by Kristi Gold
When she heard footfalls descending the companionway, Lizzie came to attention. She saw the tall, imposing figure moving in her direction, breathed a sigh of relief when she felt the sofa bend next to her.
Lizzie went to her knees beside Jack and rested her hand on his shoulder. His palm came up to cover her hand and they stayed that way for a time, silent except for the occasional creak of the boat and the steady sound of their breathing, rapid at first then slower and slower as if they were finally giving themselves permission to relax.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
He eased forward and rested his elbows on his knees and his face in his palms. “It stopped almost as quickly as it arrived, right when I started back inside.”
“Then you were coming back in?”
His rough sigh echoed in the darkness. “You were right. I was trying to prove it wouldn’t beat me this time.”
Now they were getting somewhere. “This time?”
“I’ve been through worse.”
“How bad is worse?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Lizzie wanted to shout but decided to temper her voice in order to persuade him to come clean. “Is that the reason you came out here all by yourself? Did something happen during another storm?”
“I said—”
“I know what you said, but I have to know, Jack. I have to know what’s going on with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m…” Falling in love with you. “Because I can’t stand to see anyone so sad and so alone.”
“I told you I like being alone.”
“Oh, you prefer being alone but I don’t think you really like it. You’re alone because you’re punishing yourself for something. Why are you punishing yourself, Jack?”
“It’s past history. Finished.”
She blew out a frustrated sigh. “It’s not finished. Whatever happened to you, it’s still as fresh in your mind as if it happened yesterday.” She squeezed his shoulder. “You’re welcome to tell me about it. I promise I won’t pass judgment because of something that happened a long time ago.”
“It happened a year ago.”
“What happened?”
He sat silent for a long moment as if weighing his words. “I was in a race. An important race, or so I believed at the time. We hit a squall off the coast of Australia. I lost my crew.”
“And now you feel guilty because you survived.”
“Yeah.”
“Wasn’t there risk involved, and didn’t your crew realize that?”
“My crew depended on me and I failed them, all because of a stupid decision on my part to allow someone to come along that had no business being there.”
“Another friend?”
“My fiancée.”
Fiancée? Jack, engaged? Or maybe even… “Are you married?”
“No. It never happened. She had about as much adventure as she could stand after that. She ended the engagement and moved on to someone more settled.”
Lizzie hadn’t been wrong to assume that Jack still suffered from a broken heart, shattered because of loss. She certainly could understand that, after losing her dad, but she would never have bowed out of life. Her father would have hated that. She would’ve hated that.
Jack abruptly stood, shrugged out of the slicker, tossed it on the sofa then held out his hand to her. “Come on.”
She rose and said, “Where are we going?”
“To get out of these clothes and then to bed.”
To bed, with him, exactly what Lizzie had wanted so desperately only a few hours ago. Now she wanted answers. “Jack, we need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk anymore, Lizzie. I want you with me, in bed. I don’t expect anything else.”
At least he wanted that much. “Okay, we can do that. But what about the storm?”
“The worst is over.”
Maybe the storm outside, but not the one still brewing in Jack, Lizzie decided. Considering what he’d been through tonight, she opted not to push him, at least not now.
She took his hand and followed him into the stateroom bathed in soft-wash light coming from the narrow rectangular windows. Surprisingly the moon had made an appearance in the clearing sky, signifying the storm was truly gone. Lizzie’s heart lightened with that knowledge but she still felt weighted by Jack’s pain—a pain he didn’t want to discuss. No matter. He was with her now and he needed some comfort, even if it meant only holding him.
They peeled away their drenched clothing, one article at a time, and piled them on a chair in the corner. Lizzie hesitated, unsure if she should remove her underwear. But when Jack lowered his briefs and tossed them aside, she did the same with her panties. Now here they were, completely bare and about to climb into bed together. Only to comfort each other, Lizzie reminded herself.
An awkward silence hung over the cabin as they each claimed a place on opposite sides of the bed. Jack tossed the covers back and climbed in first then Lizzie followed suit.
They stayed on their backs staring at the low ceiling, only inches separating them. Lizzie hated not knowing what to do, what to say. Then she felt Jack’s discernable shiver.
“Are you cold?” she whispered.
“No. More like afraid.”
Jack? Afraid? “Of what?”
“Of touching you.”
Obviously he considered her to be sexually insatiable. If he only knew that her recent behavior had been totally foreign to her. She’d just have to prove to him she could be in his arms without expecting more.
She rolled to her side and laid her head and one arm on his chest. The covers bunched between them prevented their bare flesh from touching, but Lizzie could still sense his heat—and his reluctance.
“See there?” Lizzie said. “No harm, no foul, just a simple embrace.”
Jack slid an arm underneath her neck and rested his palm on his abdomen. “Nothing about you is simple, Dorothy.”
“You’re so wrong, Ahab. I’m a simple kind of girl. Not all that demanding most of the time.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“I bet you go for anything but simple women.”
“Like I said before, I don’t want any complications.”
Lizzie’s heart sank at the same time the boat took a considerable dip. Jack tightened his arm around her.
“No complications tonight, Ahab. Just some sleep, okay?”
“I’m not sure I can sleep.”
Lizzie took a chance and kissed his cheek. “Sure you can. Close your eyes and count sheep or bottles of rum or whatever sailors count at night. Or we could count our blessings that we made it through this.”
He sighed. “Yeah, but we’re farther out to sea and we’re still not sure when someone will find us.”
Lizzie lifted her head and stared at him. “I don’t want to hear that. Someone will find us soon. We’ll be back on land before you know it.”
She caught a flash of a smile in the diffused light. “If you say so, Dorothy.”
“You can take that to the bank, Ahab.”
And Lizzie realized that when they did return to civilization, it would all be over, regardless that she didn’t truly want it to be. But even if Jack disappeared from her life, she would still have her baby—and an empty space in her heart that she knew only time would close.
Right now she needed to concentrate on closing her eyes, taking to memory these moments in her strong, silent sailor’s arms…in case they never came again.
Sleep continued to evade Jack long after Lizzie’s breathing grew calm and steady. She’d barely moved for a long time—until she managed to toss her bare leg over his thigh. He remained as still as a corpse, an apt description since rigor mortis had set into one very sensitive part of his body. It was all he could do not to crawl beneath the covers to kiss those long limbs and slide his mouth upward to find out if she tasted as sweet and warm as she felt against his hip.
But he would
n’t do that. She was pregnant and she needed her rest. She needed much more than he could give her beyond an incredible bout of lovemaking. And he knew it would be incredible between them, just as he knew she would awaken in the morning with the same sunny smile that made his emotional fortress crumble a little more each time he saw it.
He settled for holding her closer knowing that when this was over, they would say their goodbyes. She would return to her life and the promise of her child. He would return to the sea with nothing but his seclusion.
Still, he would never regret having her with him, even for the briefest time. He would never be sorry that she’d landed on his boat and in his life.
He might be sorry that he didn’t have more to give her in terms of permanency, that he didn’t have the guts to open himself up to the possibilities. But they still had some time together, hopefully not more than a day or two, for Lizzie’s sake.
As for him, he would try to be strong, resist her body, resist what she had been so willing to offer.
And that could be the hardest thing he had ever done in his life.
Lizzie woke not knowing how long she had been asleep. She did know that her arms were now empty due to Jack’s disappearance from the bed. She raised her head to find him staring out the windows that hit him chest high. The first signs of dawn cast the sky outside in a light pink-and-blue panorama, revealing subtle details of Jack’s breathtaking back. Lizzie tracked the line of his strong arms dangling at his sides from broad, well-defined shoulders. But when her gaze reached his elbows, she made a little detour to study the path of his equally strong spine that dipped beneath his trim waist. And below that, a sight that could stop a stock-car race—firm, taut buttocks that looked as if they had been calculated to provide hours of entertainment for a pair of eager, feminine hands. Her hands, to be exact.
The realization that Jack wasn’t a stick-around kind of guy did nothing to keep her from wanting him as much as she’d wanted him from the beginning.
But did he still want her? Only one way to find out.
Lizzie climbed across the bed and came up behind him. Feeling audacious, daring and a little bit devilish, she slid her arms around his waist and pressed against him.
“You’re up early.”
He let go a wry chuckle and braced his palms on either side of the window. “You don’t know the half of it.”
She slipped her hands lower, down the flat plane of his abdomen—and inadvertently got the full effect of all of it. “J.J. seems very awake.”
He brought her arms up to his chest, but at least he didn’t push her away. “I probably should check on the boat. See if there’s any damage.”
She rested her lips against his back. “Why don’t you come back to bed for a while?”
“I don’t feel like sleeping.”
“Neither do I.”
He tensed but failed to turn around. “If I get back in bed with you, we both know what’s going to happen.”
“A girl can hope.”
“That’s all that would be between us after this is over.”
“I don’t expect anything else, Jack. Promise.”
“But I can’t promise you anything.”
“You could promise to stop thinking about it and just do it. You know you want to, and so do I.”
A shudder ran through him and Lizzie suspected he was close to giving in. “But you’re pregnant,” he said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.” Only a little. “Not if you’re careful, and I know you will be.”
He turned into her arms and taking her by surprise, lowered his head and kissed her, a joining of lips and teeth and tongues. He clasped her hips and pulled her flush against him. His unmistakable arousal fueled her own excitement, creating a rush of moist heat between her thighs.
As he backed her to the bed then laid her down, Lizzie didn’t dare ask him why the change of heart. She only knew that he was here, kissing her neck, her breasts, preparing to give her what she needed, and apparently what he needed, too.
Maybe that was all it was, just primal need, at least for Jack. She could easily need more from him but she wouldn’t fall into that sinkhole. She did need to tell him one very important thing.
When his hand traveled down her hip and curled to the inside of her thigh, Lizzie stopped him by clasping his wrist. “Jack, I have something to say.”
He lifted his head and stared at her. “You want me to stop?”
She chewed her bottom lip, searching for a way to say what she had to say without sounding like an imbecile. “No, I don’t want you to stop, but you might find this a little odd.”
“Try me.”
“You remember when you asked me about the father of my child?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“Well, I don’t know his name.”
“A one-night stand?”
“No, it actually took three times.”
He frowned. “I’m not following you, Lizzie.”
“It took me three times to get pregnant. And I don’t know his name but I do know his number.”
“His phone number?”
“His lot number. J–34571. I’ve never met him, but I know his sperm intimately.”
“Are you saying you were—”
“Artificially inseminated. I wanted a baby but I didn’t have any prospects. So there you have it, I don’t know my baby’s father and I never will. That’s the way I want it.”
Jack’s features softened. “To tell you the truth, Lizzie, I’m kind of relieved.”
Lizzie grinned. “You are?”
He returned her smile. “Yeah. I was a little worried that you weren’t being completely honest with me. I thought you might even have a boyfriend or husband waiting for you back home.”
“Nope, no boyfriend or husband. No one but me and Hank.”
He rimmed her ear with his tongue. “Good.”
She framed his face in her palms and forced him to look at her. “There’s one more thing.”
“Make it quick.”
Quick was good. Quick should be relatively painless. No need to beat around the bush, Lizzie decided.
She closed her eyes, drew in a deep breath and blurted, “I’ve never made love before.”
Seven
She might as well have thrown him overboard.
Never in Jack’s wildest imaginings would he have expected Lizzie’s revelation. Shock speared him as well as stupid male pride over the prospect of being her first.
But with the realization came some heavy apprehension on Jack’s part. Not only was she pregnant, she was inexperienced, and the way he was feeling right now, barely clinging to control, he worried he might hurt her.
Needing some distance, he rolled away from her onto his back and rested an arm over his eyes.
“This doesn’t change anything, does it?” Her voice was weak, unsure. Very un-Lizzie-like.
“I don’t know. I’m thinking.”
“I can handle it, Jack.”
But could he?
Jack dropped his arm to his side and looked at her. She’d turned to face him with her jaw propped on her palm, her expression optimistic. He had a bird’s eye view of her breasts, flushed and pretty in the morning light. He couldn’t stop his gaze from traveling over the curve of her hip and the golden V at the juncture of her thighs. Despite what he now knew, he still wanted her with every molecule of his body and being.
She bent and planted a kiss on his neck then sent him a smile. “Lighten up, Jack. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just the end of my virginity.”
“And you’re pregnant.”
She sighed. “I’ve read a lot of books on pregnancy. If I honestly believed I would hurt the baby, I wouldn’t be doing this.”
He laid his palm on her bent head as she kissed his chest. “Why me?”
“Why not you?”
He could think of several reasons, the first being he probably didn’t deserve the honor. The second—she
deserved her first time to be with a man who intended to stick around. And there was the fact that she…
Obviously intended to torture him into submission.
Jack’s thoughts shut off when Lizzie kept going with her kisses, straight down to his abdomen, way too close to the immediate matter taking precedence over his concerns.
“That’s far enough,” he muttered.
Lizzie raised her head and frowned. “Why?”
Because if she continued, her first time would be over in record time. “Take my word for it, it’s not a good idea. Now get back up here.”
“Promise you won’t change your mind about seeing this through?”
“And if I don’t?”
She gave him another scorching kiss right below his navel. “Then I guess I’ll have to keep J.J. occupied until J.S. changes his mind.”
The urge to deny her, to feel her mouth engulfing him, tempted Jack to withhold the promise. But this was about her. This would be for her.
“I promise. Now come here.”
She shimmied up his body and practically climbed on top of him. He clasped her neck and brought her mouth to his, kissed her with pent-up, unrestrained passion. She moved against him in a steady tempo, sending him close to the edge.
He rolled her onto her back and rose above her to consider what he wanted to do next. What he should do next. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. Take a nice easy journey over her body with his mouth.
As if she’d tuned in to his thoughts like some sexy psychic, she asked, “What are you waiting for?”
Certainly not for her to give him the go-ahead. She’d done that time and again. But would taking certain liberties totally scare her off and out of his bed?
He took one look at her expectant expression and immediately reminded himself that this was Lizzie, the woman who gave no thought to going after him when he was armed. The woman who was totally undaunted when she wanted something badly enough. The woman who’d just revealed an underlying sensual side that was waiting to be tapped—by Jack, if he decided to take that course.
Lizzie would handle anything he dealt her on a sensual level and probably with great finesse. As long as he was very careful.
