by Billie Dale
I HATED TO leave her in bed this morning but I had to get to practice. Walking into the gym I see my teammates huddled around Chase, watching something on his phone.
Curiosity gets the best of me, I start toward them when Jackson steps in front of me, grabbing me by my shirt. Growling at me, he roars, “What the fuck have you done, Black?”
Throwing his hands off, I shove him back, “I haven’t done anything. What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You haven’t done anything? Then what the fuck is this?” he yells, shoving his phone in front of my face.
A video is playing of a woman. My woman. My woman lying on the bed, spread before the camera. From the angle of the footage, I can’t be seen in the shot. It’s set up like I’m the one holding the camera and the song You Look Wonderful Tonight is playing as the soundtrack blocking her voice.
“What the fuck?” I hiss. “W-where did you get this, Raines?”
“It’s everywhere, man. On every social media site, with the views growing exponentially by the minute. You didn’t do this?”
“Mother fu- No, I didn’t do this. Oh, no. Oh fuck, no. Tensanne,” I scream, running out of the gym with the sounds of the coach yelling at me to get back to practice.
I run across campus, my legs burning from pushing them so hard. I must get to her. This will devastate her.
I rush to the sorority house where I left her sleeping. All the girls of the house are standing in the doorway, arms crossed in front of their chest, forming a wall.
Pushing, I try to get through, “Move, damn it. I have to get to her.”
“She’s not here,” one of them yells.
“What do you mean she’s not here? Where the fuck is she?”
“You need to leave now, you stupid son of a bitch,” another girl rages.
“I didn’t do this,” I scream, “Please, where is she?” I sob, tears rimming my eyes, I don’t care how much of a pussy it makes me.
One of the girls takes pity on me, “She went back to her dorm,” she says.
Turning, I sprint across campus to Tensanne dorm. Using my key card, she gave me, I rush inside. Flying up the stairs two at a time until I reach her door. Panting, I try to open the door. It’s locked, so I knock.
Ronnie opens the door. I get just a glimpse of Ten curled up on her bed.
“Get the fuck out of here, Kohl” Ronnie screams in my face. “What? Did you come to gloat at the damage you’ve done? See the destruction?” she spews, shoving me across the hall.
“Please, Ronnie. I didn’t do this. You have to believe me,” I plead.
“You expect me to believe that? There were only two people in that room, Kohl. You and her. I know she didn’t do it. Plus, how convenient that you’re not in the footage, huh?”
Dropping to my knees on the floor, a tear running down my cheek, “I swear, Ronnie, I didn’t do this. P-please, let me see her?” I cry.
“I warned you not to hurt her, Kohl. You need to fucking leave.”
“Tensanne! Tensanne, please, I didn’t do this,” I scream, hoping she’ll open the door and at least talk to me.
Drawing back, Ronnie kicks me in the nuts then slams the door in my face. I curl up on my side and vomit all over the floor. My chest burns like my heart is being ripped out. I feel my world crumble around me.
I lay there for hours, but she never opens the door.
Jackson looms over me in the hall, “If you didn’t do it then we need to find out who did, and we need to get it taken down,” grabbing my arm, dragging me up off the floor, “Come on, I know a guy we can see,” he says.
My world has imploded in a matter of hours. The happy glow from a wonderful night with a woman I love has turned into a nightmare come to life. Why, why would someone do this? I can’t breathe without my girl, I don’t want to exist without her.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
When the world stops spinning, it’s time to get off the ride.
—Tensanne to herself
Tensanne
Two-Days Later
“TENSANNE, YOU NEED to eat. Come on, honey. Just a little, please,” Ronnie begs.
I ignore her pleas, staying curled up in my bed with my back to her. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to think.
Every kiss, every touch, every compliment and declaration of love, it was all lies. A sick joke on the fat girl. I’m so fucking stupid. I thought he loved me. I believed the lies in his eyes. The man deserves an Oscar award for his performance. He deserves a medal for taking one for the team and fucking the un-fuckable.
This pain is so harsh my heart aches in my chest. My eyes are so swollen from tears I can barely see when I do bother to open them. My heart is at war with my mind. I know what he did but I know what I felt and I can’t coincide the two.
Shooting up in the bed, “Ronnie, I need you to take me somewhere.”
Rubbing her hand over my hair, “Sure, honey. Anywhere you want to go.”
Wrapping myself in the best disguise I can create with sunglasses and a large hat, we head to her car. Driving through town, stopping at the store with a big neon palm on the window.
Bursting through the door, I rush to the counter passing two women perusing the books on the way. When I reach the middle of the store I meet the white eyes of Esmeralda, the lady that started all this bullshit, with the promise of a love potion.
“You lied to me,” I shout through tears. I don’t know how I have any left after days of crying. “You told me to believe, you said I would find love, you lied,” I yell.
“He used me—he used me and ruined me. I believed. Now fix it, please. Give me something that will make it right again,” I beg.
“No, Tensanne Craig. There vas no magic. The potion I gave yous for love vas nothing more zan vater. Yous needed to find the love inside yourself. To love anyone else is impossible if yous can’t love you.”
“No, you told me to believe. Believe and I would find love. You said some Mulo wanted me to have it and I found it, I thought. I really thought he loved me. Please, there must be a potion that can make it all go away. At least make this hurt go away.”
Reaching out, she touches my hand, “Yous found love in yourself, yes? Yous started to see how great yous are, yes? It’s all in the mind, girl. Yous had to believe, but it vasn’t a belief in a potion, it was a belief in yous. The truth potion is the only potion that vas magic. I gave yous a vay to protect your heart, did yous use it?”
Sobbing, with my arms wrapped around me, trying to hold my pieces together, “No, I didn’t. I believed what his eyes were telling me. You told me to believe his eyes.”
“What happens now is up to yous. Sometimes vhat is seen on the outside is not true. Seek deep within, Tensanne. Search deep and yous will see.”
Pulling my hand away, “Fuck you, lady. Fuck you, your magic and believing, you promised me magic, you promised me love and now you say it was only water. Bullshit. You and your Mulo can shove magic right up your ass.” I shout storming out of the store with Ronnie right behind me.
How dare this woman offer me happiness on a silver platter in the form of a magic potion. How dare she meddle in my life and tell me a bunch of fucked up crap about believing only to tell me that there was no real magic. She destroyed my life with her promises.
“I can’t stay here, Ronnie,” I wail on the drive back to campus. “The photo thing was bad enough, I’m not sure I can survive this. I quit, I’m done. It’s time for me to go home.”
“Tensanne, I don’t want to lose you. Have you thought about talking to Kohl? I know he’s an uber dickhead but, at least, maybe, you could get some closure. I don’t want to play devil’s advocate but he was so broken in the hall that day.”
“You won’t lose me, Ron. I just won’t be on campus anymore. I don’t want to hear what he needs to say. I don’t want to see his lying face.”
I stop a few doors down from ours seeing a familiar face standing in the hall. Long brown hair, plump curvy body and a face tha
t resembles mine only older.
“Mom?” I ask, stunned.
“Tennie Girl, I remember,” she cries smiling with her arms open, tears streaming down her face.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Keep it simple, stupid”
—unknown
Kohl
I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I can to try to get her to talk to me. I have blown up her phone with text messages, lingered outside her dorm and classes but she hasn’t answered or left. She’s completely cut me out of her world.
The pain in my chest makes taking my next breath hard. I hate not seeing her every day, hearing her voice, seeing her smile. My life is lost without her in it. I have no focus, I have no heart left.
Jackson and I had as many of the videos pulled down as we could. The friend he had is a genius with computers and was able to stop most the feeds. There are still a few straggling videos people saved and try to repost but when they go live, this guy pulls them down. I don’t know how Jackson got him to do it all for free but I will owe him till the end of time for the favor.
I’ve hit a dead end with every lead to the source of the video. I went back to the sorority house searching for cameras and found nothing. I asked who had access to the room before the party and no one seems to remember anyone being in there.
The computer guy traced the video as far as he could go and kept getting tied up in multiple start points. Whoever shared this damn thing knew what they were doing; this person knew how to set the video to make it like I was one filming it and they knew to cover her voice. I have racked my brain to figure out who would be that set on our destruction that they would ruin her in the process. I know it wasn’t Chase. He has been on his best behavior since the night of the party at Mayor Leelands but that didn’t stop him from sharing the damn thing and making comments about it. A two-minute video destroyed everything.
I never had the chance to tell her about my offer from the Pacers and the deadline has come. Without her, there is no reason for me to stay; no reason for me to turn down the offer. I had hoped we could make it work until she graduated; that our love would survive the trials and tribulations of a long-distance relationship.
After hours of soul searching, I realize that she never believed in us, or me. For her to think that I would do something so cruel proves somewhere in her mind she was waiting for it to fall apart. Her insecurities won, in the end. I know now we couldn’t have survived. She was searching for her happiness in me and that’s not how it works. For someone to be happy they must be able to find happiness within themselves, to fully give your heart to someone you must be able to love yourself and sadly she couldn’t do that.
Video or no video, her inability to love herself would have destroyed us in time. With me being on the road, with the women and the press breathing down our neck her trust issues would have eaten her alive.
Sitting at my desk, my eyes swollen with unshed tears, I empty everything my heart holds into my final words. My only hope is she will see and feel that what we have is real. That she will be able to find love within and understand I would rather cut my own heart out of my chest than to ever hurt hers.
Chapter Thirty
“I will be here for you until I can’t be here anymore.”
—a mom to her daughter
“Good, because I’m going to need you for a long time.”
—a daughter to her mom.
Tensanne
“MOM?” I CALL. Blinking my eyes to make sure I’m haven’t created a hallucination formed from my grief.
“Tennie Girl, I remember,” she sobs with her arms open and tears in her streaming down her cheeks.
“Y-you remember?” I wail collapsing in her arms. Feeling safe for the first time since I lost the safety of Kohl’s embrace.
Holding me in a tight hug, her familiar strawberry scent fills me with warmth and memories, “Yes, my baby girl. I remember everything.”
Tears streaming down my face, “H-how?”
“Come, come,” Ronnie says, “Let’s not do this in the hallway.”
I don’t want to let go. If this is a dream, I never want to wake up. Gripping her hand, we move into our room.
“Let me see you, my gorgeous girl. You’re so grown up, so radiant. I’ve missed so much,” my mom cries.
“How, Mom? When? Does Dad know?”
“It started slowly with flashes here and there. Mental snapshots of you when you were a little girl. Tucking you in, playing in the park, laughing at dinner. Just bits and pieces. I didn’t want to come to you until I was sure they were going to stay. I couldn’t put you through the pain of me forgetting again. Then, yesterday, it all flooded into my brain. Everything, from the time I found out I was having you, up to the day of the accident,” she explains wringing her hands in her lap. “I rushed to the doctor in a full anxiety attack. He had told me there was a chance that it would all come back someday but I was too bitter to have hope. I’m so, so sorry that I pushed you away; that I was hateful and cold.”
“Mom, no. Stop,” I beg grabbing her trembling hands.
Sorrow fills her eyes. She sighs, “I was so angry that I couldn’t remember you or your dad. You were strangers. I was afraid and wanted a normal life. I know that’s not good enough. That my excuses are not a reason. I hope you will forgive me. I don’t think I could live without you in my life, not anymore,” she sobs.
“Oh, Mom,” I cry, embracing her when a knock sounds at the door.
My eyes zero in on the door with a scowl.
Ronnie moves to see who’s knocking, “I got it,” she calls. “Don’t give me that look, Tensanne. I know you don’t want to see anyone but we can’t just sit here and let them keep knocking.”
Not being able to see, I hear Ronnie. “Hello, may I help you?”
“I think we may be able to help you if you will let us,” a female voice says.
“I’m sorry, but do I know you?” Ronnie responds.
“Esmeralda asked us to stop by. She requested that we talk to Tensanne Craig. Is she available?” another feminine voice asks.
Hands on her hips, head swaying side to side Ronnie rages, “Esmeralda? You mean that crazy Gypsy lady that started all this bullshit? No, no way. You need to—”
Feeling a small breeze across my skin and hearing chimes in my ears, “Let them in, Ron,” I interrupt. A small seed of hope blooming in my stomach. Esmeralda sent them maybe that means she has a way to give me back what was broken.
Turning her head to me, her eyes wide, “Are you sure?”
“What’s going on, Tennie Girl?” Mom questions.
“Fine, come in,” Ronnie huffs.
A pretty, younger girl, around my age, enters first, followed by a pregnant woman.
“Thank you,” the young girl nods to me.
Walking to me, the pregnant lady says, “Hello, Tensanne. My name is Shayden Reigh and this is my daughter, Bryenna. I was in the shop when you came in earlier. I’m sorry but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. Esmeralda is a good friend of mine. She explained what’s going on and I think with the help of a special friend and a little bit of magic, I can help you.”
“How, exactly, can you help?” I ask. “Can you make everything that has happened disappear?”
Her face scrunches up, she places one hand on her bulging belly one hand to her lower back, “May I sit, please? This baby is using my kidneys as a punching bag and my bladder as a trampoline.”
“Oh, God. Yes, please. Ronnie grabs her a chair,” I say signaling to Ronnie.
Plopping down in the chair, she sighs, “Ahhh, thank you. Now, Esmeralda said she gave you two potions. One to help you love and one to help you see the truth, correct?”
“Yes, but she said the love potion was nothing.”
Smiling sweetly, she says, “Yes, she likes to be a little cryptic sometimes and when the Mulo speaks to her she listens. Though you are suffering right now, Esmeralda’s intentions were pure. You believed. Using the potion
, you believed in love, magic and, eventually, in yourself, right?”
Throwing my hands in the air with a huff, “Yes. I also found Kohl, who turned out to be an asshole, because of that potion. I should have never trusted a woman that snowballs her family into believing that she can’t speak. Damn Gypsy woman.”
“Tensanne Marie, what the hell is going on?” my mom demands.
“I’ve had a rough few months, Mom,” I reply, staring at my hands in my lap letting the verbal vomit spill from my lips, I tell her everything that has happened. The viral photo I sent to Chase, the visit to the Gypsy shop, the potion, the friendship with Kohl, the love I thought we shared and the ending viral video of me in bed.
With her hand to her mouth, she gasps, “Oh, Ten. Oh, my sweet girl,” she cries holding me tightly. “I’m so sorry you have had to handle this on your own.”
“It hurts, Mommy. My chest hurts, my eyes hurt from crying. I can’t go to class. I can’t leave the room. I wanted his love so badly, I wanted to believe his beautiful words but they were all lies. He never loved me, he never wanted me and now everything is ruined,” I wail, burying my head into her hair. I feel the ache in every molecule of my body while I take comfort in her embrace.
Pulling away I wipe the tears from my face, taking a deep breath in, I plop down on my bed feeling defeat consume my soul. Turning to Shayden, “Can you make it go away?” I ask, hoping she has the ability to reverse time.
The daughter, Bryenna, kneels in front of me. “We can’t turn back time. Changing the past is never the answer. If you erase the past then you could make the same mistakes again. What we can offer you is a little piece of solace. I have a friend that can ease your pain, take away some of this heartache.”
“How?” I whimper.
Shayden stands, waddles toward the window. She waves her hand creating a blinding white light. From the light flutters a sparkling, shining pink glow that glides through the air, and lands on Bryenna’s shoulder. I’m astonished and in awe that real magic exists. The potion may not have been what I believed it to be but Shayden has shown me I was not a complete fool to put faith in magic.
