."
"It's a good size farm. Belonged to my folks." Cale answered.
"How many acres?" She asked her eyes wide.
"Three hundred and sixty."
"That's quite a bit of land to work every day. It is good. But you had a bad crop year?" She asked as though she knew all about farming.
"Yes, because of the drought, mostly." He answered.
He helped her down from her horse and she looked about the place. "It's nice here."
"We like it."
Hodge helped Sarah down from her horse, and she wasted no time at all in going inside. Amelia followed her. Both the women seemed to make themselves at home.
"It is good place," Sarah told Hodge. "I will be very happy here and work hard to help make things grow."
"Yes." Hodge nodded. "It is your home now too. I am pleased you like it."
"We cook for you now. You must rest, it was a long journey." Sarah insisted.
With the two of them in the kitchen, they had supper ready in no time but the men watched in awe. "You'd think they'd been here forever." Cale laughed as they walked out on the porch and stood looking about the place.
"It is good. They work together in harmony." Hodge stared out toward the trees. "White squaw will have trouble with her own people. Cale knows this now."
"I don't know Hodge, I just don't know. She seems to think she's going to have a lot of trouble. You see her fiancé is a lawyer. Real educated." Cale asked whirling about to stare at Hodge. "And you saw how she ate her food, as though she were starved. A refined gentleman might get a little put out with that. But if he loves her, he should be able to cope with it."
"Look at her. She more squaw than white now. She took her shoes off. White people cannot understand that. There will be trouble."
"Yeah, I know, but don't keep saying it in front of her. I want her to get some confidence in herself before she sees him again. Well let's hope everyone doesn't see it your way, Hodge." Cale sighed. Hodge was still trying to pair the woman up with him and he knew it. He couldn't make him understand that there were other people involved in this. "We'll just have to remind her of things as we go along."
Hodge grunted but smiled.
"Let's go feed the horses and put some water out for them." Cale reminded Hodge. "I'll have to thank Henry Taylor for feeding and watering them too."
"Henry is a good man." Hodge grunted. "We have many friends here."
"Yes, and that's a very good thing."
~*~
"I like it here, Sarah. This place is beautiful." Amelia admitted when the men went outside. "Only don't tell Cale that, he might read something into it. But it looks like he and Hodge are good farmers. I've got to admit, I'm surprised. I figured they were dirt farmers with a patch of land. I guess I am guilty of judging them before I knew them."
"Some of your white ways are still there." Sarah laughed. "Yes, it is good. They are hard workers. Make fine husbands." Sarah smiled. "Good providers."
"Only, Cale isn't my husband." Amelia reminded her.
"Yes, that is true…but, do you like him?"
"Yes, mostly. I didn't like to see the gun play, but I guess he was just looking after me. Like he told Iron Kettle. But he's dead set on taking me to my fiancé. And I'm afraid to go there. I'm dreading it actually. You see, my fiancé is a lawyer, a fancy, educated man. He'll expect more of me. I guess I'm a coward. However, I keep thinking about when white men came to our camp, they looked at me as if I was trash. I vowed then, I'd never live with white people again." Amelia admitted. "Although, I have no where else to go…"
"Why? Why you afraid to see your people? Do they not love you as I do?"
Amelia studied that question for a long moment. "I guess I don't know if they do or not."
Amelia continued to peel the potatoes and put them on the stove. She sighed looking at Sarah with a vague smile. "Sarah," she grabbed Sarah's arm and looked her in the eyes. "I've been living with Comanche's and I'm not sure how he'll react to that. I’ll have to remember to use my manners and act like a lady I guess. If I can remember everything. Being a lady doesn't come natural to me any more."
Sarah nodded. "He love you, he understand. But it is true. Yes, many white captives have been afraid to go home. You have not slept with an Indian brave, won't that matter?"
"I don't know. I really don't know. I don't even know if he'll believe me…"
"The Comanche take slaves for wives, why they not want you?"
"I was given a choice since I was such a good slave. I could marry one of the chief's sons, or I could be a slave always. I chose to be a slave, always."
Sarah nodded. "Were the sons ugly?"
Amelia looked at her and smiled. "Some of them. But…even though I adapted to their ways, I did not want to breed with them…"
Sarah nodded again. "And fiancé think you sleep with Indian?"
"I imagine
he will think it…"
"Then he not right man for you, if he not believe you." Sarah saw the distress on her face and took her into an embrace. "You strong woman. But your man…he doesn't sound so good. Maybe you should not go to him."
"That's what I mean. My people are different from the people that live out here. They would have expected me to die, before living with the Indians. And they'll think I did sleep with them. But…I have to go to them, I know that, to see for myself. It's just…well, if he doesn't want me anymore, what should I do? And Cale, what about him? Would he leave me there before I know for sure if I want to stay? You're right, I’m usually strong. But, this is different. This is my people…and I'm afraid they won't accept me, anmore." Amelia cried. "I'm afraid I won't have a home. I'm afraid Cale might leave me there thinking everything is all right, when it isn't. I cannot burden Cale with my problems. Although he knows my problems. I should try to get along with my people…but oh Sarah…I'm not sure I can. I'm not sure I want to live like that again."
"You stay with Sarah then…" Sarah smiled.
"I only wish I could. But Cale wants me to go home. I fear I would not be welcome here either." Amelia told her.
"I talk to Hodge." Sarah insisted as she fried the meat that Hodge brought inside.
"I felt so at home with your people. So accepted. So welcomed. Now…I don't know…"
"Not worry. Hodge fix…."
Amelia shrugged. "I'm not so sure about that."
"You love this man you go to?"
Again she paused, trying to conjure Bertram in her mind and still unable to do so. "That's part of the problem too. It's been so long since I've been around him and things have changed so much. I've changed. I don't know how I will feel." She admitted. "But I know I'm not the same person he was engaged to. I know that with all my heart. I'm afraid he'll see that, very quickly."
"Song bird, thought she lost her husband in battle. He wounded badly, and he was taken by the Apache. He stayed with them for a long time, and then one day he came back. Songbird did not know him. She saw the difference in him. She did not like him and he did not like her."
Heart of a Captive Page 6
