by K. L. Prince
Her inability to speak becomes even worse when Caden has made his way to her side of the glass and is standing next to her. She doesn’t look in his direction, but she can feel his presence. His nearness causes her skin to tingle and the hair on her arms to stand up. She is not afraid by any means. She is aroused.
When all of her information has been taken down, she has no choice but to turn and acknowledge Caden. She slowly turns to him and says, “Hey.”
“Hey,” he responds. He glances around the full waiting room and says, “Can we go outside and talk?”
“Sure,” she replies. She knows the direction that their conversation is headed and she tries to quickly figure out what she is going to say to him. She knows that she has some explaining to do.
When they are outside, Caden starts off the conversation. “As you probably already know, I’ve been calling you and leaving messages.”
“You have,” she says and nods.
“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you because I would really like to take you out and get to know you better.”
“I gathered that,” she says, avoiding eye contact with him.
“Why haven’t you returned my calls, then?”
“Um…” she says, trying to find the right words. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings.
“I’m a big boy. You don’t have to lie to me, you can tell me the truth,” Caden says and looks at the ground.
She wants to be truthful, but she can’t bring herself to tell him the whole story, so she keeps her response vague. “Honestly, I don’t know?”
“Do you not find me attractive?” Caden asks and kicks a stone across the parking lot.
“No, it’s not that at all. You’re very good-looking and I find you very attractive,” she says and starts to blush at hearing herself speak out loud her actual feelings for Caden.
“Then, what is it? Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No, I don’t have boyfriend.”
“I thought that we hit it off at the charity event. Did you not think so?”
“No, it’s not that either. I thought that we had a good time at the charity dinner. I really enjoyed spending time with you.”
“Then, what is it, Harper? You think that I’m attractive, we get along, and you don’t have a boyfriend. So what is the problem with spending some time together?” Caden asks with a perplexed look on his face.
As she stands and looks at Caden, all the feelings that she felt for him at the charity event resurface. Seeing him again and listening to him talk, she asks herself if she is really willing to pass up the opportunity to be with a person that causes so much feeling and emotion to be stirred up inside of her. She has never experienced the sensations with anyone else that she has dated or been around, like she feels when she is in Caden’s presence. She is convinced that how she feels has to mean something significant.
“Honestly, Caden, I think that I was just scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“Scared of being hurt, I guess,” she says, telling a half-truth.
“Let me say right now that I have no intentions of ever hurting you. All I want to do is spend some time with you and get to know you a little bit better. The night at the charity event, I felt something being with you. I can’t really explain it, but I felt like I could open up to you, and I don’t usually feel like that with people I’ve known for a long period of time, let only someone that I’ve just met. You didn’t feel anything that night at the charity event?”
“I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t,” Harper says and looks Caden in the eye. “I really did have a wonderful time with you at the charity event and I have thought about you since. I wanted to answer your calls, but like I said, I was scared. I’ve had my heart broken too many times and I’ve just been unwilling to allow myself to go through that again.”
“I’m sure that you’ve heard this many times, but you shouldn’t let one or two bad apples spoil the bunch,” Caden says and grins at her.
His grin is infectious and causes her to grin. “I suppose you’re right,” she says, accepting that he is right.
“Since we’re both here, let me take you out,” Caden says with hopeful eyes.
“What are you doing here anyway? The way that you were speaking with that mechanic makes me think that you’re not here getting your car fixed or are you?” she asks.
“No. Remember when I told you that my father and I have several businesses on the side? Well, auto repair shops are one of those businesses. I was just here checking over some paperwork.”
“Oh, I see,” she says and wonders how out of all the auto repair shops in the city, she stumbled into the one that Caden was going to be at and owns. It’s hard not to believe that some sort of act of fate has not been in play. She’s sure that she would be more likely to be struck by lightening or hit the lotto then to stumble into the auto repair shop at the exact time that Caden would be present. She starts to wonder if maybe she and Caden are meant to spend some time together.
“So, what do you say?” he asks. “Have lunch with me.”
“I don’t know, Caden,” she replies. Even though she really wants to spend time with Caden, she is still reluctant. She can’t dismiss what Caden’s father said completely from her mind. She can’t discount her thoughts and feelings about their relationship being doomed.
“Come on, Harper. One lunch won’t kill you. You have to wait for your car to be fixed anyway. We’ll spend the afternoon together and then, I will bring you back to pick up your car. There is no harm in two friends sharing a meal, is there?”
In her mind, there is no way that she and Caden could ever be just friends? The attraction inside of her for him is way too strong. If their relationship doesn’t become romantic, there is no way she could sit by and just be his friend. She would rather it be all or nothing.
“Okay. I will have lunch with you,” she replies after careful contemplation.
The minute the words pass by her lips, the feeling of being in trouble washes over her. She has a feeling that the acceptance of his invitation is like diving head first into a pool and then, at the last moment, realizing and knowing that it’s too shallow.
She doesn’t need the lunch date to occur to knows that she’s done for. She already knows that she’s falling for Caden Mason. She may have acted reluctant, but deep down she knew that she wasn’t going to turn down his invitation. She wants to spend time with Caden, more than anything. Caden has gotten his hooks into her and she’s caught. There is no turning back or ignoring how she feels.
“Awesome,” Caden says, a huge smile spreading across his face.
She watches his eyes light up and she feels flattered. No one has ever looked so excited to be having a meal with her. She wonders just how deeply Caden likes her. She’s starting to think that it’s more than she knows, but she tries not to read into it too much. She has been played for a fool in the past. She knows that men will act like they’re interested, until they get what they want, which is usually sex. Once they get what they want, they are gone so fast, it’s as if they were never really there. She wants to believe that Caden is being genuine, but she is going to try and keep her guard up. She is going to try and guard her heart - at least for the time being.
She knows that it’s not going to be easy to keep her guard up with Caden. He’s already broken through so many of the barriers that she’s put up between them. She avoided his phone calls and here he stands in front of her. She tired to refuse his invitation to go for lunch and now she’s going out for lunch with him. She wonders if putting a guard up over her heart is even possible. It seems that Caden will just knock that down too.
She follows him to his Lexus. He opens the door for her, like a gentleman. She doesn’t think that she’s ever had a man open a car door for her before. The opening of the car door for a woman seems to have lost its place in the dating and courting world – at least in her world anyway. She suspects that it has something to do with feminism an
d women’s lib, but now that’s it’s happened to her, she quite likes it. She doesn’t feel any less independent or capable because Caden has opened the door for her. The gesture makes her feel protected somehow – like Caden is watching out for her. Olivia did say that he was a protector.
She snuggles into the leather seats of his car. His car is impeccably clean and smells wonderful. There isn’t a speck of dust anywhere. She likes a man that takes pride in his belongings. She may not have much, but she makes sure to take care of the things that she does have. She respects pride of ownership. She appreciates that Caden takes pride in his fancy car. She can’t imagine having such a nice car and then throwing garbage inside of it. Fancy car with garbage inside seems like an oxymoron to her. It just doesn’t make sense.
“Your car is really nice,” she says when Caden slides in beside her.
“Thanks. It gets me from point A to point B,” he says and smiles.
She watches him push start the car and she wonders about his response to her question. He acted like she would act if someone asked her about her piece of junk car. He obviously didn’t see the state of her rusty car and she’s glad.
“Is this an older Lexus?” she asks.
“Yeah. It’s a couple of years old. It’s time for an upgrade, but I just haven’t had the time to go to the dealership.”
She looks around at the interior of the luxury car. It has features inside that she has never even seen before. She thinks about the plain interior of her car. All it has is an FM radio and knobs to control the air conditioner and heater. There is nothing special about her car. It’s as basic as you can get. Her car is probably fifteen years older than Caden’s car or more. The differences in their lives becomes bright and glaring to her once again. She starts to doubt that she’s made the right decision to go along with Caden to lunch, when Caden interrupts her thoughts.
“You probably don’t want to hear me talk about my car. I hate having to listen to people talk about how expensive and wonderful their cars are. In my opinion, a car should just be functional. In fact, this car was a gift from my father. The car that I had before this was just a plain sedan, no features or anything like that. All I needed was four wheels and a running engine and I was perfectly fine. My father bought me this car and said it was a gift for landing a big deal, but I think that he really bought it because he was embarrassed of my other car. My father is all about appearances. He never said this to me, but I really think that he thought that having a son that wasn’t driving the latest luxury car was a blot on his image. If I could have, I wouldn’t have even accepted the stupid car, but my father made a massive deal about it, so I accepted it to shut him up and get him off my back.”
“Caden, can I ask you something?” she asks. “It’s a personal question and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but why do you let your father have so much control over your life?”
Caden takes his eyes off the road and stares at her. She can see pain in his eyes and she instantly wishes that she would take the question back, but it’s too late. She almost tells him to forget that she even asked the question, but he answers before she has a chance to say anything.
“Honestly, I think it’s because I just want nothing more than my father’s approval. Ever since I was little, I just wanted my father to love me and to tell me that he loves me.”
“And does he do those things?”
“My father only shows me affection when I’ve done something that benefits him. I really can’t remember a time that my father has supported me in something that I’ve accomplished in my personal life. I really can’t remember my father attending any of my softball games or school plays, but if it had to do with something to further the business, he’s always been front and center. Probably just to make sure I don’t screw up, but there nonetheless.”
“Can I ask, why do you still work with your father if he doesn’t show you the affection and the love that you crave?”
“It may not be true, but I like to think that deep down my father really does love me. That is what my mother used to tell me all the time and I want nothing more than for it to be true. I suppose that I let my father control some aspects of my life because I’m just hoping that one day he’ll tell me, “Good job, Son” and pat me on the back.”
“What if that day never comes, Caden?” Harper asks. She knows that it’s a painful question, but it’s a valid question. She has seen the way Caden’s father wants full control of Caden’s life. She doesn’t know him that well, but based on what she’s seen of Caden’s father, she believes one-hundred percent of what Caden has told her about him. He seems like a cold, emotionless person, who only cares about superficial and materialistic things.
“Well, if that day never comes, I suppose I’ll just hold on to what my mother told me about my father loving me and not knowing how to show it,” Caden says.
She looks over and stares at Caden. She can see tears forming in his eyes. She knows that what’s he’s said about believing what his mother said is a load of bull crap. She can tell that Caden doesn’t believe what his mother told him at all. He may want to, but deep down he doesn’t. He doesn’t need to tell her, she just knows that if Caden’s father doesn’t show him or tell him that he loves him before he dies, Caden will go on living and believing that his father never cared about him.
It’s heartbreaking to see the pain on his face. Again, she wants to reach out and stroke his face. She just wants to reach over and tell him that everything is going to be okay, but she refrains. Instead, she says, “I hope that you know that your father’s lack of ability to show you the proper amount of emotion, caring, and love has no bearing on the person that you are. The way that your father treats you does not mean that you are some sort of horrible person or that you deserve it. I hope that you know that.”
“I absolutely know that, but it doesn’t make my father’s behavior hurt any less. Even though I know that there is nothing that I can really do to change my father or gain his approval, I still keep trying. I try and I try, but it’s never really good enough. My father knocks me down and I keep getting back up.”
“So, maybe you should stop trying, Caden. You’re just wasting you energy and allowing your father to crush your spirit more and more. It’s not healthy.” Harper says and gains enough courage to reach over and take Caden’s hand.
He squeezes her hand and says, “See what I mean? The way that I talk to you is unlike the way I can talk with anyone else. I don’t speak about the feelings I have surrounding my father to many people. My father, outside of discussions regarding business, is off limits most of the time. I keep the feelings I have for him locked up tight and put away - mostly to protect myself and to hide my fractured relationship from other people.”
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of and I’m glad that you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about your father. It isn’t good to keep your feelings locked up. I’ve found that doing that causes things to build up and eventually explode. You have to release the pressure sometimes,” Harper says while registering the sensations that having her hand wrapped up in Caden’s produces.
“You’re right and we’re here,” Caden says and pulls into the restaurant parking lot.
“Le Studio!” she exclaims when she realizes where Caden has taken her. It is the most expensive restaurant in the city. “You don’t think that this restaurant is a bit expensive for lunch?”
“Not at all,” he replies and turns off the car. “Only the best for you. Let’s go,” he says, opening the driver’s side door and getting out.
She reluctantly follows Caden to the front door of the restaurant. She glances over at Caden, who is wearing dress pants and a button-down shirt, and then she looks down at her t-shirt and jeans and starts to feel self-conscious. Caden is dressed business casual and she is dressed for a day of lounging around on the sofa. She knows that Caden will fit in with the atmosphere of the restaurant, but she on the other hand, will stand out like a sore
thumb. She is definitely not dressed appropriately to be dining in an expensive restaurant.
“Caden, I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt. You don’t think that I’m a little underdressed?” she says, thankful that she changed out of her waitress' uniform before leaving work at least.
“Who cares what people think,” Caden says reassuringly and grabs her hand.
“I care,” she says, pulling on his hand to stop him from going inside the restaurant.
“If how you look bothers you, I will request that we be seated somewhere private, where only a few people will see you, okay?”
She thinks about it and she decides that she’s not going to let her self-consciousness ruin an opportunity to dine in one of the most upscale restaurants in the city. She may never get another chance to do so, so she decides she might as well seize the moment. She decides that if Caden doesn’t care, then she won’t care either.
“Okay,” she says and lets him lead her through the front door of the restaurant.
Once inside the restaurant, everything is the way that she thought it would be - low lights, ambient music, people dressed up in nice clothes, quietly talking of plates filled with expensive entrees. Like Caden promised, he requests to be seated in a more private section of the restaurant. She is grateful when the hostess recognizes Caden, calling him by his first name and immediately honors his request.
The hostess leads them into a back portion of the restaurant. She is thankful that she isn’t required to walk through the main dining room and be put on display for everyone to see. She assumes that they are being seated in a section of the restaurant where celebrities and important people, who don’t want to be seen, are seated.
