by King, Liz
Sly spins around in my arms. “Honey, you need me, I’m here. That’s the way this works.” He kisses the top of my head. “You and Michelle get your asses out of here, so I can sleep. If you and Rocker Boy are gonna hang out this afternoon, maybe Michelle and I can have a real date tonight.” He flashes a sexy grin at my other best friend. “Go get all prettied up for me, not that you need any help with that.”
Michelle turns into a simpering fool with his comment, and I have to practically drag her out of the apartment. Some relaxing girl time is certainly in order. I overreacted, made a bigger mess of things than they needed to be, and now I need to show Connor that I won’t push him anymore to open up about things he obviously isn’t ready to talk about. He never pushed me about my past, even when I did flip out on him a few times before he found out about what really happened. So, spa-day, here we come!
Chapter Thirty-One
I drop Michelle off at her apartment before I drive over to Connor’s place. She is so excited about actually going on a date with Sly, I couldn’t be happier for them. I’m sort of surprised and not surprised that I haven’t heard from Connor all day. I thought he would have at least texted me. I did feel a little disappointed when we got back to my car, where I left my purse while we were at the spa all day, that all I had was a few random texts from Sly saying that we had better hurry up because he wanted to spend the evening with Michelle, and that tomorrow was going to be a “Sly and Lynae” date day.
Michelle and I had the works done at while were at the spa. I booked us for the deluxe package. Swedish deep tissue massages, facials, manicures and pedicures, and full service hair treatments. Michelle only had her hair trimmed. She’s still trying to grow it out. I, on the other hand, I had about four inches cut off, had a few layers added in and got my bangs cut to frame my face a little more. I am planning on moving forward with my life as a newer, stronger Lynae. I’m not going to hide in the shadows, or keep myself from opening up to people. Connor has helped rebuild my shattered world, and I intend to stay that way. I’m hoping that Connor and I can have some quiet time together to really sit down and talk about things. Not necessarily what is bothering him, but I just want to let him know that whenever he is ready to open up, I’ll be there for him, just as he has been with me.
Pulling into my usual parking spot behind the garage, I see Marcus and Seth milling around the area where Shameful Regret practice. Connor’s car is in the lot, but he’s not down here with the guys, neither is Wade. I get out, and make my way into where Marcus and Seth have stopped what they are doing. Marcus is glaring at me, and Seth is looking anywhere but at me. This is strange. Seth usually has me in a vice grip embrace as soon as I step anywhere near him. Marcus, while generally quiet around me, has never looked at me like he hates me. He had become sort of like Sly, protective of me. He looks anything but protective right now.
“Uh, hi guys.” I say tentatively.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Marcus barks in my direction.
Ok, so that is definitely not normal. I look up towards Connor’s apartment, the door at the top of the stairs is open, so I’m pretty sure he’s home. “I came to talk to Connor. I need to see him, explain some things.”
I hear Seth let out an uncomfortable laugh. “Yeah, I’m sure you do.”
“Have I done something to offend you two?” I ask, a little nervous about what has caused the sudden change in how they treat me. Just a few nights ago, it was like I was family to these guys. Now, I feel like the enemy. Seth was defending me against Connor, now it feels like he doesn’t even want to be near me.
Marcus doesn’t respond to me, he grabs Seth’s arm and pulls him towards the storage closet where they keep their instruments. I don’t feel like following them to find out what their deal is. It’s obvious they are mad at me for God only knows what, but I don’t have time to figure it out. My stomach is a bundle of nerves now. Not hearing from Connor all day, and now having Marcus and Seth pissed at me for whatever reason, is making me fear that what awaits me upstairs is not going to be pleasant.
Anxiously, I walk up the steep flight of stairs leading into the loft apartment above the garage. I hear Wade strumming his bass in the living room, and Connor is sprawled across the floor in front of him with his eyes closed. It’s a rough, painful sounding beat. Connor is humming along. Even in just the humming of Connor’s voice, I can tell that whatever this song is going to be, it isn’t a happy one. Wade stops mid-strum when he sees me enter. Connor’s eyes snap open.
Connor sits ups, glaring at me. The look in Connor’s eyes almost makes my steps falter. When he opens his mouth, they do. “What the fuck do you want?”
My mouth drops open in absolute astonishment. Connor’s tone is dripping with venom. My heart feels like it is being squeezed in a vice. “I, I needed to talk to you.” I stutter. I can’t find more words to say. My mouth is dry as the desert sand; I can feel my skin buzzing with nerves. The fire in Connor’s eyes is a fire of hate, not a fire of desire that I have become so used to seeing.
“We have nothing to talk about.” Connor says icily as he stalks into his bedroom, leaving the door open.
I look to Wade to try to find some answers. He looks at me with pity and a touch of anger. Wade knows what’s going on, but I don’t think he’s going to fill me in. Wade sets his bass down beside him on the couch before he gets up to walk over to me. He is towering over me when he finally stops just a foot away. “I am not going to choose sides here. I don’t know what happened last night, but I know that you cut him deep. He told me what he saw, and then came back here a more fucked up mess than he was before he met you.”
I feel tears stinging my eyes, wanting to fall. I need to find out what’s going on. I am at a total loss. I know that Connor was pissed at me yesterday when I was trying to push him to talk to me, but I can’t understand that he would be reacting this strongly to that. Something else has to have happened. “Wade, I don’t understand.” I plead.
Connor comes barreling out of his room before Wade has a chance to respond to me. “What’s there to understand? I’m not gone for more than a few hours, and you have some other fuckin’ ass up in your apartment! I come back to apologize and finally talk to you, and you’re up there fucking someone else!” Connor bellows.
My head snaps back as if I’ve been slapped. “I wasn’t with anyone last night! I was-“ I choke on a sob that is trying to make its way out of my chest.
“The hell you weren’t! You know, you really had me going there for a while. I really bought the innocent act. I thought you really were sweet and shy.” Connor growls pointing at me.
My defenses are coming up, and I find my voice. Is he accusing me of cheating on him? Where in the world would he get that idea? Innocent act? What is that supposed to mean? “Excuse me? What the hell are you talking about?”
Wade is still standing between us. “Listen guys, you need to calm down and talk, not scream at each other.”
Connor shoves him aside, he leans down so that his face is just inches from mine. “Yeah, I thought you were an innocent little thing. Timid and meek. Innocent my ass!” Connor’s voice sounds foreign to me.
I take a step away from Connor. Familiar icy tingles creep up my spine, but I try to steel myself. “Connor, please tell me what you’re talking about!” I cry.
Connor stands up and laughs. He freaking laughs. “Oh, yeah, Lynae, keep up the act. You know damn good and well what the fuck I’m talking about. So, who was he? Some quick fuck that lives in your building?”
I look at Wade for some sort of answer. “Wade, will you please tell me what he’s talking about? I have no clue. I wasn’t with anyone last night! I stayed home!” I fling my arm out in Connor’s direction. I don’t smell any alcohol on Connor’s breath, but the only other time I’ve seen him react with this much rage was the other night.
“I fucking saw you, Lynae! I saw him carrying you in your fucking room!” Connor yells. “I was in the damn parki
ng lot about to come up to talk, and I see a man carrying you in your fucking bedroom!”
It dawns on me. Sly carried me into the room when he came in. The lamp on my nightstand was on. When I woke up this morning, the curtains were wide open. Connor must have seen right into my room with the open curtains and the bright lamp. He saw Sly laying me in bed. He thinks I had another man in my room. He thinks I slept with someone else when he was coming to see me to try to talk things over. I thought he would have trusted me more. I don’t understand why he is jumping to conclusions. I have never given him any inkling that I would be with someone else. He knows damn good and well how hard it is for me to open up to anyone, especially a man.
“That was Sly, you ass!” I yell. “I called him after you left because I was upset, and needed to talk to someone!”
“Ha! Friend my ass! What friend would drive all fucking night just to talk to you because you had a fight?” Connor huffs. “You have probably been fucking him all along too!”
“That was Sly at your place?” Wade interjects. Understanding seems to take over his face. Wade is seeing that Connor is mistaken. “Marcus told me he saw someone in your apartment, but he didn’t say it was Sly. Fuck!”
I look at Wade, then back to Connor. “Yes, it was Sly. He is my best friend. When I need something, he comes. He talks to me and I talk to him! And, no! I’ve never fucked him! I never fucked anyone! You know that!” I scream back at Connor. I turn around to leave, but Connor grabs my wrist, holding me in place.
“Sure you have. You fucked Matt! You probably asked for it. You probably begged for it!” He seethes. “Sweet and innocent! Hah! And you fucked me!”
“Jesus! Connor!” Wade yells.
I don’t hear anything other than the pounding in my ears. I thought my heart was broken before, eight years ago. I thought my world couldn’t crumble anymore. It feels like my heart has been literally ripped from my chest. The tears that have been threatening to spill over come pouring out of my eyes. An eerie calm overtakes me. I look straight into Connor’s eyes. “I never fucked you, but you certainly fucked me. I thought you loved me, but man was I wrong. I gave you everything. Everything that I am! I gave you my heart, and you destroyed it. I hate you.” I grind out through gritted teeth.
As I try to wrench my arm out of Connor’s grip, I see a look of understanding and pain come across Connor’s face. It’s like he’s realized what he just said to me and has come out of whatever altered state he has been in. The Connor that has been standing here yelling at me is not the Connor that I have known. His entire countenance changes in an instant. “Oh my God! Sweetness, I didn’t mean that! Please!” Connor pleads. His eyes are searching mine.
“It’s too late! Let go of me!” I yank my arm out of Connor’s grasp. I pull back with such force that I’m suddenly falling backwards. My foot catches on the raised ledge of the threshold at the top of the stairwell. I reach out, but my hands grasp at only air.
I feel weightless.
“Lynae!”
An intense sharp pain shoots through the back of my head.
Everything goes black.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Connor
I’m sitting in the most uncomfortable chair ever invented, but I don’t care. All I care about is wishing I could take back the last forty-eight hours and for Lynae to wake up. I haven’t left her bedside since she was moved from the ER to the ICU, except when John comes in to see her every couple of hours. Two days. Two fucking long days, and she’s still unconscious. Fuck me, I wish I could take her place. Nurses come in and out checking on the beeping machines every few minutes. They quit trying to get me to leave after I made an ass of myself and Wade had to talk some sense into me.
Damn, I was such a fool. I let my own anger and insecurities get the best of me. All Lynae wanted to do was be there for me, and I shut her down. If Kaitlin were here right now, I’m sure she’d be kicking my ass all over this hospital room. Kaitlin would have loved Lynae. They are so much alike, it kills me to think about it sometimes. Both strong, amazing and full of a light deep inside that was just begging to come out. Neither one of them could see how much strength was really hidden behind their eyes. So much stronger than they thought of themselves. Kaitlin’s light will never be able to shine, and now, thanks to my stupidity, Lynae’s is hanging in the balance.
Subdural hematoma. Time. We don’t know how long it will take her to wake up. Her brain is healing. Give it time.
That’s all they keep saying. It doesn’t make a damn bit of sense to me. The only thing I want to hear is Lynae’s sweet voice telling me that she still loves me, and that she can forgive me for the awful and hateful things I said. I didn’t mean a fucking word of it. I need her to know that I didn’t mean it. God! Please let her wake up! I need her so much!
I know that John says he doesn’t blame me, but I wouldn’t hold it against him if he did. She wouldn’t be here like this if it weren’t for me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that Lynae fell down the stairs trying to get away from me during our fight. Wade, Marcus and Seth know what happened. They keep telling me that it wasn’t my fault either. Lynae lost her balance. “It was an accident.” They say.
Holding onto her tiny hand, I rub my thumb across her knuckles. She looks so frail in the hospital bed. The vivacious, passionate woman that I have fallen so deeply in love with is lying broken and bruised, and I can’t do a damn thing about it. “Sweetness, please open your eyes. I need you.” I whisper leaning in close to her ear. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean a fucking word of it. I was stupid. I was angry. I was wrong.” I plead. “So very wrong. There is so much I need to tell you.”
“Keep on talking to her. She can hear you.” One of the ICU nurses comes in to change something on a machine that looks like it’s giving Lynae some fluids through an IV. “We need to run some more tests here in the next hour or so. The doctor will be in soon.” With that she leaves me alone again with my Sweetness. I don’t respond. I just nod my head.
I haven’t been in a hospital room like this since Kaitlin died. Kaitlin, my baby sister. I say baby sister, but she was really only a year and a half younger than me. I was supposed to be looking out for her. I was too wrapped up in trying to get laid at that fucking party to worry about her getting home safely. If I had known that she would have gone off with that high as a kite fuckwad, Rob, I would have taken her home myself. He was drunk. He shouldn’t have been driving, but it was my fault that she got in that car with him. Kaitlin was visiting me at my fraternity house, trying to decide if she wanted to go to the same college as me. Our parents made me swear that I would look out for her. She was my responsibility. I was too busy thinking with my dick and the eager little blonde that wanted to take me upstairs to care what Kaitlin was doing. I told her to fuck off and not to bother me. I stood there while my mother and father cried and cursed me for all I was worth as they took her off life support. I haven’t seen my parents much since. That was five years ago. Five years ago next week.
I had been looking in the box that has all of my pictures of Kaitlin in it. I was reading her obituary the morning Lynae walked into the closet looking for her shoes. My parents left me out of it, saying that I didn’t deserve to be mentioned as family since I was the reason she was gone. I never blamed them. After looking at my memories of Kaitlin, I got a call from my mother. The same type of call I get around this time every year, telling me that it should have been me in that car, not their precious baby girl. So, I did what I always do, I went and got drunk. I don’t talk about my feelings. In my drunken stupor, I made more of what I saw in my living room than what it really was. I knew I was wrong, I tried to talk to Lynae about it, without going into detail why I was behaving the way I did, but she wouldn’t let it go. I felt like she was pushing me away, just like my family did. I couldn’t take it. I drank too much that night, I went to her apartment, saw what I now know was Sly carrying her into her room, and I jumped to conclusions. Damn, I’m such a fucked u
p piece of shit for the things I said to her.
Sly and I had it out in the waiting room of the ER. Marcus and Seth and to pull us apart. It’s almost like he knows what really happened. He and Lynae are so close, it’s like they share the same soul. Sly could see it in my eyes, that I am the reason Lynae fell. I am the reason she is unconscious in that damn bed with four broken ribs. He has come into her room a few times with Michelle, but he doesn’t say one word to me. I keep waiting on him to let me have it again. Michelle and Gabbi aren’t really talking much to me either.
Lynae’s fingers twitch in my hand. I look at her face, but her eyes are still closed. “Please, baby. Please wake up and talk to me. Say anything. Yell at me. Hit me. I don’t care. Just please wake up. I need you.” I cry. The steady sound of her heart beating on the monitor is the only sanity I have. It shows that she is still with me.
When Lynae hit her head on the railing in the stairwell, I tried to run down to catch her, but her little body bounced and crashed the rest of the way down, almost to the bottom. Seth heard us screaming at each other, and he came running. He caught Lynae’s lifeless body at the bottom of the stairs before she tumbled to the last step. She probably would have broken her neck if it hadn’t been for him preventing her from hitting the ground. My own heart stopped, and my world quit spinning. She has to be ok. She just has to.
A little while later, Dr Greene comes in. He’s been the doc seeing her since she was admitted to the ICU. He walks in with another staff member, one who is pushing some sort of machine with a screen on it. “Hey there. We’ve gotten some lab tests back, and I’d like to do an ultrasound real quick to check on something.” He says to me as he pushes the button on the bed to raise it up.
“Ok.” I say hesitantly. “Is everything alright?”
