by Billie Dale
I can feel her want for me radiating from her body, her breaths are shallow, her rapid pulse makes the vein in her neck throb and she’s clenching her legs together. She’s trying to fight it but my words have her squirming with need.
Shaking the fog from her head, her eyes returning to normal, she says, “Between the two of us, you’re the sex expert so I’ll take your word for it,” she shrugs. “We better get going, it’s getting late.”
Grabbing our things, feeling the jab she just threw like a kick to the nuts, I enjoy the cold air blasting me on our walk back to her dorm, placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. I tell her I’ll see her tomorrow.
On my way, back to the dorm I send her a text,
K: I keep forgetting to ask. When do you turn eighteen? Inquiring minds want to know, lol.
T: February 14th. Why?
Because I will make you mine on that day Tennie Girl, if I can wait that long, I think but my response to her,
K: Just curious when you would be legal. Don’t want to corrupt you too much before then.
T: Ha, Ha Kohl. Goodnight.
K: Sweet dreams, Tennie Girl.
Chapter Eleven
Sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never harm me. Wrong, words can hurt more than a punch to the face.
—anyone who has ever been bullied
Tensanne
One Month Later, the week before Christmas.
IN CONCLUSION, MY bully was a thirteen-year-old girl with an alcoholic mother who was friends with her target. One day, something irritated her, something about her friend rubbed her the wrong way; that was the first day she decided to slam her friend into a locker. The torment spiraled out of control from there. Through many hits and rumors, these former best friends became enemies. The subject of her bullying taking an overdose of pills and almost losing her life was the tipping point. After years of abuse, the young girl couldn’t take anymore. My subject is now twenty-one years old and in college. There is not a day that goes by that she doesn’t regret the trauma she inflicted on another person. Though she asks for forgiveness from her target, she has never been able to forgive herself, I type finishing up the final paragraphs of Dr. Parker’s bullying assignment. With the beginning of Christmas break tomorrow, our papers are due today.
The final project for the semester. I learned a lot during my time with a former bully. I saw that often they are as troubled as the people they bully. Kohl interviewed the target of my subject but he already submitted his paper before he left for a series of basketball games before the break.
Closing my laptop, after hitting send, I breathe a sigh of relief. Taking the last drink of my potion infused coffee.
“All done?” Ronnie asks.
“Yes, the last assignment, successfully finishing my first semester of college,” feeling happier than I ever have. Completing school work always makes me feel accomplished like I have achieved a life goal but this semester has been a challenge with all the non-schoolwork related bullshit.
“What are your plans for Christmas break?”
“Same as Thanksgiving. I’m going to hang out here in the dorm. I think I may apply for a job at The Brew Station, now that I have a break from classes. I could use the money.”
“You’re not going home?” she asks, knowing that I have already told her but still hopeful that my answer has changed.
“Why would I? After calling Dad, repeatedly, he finally sent me an email saying he was going to work through Christmas in his lab and he wouldn’t even be home. If I’m going to be alone, I would rather do it here.”
Ever since mom left my dad sunk himself into his work. He’s a biological physicist working on a cure for cancer. My mom was the only person who could get him to come out of the lab.
We would travel each day, for as long as I can remember, to his lab and she would get him to laugh at her jokes, eat some treat she brought him while he held me on his lap or when I got too big he would show me his work, then she would get him to dance and we would dance our way out to the car, laughing the whole way. Without her lighting his way, he can’t seem to find his way out of the lab anymore. I tried for a while to go and coax him home but I resemble her too much, I think I brought him more sadness.
“What about your mom?”
“Christmas is depressing enough without trying to connect with Mom again and, before you ask, Kohl will be gone with the team or home with his parents. I’ll be fine here, Ron. Just go home, enjoy the holiday.”
I had tried many times after mom’s accident to reconnect with her. I took pictures to show her and told her stories, anything to try to make her remember. I spent every second with her that I could until eventually she tired of me, which moms never do and ask me to leave her alone. I was a stranger to her. A stranger that kept trying to get her to remember a life she had no recollection of. I still tried at holidays but this year I don’t have it in me to try anymore, my heart can’t take another rejection.
“I feel bad leaving you here by yourself. Don’t you usually go to Wren’s?”
“Wren has been acting weird lately. He’s always staring at me and lurking. We used to spend Christmas Eve curled up on his couch with popcorn and movies but since we had sex he acts differently. Almost possessive, sometimes. Plus, his parents are probably back home with his brothers and there’s no way I’m going to be alone with him all through break.”
“Are you sure? I know you already said no but you can still come home with me.”
“Bring me back some of your mom’s amazing banana pudding and I’ll be good. Plus, I’ll see you on New Year’s Eve.”
Grabbing her suitcase, she gives me a long hug, “You’re withering away on me, Ten. How much weight have you lost now?”
“Just under thirty pounds, but I swear it’s all boob. I’ve gone down two cup sizes.”
Pulling back from the hug, she smiles, “I’m very proud of you. You’ve been working out almost every day, watching what you eat and you have some killer curves. We need to go shopping soon. If you change your mind about Christmas, text me. I’ll come back and get you,” she says heading out the door.
Grabbing my jacket, I enjoy the brisk walk across campus to go fill out an application for a job at the coffee shop. I waited to get one semester done to see that I could handle the homework but I need money; I’m tired of Ronnie having to pay for everything. Between working out, classes, studying and helping Kohl with his classes, I haven’t had much time to do anything else. Now, Kohl is gone to games most of the time, so I need something to do with myself.
The Quad is empty. Only a few students remain on campus. When I have almost reached The Brew Station, I run into Wren.
“Hey, Ten. I was just headed to your dorm,” he says with a smile.
“Hi, Wren.”
“Are you all packed and ready to go?”
“Go where?” I ask, playing dumb.
“To my house for the break. We always spend Christmas together.”
“I can’t this time, Wren. I need to get a job; I’m actually about to apply for a position here at the coffee house.”
“But we have spent break together since we were kids, Tensanne,” he says calmly but the tips of his ears turn red signally he’s getting angry. I’ve known him long enough to read all his signs and right now he’s frustrated with me.
“We’re not kids anymore,” I sigh. “Plus, Dad’s too caught up in Mom’s medical bills and he’s not sending me any money. I don’t have a choice; I need a job.”
“The coffee house is closed Christmas Day, I can come back and get you on Christmas Eve,” he cheers, hopeful.
“No, I’m going to stay here on campus this year. It’s only another day, I’m going to spend it going over what I will need for this semester’s classes. You know how I get on my quest for syllabi.”
His smile fades to a frown and his eyes begin to harden with anger, “This is because of him, isn’t it?” he sneers. “You have some grand delusion that Kohl i
s going to be romantically interested in you. Have you read so many of those trashy books that you think he could want anything more from you than someone to do his homework? Tensanne, you’re not that dumb.”
Raking his eyes up and down my body, “What? Because you’re not as fat as you were, you think you’re attractive to him now? He was with some blonde at a party just last weekend. A hot, skinny girl that you will never be. Ever wonder why he never takes you to the after-game parties or anywhere other than the fitness center? Jesus, open your eyes,” he rages.
How dare he say these things to me, “Kohl is a friend. I have no delusions about what he is or isn’t. He was with a girl last weekend, good,” I lie. Knowing he was with someone else cuts like a knife but I can’t let Wren know it. “We hang out, we work out together, I help him with his homework, he helps me exercise. It is what it is. I’m more attractive to me and that’s all that matters. I don’t give a fuck what you think, what Kohl thinks, or anyone else. I care what I think. I want to love me. So, you run home to mommy’s house and cuddle up with your comic books and superheroes. Have a good holiday, Wren,” I retort stomping away from him and entering The Brew Station.
“Ten, wait,” he calls but it falls on deaf ears.
My blood is boiling. I want to hit something or someone so badly. Wren for his hatefulness, Kohl for his seductive words and flirty ways. I go to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. Staring at my reflection I still see the girl I have always been. Thick glasses, round cheeks, my face a little thinner than it was. I’m still the plain fat girl. Sighing in sadness, I know I need to love myself and I’m getting there but Wren’s words bleed into my soul bringing all my insecurities front and center. Drying my face, pasting on a fake smile, I approach the counter.
Leah, a girl from one of my classes is the barista, “Hey, Ten. What can I get you?”
“Oh, hey Leah. I forgot you worked here. Are you hiring right now?”
“Yes, oh my god, yes. Everyone left for break and we are seriously short staffed. Are you wanting a job?”
“I sure am. Can I get an application?”
“You’re in luck, the boss is here right now, fill this out and I’ll get him to talk to you. We really need you to start right away. You want a coffee while you fill it out? On the house?” she says handing me the application for employment.
Taking the sheet and a pen, I reply, “Yeah, I would love a skinny mocha latte. Thanks, Leah.” I replied moving to a table in the corner. I can’t get Wren’s words out of my head. He was so mean and callous. I have Ronnie and I think I have Kohl, even though him jumping from girl to girl is eating at me, I don’t want to lose Wren. His moods are all over the place, I swear he’s suffering from male PMS.
Focusing on filling in the blanks on the paper, I jump when someone slides into the chair across from me, pushing a cup of coffee in my direction.
“Skinny mocha latte, right?” a deep voice rumbles.
Raising my eyes to the see the source of the sexy sound, I see a man who matches his voice. Dark tanned skin, deep-set whiskey colored eyes reflecting the green of the apron he’s wearing, floppy brownish red hair hanging over his forehead, chiseled face speckled with freckles and a day’s growth of stubble, wide shoulders covered with a white button-down shirt and a cocky grin are sitting across from me.
Extending his hand, he says, “You must be Tensanne. I’m Archer. Archer Boyd. Leah tells me you’re in search of a job?”
He’s a vision in an apron. I swear I heard angels singing when I met his amber colored eyes. Reaching my hand to his, “Y-yes. I’m Tensanne Craig,” a spark zings through from my finger tips to my palm when our hands meet. “You know men suffer from PMS, it’s called IMS. Irritable Male Syndrome. They suffer a drop in testosterone, losing some of their mojo causing them to be bitchy, irritable and angry.” I babble.
Mr. Boyd’s eyebrows arch to his hairline and his mouth hangs open.
“I’m sorry, oh no. I-I tend to blurt useless facts when I’m nervous. Please don’t hold that against me,” I beg, slapping myself for being such a spaz around handsome men.
His lips slowly start to rise until his face is lit with a large smile, “I was unaware that men have PMS, I may be able to use that information someday” he laughs. “Do you have any barista experience?”
“No. I have a little soup kitchen experience but I’ve never worked with coffee. I’m a quick learner though.”
“Are you available to work over break and once the semester starts again?”
“Yes, as long as you can work around my classes and tutoring schedule.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem. Do you live on campus?”
“Yes.”
“Can you start tomorrow?”
“Really? Yes, what time?” I ask bouncing in my chair.
“We open at six a.m. But I think it would be best to start training you after the morning rush, so be here at ten a.m. Welcome to The Brew Station Team, Tensanne Craig.”
“Thank you, Mr. Boyd. I’ll be here at ten.”
“I’m not much older than you, Tensanne. Please call me Archer.”
“Ok, Archer,” I agree, feeling a blush creep up my cheeks. I hate how I blush all the time. I would love to have a stern poker face but no my stupid face turns red and gives away my emotions.
Giving a thumb’s up to Leah, she shouts that she will see me in the morning.
Walking back to the dorm I grab my phone, I can’t wait to tell Kohl. We text each other all the time while he’s at his away games. I’m so excited I got this job, not only will it keep me busy over break but the added money to my pocket is a great thing. My sour mood lightens while I type out a text.
T: I got a job.
K: A job? Why aren’t you on your way home?
I forgot I never told him I was staying on campus for the break.
T: I’m not going home. I got a job at The Brew Station. I start tomorrow.
My phone rings, Kohl’s name lights up my screen, “Hello.”
“Why aren’t you going home and why did you get a job?” he clips.
“Hello to you too, Kohl,” I sass. “I don’t want to go home. Wren got shitty with me because I’m not going home with him and I need money. My boss’s name is Archer. How cool is that? It’s the name of my favorite Mia Sheridan character. I think it’s a good omen,” I ramble.
“I’m sorry, Tennie Girl, I’m having a shit day,” he pauses. “Hello. Now, tell me why you’re not going home and why Archer Boyd gave you a job?” he cheers.
“You know Archer?”
“Yeah, he was in some of my classes. Still waiting to know why you’re not going home and what do you mean Wren got shitty with you?”
“I don’t have anything to go home to. I needed some money so I applied for a job and I got it. Wren is all piss hurt because I don’t want to come home with him for break like we always have in the past. He said some hateful things, I said some mean things and we went our separate ways. Why are you having a shitty day?” I ask.
The thought of Kohl with a blonde at a party is gnawing at my insides. I want to ask him but I know I don’t have a reason to. The longer we talk, the longer it stews in my brain.
* * *
Kohl
“Black,” Coach yells, “Remove your head from your ass. You’re playing like shit. Get your head back in the game or I’ll put someone else in your starting spot.”
Fuck, that game sucked. My head was back on campus wondering what Ten was doing.
Wondering if she was headed home, worried about her seeing her mom and how she would be treated by her Dad. Trying to figure out how I’m going to go three weeks without seeing her. My chest getting tighter and tighter the more I thought about it.
Now the coach is busting my ass for my shitty playing, this day needs to end. We’re headed back to campus and then home for a break.
Relationships complicate things, the focus I need on the court is with the bewitching girl back on campu
s. Fuck em’ and leave em’ was a hell of a lot easier than biding my time as a friend until I can make my move. Wondering if I will ever be able to call her mine is driving me batshit crazy.
“Where’s your mind at, Black? Back on campus with the fatty? She’s not such a fatty anymore, she’s getting some killer curves on her plump body. Maybe I could get her to send me a new picture. What do you think, Black? Should I chat up Tensanne again?” Chase ponders standing by my locker, his mouth tipped up with a cocky grin.
Jumping off the bench, I slam him to the lockers with a forearm to the throat, “Stay the fuck away from Tensanne, Masters,” I hiss through gritted teeth. The thought of him anywhere near her makes my blood boil.
Jackson and Brendon pull us apart, “Stop this shit, you two. No pussy is worth this, Kohl. We’re your brothers, your teammates,” Brendon says holding me back by my elbows.
“She’s not just pussy, Brendon. Watch your words,” I grit.
“He ain’t even rolling it in flour to find the wet spot on that fat ass. I guarantee he hasn’t hit that yet. Her knees are super glued together,” Chase roars from behind Jackson.
“Enough, Masters. Back the fuck off or I’ll tell Coach you’re the one who sent the picture around,” Jackson yells, probably the most words I have ever heard him say.
“You’re taking his side, Raines? What the hell?” Chase spews checking over his shoulder to make sure no one else heard what Jackson said.
“I’m taking the side of our team. You both need to forget Tensanne Craig and get your heads in the only place the matters. The game,” Jackson booms releasing Chase.
Pushing off Brenden, I grab my shit and head out to the bus. Once we leave we’re done with this stretch of games. We get to return home for the rest of break.
The ride back to campus is six hours. Kicking back in my seat I see a text from Ten saying something about getting a job. There is now way I’m going to forget about her she’s embedded to far inside now.
Why isn’t she on her way home? Why the fuck did she get a job? I talk to her every day, why the fuck don’t I know what’s going on.
