by Nina Levine
He regarded me for a few moments, holding my hand in silence. When he placed it gently back on the bed, he said, “It’s a bitter pill to swallow, though. It’s a mistake I won’t make again.”
Monroe asked him a few questions, but I couldn’t keep up with them. Tiredness took over and as much as I tried to keep my eyes open, I couldn’t. The last thing I heard King say was, “As soon as we find him, Tatum will know.”
Sleep claimed me then, and I drifted into a web of nightmares where I never saw Nitro again.
43
Nitro
“The Unforgiven” by Metallica
It had been three days since I’d seen Tatum. I’d dreamt of her during the fitful bouts of sleep I’d had in those days. Mostly I had nightmares about her not surviving Joseph’s torture. In reality, I knew she would most likely have been okay once she’d sought medical treatment. But my mind liked to fuck with me and make me deal with my darkest fears. Never seeing her again was a nightmare that wouldn’t let up.
Joseph still had me locked away in the tiny room where I’d been for days. The four walls closed in on me a little more each day, but still I managed to keep my shit together, even when I’d ended up with hypothermia the day before. Joseph had been furious with William over that. He’d abandoned his harsh treatment of me for the day and given me excellent medical care, which meant I was okay. Exhausted, but at least I was still alive.
The day passed slowly. William didn’t show his face, but Joseph spent some time with me. He’d surprised me by talking about his plans for the Sydney arm of his operation. Sitting with him for those hours, listening to everything he’d said and pretending to be interested in it made me feel sick. But I’d got through it by telling myself that my chance to end all this would come soon enough. I just had to be patient.
He’d left me alone for hours in the afternoon. Stir crazy and me spent that time together. I was close to climbing the walls by the time he returned later that night.
Jerking his chin towards the door, he said, “Come. We have that meeting with Eric Bones and I want you there again.”
I followed him down the long hallway and out into the open-plan area of the warehouse. There were fewer men there than I’d assumed. William was nowhere to be seen, and I wondered where he was. In total, there were only six men. They were unloading a semi-trailer full of large wooden boxes, stacking them onto pallets.
We cut through the area and exited the building into the dark night. The outside wasn’t lit up and it took my eyes a moment to adjust, but when they did, I could see we were alone.
Joseph headed towards the Jeep parked at the end of the building. He insisted I walk ahead of him. Again, I wondered where William was.
“William not coming with us?” I asked.
“No.” His reply was short and begged no more discussion, so I left it alone. I was intrigued as hell, though. Those two seemed as united as they had nineteen years ago, but maybe appearances were misleading.
We reached the Jeep, and as Joseph unlocked it, the sound of someone running our way drew our attention.
“Joseph, wait up!” William called out, and I heard the hiss of disapproval that left Joseph’s mouth.
“I told you that Rhys and I would do this alone,” he snapped.
William came to a halt when he reached us. Ignoring me, he said, “You need me.”
“Not tonight I don’t.”
I watched as William exploded in front of me. For a man whose emotions were always so contained, this told me there was something very wrong between them.
“I have been with you from the very beginning, Joseph. Loyal to a fucking fault. No way am I going to sit back and watch while your asshole nephew worms his way into my spot. No fucking way!”
Rage contorted Joseph’s face and he made the mistake I’d been waiting days for. He turned his back on me to roar something at William. I didn’t take in what he said because I was too focused on the gun holstered at his waist. His shirt covered it, but I made out the shape.
There was no time for thinking; I had to react. Reaching out, I pulled his gun from the holster at the same time as I hooked my arm around his neck and squeezed him hard. His fingers curled around my arm, trying to pry it away, but I tightened my grip, determined not to let go, even if every movement hurt my aching body.
My intent had been to shoot William first, before he could react, but the fucker’s reflexes were faster than I thought they would be. I pointed the gun at him while he aimed his at me.
“Put the fucking gun down, Rhys, or I will shoot you!” he bellowed.
Adrenaline surged through me. It blocked out enough of the pain I was in so I could focus on what I had to do. “You let me kill him and his business is yours, William.” It was a lie. I would never allow William to walk away from this alive.
Joseph tried to fight me off, his body jerking in my hold. “He’s lying, William!” he yelled.
“Am I? Tell me, William, what have you received in return for your decades of loyalty to this man? Besides him fucking your wife, that is.” I had no idea if that was true, but I didn’t doubt it could be.
When William froze, I knew I’d hit gold.
“Lies!” Joseph roared. “It’s a goddam lie and you know it.”
I watched William closely, waiting for his attention to be distracted enough for me to shoot him. However, his army training was too ingrained and he didn’t take his eyes off me for one second.
“I’m not sure I believe you, Joseph,” he said. “I know for a fact that you’ve slept with—”
A shot rang out in the night air and a bullet cut William off. He stopped talking and fell to the ground at the same time as a voice yelled out, “Nitro, we’ve got you covered, brother.”
King.
Joseph continued to struggle in my hold, and since I didn’t have William to contend with, I turned and shoved Joseph up against the car. Our eyes locked and in his I saw his huge ego. He didn’t believe it was the end for him.
Pointing my gun at his head, I said, “You think your men are going to come out here and save your ass, don’t you?”
“Of course they are, Rhys. I don’t know why you thought you would get away with this.”
The sound of heavy footsteps filled my ears and then King spoke. “You underestimated my club, Joseph.”
Multiple gunshots sounded from inside the warehouse, and I knew Joseph’s men wouldn’t be an issue. His eyes widened at the realisation.
“That’s what happens when you believe in your own importance a little too much,” I said.
He managed to catch me by surprise when he shoved hard against me. I stumbled backwards, my heart hammering in my chest.
The moment had come.
The one that should have happened nineteen years ago.
My regret over not putting him in the ground then would never ease. Not since I knew the full extent of what he’d done to my family.
As I stumbled backwards, time slowed, and a movie reel of memories played in my mind. All the evil he’d perpetrated. My eyes met his and I screamed my hatred at him silently. Pointing the gun at his temple as he came at me, I shot him.
The reel of memories stopped.
My breathing slowed.
My body stilled.
King’s hand on my arm snapped me back to attention. He didn’t speak. He just nodded at me. Then he said, “I’ll give you a few minutes, but we need to get out of here soon.”
I looked down at Joseph and breathed through my rushing emotions. So many fucking emotions. They flooded my entire body and I didn’t know what to do with them. After two decades of shutting them down, it was like a sucker punch.
“Fuck,” I roared as my body jerked in agony. “You fucking asshole! You screwed us up and I never fucking knew just how much.”
I bent at the waist and placed my hands on my knees. Sucking air down in long gasps, I attempted to gather my thoughts. My head was a clusterfuck and I had no idea how long it would take
me to sort through it. All I knew was that everything had changed. Every-fucking-thing.
Straightening, I lifted the gun again and pumped more bullets into Joseph’s head.
I then took one last deep breath.
Joseph was the past.
My future stretched ahead of me and never again would I allow anyone to hurt those I loved.
44
Tatum
“Halo” by Beyonce
“Mum!”
Where was she?
I ran to her bedroom to find her.
She wasn’t there.
I searched the whole house.
She was nowhere.
Tears fell down my cheeks as my body crumpled against the wall.
My heart raced in my chest.
She was always home. She never left us alone after school.
Chris entered the room and I knew from his face and the way his shoulders hunched over a little that he didn’t have anything good to tell me.
“Mum’s gone,” he said, waving a piece of paper in the air, his eyes sad. “And she’s never coming back.”
“Vegas, I’ve got you.” Nitro’s voice cut into my nightmare, and I blinked my eyes open.
My heart beat faster as I stared up at him. I wasn’t sure if he was really there or part of my dream. The sunlight filtered through the curtain, though, slanting rays of sunshine across his bruised face.
It was him.
He really was standing in front of me.
My nightmare slayer.
He stopped me when I tried to sit up. Shaking his head, he said, “Don’t move, it’ll hurt too much.”
My mind raced with a million questions and my body felt like it would burst from the happiness rushing through it. “How? When did you get here? Is he dea—”
He placed a finger to my lips, silencing me. “It’s early still. Go back to sleep. We’ll talk later.”
Like fuck.
I’d been waiting for him to come home for days. There was no way I could sleep even if I wanted to.
“I’m not sleeping, so you should just start talking now.” Thank goodness my throat wasn’t as sore anymore. It’d be easier to argue with him if necessary.
His lips twitched. “There’s my girl,” he rumbled quietly. Sitting on the chair that had been Monroe’s for days, he said, “He’s dead.” It was as if the words had been ripped from the darkest part of his soul. I felt every sliver of his torment.
Overwhelming relief hit me like a tonne of bricks. My tears fell uncontrollably, and Nitro reached out to wipe them away. I stopped him and said, “It hurts to touch my face.”
He moved his hand away, and I caught the clench of his fist as he did. His eyes travelled the length of my body before he looked back at my face. “I’m so sorry, Tatum.”
The raw agony I heard in his voice and the devastation I saw in his eyes only made me cry harder. I reached for him, grasping for any contact. It hurt so much to do, but I didn’t care. I needed his skin. His touch. When I found his hand, I linked my fingers through his. The instant calm I felt was what I’d been searching for. “You have nothing to be sorry for. If it wasn’t for you, I might not be here now.”
“If it wasn’t for me, you would never have ended up like this.”
I stared at him, letting my gaze trace his face. This man had been to hell and back for me and his family, and yet he had no care for himself. All he worried about was us.
“We’re going to have to agree to disagree on this one, champ. These bruises and all this shit you see… it will disappear and heal. But my life? You gave me that, in ways you might never understand, and for that, I will be eternally grateful.”
His gaze dropped to my lips and lingered there for a long time. “I want to kiss you,” he murmured, deep in thought. He found my eyes again. “I won’t, but I need you to know how fucking much I want to right now.”
My tears that had almost dried up began flowing again. I was beginning to think they might never stop. Usually I hated crying in front of others, but with Nitro, I let them fall and didn’t think twice. He was my safe place.
Moving closer to the bed, he gave my hand a gentle squeeze. The way he looked at me made me think he was about to say something that would make me cry more, but in the end, he said, “Did you just call me champ?”
It was such an out-of-the-blue question that I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, I did.”
His lips curled into a smile, but he didn’t say anything.
“Is that okay?” I asked.
“You can call me anything you fucking want, Vegas. Gotta say, though, I’m not sure about you using it when I make you come.”
I grinned. “Let’s test it out. See what you think.”
He chuckled. And then he did something that made my cold, dark heart melt. He stood and gently placed a kiss on my forehead. A lingering kiss. It was as if he’d wrapped every tender emotion he could find in that kiss and given them to me.
“I never want to lose you.” His eyes met mine and there was a fierce determination there that hadn’t been there a moment ago. “You’re mine, Tatum.”
I pulled his face down to my level. Our lips didn’t meet, but our souls did. “You’re mine, too.”
* * *
I fell asleep, waking again at lunchtime. Monroe sat next to me instead of Nitro and I frantically searched the room for him. I needed him to be there.
Monroe touched my hand. “He’s stepped out for a minute, babe. He’ll be back soon.”
I took a deep breath. “Fuck, Roe, for a minute there I thought I’d dreamt him being here this morning. My heart can’t take much more of this.”
“Vegas.”
My gaze immediately flicked to the door to find Nitro standing there watching me. He’d clearly heard what I said and seemed affected by it. I regretted that, but it was the truth—my heart really couldn’t take too much more. I’d gone from keeping everyone out to cracking myself wide open for him. And it hurt so damn much to think of him not being there.
“I’m just waiting for a call from King. You good until then?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
He shifted his gaze to Monroe, and they had a moment before he turned and left.
She turned to face me, her eyes wide. “Jesus, sister, that man has gone all territorial over you. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“He turned up late last night, and I mean late. Like, it was really fucking clear he wasn’t waiting for this morning to come and see you. The nurse tried to send him away, but he refused to leave. He made a song and dance about it and they eventually gave in. I was almost asleep when he woke me up and told me to go home. Told me he had this now, which I’m guessing means he has you now. I argued with him for a while, but honestly, I don’t know how you do it, he just doesn’t fucking give in.”
I smiled. “You feel my pain. He’s a bossy fucker sometimes.” I couldn’t deny it, though; I loved the fact he wanted to be here that badly.
“Sometimes?”
Laughing, I conceded, “Okay, maybe more than sometimes.”
She leant back in her seat and crossed her legs while angling her body towards me. “I got here just after nine this morning, and he did leave for just over an hour to go home and shower. Other than that, he’s been here the whole time watching over you like a hawk.” She dropped her voice. “I’ve gotta tell you, it’s kinda hot. I think I might add bossy to my list of required things for my man.”
“So you want a bossy guy who knows when to back off and when to take charge, who picks up after himself and has a pierced dick?”
She shook her head at me like I was clueless. “Babe, when you get out of here, you and I need to sit down so I can show you my list. There are a lot more things on it that just that.”
I shifted and cried out as a shot of pain hit. It caused me to suck in a breath and close my eyes while I panted through it. When I opened my eyes again, Nitro stood i
n front of me, concern all over his face.
“The nurse is on her way,” he said. “What else do you need?”
“Nothing, I’m good.”
He pursed his lips. “You’re in a hospital, in a shitload of pain. There’s gotta be something I can get for you to help take your mind off it.”
I lifted a brow. “You’re in a shitload of pain, too, Nitro. How about you sit your ass down and just be with me? That would help me take my mind off it.”
He gave me the look that told me I’d amused him. “We’re not talking about me. We’re discussing you. Give me something here, Vegas.”
“Oh dear Lord,” Monroe said. “You two are too much for me. I might head into work and see what I’ve missed over the last few days if you’re cool with that, babe.”
I nodded. “Yes, you should go. But bring me more Milo tonight, okay?”
“Fuck,” Nitro muttered. “I ask you what you want and you give me nothing. I can get you fucking Milo.” He stared at me with frustration, and I had to contain my laughter.
Monroe grinned. “She has a way of annoying the fuck out us, right? Never wants to be a burden, blah, blah, blah. Good luck, you’re gonna need it. But I’m telling you now, big fella, you bring her Milo, and I’ll make you hurt. The Milo is our thing.”
With that, she grabbed her bag and exited the room while I laughed and Nitro stared after her with an expression I couldn’t quite read.
When he turned back to me, he jerked his head in the direction she’d left. “You two definitely have the same genes.”
“Does that mean you like her?” Randall had hated Monroe. He couldn’t stand her “tell it like it is” manner and it had been awful trying to bring them together.
“I don’t think we’re gonna have a problem, but she’s dreaming if she thinks I’m not getting you Milo.”
“You didn’t really answer my question,” I said softly, realising how important it was to me that he got on with her. They were my two people; I needed them to like each other.
