by King, Liz
“I know, Daddy. I love you.”
Michelle leaps off the sofa and crawls down onto the floor to hold me too. I’m being held in a massive group embrace between Michelle, Connor and Daddy. I realize that all of my fears that my loved ones would be disappointed in me were stupid. None of what happened was my fault and the people in my life that love me, love me no matter what.
After more tears and more explanations Michelle takes me back to my bedroom to try to make us presentable again. I insist that we still go out for breakfast. I tell Daddy that I am determined to put the past behind me and move on with my life. I tell him that Connor is the reason that I feel like I can live again, and that I don’t want to remember anything anymore. I just want to forget and look to my future.
We leave Daddy and Connor sitting in the living room talking. I hear Daddy asking more questions about my encounters with Matt at Sly’s house and again at the hospital. I think I also hear something along the lines of Daddy telling Connor that he was thankful that I wasn’t left alone to deal with everything.
Michelle hugs me tightly and looks at me like I may disappear right in front of her. “Lynae, I wish you would have said something. You really never told anyone?”
“No, I never told anyone. Sly and Connor overheard me at Momma’s grave. But, honestly, I feel like I can finally breathe again for the first time. Connor is healing and building me back up. I’m in love with him. And I know he loves me too.” I smile thinking about Connor.
“Even a blind man could tell that Connor is head over heels in love with you. I’m glad you found him. You seem so different since he’s been around. You seem more, I don’t know, you seem more alive.” Michelle entwines our fingers together.
“Connor makes me feel like it’s okay to be alive.” My eyes meet hers in the mirror. “I am so in love with him that it scares me. He is the first person to know all of me.” I shake my head. “Seriously, I want to get past this. No more talking about it. I’m done. I’ve lived with it hanging over my head for eight years. It’s over, I can’t change anything about it.”
Michelle rests her head on my shoulders. “Nae-Nae, I love you. I know that you are an amazingly strong woman. You have nothing to be afraid of when it comes to that man out there.” She smiles at me. “Well, maybe I’d be a little afraid of him in the bedroom. A man like that could seriously hurt a woman if you know what I mean! He just looks like sex on a stick!” Michelle laughs trying to lighten the mood, and I’m thankful of her taking my hint.
My cheeks flush an incredibly bright shade of red as I think about how I know exactly what Michelle is talking about. Connor didn’t hurt me at all, but I can certainly still feel that he’s been down there. I avert my eyes from hers and bite down on my bottom lip. Michelle’s gasp tells me she knows what I’m thinking.
“Kara Lynae Michaels! Are you holding out on me?” Michelle demands.
I try but fail to contain the ensuing giggles that give me away. She pulls away from me, crossing her arms over her chest glaring at me waiting on me to elaborate. I decide to indulge her just a little. “Michelle lets just say that Connor is not sex on a stick. He’s sex on a freaking telephone pole!”
“Holy shit!” Michelle exclaims. “Details, woman! I need details!”
Getting ready to go out to breakfast takes a little longer than planned. Michelle and I lock ourselves up in my bedroom for quite a while discussing the more pleasant and mind-blowing events of the weekend.
When we walked back into the living room, Daddy has moved to sit beside Connor on the sofa. They are quietly talking. Daddy is hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees, his shoulders shaking like he may be crying. “I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe I didn’t see that my baby girl was hurting. I’m such a failure of as a father.”
“John, you are not a failure. You have raised an amazing woman. She is strong and resilient. Don’t beat yourself up about it.” Connor has his hand on Daddy’s shoulder trying to reassure him. It breaks my heart to see my strong, tough as nails father thinking that he failed me.
Daddy looks up at me when Michelle and I come through my bedroom door. Without taking his eyes from me, he speaks to Connor. “Thank you for being there for her. You’re good for her.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
The last few weeks have passed by in a blur. Connor and I rarely spend a night apart. We usually end up staying at his apartment during the week, and stay at my place on the weekends so I can still have my Saturday morning runs with Michelle. She’s says she feels a little neglected since Connor has come into my life, but she also says that she is very happy for me. I actually quite enjoy staying at his place, it’s about half the distance to the hospital, so I can sleep in a little in the mornings. The only downside to staying there is the fact that Wade also lives there. I have grown to love Wade, but that boy has no sense of privacy or modesty.
I quickly learn that Wade doesn’t care who is in the apartment; he will walk from the bathroom to his room naked as the day he was born. The first morning after I stayed over, I was in the kitchen making some coffee when he stalked across the living room completely void of clothing. He smiled, yawned, then proceeded to come sit at the bar in the kitchen. I had my back to him when he walked in, so when I turned around to a naked Wade sitting with only a counter between us, I shrieked and dropped my coffee mug. Connor was not happy about the situation, but Wade, being who he is, hasn’t changed a bit.
Connor makes sure that he locks the door to his room now too. Wade has walked in when I was changing a couple times and while Connor and I were in the middle of something that I would rather be kept private, but fortunately, Connor’s massive body hid me fairly well. His excuse is that I’m practically family now, so it shouldn’t matter. He says he views me as his “hot little sister”, but I don’t understand how he can use “hot” and “little sister” in the same sentence, and not think that seeing me naked is weird. I think he just likes to get Connor riled up. Connor is so possessive and protective over me.
Wade does have his redeeming qualities. Even though he takes great pleasure in making me blush and totally embarrassing me, he genuinely is a good person. I remember the night Connor and I had our first little tiff in the hall when I overheard their conversation about Kaitlin’s birthday. Wade was gentle and caring. I have to keep reminding myself of this when I want to strangle Wade for all of the annoying shit that he does.
Gabbi stays over a few times during the week as well. She and Wade seem to have really hit it off. Gabbi doesn’t appear to care about Wade’s antics either; she just laughs her ass off anytime he does something to make me blush. I think I’ve even caught her trying to sneak a peek at Connor. Luckily, Connor has the master bedroom in the apartment, so there is an ensuite bathroom. I wouldn’t put it past Gabbi to try to ogle Connor in the shower if he used the one in the main hallway. I know I could stare at him naked all day long if that was possible.
~
I am just coming “home” to Connor’s apartment after my workout at the gym. I park my car behind the garage and make my way into the back area that the guys use for practice. It’s Thursday night, and Shameful Regret is playing at Metro again tomorrow. Connor was acting a little weird this morning when I left for work, and I didn’t think much of it. He was standing in his closet reading something, but shoved whatever it was back in a box and put it back on the top shelf when I went in there looking for my shoes.
When I come around the corner to enter, Marcus is standing in the door on his cell phone. “Listen man, you need to calm the fuck down. We don’t need your attitude tonight. Just get your ass back here.” Marcus looks up when he hears me trip over some loose cables lying across the floor. “Lynae just got here. I’m sure she doesn’t want to deal with you being a dick either.” I can hear Connor yelling over the line, but I can’t make out what he’s saying as Marcus holds the phone away from his ear to prevent his eardrum from bursting. “Fine! Be an ass! I’ll tell her.” Marc
us ends the call and shoves his phone in his pants pocket.
“What’s going on? Where’s Connor?” I ask.
“Dipshit is out. He’ll be back in a few hours or so.” Marcus comes over to take my gym bag out of my hand. “Come on, I’ll go upstairs with you to help get dinner going. Wade and Seth have been demanding to be fed as soon as you got home. I don’t really feel like dealing with them tonight either.”
I’m thoroughly confused. Marcus usually isn’t so snappy when it comes to Connor. They are as close as brothers, having been best friends since grade school. “You didn’t answer my question.” I stop moving, crossing my arms over my chest.
Marcus sighs. “Don’t worry about him, Nae. He’s just being an ass tonight. I’m not sure what his problem is.”
I don’t believe Marcus for a minute. The way he is avoiding eye contact with me, tells me that he does know what is bothering Connor, but he is refusing to tell me. Marcus and I have formed a unique friendship. Where as Wade and Seth drive me absolutely apeshit, Marcus is much calmer and appears to be the voice of reason for the group. After his initial standoffishness, now he is always looking out for me, and seems to be just as aggravated when Seth and Wade attempt torment me. Marcus is starting to feel like another Sly to me. I feel the brotherly connection with him. It’s very comforting to have that, especially with all of the issues that have been brought up in recent weeks.
All of Shameful Regret went ballistic when they found out about my busted lip and bruised jaw. Connor and I didn’t tell them the entire story of my altercation with Matt. All they know is that an ex-boyfriend of mine got a little physical. After the emotionally draining time letting all of it out talking with Daddy and Michelle, I had no desire to talk about it further. The people most important to me finally knew what happened, and that was enough to release the weight off my chest. Marcus has been especially watchful of me since Connor and I came back from Alabama too. I wonder if Connor told him the entire story of what happened.
I follow Marcus up the stairs to the apartment. Wade and Seth are sprawled out on the couch in the living area, but immediately jump up when I come in the room. Marcus takes my gym bag and tosses it in Connor’s room. I look around the kitchen. It is a total mess. I had just cleaned up last night after dinner. I don’t know how it can turn into what looks like a war zone in just twelve hours.
“Nae-Nae, you gonna make that stuffed chicken thing again tonight?” Wade comes into the kitchen, leaning against the counter. “Please?”
I look from him to Seth, who has plopped himself down on one of the barstools at the island, laying his head down in his arms. “If Connor isn’t going to be around tonight, I may just head home. I’m beat, guys.” I say as I shake my head.
Seth jerks his head up. “Just because he’s being a total fuckwad, doesn’t mean you can’t hang around.” Seth reaches out to grab my arm. “Besides, I’ll die of starvation if you leave me.” He whines.
“Look, will someone please tell me what’s wrong with Connor? He was a little upset at something at first, but for the most part fine this morning when I left. Now he’s yelling on the phone with Marcus, and you’re telling me he’s been pissy all day?” I really need to know what’s going on. I’m beginning to worry about Connor. I thought it was unusual that I didn’t get any texts from him throughout the day, but I was pretty busy myself, so I didn’t think much of it.
Wade comes over to wrap his arm around my shoulders. “Nae-Nae, don’t worry about him. Let’s just eat, watch a movie and chill. I’m sure he’ll be home soon. I don’t see him staying away from your fine little ass for long.” He tries to steer me towards the fridge. “I’m hungry. Make me something to eat woman!” And as if Wade calling me “woman” and telling me to cook for him wasn’t aggravating enough, he slaps my ass.
“Wade’s right, Lynae. Seriously, don’t get your pretty little head all worried over Connor. I’ve known him for forever. I know you’ve had a long day, so lets just try to relax.” Marcus tries to reassure me. I don’t miss the pointed look between him and Wade. They both know what is bothering Connor, but refuse to tell me.
I decide to just give in. I honestly don’t have the energy argue with them. I’m tired, and all I really want to do is take my shoes off, put my feet up and not do anything, but I’ll cook for my boys. Yes, I called them my boys. As irritating and annoying as they tend to be sometimes, they have all wormed their way into my heart and become like family. “Fine, I’ll stay and hang out. But first, tell me one thing.” I look back at the guys.
“What?” they all ask in unison.
“How in the hell did you guys survive before I came in the picture? I know you had to get your meals somewhere.” I huff. “And, how is it that you can create such a mess in such a short time period?”
The response I get is nothing more than laughing and grumbling about how it wasn’t their fault that they “forgot” to clean up after themselves. I don’t even try to argue with their logic. I go into Connor’s room to change into some more comfortable clothes. Luckily, I’ve left a few pairs of yoga pants and camis in one of his drawers.
After cooking dinner for the guys, and pretty much forcing them to help me clean up the kitchen, Connor still hasn’t returned. It’s already a little past eight in the evening. I am worried about him, but I keep telling myself that he will call me if he needs me. Marcus keeps checking his phone looking for a response to his numerous texts to Connor, but it doesn’t look like he’s gotten any reply either. I let Wade and Seth talk me into watching a movie in the living room. My eyes aren’t open for more than a few minutes once I curl up on the couch.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“What the fuck is going on here?”
I’m startled awake by a loud booming voice. My neck hurts and I my legs are thrown in the air as I feel whoever they were draped over jumping up. I look around at my surroundings. I’m in Connor’s living room. The television is on and the side lamps are also on. I see Wade standing up from the recliner next to the couch and Seth practically tripping over himself in an attempt to get away from Connor’s murderous glare.
“Damn man, what’s your problem?” Wade walks towards Connor holding his hands in front of him in a placating gesture.
I sit up from my position on the couch, cracking my neck from side to side. I’m still a little disoriented. I guess I fell asleep while watching that movie with the guys. I look into Connor’s eyes, and they are bloodshot. He looks disheveled and not quite himself.
“What’s my problem?” Connor roars. “My problem is that prick having his fucking hands all over what’s mine!” Connor throws his arm in my direction.
Huh?
Seth takes a step back when Connor moves towards him. “Dude, we were just watching TV.”
“Watching TV my ass! You had your hands all over her legs!”
As the sleepy fog lifts from my mind, I really look at Connor. He’s drunk. And it appears that he is accusing Seth and I of messing around. “Baby, what are you talking about?” I ask getting to my feet, approaching him cautiously.
“Don’t ‘baby’ me! What the hell were you doing laying all up on him?” Connor directs his anger towards me now.
My back stiffens. I will not tolerate being yelled at and accused of doing something inappropriate when I didn’t do a damn thing. “Excuse me?” Even I can hear the higher pitch in my voice.
“You. Shithead. Him feeling up your legs. You sprawled across him.” Connor says through gritted teeth.
I arch my eyebrow at him. I’m not dealing with this tonight. He’s drunk, I’m tired, I have to work tomorrow. I try to walk past him to the kitchen where my purse is sitting on the counter. “I’m going home.”
Connor reaches out, grabbing my upper arm, spinning me around to face him. “You just gonna leave? You gonna go fuck him now?” His hand is like a vice grip on my arm, eliciting a painful whimper to escape my lips.
His words are like cold water being thrown on me, waking
me up fully.
“Jesus! Connor, she fell the fuck asleep! She stretched out on his lap in her sleep. He wasn’t going to make her move.” Wade retorts.
“Let her go, Connor. You’re drunk. You’re not thinking.” Seth stands to his full height, his eyes boring in on Connor’s grip on my arm.
I yank my arm out of Connor’s grip. I can’t find words to respond to him. I know Connor isn’t himself, but I will not stand here and let him talk to me like that. I quickly stalk across the apartment, grab my keys, run down the stairs, tearing out of the parking area as soon I as get my keys in the ignition.
I manage to keep the tears from falling until I’m curled up in my bed at home. The continuous vibrating of my cell phone on my nightstand doesn’t encourage me to answer it, it only makes me power it down completely so I can try to get some sleep before having to get up for work in four more hours. My sleep is restless as I recall the accusatory look in Connor’s eyes tonight. I also saw pain and regret buried deep inside, and my heart wanted to reach out to console him, but I wasn’t about to stick around while he was in a drunken haze thinking I was doing something I wasn’t and laying his hands on me.
~
I cringe as soon as I hear Michelle’s sing-song voice this morning. I didn’t get any sleep last night after getting back to my apartment.
“Rocker Boy keep you up sexing all night, Nae-Nae?” She asks when she notices the dark circles under my eyes as she breezes into the locker room. “Oh, getting a little rough and wild now, huh?” Michelle jabs my left arm, directly where there is a large bruise from Connor’s grip on me last night.
I quickly pull my shirt on and over my head. “No, I bumped into the dresser this morning. I stayed at my place last night.” I walk out to get ready for the day.
Michelle is hot on my heels. “Whoa! Hang on. You mean I could have had my Nae-Nae all to myself last night, and you didn’t call me?” She places her hand over her chest. “My heart is wounded! I never get alone time with you anymore. You should have called me, bitch!” Michelle pouts.
