by Barb Han
“In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t need to worry about your men chasing after me. I seem to have attracted my own jerk intent on doing me harm all by my lonesome,” Ella barked, ignoring the shivers racing up her arms with Holden this close. “I’m guessing someone wants to see my family suffer or has something to gain by targeting me after killing my father, but I have no idea what or who. So how’s that for infuriating?”
“You should probably calm down,” Holden said.
And that was like pouring gasoline on a fire. Ella pushed to her feet quickly.
“Because what? I’ll raise my blood pressure? Have a heart attack?” She was really getting worked up now, like an out-of-control wildfire she couldn’t douse, the flames roaring inside her. “In case you haven’t noticed, I may not live to see tomorrow so I’ll scream all I want.”
Holden pushed up to his feet, too, and was standing inches away from her. She could see his chest rise and fall rapidly as his hands came up to cup her face.
“Because we’ll make mistakes if we let emotions override rational thinking. It’s best for Rose if no one knows we’re here. I’m thinking about doing what’s right for her, for you.” There was something so calming about his physical presence. “Not kissing you is taking what little self-discipline I have left after last night, but I’m not doing it because I care about you. We’ll figure out who’s after you and I’ll make sure the person responsible is locked away for a very long time or buried ten feet under. It’ll be his choice. But, damn it, when this is over, I have every intention of walking away from you and never looking back.”
His gaze had narrowed and his lips thinned.
Ella grabbed a fistful of his T-shirt, her knuckles meeting a wall of muscle.
“You may be able to stop yourself from kissing me but what will you do, Holden Crawford, when I kiss you?” she asked, locking onto his gaze. Her cheeks flushed against his hungry stare. And she might be baiting a bull, but she didn’t care.
“It would be a mistake on your part,” he said. His eyes had that dark, hungry look she’d seen moments before the first time he’d kissed her.
“What makes you say that?” she continued, knowing full well that she was enticing him.
“Because you don’t have any idea what you’re really asking for,” he stated. And then he turned away from her and sat down at the laptop.
Neither frustration nor rejection would stop Ella at this point. She took the couple of steps toward Holden and straddled his thighs. He could ignore her once they were face-to-face.
“I’m a grown woman. You’re a consenting adult male,” she said, and she could see that he was considering her words.
He brought his hands up to grip her hips and her stomach quivered.
“Believe me, you don’t want anything to do with me,” he said before leaning forward to rest his forehead on hers. “It would be a mistake to think otherwise.”
There was that word again. Mistake.
He seemed determined to avoid anything good that could happen between them. He couldn’t let go of the past and she couldn’t compete with a ghost. No amount of logic could change a man who was so strong willed.
Ella stood up.
“Mistakes don’t define a person. Everybody makes those. It’s part of how we learn. But choices do,” she said before walking out of the room.
He could take it or leave it. Ella was done.
* * *
AN HOUR HAD passed and Holden still hadn’t found the right words to say to Ella about whatever was happening between them. He felt it, too. The current running between them was strong and powerful. And just like a power cord in water, dangerous.
“Why do you really owe my father?” Ella asked as she entered the room.
The question caught Holden off guard.
“I already told you.” He didn’t look up, didn’t need to. She was watching him and he could feel her glare roaming over him. Yeah, she was giving him the signal that would normally make him react differently, but he didn’t go into anything deeper than a one-night fling without both parties being completely aware of what they were getting into. Ella Butler was in over her head and had no idea.
He hammered the keyboard.
“No, you didn’t. All you said was that you owed him a favor. Why?” she pressed.
“Maybe you weren’t listening before in the cabin,” he started, but she cut him off with a strangled noise.
“Don’t say he put a roof over your head so you wanted to return the favor,” she said.
“I wasn’t going to. He did a helluva lot more. He could’ve turned me in with one quick call to law enforcement. He didn’t. He knew what he was getting into and he had every right to turn his back. He didn’t. Helping me put him directly in danger. I don’t know the man from Adam, personally. He and my father were friends. Maverick Mike said he owed my father one and I didn’t ask a lot of questions, considering how short on options I was,” he said, studying a section of map on the screen, searching for a safe place to camp for a day or two. Exhaustion poured over him and he—once again—fought against it. If he had his druthers, he’d still be at the cabin on the Butler property, the place that had felt like his first real home in longer than Holden could remember. Virginia had never really been the place where he saw himself setting down roots. Although Holden had lived there going on five years before his world had come crumbling down around him. And Karen? He still couldn’t believe she was gone. It had all happened so fast.
“Do you ever directly answer a question?” she asked, and he could almost feel the heat oozing off her.
“Yes.”
The silence in the room stretched on for longer than he should’ve allowed. He shook his head and went back to work, scouting locations from the map on the screen. Not any closer to finding an appropriate place to go than he had been an hour ago.
Ella’s earlier words kept winding through his thoughts. Was he afraid to let anyone in? No matter how much he wanted to continue to refute them, he couldn’t ignore the shred of truth. And he was getting tired of the war raging in his head trying to keep her away.
* * *
“I OWE YOU an apology. I’m going stir-crazy sitting around here. My mind is starting to think about all the things I need to do but I can’t.” Ella paced in the charming kitchen, wringing her hands together. Her chest squeezed thinking about how distant she felt from everything she’d ever known, everything familiar. Work was no doubt piling up. “I feel so disconnected. Normally, my cell is an extension of my hand and I’m feeling panicked without it. My inbox is probably exploding. I guess there’s no chance I can check email on that thing.” She motioned toward the laptop.
“Your location can be traced back here based on the unique IP address if you access anything personal.” Holden shook his head, twisting his lips in an apologetic look. “Nothing matters more to me than keeping you alive, finding out why you’re being targeted and ensuring Rose’s safety.”
“I know we’ve discussed this before, but have you ruled out my father’s killer trying to erase the family?” she asked.
“That’s one possibility,” he responded. “I’d like to explore a few others. Is anyone upset with you? Have you had any fallings-out with a friend?”
“None that I can think of,” she stated. “But honestly, the days leading up to me going hiking are still a blur. I’d just found out about my father and this—” she motioned toward the covered gash on her forehead “—can’t be helping.”
“Was anyone jealous of you?” he asked.
“People like me overall, I think.” She really thought about what he was saying. Could she have upset someone enough for a person to want her dead? The notion that someone she knew could be hunting her sent an icy chill down her spine. “I do a lot of work to give back to the community. I don’t always agree with people’s opinions and, sur
e, there are conflicts from time to time within pretty much all my charity work. Anytime you get ten or fifteen different people in the room there are going to be that many opposing views. We argue, debate and then eventually come to a resolution. Does everyone walk away happy? No. But what could possibly warrant this?” She heard her own voice rise defensively.
“It would be easier to pin down the responsible party if we could trace them to you instead of your father,” he said.
“I don’t know.” Flustered, she paced.
“I’m not trying to upset you.” He tried to reassure her.
“I know. And what you’re saying makes sense,” she said, wishing she could will her pounding pulse to calm down.
“What about your friends?” he asked.
“I have a few people who are close but between helping run the ranch and my work with organizations, I don’t have a lot of time for happy hour.” Hearing her life put in those terms sounded like a sad existence. She felt the need to add, “I spend most of my time with my family.”
“You already said that you aren’t seeing anyone special.” His gaze intensified on the screen. “Are you dating around?”
“I can’t see why that would be—”
“Before you get distraught with me I’m only asking to see if there could be a jealous guy in the mix,” he added, and he still didn’t look at her. “Someone who looks like you would attract a lot of interested men.”
“I date a little.” She shrugged. The compliment caused her cheeks to heat. “I love living on the ranch and Cattle Barge is home, but there aren’t a lot of interesting men around. I grew up there and it’s a small town so I dated around in high school and haven’t looked back since college. Not a lot of new people move to town unless you count the men who work in the stable, and I would never date inside the ranch. It’s bad business and someone would lose their job if things got awkward after.”
The only truly good-looking person she’d seen in the past year was a new guy who’d moved to the outskirts of town and kept to himself. But she didn’t mention him to Holden.
“And besides, I’m too busy with work and my charities to get out much,” she defended. “I haven’t been serious about anyone for a long time, and I’ve been thinking that I need to spend more time in Austin or San Antonio so I can meet someone.”
Holden waited for her to finish. She was oversharing. Being nervous had her talking more than she should.
“I’m sure my life sounds awful to someone like you but—”
“Tell me more about your charity work.” He leaned back in his chair and finally took his eyes off the screen.
One look from him caused her heart to flutter and she hadn’t experienced that with anyone in too long.
“I pick projects that I’m passionate about, especially ones that need a helping hand,” she responded, thankful for the redirection.
“What kind?” He folded his arms over a broad chest, and it was the most relaxed she’d seen him since they met.
“Mostly local stuff. Animal rights, various park cleanup and preservation initiatives, our local food bank and charities that serve the elderly in our community,” she said.
“Sounds like a lot.” His brows shot up.
“Does it?” She shrugged. “I don’t know. I see something that needs to be done and I pitch in to help it along.”
“The Butler name opens a lot of doors,” he said, and she picked up on a hint of sarcasm.
“Yes, it does. If you expect me to be ashamed of it, you need to think again.” Her shaky voice belied the confidence she was trying to project.
“I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sure it helps to have that name behind you,” he said.
“It does. And I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. There. Are you happy?” She went ahead and said it for him...for everyone who’d discounted her because her father had made a show out of giving her everything. Had it been too much? Yes. “If you think wearing nice clothes and being given lavish gifts makes you feel good about yourself or loved, you’re wrong. A little girl needs to be held when she cries. Not handed an expensive doll and left alone in her room to sort through her emotions.”
“So you’re saying that giving a little girl everything she could possibly desire is a bad thing?” Holden asked. “Because if I had a daughter, I’d move heaven and earth to give her the world.”
Her stomach gave a little flip at the thought of a newborn wrapped in a pink blanket in the burly man’s arms. A thought struck her like a rogue wave...their daughter.
Before she tumbled into the surf with that one, she made a couple of laps around the breakfast table. She stopped.
“How do I say this without sounding ungrateful?” She wished for the right words. “Things are nice. But there’s so much more to bringing up a child than presents. All kids really need is love.”
“Try filling a growing boy’s stomach on that,” he said.
“Everyone needs food. A child also needs to be comforted after waking from a nightmare. All the gifts in the world don’t mean as much as hearing the words I love you.” Ella hadn’t planned to cry, so the stray tear rolling down her cheek caught her off guard. “I’m sorry. I know my father loved us in his own way. I didn’t mean—”
“No, it’s fine.” Holden said. “Don’t be embarrassed about telling me how you really feel. Believe it or not, I might’ve made the same mistakes as a father. All a man wants to do with a little girl is spoil her.”
There was a quiet reassurance to his voice. A dangerous comfort under the circumstances. Ella couldn’t afford to let her guard down around Holden and especially since he seemed too intent on keeping her at a distance, except in times like these when he was being her comfort while she was vulnerable.
And then he’d just push her away again.
Ella thought better of it this time.
“I’m tired,” she said.
His brows drew together like he was confused.
“We’re leaving later, right?” she asked.
“That’s the plan.” His gaze bounced from her to the screen and back.
Her sense of security with Holden was false. He hadn’t opened up one bit. He’d been clear about one thing. She should keep her distance.
“Then I better get some more rest before we leave.” She intended to listen this time even if her heart fought her on it.
“I’ll think about what you said.” Holden glanced up and it was like stepping into sunlight, being bathed in warmth.
“Great. Maybe you’ll have this whole situation figured out by the time I open my eyes again.” She managed a weak smile as she turned to leave.
“I’m not talking about that,” he said. His voice was a low rumble in his chest. “What you said about choices earlier. You might have had a point.”
She didn’t dare turn around and let him get a good look at her face. She hadn’t inherited her father’s gift at poker. Her face was easy to read.
And she didn’t want to be this attracted to Holden Crawford.
Chapter Ten
“It’s time to go.” Holden’s voice was a whisper in Ella’s ear. It took a second to register that she wasn’t dreaming, and his soothing, deep baritone had her reaching for him. Until she realized she was awake.
“Okay.” She pushed up to sitting, keenly aware of the strong male presence next to her on the bed. Thoughts like those were as unproductive as trying to grow grapevines in clay soil.
Ella tried to clear her thoughts. She’d dozed off after an exhausting afternoon. Exhausting because she’d basically done nothing but climb the walls all day and her exchange with Holden had her emotions all over the map.
There was no other choice but to be cooped up and she knew it. Still, she couldn’t help but feel like a caged animal and her confusing feelings for Holden intensified everything. Beginnin
g to feel better was almost a curse under the circumstances. She was well enough to move around but they had to keep a low profile or risk endangering Rose. There was no way Ella would knowingly put that sweet old woman in danger.
Every noise had had Ella feeling skittish. Constantly being on alert with no outlet for her energy had caused fatigue.
“I’ll wait in the other hall,” Holden said. And then she felt his weight leave the mattress. The heat in the room vanished with him.
Ella dressed using only the light from the moon sliding through the slats in the blinds. As much as she didn’t want to leave la hacienda, putting Rose at risk by staying wasn’t an option. And at least she would finally have something to do, a purpose, even if it was dangerous. She’d go stir-crazy if she stayed inside much longer.
Holden was waiting outside the door.
“Ready?” he asked as he took the duffel from her.
“I think so,” she said. “Any chance we can wake her and tell her goodbye?”
Ella didn’t have to ask to know that Holden had wiped the place clean. The smell of bleach permeated the air.
Her eyes widened at the sound of a motorized vehicle outside. Holden muttered a curse. “Stay right here unless I tell you to come out.”
He dropped to the ground and instructed her to do the same. Pain shot up her right thigh at the quick movement. She swallowed her gasp, making no sound as she hit all fours and scooted behind a cabinet.
The kitchen door opened and closed so fast and so quietly it barely registered. Ella was reminded how little she knew about the man who was helping her. Why was he so adept at moving stealthily into the night? Had he served in the military? Or been in law enforcement? The way he’d questioned her earlier gave the impression he might’ve been. Hadn’t he said that he and his father shared similar professions? She wanted to know how it was even possible that her father had met the man. For reasons she couldn’t explain and didn’t want to analyze, she wanted to know more about Holden.
