by Geri Krotow
Weariness washed over her, despite the good night’s rest she’d had.
“But you’re not going to let him into your space?”
“I can’t, Robyn. I can’t ever risk going through what I’ve already suffered. Not again.” She wiped her eyes and stood straight.
“Not every partner dies early, Winnie. You have to recognize that.”
“I’m giving all I have to the girls. That’s it. I don’t have anything left for anyone else. And if I did, I could never be with Max. No matter what he says or thinks, deep down, I’m still Tom’s wife to him. The Navy bond between colleagues is bigger than a one-night stand, even if it did create my beautiful baby daughter.”
“Tom’s gone, Win. How can he still be a hurdle?”
Winnie sighed and threw up her hands. “Navy rules, Robyn. Max can’t see me as anything other than a responsibility, if that makes sense. Add in my betrayal over Maeve and it’s a done deal.”
“Answer this for me, Win. How many times have you seen him this week? And how many more times will you see him before Friday?”
Winnie took a deep breath. “I saw him Monday. Then Monday night. Tuesday, tonight there’s soccer practice again, and then I drop Sam off at his place on Friday evening.” She left out the incident near the coffee shop yesterday and Max’s PTSD reaction. Listing the other times that she’d seen him in only two days was unsettling enough.
“It’s only Wednesday, sis. I’d say that Max isn’t going anywhere soon—but I also want you to take it easy.”
Winnie offered a smile and hoped her sister didn’t see her hands shaking.
“Thanks, hon.” She turned her head to look at the mugs on the counter. “Skim or regular milk?”
“Do you have two percent?”
“No. Just zero and three point two. Make your choice, lady.”
Robyn laughed. “What the hell—I’ll have the full fat. It’s my day out and I need energy to get to the mainland.”
“You’re a wise woman. You never know how long the ferry wait will be.”
“Exactly.”
Robyn kept the rest of her conversation light and threw her arms around Winnie in a fierce hug before she left to catch the nine o’clock ferry.
“You know I’m a pain in your butt because I love you, sis,” she whispered, her coffee-scented breath hot against Winnie’s ear.
“I know, I know. Come back when the girls are here and say hi.”
“Not today—I’ll be out until late, so I’ll just go home on the interstate. But maybe next week, if that works for you.”
“It’s a date!” Winnie gave her sister her best “I’m okay” smile and waved her out of the house. Robyn waved back over her shoulder before she got into her tiny hybrid automobile.
Since Robyn had gone green she thought everyone should and bemoaned Winnie’s gas-guzzling SUV. But it had been Tom’s, and that was back before hybrids and electric cars were as common as they’d recently become. It was the last remaining thing of Tom’s that she used every day.
Winnie had her newer station wagon for town trips and client visits with Sam, but the full-size SUV was unbeatable when she had to haul fiber from farm to factory.
She watched until Robyn’s taillights winked in the distance and stood on the porch for a moment to absorb the freshness of the morning. Then she walked back into the house and the chaos that her workday often brought.
The mist was still hovering in patches on the field across the street, but the morning sun promised to burn it off before noon. Nothing ever stayed fixed on the windswept island.
She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. It wasn’t grief or joy; it was the fear of a new beginning, a new way of living.
She felt a curl of anticipatory delight as she thought of Max… .
Yeah, she was in too deep already. But she wasn’t going to keep digging her own emotional grave. Max was off-limits for so many reasons. Her heart still ached at how her nagging, her emotional blackmail, had added unnecessary stress to Tom’s job. Even if the accident had been proven to be a faulty call by the Air Boss, she couldn’t help feeling a measure of responsibility—a measure of guilt.
Max would never stop flying. And Winnie would never stop worrying, trying to control. So their fate was sealed, despite their chemistry and their connection through the girls.
She hugged herself with both arms and smiled. One thing she’d learned from Tom’s death was that while she couldn’t actually control anything, since there were always other people and other factors, she could take the initiative. She chose to put her heart into raising her girls. She chose to devote her professional energy to a business that not only supported her family but had the potential to put Whidbey Island on the map of world fiber centers. She helped other farmers and single parents make a profit from their small farms.
She chose not to be involved with Max as anything more than a coparent.
Her satisfaction at having made that decision—the smart decision—soothed her and she went back into the house. As soon as she stepped inside, Sam trotted up from the family room to greet her.
“I’d forgotten about you, boy.” She scratched Sam’s ears and murmured, “I want you to do your best work with Max. He needs you, and I need you to fill in where I can’t.”
Sam wagged his tail.
* * *
ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON, Winnie was working on the business accounts. Her concentration shattered with the slamming of the front door.
“Krista? I’m in the office.”
Krista’s flushed face was framed by the curls that had escaped her ponytail. “When are we going to Uncle Max’s?”
“Hi, honey. How was school today?” Winnie shoved aside her annoyance. Krista’s fascination with Max threatened her resolve to stay emotionally clear of Max. She’d done well at soccer practice last night, in spite of Krista’s constant chatter about how “epic” a coach Max was.
“Fine, Mom! When do we leave? Where’s Maeve?”
“She’s at her playdate. We’ll pick her up on our way north. After we drop Sam off we can go out for dinner.”
“I thought we’d go to Grandma and Grandpa’s,” Krista pouted.
“Not tonight. I’m tired—it’s been a long week. And we’ve been wanting to go to the new Thai place. You love the Thai iced tea with coconut milk.”
“Okay.” She tilted her head. “Maybe Uncle Max will come out with us.”
Winnie sighed inwardly at Krista’s hopeful expression. Krista’s hero-worship of Max wouldn’t last forever, she was certain. But it was going to be excruciating while it did.
“Honey, we’re dropping Sam off for Uncle Max. They need to spend time together. Leaving Sam by himself in Uncle Max’s house right away isn’t fair.”
“Sam could stay in the car when we go out to eat. Uncle Max can meet us at the restaurant.”
“No, Krista. Not an option.”
“Lighten up, Mom,” Krista grumbled under her breath as she flounced off.
Winnie usually called Krista on disrespectful behavior but this time she held back. The less she made of these moods and especially those involving Max, the better. For all of them.
Winnie finished her work, and she and Krista got Sam into the car. Once they’d picked up Maeve they drove to Oak Harbor and then onward to Dugualla Bay.
As they passed the row of chain restaurants that lined the highway, Krista groaned.
“I’m so hungry.”
“Hungee!” Maeve screamed from her car seat next to Krista.
“We’re going to eat soon. Let’s just get Sam dropped off. Krista, will you look in Maeve’s diaper bag and see if I remembered to put in some string cheese? There should be one for each of you.”
Krista rummaged noisily through the bag and Winnie silently cursed herself for not taking Sam to Max’s place earlier this afternoon. But between her schedule, the girls’ schedules and Max’s work, she hadn’t had much choice. They could also have arranged to meet on base, sa
ving Winnie some time, but she insisted on taking Sam directly to Max’s, because she felt that was better for the dog.
She exhaled a sigh of relief as they turned onto the black asphalt road that would take them along the side of the bay to Max’s home.
“I can’t find any cheese, Mom, and there’s nothing else for Maeve to eat.”
Maeve promptly screamed, “Huuuungeeee!!”
Winnie took in a deep breath. “Krista, distract your sister, please.” Krista was well aware that Maeve would react to her words with a scream. Winnie knew it was inherently good that Krista and Maeve shared a deep bond. They regularly used each other to either express themselves or get their way, which was great for a lifetime of sisterly love but not so hot for the single mother raising them.
“Look, Maeve, see the cows? Mooooo. They make milk for ice cream and milkshakes.”
“Wannn eyezzz keem!”
“Krista, can you please keep it off food for now? Just let me drop Sam off and we’ll be at the restaurant in no time.” They might not make it to the Thai place, after all, she figured. All their stomachs, but especially Maeve’s, demanded nourishment ASAP.
Winnie sighed again. She considered it a personal failure when she had to resort to the drive-through for a meal. She liked to treat the girls and herself to a nice dinner out once a week. They ate healthily the rest of the time and fast food once in a while wouldn’t kill them, but she preferred to make their night out a real meal, not something eaten out of a waxed paper bag in the car.
Lights blazed from Max’s house as she turned into the drive. Once she’d parked in the back, she stepped out, taking a moment to admire the view. Purplish mountains with white tops loomed in the distance as the Cascades reflected the last of the sunset. The sky above was a shade of pink and the water below looked inky. Winnie took in a deep breath. She’d never tire of the natural splendor of the Pacific Northwest.
Although the night was calm, it was chilly outside. She walked up the path to the door and rang the bell. Sam sat next to her on the small porch, with the girls standing behind him.
Max opened the door with a flourish, and his grin was reflected in the twinkle in his eyes. “Hey, come on in! You haven’t eaten yet, have you?”
Winnie entered with Sam and was almost overwhelmed by myriad aromas that floated down from the upstairs kitchen.
“Hi, Uncle Max!” Krista stepped around Winnie and gave Max a huge hug, her arms tight around his waist.
“Hungee!” Maeve toddled over to Max and held up her arms.
Max lifted her up, slowly but surely. Winnie watched for any sign of pain or strain but detected none.
Max caught her gaze over Maeve’s tiny shoulder. “I just have to make sure I use my core muscles so my back and legs don’t cramp.”
“Sure, whatever.” She didn’t mean to sound flip, but it was all she could do not to scream. Why did her whole family have to be so crazy about Max? Couldn’t he just get to know Maeve a little at a time? Couldn’t he see Sam for one hour per week like most other injured vets?
“Why do you have to always go for everything full-throttle, Max?”
She didn’t realize she’d spoken aloud until he put Maeve back down and straightened, never taking his gaze off her face.
“I said that out loud, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did.” He smiled instead of frowning at her and she found the sudden intimacy uncomfortable. “It’s okay, Winnie. I know there’s been a lot for you to digest this past week. As much as I hate to admit it, it’s been tough for both of us.”
Guilt hit her hard and she fought not to grimace or complain. This was her doing. She’d agreed to see Max this week, and she’d known where it would lead.
“I have no right to tell you that you’re coming on too strong with your daughter, Max. Since I’m the one who kept Maeve from you.”
“Yes, you are.” He gave her no quarter and she didn’t seek it. Facts were facts.
But their chemistry was another matter. From the moment she’d walked into Max’s home, she’d been conscious of the intense awareness between them. Would it always be like this? Would they ever be comfortable old friends?
“Back to planet earth, Winnie.” His playful comment grounded her.
“What smells so good, Uncle Max?” Krista homed in for the kill.
“Are you hungry?” Max asked.
“Hungee!” Maeve shrieked.
“Starving. But—” Krista turned to Winnie, a question on her face. “We’re going out to dinner at the Thai place after this.”
“That’s a shame because I have homemade Neapolitan pizza upstairs.” Max looked at Winnie and she didn’t miss the amusement in his expression.
A laugh escaped before she was able to stop it. “I forgot about the pizza oven in the kitchen here. It still works?”
“Perfectly. And since my tour in Naples I pride myself on my pizza skills.” This time he looked at Krista and Maeve. “Girls, give your mom and me a minute, will you?”
Krista glanced from Max to Winnie and back, probably trying to figure out if they were going to do anything “disgusting” again.
“Sure. Can we check out the pizza?”
“Go right ahead, but keep Maeve away from that hot oven, Krista.” Max issued the directive as if he’d been in charge of kids his entire life.
“C’mon, Maeve. Wanna go see where the pizza is made?”
“Pizzaaaa!” Maeve loved pizza and Winnie’s heart sank. No way were they getting out of here anytime soon.
Once the girls were out of earshot, Max turned his charm on her. His eyes alone were enough to sink her, but his smile and the way he clasped her hand left her defenseless.
“Winnie, please stay for dinner. I was hoping you would. The girls will get a kick out of homemade pizza.”
Focus on his words and not how warm his hand is.
“Max, we’ve been over this. You’ve just started with Sam, and you and I are already getting in too deep.”
“What’s ‘deep,’ Win? We’ve known each other for years. Even if we hadn’t made that beautiful baby girl, we’d have reason to enjoy a meal together. Even if I didn’t need Sam and your talents it’d be perfectly natural for us to spend time together. I’m Krista’s godfather and I’ve been so negligent in those duties.”
She felt she was seeing him for the first time. Gone was the happy-go-lucky young pilot she’d met fifteen years ago. He wasn’t even her protector anymore, as he’d been during his months as her CACO after Tom’s death.
In front of her stood a tall, strong, battle-hardened warrior. Despite or perhaps became of his fight for his life, he was reaching out and asking her to grab a moment of joy. To share it with him.
“I’m not asking you for the world, Winnie. Just to join me for a pizza and soda. You owe me that much. Besides, it’s an easy way for Maeve and me to get to know each other.”
She broke their eye contact and nodded. “Okay. But, Max, this can’t be a habit. I don’t want the girls—”
He sighed. “I get it, Winnie. But don’t expect me to worry about your feelings too much. This isn’t about you.”
No, it wasn’t about her—as he kept pointing out.
CHAPTER TWELVE
KRISTA’S STOMACH GRUMBLED at the sight of the pizza fixings on Uncle Max’s kitchen counter. She held Maeve up to see the different colors of the tomatoes, sauce, basil, cheese and dough.
“See, Maeve? We’re going to make our own pizzas!” Mom had to agree to it. Uncle Max would convince her, though. Uncle Max knew how to have fun and she was so glad he was her soccer coach, but being able to hang out with him in his house was really cool.
“Cheeeeze.” Maeve pointed to the pile of shredded mozzarella and Krista laughed.
“Yup, it’s cheese. Want a teeny bite?” Krista reached out for a few white strands and passed them to Maeve. Maeve’s hands were so tiny and cute. The cheese was the perfect size.
“What’s this? You’re not picking
at the food, are you?” Mom and Uncle Max were standing behind her. Mom always sounded sterner than she ever really was. Krista hoisted Maeve higher in her arms.
“Maeve was starving, Mom. I just gave her a little bit.”
“Nommmm.” Maeve had half her fist shoved in her mouth, along with the mozzarella.
“Sorry, Uncle Max.”
“No problem. So what do you like on your pizza?”
Mom was wearing that awkward little smile she had whenever she was uncomfortable but Krista was thrilled. They were staying for dinner!
“Can I roll out my pizza dough, Uncle Max?”
“Better yet, you can toss it. Let me show you how.”
* * *
WINNIE WATCHED MAX as he showed the girls how to knead the dough and then toss it to the perfect thickness. The girls giggled and had a blast trying to do it themselves.
“Lemmeeee! Lemmeee!” Maeve squealed in complete bliss as Max made her a toddler-size piece of dough to “toss.” Which she did, right into Sam’s waiting mouth.
“Drop it!”
Sam’s ears went back at Winnie’s command, and he promptly dropped the now-soggy dough onto the black tile of Max’s kitchen floor.
“Good boy. Leave it.” Winnie bent to pick up the dough and noticed the sudden quiet. She looked up.
Three pairs of eyes were staring at her. Four, if you counted Sam’s. “What?”
“Can’t Sam have that little piece of dough?” Max asked.
The room was too warm and she blamed it on the pizza oven. Max’s glance slid down to her throat and cleavage, revealed by her bent-over position. Her nipples reacted as if he’d physically touched her breasts.
“No, he can’t. Dogs aren’t meant to eat processed human food, raw yeast dough especially. It can expand in their stomachs and make them very sick.”
Krista rolled her eyes.
“Don’t be disrespectful, Krista.”
Krista wasn’t ready to let it go so easily. “Mom, Uncle Max is right. What would one bit of dough hurt?”
“No, your mother’s right.” Max spoke up. “I’m sorry, Winnie, I’m not well-versed on what is and isn’t good for a dog. If I had Sam, I’d be feeding him chips and beer.”
