I’ve watched my sister go through hell and back with what her husband did to her.” He put his warm hand around the back of my neck, stroking the hollow behind my ear slowly with his thumb. “And I thought it was enough, that I’d taken myself out of the competition.” He shook his head. “But I was wrong… it was nowhere near enough to make things right. You’ve made me see… made me feel things I can’t even put a name to… But for the first time, I know what I have to do. I can see the next step.”
His dark grey eyes looked into mine, the color of a storm at sea. “There’s no defense for who I’ve been or for what I’ve done, but please… know this…
You were never a game to me, Emi.
Not ever.”
I had climbed the stairs, dragging with every step, to stand under the hot rushing water… The tiny bathroom had filled with steam, but I‘d let it run on anyway. Thank god, Gran had still been sleeping. I didn’t have the strength to face her… or to see the disappointment in her eyes…
I shut the water off only when it started to turn cold. The old pipes groaned in the walls as I wrapped myself in my old pink bathrobe. It had hung on an iron hook behind the door for nearly ten years. I tied the belt around my waist absently, noticing how the hook had gone rusty… how the smooth porcelain ball at the end had darkened and cracked. For a second, I let myself wonder how it would look, another ten years from now…
“Oh, you’re up, dear,” Mrs. Williams said, as I made my way down the hall. “Your friend Reese called me awfully late last night, and said she’d bring you by. What a shame, to come down with a touch of flu while you were at work,” she tutted. “But you don’t look too bad. Why don’t you just try to get a little sleep. You’ll feel better in your own bed.” She smiled kindly and I felt tears burn hot behind my eyes. “Jussie’s still sleeping,” she said, patting my back gently. “Don’t you worry. I’ll get her breakfast when she wakes up.” She looked at me closely, and the tears I’d been holding back finally let go.
“Oh… now… It can’t be as bad as all that,” she said, putting her hand on my elbow. “I’ll bring you some tea, dear.” She smiled at me kindly. “A little sleep and a nice cup of Earl Grey can do wonders for a tummy ache.” She took a tissue out of her sleeve and blotted my cheek. “Or a heartache,” she said softly, understanding in her eyes. “All of us were young once, you know, believe it or not. And though she’s far too stubborn to admit it… even Justine.”
But there was no sleep. Not for me. I’d paced back and forth in the tiny room, feeling restless and contained. A dozen times, I’d picked up my phone, only to put it down again.
Chase had been right. I had no proof I could believe him. Everything he’d told me could have been nothing more than lies, one last attempt to protect himself from more scandal than he was already facing. He’d seduced me in public. Touched me in public. And last night he’d fucked me… where any of a dozen people could have seen… But I also remembered the way he’d looked at me, with tenderness in his eyes as he’d told me I wasn’t part of his game. I’d felt his pain when he admitted to what he’d done in the past. And I’d heard the sincerity in his voice.
I was still reeling, still unsure. But honesty demanded that I admit, at least to myself, that I’d liked it… all of it. I’d been excited by that chance of getting caught too, the pure excitement of adrenaline arousing me in a way I’d never experienced before. Chase hadn’t been the only one enjoying the danger. I’d felt it for myself. He’d said he was no good for me, for anyone. But I’d seen the love and devotion he had for his sister. She felt the same for him. And surely she knew him better than anyone…
I picked up the phone and punched in her number, unsure what I could possibly say, but knowing we had to talk…
“Emily, I was just about to call…,” Amelia’s voice sounded strained. “Something’s happened, I didn’t know who else to talk to. I think you’re the only person who can help…”
34
Chase
For one short moment, I’d had everything I ever wanted. Emi had been mine… warm and sweet and beautiful in my arms. The memory of holding her, being inside her, and feeling her powerful climax had only left me wanting more. So much more.
But in a flash the moment was gone, like losing Anna all over again. Except this time the pain was far worse. I knew now, too late, that what I’d had with Anna had only been youthful infatuation. Seeing Emi, curled up and sleeping in my bed, had changed everything. I wanted her. All of her. Not just her body… and her delicious tempting flesh, but her thoughts and her dreams… her sweetness. Her heart.
I had watched her sleeping, aching to hold her one last time in my own bed, in my own home, where we could have the privacy… the intimacy that I finally craved. I’d never expected to want those things again. But I did. And all because of her. It had been sweet… bittersweet… to feel that desire, that hunger for closeness again.
But I’d climbed in beside her and awakened her, knowing those dreams could never be, knowing full well how everything between us would end. With truth… and anger. With loss. Because of what I’d done… because of who I was. Every beat of my heart had felt like a punishment. But I’d done what I’d had to do, to set her free of me. I’d hurt her enough, though it had never been my intention. Giving her the truth and letting her go were the only ways I had left…
To show her I loved her.
“Where are you? We need to talk. Now.”
I heard Sutton swallow on the other end of the line. I’d spent hours driving simply for the sake of something to do, thinking about all the choices that had brought us to this point. I didn’t give a shit anymore, whether Sutton wanted to cooperate. If I had to, I would end it all for him.
“I’m in the office,” he replied unsteadily. I shoved the car into a higher gear and hit the gas hard. “You did good last night. The lawyers finally found Pam’s price. She’s agreed to sign a statement that she just had too much to drink… and she retracted her accusations…”
“Fuck you, Sutton,” I shot out, hitting the freeway and speeding up even more. “You know goddamned well I had nothing to do with that.” I ground the gears and the engine whined. “I talked to her, alright. But not about silence or payoffs or fucking statements. I told the woman the truth. And I fucking apologized, for what little it was worth. I told her I would do whatever it took to make this right, not just for her, but for all the women over the years, Sutton. It took a goddamned long time to catch up with us, but it’s finally here. I’m doing this with you or without you, but I’m not hiding anymore. Not my shit, and not yours.”
I pulled into the parking garage, tires squealing, and slammed the car into park. Ignoring the elevator and taking the stairs two at a time, I held onto the phone, listening to Sutton’s breathing as he struggled to form a reply.
“Okay…,” he said, finally. “I hear you… You want to shut down the competition.” His voice was slow, careful. “You’ve wanted out for a long time… you don’t want the risks anymore…”
“I am out… I’ve been out,” I growled, irritated by his placating tone. “And it’s over. No more lies, no more cover-ups. We’re owning up to our shit. All of it. I’m issuing a fucking public apology. It’s what I promised Pam last night, and likely the reason she backed down and went along with your lawyers. Because I promised a formal acknowledgement that women like her had been used… and hurt…” I reached the floor where Sutton had his office. My breathing was hard and fast. I shoved the door open, phone still in hand, and stared into his pale face.
“It’ll ruin us,” he said, letting his hand and his phone drop to his side. “We built an empire and this is going to ruin us… It can’t happen… I won’t allow it. You’ll have a fucking war on your hands, Chase…”
I threw my own phone aside and it skittered across the wood floor and shattered against the wall. “It’s a small enough price to pay,” I replied coolly, “for the damage we’ve done.” I sighed, feeling some of the weig
ht begin to lift from my shoulders. If I had lost Emily for good, I sure as hell wouldn’t allow it to be completely meaningless. “This is the right thing to do, and deep down,” I said. “I think you know it.
And Sutton…,” I said, staring at him hard,
“We ruined ourselves.”
35
Emily
“There’s been some kind of mistake,” Amelia said, sounding close to tears. “I just found out this morning. The cakery Becca hired got the dates confused. Her wedding is only a week away and somehow they had scheduled her in for next month. She’s already totally stressed out. And now she’s got three hundred people coming to a wedding on Saturday… with no wedding cake!”
I was almost lightheaded with relief. For a moment I’d been sure she’d heard about everything that had happened last night. Her brother… the game… the ugly whispers… I gulped and swallowed, stifling the sudden urge to laugh. This was such a wonderfully ordinary problem…
“I know this must be the last thing you need right now, me asking for a favor this huge, but I didn’t know who else to call,” she went on. “Becca’s already had issues with her gown. If she finds out about this…”
“Oh, Amelia,” I said, “of course, I’ll do it.” The laugh I’d been holding in finally spilled out. “In fact, I think you’re the one doing me a favor,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Work would be an absolute godsend right now. I could come by in a hour and go over the details… And I won’t tell Becca if you don’t.”
“Oh… my… god,” she sighed dramatically. “You just might have saved a friendship,” she said. “I know you’re saving the day.” She laughed, a little giddy. “I’ve been so caught up, throwing myself into this wedding almost as if it was my own. I guess I needed a good distraction too, from the divorce…”
“I can imagine,” I said, honestly, feeling her pain. “I’m so sorry.”
“Well, I’m not,” she answered back. “I loved him when I married him. But I think I always knew, deep down, that he was weak… dishonest at a very basic level.” She paused. “It’s hard to truly forgive even the smallest mistake in a man like that, although I sure tried… for a long time. Then I just couldn’t anymore.” I nodded, silently absorbing her words.
“Listen to me… so self-involved,” she went on, “when you were the one who called. Seeing as you just saved my life… what can I do for you?”
For a moment I faltered, almost losing my nerve. Then I sucked in a steadying breath. “I need to ask you things… questions about your brother that you may think are none of my business. I thought we were starting to get close… and now…,” I gasped, and went on heedlessly. “It’s all gone wrong somehow. I thought I knew who he was… I thought I knew who I was… Now I’m not sure about anything anymore…
I know none of this is your problem, Amelia,” I said, knowing full well just how careful I would need to be, in speaking with her. “But I just don’t think there’s anyone else I can talk to.”
Half an hour later, in sweatpants and a droopy ponytail, I was sitting on Amelia’s sofa and she was pouring me a mug of chamomile tea.
“Dad and Chris have been at odds, pretty much long as I can remember,” she said softly, “even when he was just a little boy. I was pretty small then, but I still remember. It was like the only time Dad could bring himself to show Chris any affection at all was when he’d won at something. A ballgame, a contest… some kind of award. Coming in second was like disappearing… becoming invisible. Dad just turned off his approval. He stopped showing love. And to a kid, it must have felt like that love simply didn’t exist anymore.”
I took a sip from my cup, staring without focus, imagining him as a boy feeling so lost… so alone…
“Mom ran off when we were both too little to remember. For years, I think we both blamed her. But as we grew up, it changed somehow. Maybe we both learned to empathize better as adults. I suspect Dad probably treated her the same way, refusing to show love if she was anything less than perfect. I know I understood her better, after I married Cliff. In many ways, he was an awful lot like my father…”
“And I’ve lived my grandmother’s life more than I’ve lived my own,” I said, nodding. “Always trying to be good… to be what she wanted me to be. It’s like I’m only just starting to find out now, who I really am inside. My whole life, I’ve only ever been Justine’s granddaughter…”
“All of us are so much more… More than simply someone else’s expectations,” Amelia said wisely. “It can take a while to learn, and it isn’t always easy.” She smiled and refilled her cup. “I don’t know what kind of bump you and Chris have hit,” she quickly raised up a hand to me, “and I don’t need to know.
But I think you’ve discovered that he’s… complicated,” she said, understandingly. “No surprise to me. But then most interesting men are. And whatever his troubled relationship with Dad, his competitiveness is what’s made Envisager such a huge success. And now he’s finally moving forward in his personal life… with you…”
She reached out and put her hand on my knee. “He was completely devoted to a girl when he was in college. It didn’t last long, but she was his first love… and naturally, she broke his heart. It was a long time ago, but since then he’s just played the field, never letting anything become serious. He loves quickly, but very deeply and with his whole heart… and he feels pain very deeply too…” She leaned back, and drew a noisy, cleansing breath through her nose.
“I’ve sure heard some things about that partner of his… Sutton. And the kind of parties he throws,” she said, changing the subject and blushing brightly. “But you were there, right?” She leaned forward. “Was it really like they say? Totally uninhibited?”
It was my turn to blush, and I did. Hard. “It was,” I answered, equally embarrassed and excited as I flashed back. “A woman showed up, intending to make trouble for Sutton. Maybe even wanting to drag their business into it. Chase is afraid more women might come forward, and that it could turn into a public scandal.” I leaned forward too, and took Amelia’s hand. She held it firmly, looking steady and surprisingly calm.
“I wouldn’t worry too much, Emily,” she said. “Chris is a good man, no matter if he’s made some mistakes. After all, who hasn’t?
And it’s easier, far easier to forgive a truly good man… for almost anything. Chris would never hurt anyone intentionally, unlike Cliff… or even my father. He’s never given himself enough credit, and I blame Dad’s influence for that. But my brother is an honest, kind man. He told me he was only going to the party to make sure Sutton didn’t make a move on you.” She smiled and patted my shoulder. “He’s loyal, and he’s fiercely protective. He’s been there for me, no matter what, right or wrong… thick or thin. Nobody knows that better than I do. He cares more than he knows, Emily. Or maybe just more than he’s willing to show…”
A knock at the door brought her to her feet. I sat where I was, sobered by everything she’d been willing to share. Her calm had surprised me. But not what she’d told me about Chase. It confirmed everything my heart had told me all along. My pulse began to beat faster as I heard his voice, his deep, beautiful voice in the foyer.
“Is Emily here? We need to talk, Amelia,” he said. “All of us. And there are things you should know. Things you should hear from me first…”
I saw his face when he came around the corner. “Emi,” he said. His hair was rumpled, his face lined with worry. He looked like he hadn’t slept either. “You are here…,” he said. “I went back to your apartment…”
“I’ll just go get some more hot water,” Amelia said, picking up the teapot. She gave me an encouraging smile as she headed for the kitchen. “I might be a while… I’ve got a few calls to make.”
Chase had me in his arms the second she was gone. Heat radiated off his chest, his hard muscled arms held me like he had no intention of letting go. I tipped my head back, limp as relief flooded through me. I realized, somewhere deep inside, I’d
been terrified of never having this feeling again…
“I spoke with your grandmother,” he said, searching my face. “She said you might be here. I needed to find you, Emi. I couldn’t leave things the way they were between us.”
“You met Gran?” I asked, absently. “She answered the door?”
“Reese let me in,” he said, running his thumb over my chin. He caught the edge of my lip and pulled it down, exposing a hint of wetness. “But Justine agreed to see me. The woman is a force all her own.” His eyes dropped to my mouth. “Much like her granddaughter…”
He dropped his mouth to mine, not slowly, but like a starving man. He crushed me to his body, shaping me to him, molding my body to his strength. He kissed me, finding my tongue with his. I could taste his hunger and deny him nothing. My hands found his shoulders… his neck… I tangled my hands in his hair and pulled him breathlessly closer. I heard his sigh and felt the tension in his body ease into an aching, liquid desire. His hands spanned my waist and he pulled back, only far enough to look down into my eyes.
“I came for you,” he said. “But I also came to tell my sister the truth.” His eyes were dark, serious, in spite of the heat of his passion. “It means war with Sutton… probably the end of Envisager, but I’ve got my lawyers working on a statement. An apology I intend to issue publicly. I can do anything with you. But I’m not sure I can do this alone.”
I brushed the hair back from his eyes, feeling a flooding warmth in my chest. Tears pricked at my eyes and the back of my throat tightened. “You’re not alone,” I said, my voice breaking with emotion. “Not if I have anything to say. You don’t ever have to feel alone again.”
He kissed me again, deeply, sweetly and I felt my heart expand with warmth and lightness. I kissed him back, giving in completely to the demands of my heart. He took my hand and led me outside. I wondered briefly if Amelia would wonder why we’d left without a word. But then I realized she would understand. For she had been right about forgiveness… and right about Chase.
The Competition Page 12
