“Okay,” she laughed. “I guess not.”
Kent rolled to face her. “Are you sorry?”
“No. I’m not sorry. I’m scared.”
He pushed at her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “Why are you scared?”
“This is where it ends. This is the point that I don’t know how to have a relationship.”
He narrowed his gaze on her and traced his finger over her shoulder. “Your relationships end with sex? Isn’t that when they’re supposed to get serious?”
She watched his eyes. They didn’t hold judgment and neither had his words. Seriously, wouldn’t a man usually get upset when he considered the woman in his bed having been with other men?
“I come from a place where sex isn’t based on relationships of the heart. They’re deal makers.”
Now there was the shift in his gaze. “So there is no chance in assuming sex is love?”
“Right,” she agreed as he sat up.
“Did you come here to make a deal?”
Bethany sat up next to him, pulling the sheet up around her to cover her naked body as if she were now ashamed.
“I came here because…well, I just…” She didn’t know why she’d come. She’d just driven there because she was feeling so empty. She’d needed someone to validate—well, her. “I just seemed to drive here. I wanted to be with you.”
A small grin formed on his lips. “You wanted to be with me?”
“Yes.”
“I just happened to be half naked when you got here.”
The seriousness of the moment seemed to fade away. “Yes. Honestly, I hadn’t anticipated climbing in the shower with you.”
Kent moved swiftly, rolling her onto her back and pinning her down with his body. “I’ve never been so happy to see someone in my life. My showers will never be the same.”
Looking up at him she realized he didn’t understand where things were headed.
“I don’t expect anything from you, by the way.”
The grin slipped away. “As in?”
“You don’t have to come back to Georgia after your tour. You don’t have to keep me around. When they cast your movie, you don’t have to ask them to use me.”
He rolled away, only this time he stood and found his towel, wrapping it around his waist. “You want me to ask them to cast you?”
“No!” She wrapped the sheet around herself and stood. “That’s what I’m saying. I’m not asking for any favors. I’m not here to make or close any deals. Not with you.”
His eyes widened. “Not with me?”
The warmth that their lovemaking had filled her with subsided and now her stomach was filled with sharp pains.
This wasn’t something she wanted to discuss with him. She moved toward the bathroom where her clothes lay in a pile on the floor. Quickly, she scooped them up and headed for the bedroom to change.
Kent reached for her and spun her toward him.
A moment later his arms were wrapped around her and she was pressed against his chest. “I have a feeling we have a lot to talk about. I also have a feeling you’re trying to run away from me and use this as an excuse for a relationship not to work.”
“I…why would…” her stomach churned. “I’m going to be sick.”
He let loose of her and she ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. The few bites of her lunch she’d consumed came back and she hurled into the toilet.
“Bethany, are you okay?” he called from beyond the door.
“I’m fine. Go away.”
“Never going to happen,” he said as he pushed open the door and handed her a towel. “What can I get you?”
She could only stare at him. He was still there. They were done having sex. She’d been sick in front of him more than once now and there he stood with a towel, offering her assistance.
“I’m fine. I’ll be out in a moment.”
He nodded and backed out of the bathroom.
Kent pulled on his clothes and paced the room as he waited for Bethany to clean up and come out. His sister’s words kept replaying in his head and he found himself cursing her for the phone call that now had him doubting Bethany.
When he heard the door open, he turned to watch her.
“I’m sorry about all this. I should get home,” she said.
“Then I’ll go with you.”
Bethany shook her head. “No. I’ll be fine.”
He moved to her. “I’m not just going to give up on you, whatever you’re thinking. I’m not a Hollywood, deal maker. I’m not anyone you’ve ever been with before.”
She batted her eyes which had become moist with tears. “I’m not good for you.”
“You get to decide that?”
Her mouth opened as she stared at him. “Kent, I’m damaged goods. This was nice, but…”
He moved in and kissed her hard on the mouth. Pressing his forehead to hers he held on to her tight. “Don’t leave me and say this was nice. It is nice. You’re not your mother. You’re not damaged goods.”
She pulled back slowly. “What do you know about my mother.”
“It’s out there, honey. I know you found her.”
“You know she overdosed?”
He nodded and pulled back. “I know.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’ve been with…”
“Shhh. It doesn’t define you. I’ve been with two other women.”
He should have been offended when she laughed and wiped her tears.
“Two?”
“Why is that funny?”
“Because you’re famous and handsome.”
“I am? Handsome, I mean.”
“Sexy as hell,” she moved to him and rested her hands on his chest. “I’ve been with more than two.”
“Do you want to talk about that?” he asked, hoping that this wasn’t the time she’d want to, but he’d listen.
“No. I don’t ever want to talk about that.”
And that told him they’d need to, but he was happy to have a reprieve from it for tonight.
“Are you going to go on my tour with me next week.”
She bit down on her bottom lip. “I’ve been trying to decide. My excuse for not knowing you well enough isn’t valid anymore.”
He chuckled. “No, I’d say we know each other very well now.”
“I’m not ready for the same thing to happen that happened at the signing the other day.”
“You don’t want anyone to recognize you?”
“It’s your moment. Not mine.”
“If you’re with me, it’s because I want you there.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything.”
Bethany took his hands and interlaced their fingers. She took a big breath. “I come with a lot of baggage. I’m going to tell you upfront that I will never blame you for leaving me.”
“I don’t think I’m going anywhere.”
“You will, but let’s see how far this goes. I’d love to go with you next week.”
It was supposed to be a positive statement, he thought, but still she had entangled imminent doom into their relationship. He was just going to have to prove to her that he was willing to commit to forever. Saying the words, however, would have her running for the door.
He’d take it one step at a time. Maybe if Violet Waterbury had the right man, she’d be alive to support her daughter too.
Chapter Nineteen
Bethany had somehow convinced Kent to let her go home alone around ten o’clock. Of course that was after dinner. Room service for dessert. And, well, there had been another two hours of making love.
She sighed as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail and gave herself one last look in the mirror. Her cheeks were full and pink. Her eyes were bright. There was a tingling in her belly, but not the kind that made her sick.
Perhaps this was love. Maybe. She wasn’t going to think more than that. Love never lasted forever and she wanted this to
last as long as possible.
The trash can caught her attention. Inside were still the bottles of pills, right where she’d left them. Letting out a deep and thoughtful breath, she decided that was exactly where they still belonged. She was going through today with only happy thoughts of Kent. If she needed a dose of anything, it was him.
Her heart fluttered in her chest at the very thought of it. Now she couldn’t wait to leave and go on tour with him. Just him and her for days in a hotel room. That sounded like heaven.
The next morning, she jogged down the stairs and out the front door for her first run in days. No more sleeping pills, she swore to herself. No more diet pills. No more binge and purge. She wasn’t her mother and she had a man who cared about her.
The morning was still cool enough that she ran further than she’d anticipated. She found herself miles away at the coffee shop she’d met her brother at the other day and where she and Kent had exchanged glances.
The thought brought a smile to her lips.
Maybe she’d go in and get a smoothie. She could walk back to the house and enjoy her drink along the way. For the first time in a long time she wanted to just enjoy the morning. Every sight, sound, and smell seemed important today.
Pulling the earbuds from her ears, she walked through the front door, and stood in line. They certainly had a variety, she thought.
“You’re up early,” a man said from behind her.
Bethany cautiously looked over her shoulder to see her cousin Dane standing there. “Thought I’d go for a run. Just happened to run farther than I’d planned to.”
“Is someone picking you up?”
She chuckled. “No. I just thought I’d get a drink and walk home. What are you doing in town?”
He shrugged. “Mom wants to go to breakfast and then go shopping for new shirts. She seems to think that moving to a new city means I need new clothes.”
She nodded, remembering he had a job in Ohio. “That’s right. When do you leave?”
“Four days. Mom’s having a small dinner for me. Will you be there?”
“Oh, I think I’ll be out of town.”
“That’s okay. With all the fuss over Eric’s wedding, I’m sure I’ll be in town a lot. Lydia said the dresses Susan picked out for all of you are beautiful.”
“They are.” She stepped forward in the line. “When did you talk to Lydia?”
“She’s been out at Eric’s barn lately. She has a horse out there.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“New acquisition,” he said as they stepped up further in line.
“Why isn’t she keeping it at her grandfather’s? There’s ample room there.”
Dane laughed. “I’m sure it’s just to piss her grandfather off. What’s worse than paying a Walker to do something you could do for free on Morgan land?”
“I suppose you’re right.” They approached the counter and ordered their drinks, then moved to the cashier. As she began to pull out the few dollars she’d tucked into her armband, Dane placed his hand on her arm.
“I’ll get your drink.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I’d like to.”
Dane paid and made small talk with the girl behind the counter. She watched him smile at her and the girl laughed in return. He had a way with people, which was probably what made him successful in his career. But there was a shy side to him. He might be good with people, but Bethany was sure he’d prefer to not be around them at all.
He picked up the drinks when they were placed on the counter and handed hers to her.
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure. Can I give you a ride home?”
Bethany shook her head and rested her hand on her cousin’s arm. “No, but thank you. I’m looking forward to the walk.”
“Eric’s okay with you being out on your own?”
She pursed her lips. “Douglas Brant is locked up. He won’t hurt me again.”
“Right. I’m sure he still worries though.”
“Like an overprotective father.” She sipped her drink and let out a grateful sigh. “This is good. I suppose I should head back. Have a safe trip and I look forward to seeing you when you’re home.”
She leaned in and hugged him.
“Thanks. I’ll see you around.”
With a small wave, she left the store and headed back home.
The air was filled with so many scents. Flowers in bloom. The smell of freshly cut grass. She could hear the sound of kids in a nearby park and a fire engine a few blocks away.
These sights, smells, and sounds had been in Hollywood too, only she’d been too numb to notice.
Bethany sipped her smoothie.
In her mind, her troubles had only started when her mother died. But in this very peaceful moment, she needed to be honest with herself. They had started a long time ago.
She bit down on her lip, slowed her walk, and focused on herself.
When was the first time she’d sipped from her mother’s coffee mug and spit it out? She was nine and it was pure vodka.
By the time she was thirteen she’d been suspended for showing up to school drunk and by fifteen for smoking pot in the girl’s bathroom.
Her hands began to shake. She lifted her drink to her lips and took a slow, thoughtful sip to clear her head. This was a good moment to have with herself, she thought. She needed to embrace who she’d been. She’d dumped all this information on Pearl a few days earlier and now here she was, actually processing it in her own head.
Nearly every meal she’d eaten since she was fifteen had been thought out. She’d eat healthy for a few days, weeks even, and then she’d binge until she got sick and threw it all up. She’d lost her virginity that year too. That was too young. He was too old.
That left a vile taste in her mouth and she sipped her drink again hoping to wash it away. But she knew it couldn’t fix anything. That man had been only the first in a long line of men who used her and whom she used. In fact, Kent was the first man she’d made love to—ever. The true meaning of the words themselves were now understood because she’d done them with someone she loved.
There was a bench a few feet in front of her. She quickly walked to it and sat down as her head had begun to spin. She’d been processing her past only to have the full realization of her future interrupt her.
She was in love with Kent Black.
She’d denied herself that thought earlier that morning. Love never lasted, she tried to remind herself, but suddenly she didn’t believe that.
After all, hadn’t she left everything behind for a new start—which meant a new mindset?
She sipped her drink again, but then stopped. She’d left the town—the state—but she hadn’t left it all behind.
She’d lost her job with Susan because she’d overslept. Excusable if you’d had a late night reading some book, she thought with a grin. It wasn’t acceptable, however, when you took a damn pill to escape any reality you just weren’t ready to face.
She’d watched the lines form on her mother’s face over the years. She’d seen her hair begin to fall out. Her teeth lose their sheen.
Bethany’s heart began to race and pound against her ribs uncomfortably. Her mother drank until she couldn’t function, then she’d taken sleeping pills to rest. She hadn’t woken up. She—didn’t—wake—up!
Suddenly her throat was closing and she could hardly breathe.
Looking around, she thought of where she was in relation to Pearl’s store. She needed to get to her sister. Bethany didn’t want to be this person anymore. She didn’t want to die in her bed and miss out on anything.
She threw the smoothie in the trash and began to run.
A few minutes later and a few wrong turns, she was in front of her sister’s bridal shop, looking through the front window. A beautiful bride spun in front of a mirror and her sister pinned up the bottom of the dress.
This wasn’t a good time, and she quickly tried to clear her hea
d. Pearl didn’t need her in the way right now.
“Hey, what are you doing walking around?”
Bethany spun around when she heard Kent’s voice behind her.
He looked at her and took hold of her shoulders. “What’s wrong? You’re as white as a ghost.”
No…no…this wasn’t good. He couldn’t see her at a low time, not again.
“I, well, I just…” She closed her eyes and tried to find that courage from earlier. She wanted to be brave enough to share things with him.
Slowly she opened her eyes and looked at him. “I love you.”
Now his eyes widened. “Oh. Oh! Wow! I wasn’t expecting that.”
“You shouldn’t love me, though. You should go. You should go on your trip. You should move away.”
He was shaking his head. “I don’t understand. Did you just rob a bank or something? What’s going on?”
“Bethany?” Her sister’s voice came from the door and she turned to see her standing there. “What’s wrong? Why didn’t you come in?”
There was a throbbing in her ears now. A full blown panic attack had taken over and now that fluttery feeling she’d had in the pit of her stomach, which she’d called love, was heavy and painful.
“I’d wanted to talk. You’re busy. I’ll come later.”
Pearl let the door to the store close behind her and walked toward Bethany. Her face had gone cold and that furthered Bethany’s panic.
“I told you I’d always drop everything if I had to for you. You don’t look well. You need a hospital.”
That only angered her. “I do not. I’m fine,” she said through gritted teeth.
“I’ll take her home and get her some rest,” Kent offered.
“I said I’m fine!” Any self-pity was gone and now she was only angry. “I had a moment. That’s all. I didn’t want to bother you,” she said to her sister.
Pearl crossed her arms in front of her. “I’ve been reading up on all of this. This isn’t real anger. You’re lashing out to act like you’re in control.”
“I am in control!”
Kent held his hands up in surrender. “In control of what?”
Pearl simply shifted her gaze to Bethany, who now fumed at the scene this was causing.
“Nothing,” she said.
Stargazing (The Walker Family Book 2) Page 12
