Clifford noticed my discomfort and when Maman excused herself to take a telephone call from Doctor Monfort, he seized the opportunity to confide in me.
‘Ruby, I would like to explain to you what happened between me and Miss Jackie Fausey that resulted in the breaking of our engagement.’
He may as well have stuck me with a prod I got up from my seat so fast. I busied myself pouring the coffee. ‘Oh, there’s no need,’ I said. Of course I was dying of curiosity about what had happened with Jackie, but I also knew that intimacies shared would only increase his sense of a bond with me.
‘I don’t want there to be things weighing between us,’ he said, looking at me in an enamoured way that caused me to swallow hard. ‘Jackie and I have been friends since childhood. She was a tomboy and we climbed trees and flew kites together, and it seemed the most natural thing in the world that we would grow up and marry each other. But as we got older, we changed and wanted different things. In the end, my beliefs were something we could never agree upon and we felt it was best to part ways.’
I passed him a cup of coffee and sat back down, resigned to the fact that there was no way to escape this awkward situation. ‘You mean your beliefs about equal rights for Negroes?’ I asked.
‘Indeed,’ sighed Clifford, rubbing his knees. ‘I don’t blame her, of course. We were starting to be left off invitation lists. No young woman wants to be the wife of a social pariah. Besides that, her father and I clashed. When the Federal Government ordered New Orleans to desegregate its schools, Judge Fausey urged white parents to fight the order by moving their children to private schools.’
I looked directly at him for the first time that visit. He was a good man who wanted to help coloured people. I thought of Leroy and his family and I couldn’t help but be grateful that there were some white people who viewed them as deserving of the same dignity as everyone else.
‘The ones I find most disgusting are not the ignorant rednecks — they don’t know any better,’ Clifford continued. ‘It’s the legal men who use their education and social advantages to create legislative proposals to keep the coloured people down. It’s those men I want to fight. The rednecks will go in whatever direction the wind is blowing.’ He paused and rubbed his hands. ‘It’s a special woman who can admire a man for his beliefs and not only his social standing.’
I knew what he was hinting at. Since I had attended the Urban League meeting, he assumed that I was as passionate about civil rights as he was.
I stared at my hands. The men in my family had been so unreliable it was impossible to trust them. Clifford was a courageous man and a principled one. If when I had met him earlier he’d been free, I wouldn’t be working as a stripper. But falling in love with Leroy had changed everything.
‘From what you describe it sounds like the race situation in New Orleans is getting worse,’ I said.
‘Things are worse all right,’ he replied grimly. ‘New Orleans has always had the reputation of being tolerant, but the Brown versus Board of Education ruling has stirred things up. Normally reasonable people have been convinced that coloured men think of nothing else but impregnating white women. Instead of focussing on equality of education and moving both races forward, the debate has been hijacked into a panic about the survival of the white race. Even the more liberal-minded citizens abhor the idea of miscegenation.’
‘They only abhor it one way,’ I said bitterly. ‘White men have been impregnating coloured women for centuries.’
Maman returned, and Clifford and I exchanged a glance. Politics was not a topic for her and I was touched when he understood that and turned the conversation to the more pleasant subject of the upcoming carnival season.
‘When I was young I loved the floats and the magnificent costumes, but most of all I loved the masquerade balls,’ Maman said. ‘How delicious to hide your identity for one magical night!’
Clifford smiled. ‘Well, you are braver than I am, Mrs de Villeray. As a child I found the costumes and masks terrifying. One year my parents hosted a party at our home. I was supposed to be in bed, but I snuck out and screamed when I saw the people in masks. When they took off their disguises to try and comfort me it made my fear even worse. I couldn’t understand why my parents and their friends would pretend to be other people.’
Clifford and Maman laughed, but I was stung. Hiding my true self had become a way of life for me.
‘Well, seeing as you can’t go out in the damp air, Mrs de Villeray,’ Clifford said, ‘I propose that I provide the King Cake on January sixth and we have our own celebration here.’
Maman’s eyes lit up. ‘Oh, that would be wonderful!’ she said, clapping her hands. ‘How thoughtful you are. Yes, you bring the cake and Ruby and I will do the decorations.’
Clifford and Maman made their plans while I listened with apprehension. The more Maman became enchanted by Clifford, the less I’d ever be able to speak up.
After he’d left, Maman frowned at me. ‘Ruby, you do like Clifford Lalande, don’t you? Because he is very taken with you. The fact that he came here today is a sign of that.’
‘Yes, of course I like him,’ I said, unable to meet her gaze.
She lifted my chin until I was looking directly into her eyes. ‘What is it, Ruby? Lately I feel like you’ve become a stranger. It’s as if there is someone else living inside your head.’
‘Don’t say that, Maman!’ I told her, frightened by her observation. ‘You know I’m your Ruby.’
‘But why are you so indifferent towards Clifford? Tell me the truth: is there someone you like better?’
Guilt ate at my bones. There shouldn’t be secrets between Maman and me. I wanted everything to go back to how it had been the previous week, before I went to the meeting. I’d had everything in balance then — or so I’d thought. A longing to confess everything took me by surprise. But how could I? The truth would destroy Maman, and it would destroy me.
‘I don’t want to get hurt,’ I told her instead, biting my lip.
The tense expression on her face dissolved into a smile. ‘Well, that’s natural enough. But Clifford is an honourable man. I don’t think he’s playing with your feelings. By all means go slowly, but don’t be so cold you put him off.’
‘Why don’t I go after him now?’ I said, walking to the closet to get my coat. ‘He couldn’t have gotten very far. I’ll make as if I couldn’t wait to tell him some detail about the party we’re planning. He’ll feel special that way.’
‘Oh, yes,’ she said. ‘Go do that, Ruby.’
I hummed a cheerful tune as I went out the door but my insides were churning. I ran along Royal Street and spotted Clifford turning into Canal Street.
‘Clifford!’ I called. The air was chilly and steam blew from my mouth.
He turned, his face breaking into a delighted grin. ‘Ruby!’
‘Can I wait for the streetcar with you?’ I asked. ‘I want to speak to you alone.’
‘I’m surprised your mother let you come after me without a chaperone. She’s so charmingly old-world Creole.’ He chuckled. ‘I’d be delighted for you to keep me company — there’s something I want to ask you. I’ve been invited to a ball and I would be honoured if you’d come as my partner.’
My breath caught in my throat. A Mardi Gras ball! That would have been Ruby’s big dream. But I couldn’t. When Maman had said I was becoming a stranger, she was right. I was less and less Ruby and more and more Jewel. And Jewel loved another man.
‘Ruby, what is it?’
‘Clifford, I have something to tell you. I’d love to come to the ball with you, but I can’t.’
The St Charles Avenue streetcar arrived but Clifford ignored it. He stared at me with a confused expression. ‘You can’t?’
My intention had been to come clean with him. I still cared for him and I didn’t want to lead him on. But how could I explain everything about my double life while standing in line for the streetcar? Instead, I gave him a partial version.
&
nbsp; ‘You see, I work at night. Maman doesn’t know. She thinks we’re living off family money. But there is no family money. I work to keep the roof over our heads and to pay Maman’s medical bills.’
If the situation wasn’t so awful, the astonished expression on Clifford’s face would have been comical.
‘Where do you work?’ he asked.
I lowered my gaze. ‘At the telephone exchange.’
‘At night?’
‘It has to be at night,’ I said, rubbing my hands against the cold. ‘I have to sneak out after Maman’s gone to bed. She doesn’t think a lady should work — but I had no choice. She would have died if I didn’t find the money for her operation.’
I raised my eyes. At first my confession rendered Clifford speechless. Then a smile slowly appeared on his face. ‘Ruby, are you ever going to stop amazing me? What you’re doing for your mother . . . well, it’s wonderful!’
I wondered if Clifford was ever going to stop amazing me! ‘You think so?’ I asked doubtfully.
‘Yes, it’s courageous to take matters into your own hands!’ he said, touching my shoulder. ‘And the exchange won’t give you even one night off during Mardi Gras?’
‘It’s the busiest time of the year. The town is full to the brim with tourists.’
My explanation was technically true, if you transferred it from the telephone exchange to the Vieux Carré Club. Mardi Gras was our busiest time of the year and I was expected to do several routines a night.
‘Well, I understand your position,’ he said in a reassuring tone. ‘But if you can’t come to the ball, then please come to my family’s open house on parade day and bring your mother. My mother and Kitty are always asking after you.’
Clifford’s understanding about everything made it difficult to refuse. ‘I’ll come,’ I said, ‘but I can’t bring Maman. She mustn’t go out in the cold at all. Thank you for the offer of the King Cake celebration. That made her very happy.’
Another streetcar arrived and Clifford squeezed my arm. ‘Everything I learn about you makes me admire you more,’ he said. Then he leaned closer and whispered in my ear, ‘I knew the moment I met you that I could never marry Jackie. But out of respect for her feelings, I can’t be too open until an appropriate amount of time has passed. But soon, you won’t have to work at the telephone exchange any more. You and your mother will be well taken care of.’
He stepped onto the streetcar and waved to me before taking a seat. I waved back numbly, too surprised to think of any other response. The meaning of Clifford’s words had been clear: he intended to propose. I’d attempted to dig myself out of a hole and had only dug myself in deeper.
New Orleans buzzed with anticipation as tourists joined the locals for the most exciting event of the year. Sam had the club decorated in the traditional colours of green, gold and purple. Pennant banners hung from the ceiling, and the tables were adorned with fleur-de-lis runners. I laughed when I saw the waiters dressed in harlequin outfits.
Miss Hanley put me through my paces. ‘This has to be the best show yet,’ she told me and Leroy during rehearsals. ‘We have to exceed everything else we’ve done so far.’
The regular velvet curtain was replaced with one fashioned out of silver Mardi Gras beads, and I would be dancing to classics like ‘Wild Cat’, ‘Heebie Jeebies’ and ‘New Orleans Blues’. My costumes were magnificent. My favourite was a red ball gown with a ruffled organza skirt and beaded bodice. Underneath I wore a matching strapless bra and rhinestone G-string.
The stagehands applauded me when I stepped out under the lights for the dress rehearsal.
‘It’s brilliant!’ said Sam, approaching the stage. ‘Jewel, you are more splendid than the Queen of Carnival herself!’
Indeed, the costumes, the decorations and the music all combined to give me a sense of arrival that I’d never felt as Vivienne de Villeray the debutante. It was as if I was finally who I was truly meant to be: Jewel.
Because of the weight of the fabric, the fastenings were more complicated and I had to practise getting out of the gown several times.
I wasn’t bothered by the lighting men and stagehands seeing me dance, but more frequently Jimmy the barman came in early during the rehearsals. He was supposedly checking stocks, but he never seemed to be doing so when I performed. He’d stand in front of the bar, arms crossed, and stare at me with eyes that were cold and flat. It made my blood turn to ice.
‘Jimmy gives me the creeps,’ I confided in Annie as she helped me change costumes in the dressing room. ‘He glares at me like he’s thinking about killing me.’
‘I’ve noticed the way he looks at you too,’ she said. ‘He tried to tell me once that you shouldn’t be talking to Leroy the way you do.’
My skin prickled. Leroy and I were constantly on guard to avoid suspicion at the club. We made eye contact but not too much eye contact; we never touched each other; and we never allowed ourselves to be alone together for more than a minute. It took discipline and a good memory, but we did it because the cost of discovery was too high.
I turned to face Annie. ‘What did he mean by that?’
‘With respect,’ she said innocently, laying out my jewellery for the next routine, ‘it’s obvious Jimmy doesn’t approve of a white dancer being accompanied by a coloured band.’
I turned back to the dressing table so she wouldn’t see the relief on my face. ‘Who cares what he thinks? If Sam approves, it’s got nothing to do with him.’
She placed her hand on my shoulder. ‘I’ll speak to Sam if you like,’ she said. ‘If that jerk’s turning you off your performance, he’ll get rid of him. Plenty of barmen in this town. Only one Jewel!’
Later, after the show, when Leroy met me in the room in Chartres Street, I pushed him into a chair and then strutted around him, modelling the red strapless bra and G-string.
‘I thought I’d do away with the superfluous dress,’ I said, swinging my hips, ‘and just get down to business.’
He watched me, grinning widely, before he grabbed my hips and brought me to a stop in front of him. ‘You might dance in front of other men,’ he said, kissing my stomach and pulling me onto his lap, ‘but only think of me, all right?’
I rubbed my cheek against his forehead. ‘I always think only of you.’ I curled up against him and looked around the room. ‘The best days of my life are the ones I’ve spent here.’
‘The best days so far, you mean,’ he said, caressing my face.
‘The best days so far,’ I repeated, running my hands through his hair and pulling him into a long kiss.
After we’d made love, I lay in Leroy’s arms while he dozed and watched the dawn appear through the window. I traced my finger along his firm chest and fantasised about what it would be like to have a normal relationship, where we could hold hands without fear, or go grocery shopping or walk in the park as if it was a natural thing for a coloured man and a white woman to be doing. I thought about Jimmy, and how he didn’t even know Leroy; he simply hated him because of his colour.
Reluctantly I removed myself from Leroy’s embrace and dressed. There was always a sweet joy when we met and a nagging torment when we had to part.
Leroy opened his eyes and smiled sleepily at me. ‘Is it that time already?’
‘We’re like vampires,’ I said. ‘We disappear with the sunrise.’
He sat up and looked at me tentatively. ‘I heard that Jimmy got fired last night. He wasn’t too happy about it.’
‘I’m glad,’ I said, slipping into my shoes. ‘He’s not right in the head.’
Leroy stood and tugged on his pants. ‘Be careful, Jewel. When he left he said he was going to get even. Sam didn’t give you as the reason for firing him, but I think it’s pretty obvious. Everybody’s noticed the odd way he’s been staring at you.’
‘Why didn’t you mention it last night?’ I asked, slipping on my coat.
‘I didn’t want to spoil the evening. And I needed to think about what to do. When you f
inish at the club, don’t leave too far ahead of me. I’ll walk a distance behind you where I can still see you. All right?’
‘You really think he’s dangerous?’
Leroy nodded. ‘He’s like one of those white supremacist hicks that are always threatening Ti-Jean. You never know what they might do.’
‘All right,’ I said, moving to his side and kissing him. ‘You always look out for me, don’t you, Leroy?’
He took me in his arms. ‘And I always will. You’re my precious Jewel.’
The following Sunday when I went to visit Leroy’s family, I found the Tremé alive with jazz. From the houses came the sounds of trumpets, clarinets and trombones. People gathered on their stoops to listen. A brass band paraded down Claiborne Avenue with old ladies, housewives and children dancing after it.
I entered the Thezans’ garden and a skeleton jumped out of the bushes and growled at me. I screamed and leaped back. Laughter bubbled up from behind a hedge and Bunny and her children bobbed their heads up. I realised the skeleton was a man in a black suit with white bones painted on it. He removed his mask and revealed himself as Gerald, Leroy’s brother-in-law.
‘Give you a fright?’ he asked, grinning at me.
‘Heavens!’ I said. ‘You nearly stopped my heart! You’re not supposed to do that until Mardi Gras morning!’
He chuckled. ‘We’re practising. Come up to the house. The women are cooking up a storm.’
Southern Ruby Page 31
