“Yeah, I’m good. Just trying to work it all out in my mind. I feel like I know you; as if a part of you has been inside me my entire life.” I could feel my heart tighten as I tried not to think about Michael. It was hard not to think about the man I was in love with.
“Airel, I know all of this is difficult for you. You have enough to try to understand, on top of your realization that you have supernatural abilities. You were kidnapped and taken from everything you know. Your friend was abducted and nearly killed, your life has been upended …” I was glad he didn’t mention the primary crisis in my heart. He continued, “Well, any one of those things would be hard for an adult, much more so a young lady just starting out.” He folded his hands around a hot cup of tea and sighed.
My eyes burned. I tried to hold back the dam that was ready to break. I missed my parents, my school, and my life. I had never asked for any of this. Not once. The one person I needed most, after all of this, was my mom. I needed to cry in her arms and to feel her love, to tell her how broken I was. And what sucked about it was that, no matter how badly I wanted to feel her near, I couldn’t. “I’m so scared. I feel so alone right now.”
Kreios touched my hand with gentle fingers. “Love is a different kind of thing, Airel. We can give our hearts away and lose ourselves in someone we love. I know what it’s like to love, to lose …”
“Yeah, but she died; she didn’t betray you. She didn’t lie to you, or lead you on about caring for you and then leave you.” Tears were now streaming down my cheeks. I wiped at them with the back of my hand.
“Yes, that is true,” he said, his eyes showing flashes of unresolved grief. “I did love … I still love my wife. I left everything I knew for her. I left the God who made me; I was the one who betrayed El’s love for me. For love … we do things we would not otherwise do. But one thing we do have to understand is that true love is freedom.”
I looked at him and sucked in a deep breath. “What does that mean?”
“It means that you have to find out who you are. Who are you, Airel? Do not be defined by the man you love; do not lose who you are in the love of another. We can only love the way we were created to if we are first whole in ourselves. If you drown in your feelings for someone, it will turn to obsession and it will cloud your mind to reality.” He took a slow sip of his tea.
“I don’t know who I am,” I said. “I’m confused, alone, hurt … and I feel like the one person I trusted most just cut my heart out. I know deep down that Michael loved me. I saw it in him. But he threw it all away, and for what? How can he just toss me aside like that?” My heart hurt so much that I felt like it would burst. Hot tears flowed, and I let them fall. I had to deal with my pain; I couldn’t hide it inside anymore.
“I don’t know why he did what he did. Maybe he did love you. Maybe there is more to the story than we will ever know. But even if he did love you and you were going to be together, you have to step back and look at how you loved him. Do you see that it was unhealthy? Do you see how he was overtaking who you are as a person? You are bound for failure if you allow yourself to drown in each other.”
His eyes were very soft. “I love you, Airel. I have been looking after you from a distance since you were born. I want what is best for you. This pain—this need you have for him—is not love.”
I became angry with how he was turning my pure love into something it could never be. “I love him. Don’t you get it? It was him, not how he looked or what he said, but him. He sees me for who I really am. And it’s my choice to love him. Don’t you think I want to forget, to hate him for what he did to me? I want more than anything to erase him from my memories.” I was sobbing now, and I buried my head in my hands and wept.
I looked back on every conversation, every look, every word spoken. The truth of what Kreios was saying came shining through, inevitably. I had decided to love him, yes—but then I had begun to lose myself. I didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to admit he was right. How could this happen? I wanted to drown, to drink in Michael and die, consumed by him. But was that real? Was it something I could count on?
Kreios let me cry. He didn’t reach out to comfort me, but sat back with accepting eyes and let me get it all out. It flowed like water through the imagined man I had created, dissolving him into nothing.
“Tears never lie, Airel. What you are feeling is part of who you are. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent, loving young woman. In you, there is more than you can imagine. You don’t need a man to love you for you to be special. You are special because you are you. Don’t you see? See and believe you are one of God’s children, a daughter of El; that is what makes you special.”
My shoulders shook as I poured out all my hurt, all my love and all my hidden hate for Michael, for myself. A part of me didn’t want to feel; I wanted to shut it off, to run and hide from this overpowering pain. But what would that do? Would it stay buried? Like oil, it would always come to the surface.
“I just want it to go away. I can’t live feeling like this.” My voice cracked, and I let the wave of thoughts and memories cover me. “Kreios, I need him … I want him … but …”
“You have to let him go, Airel. You have to feel the pain, the hurt, and let him go.” Taking me in his arms, Kreios held me and I cried out of my soul. Never before had I opened up my heart to my own fears and feelings. It was the worst and best experience of my life.
I’m not sure how much time went by, but after it was all over, I fell into a deep sleep as Kreios ran his hand through my hair. He was my connection, the one person who understood what it was like, what I was feeling. I don’t know if the pain of this moment will change my life for good or bad, but if I can move on and be strong, I know I’ll be fine. I will be okay in the end.
Because I am enough.
CHAPTER VII
WE HAD A LONG breakfast. I talked with Kreios about when we could go back home. I blamed it on Kim and how her parents, too, missed her terribly by now. I felt caught between two unknowable things: my desire for everything to get back to normal as quickly as possible, and my need to reset and find out how to be who I needed to be from now on.
I asked Kreios about the Seer, but he didn’t really say much. Stan had escaped, and Kreios had been worried about me—so he flew straight home to check up on me instead of hunting down the monster. He told me he would be leaving soon in order to be sure of a few things, to wrap up the loose ends. I guessed that meant that we still had to be careful and stay hidden until Kreios could force an end to all of it. I didn’t try to push my luck with him. I knew he would just tell me that I needed more training.
Kim walked into the kitchen around ten thirty, changing our conversation and giving Kreios the cue he was looking for in order to leave. He said he wouldn’t be long, and to stay on the property.
Kim and I had a decently normal conversation, considering everything that had happened. Kim was somebody who could do small talk, and with a vengeance. Once she had got her fill of the usual breakfast fare—except that this food tasted so much better—we decided to take a walk.
We ended up following a trail I hadn’t explored yet, which was nice, because the other ones were haunted for me by Michael’s ghost.
The trail led up into a thick forest of quaking aspens that were holding on to the last of their bright orange leaves. Their chalky white trunks and branches were a feast for the eyes. It was an Indian summer kind of day: autumn, but warm. The trail took us through the trees and ended abruptly at the top of a cliff, probably forty-feet tall, that overlooked a little mountain lake. We could see fish jumping occasionally, making silvery splashes and ripples in the placid surface.
We decided to sit down, each of us “pulling up a rock” to soak up the rays. The sun was high in the sky, deep azure blue contrasting sharply against billowing white clouds. I thought about my mom and dad again. It was ripping me apart that they were worried sick about me, and I felt like it was within my power to go to them; it filled me with
guilt. I wasn’t a prisoner, not anymore. I could just grab the keys to the Yukon and be done with it.
The only thing that kept me from going was that nagging feeling that I would do to my family what I already had done to Kim. Indirectly, sure, but still. If it wasn’t for me, Kim would never have been taken hostage and used as bait. I had new and much bigger responsibilities now that I had been activated.
Then again, if it wasn’t for Michael…
“What is the great angel thinking about now?” Kim asked as she lay on her back on a granite boulder, sunning herself like a lizard.
“Oh,” I sighed. “Mom and Dad,” I lied halfway. “I miss them.” Echoes of the hurt Michael had caused, along with my ebbing feelings for him, faded into the background as I forced myself to talk about something else. “And I miss my own bed and my own room. I think I won’t be graduating this year. I missed too many classes.”
Kim shrugged. “No worries. You’re smart enough.” I wasn’t sure I agreed with Kim’s perspective. “Besides, Kreios can teach you anything you ever wanted to know. He’s like what, four thousand years old?”
“Something like that. I hope this’ll all be over soon. I don’t know how much more I can take. We’ve gotta get you back, too—”
“No way. This is the best vacation I’ve ever had.”
I knew she was lying for me, trying to ease the pressure.
“Besides,” she continued, “until Stan is caught, we’re safest here. Kreios has something cooking, I can tell.” Her hands brushed away a bug that had found its way up to her cheek.
I closed my eyes and tried not to think, tried not to worry. It was nice anyway, to just lie still in the sun on a big rock. I decided to enjoy the moment.
“So whatever happened with James after we went missing?” I was curious. I hadn’t thought of him at all, but I remembered that Kim had a huge crush on him.
“Oh, James,” she sighed. “He took me out one time after, but something wasn’t the same. He was like, a shell of what he used to be. He missed Michael; I think he took it badly. He never talked much to begin with, but this was different. It was kinda pathetic, really. I felt like all he could think about was Michael. I just let it go; I didn’t want to be around someone who was so down all the time.”
“Well, they were best friends.” I wondered if James knew who Michael really was. I doubted it; he didn’t seem to let anyone in, even me.
“Whatever, though,” I said, trying hard again to relax and just enjoy the moment. I closed my eyes and lay my head back. It was a lazy day, and we had nothing to do but watch it amble past, like an old man with a cane. It was weird, like I could hear the footsteps of the old man in my head, shuffling past in the dirt.
When I realized what the sound really was, it was far too late to do anything about it.
“Hello, Airel. Did you miss me?”
CHAPTER VIII
STAN STOOD HUNCHED OVER, his lips wet with blackness, a smirk on his bruised face. I could see the glowing red stone dangling around his neck.
“You are an abomination, a curse…”
“…and I am here to carry out my orders.”
His voice had a chilling duality. His bloodshot eyes twitched back and forth like those of a whipped dog.
Kreios. I searched for him frantically.
Kim struggled to her feet and scrambled to my side. “You must have a death wish, you creepy little man.” She was trying to look tough. “Airel will tear you apart.”
I elbowed her in the ribs and muttered under my breath.
I swept her behind me with my arm and instinctively crouched into my fighting stance. She doesn’t know what she’s saying and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Kreios had told me to run if I ever met Stan alone. I figured the Seer was with him; that was why he had two distinct voices. My spine tingled as my body poured adrenaline into my fear.
“Come here, girl.” Stan’s eyes glowed red even in broad daylight, his pupils cat-like and piercing. He held a length of heavy chain in his hand.
“You really think I’m just going to go with you?” I could hear Kreios coming. I stepped forward to try to fend the villain off, but he didn’t budge an inch.
“You’re crazy,” I said through clenched teeth, trying to signify my courage. I could feel everything; every beat of my heart, every fiber of nerve and muscle in my body. I was a crouched panther ready to unleash raw fury—and deep within me, I could feel She gathering up all the frustration, anxiety, disappointment, and crushing powerlessness I had felt ever since I had begun my change, distilling it into hate for the evil one that dared to stand before me. I wanted to kill for the first time in my life, and what’s more, I was ready to do it—couldn’t wait to begin.
When Kreios landed, it was a seismic event. There was maybe twenty feet of open space between me and my attacker, and Kreios landed right in the middle of it, cracking the earth deeply, making the boulders shudder. The swirl of light that danced around him looked like angel wings, but the light moved around his body as if it was protecting him. His jaw clenched.
He held no weapon in his hand. He was clothed still in the same simple white robe he had worn for my training. “This time, brother, you will bow… or I will take more than your wing.”
The Seer laughed maniacally, extricating himself out of Stan as if his body was a used container, kicking him aside when he was through, sending the heavy chain he had been brandishing into the grass. Kreios lunged in attack, and the thing backhanded him in one movement. Kreios flipped over, righted himself, and hovered in the air.
“Airel. You must take Stan; it is the only way.” He looked at me, and in his eyes was strength and trust. You must walk through the door, child. Walk through it and take that which awaits you there. It is your destiny.
This is getting real. And it was getting hard to believe.
Time stood still in that moment of my existence. My eyes wide open, there appeared before me, somewhere or somehow between the real and the supernatural, a door. This was the door from the stories in the Book. It was made of a single piece of wood and stood apart from everything. There was no handle, no hinges. I looked at Kim; she was frozen and didn’t seem to be able to see me. The trees were stuck, motionless. I reached my hand out to the door, and as I did, it opened to me.
I could only believe one thing as it swung open and revealed what was on the other side: this was the Sword of Light; the Sword of my grandfather, an angel of El, who had once lived in paradise, heaven, in the company of God Himself.
The Sword was brilliant; it illuminated me, my spirit, my mind, calling to me. I strode through the door, a petite girl of seventeen years, and wrapped my hand around the grips. As I passed through the door it evaporated, leaving me once again at the top of the cliff. Kreios, the Seer, and Stan stood before me, Kim behind me, all frozen still, as if I had been taken out of time. The Sword was immense, but resized itself and grew light in my hands. I sensed that it would do the work; all I had to do was hang on and let it.
I closed my eyes. I moved the blade in a wide arc over my head, feeling far more wise and graceful than I ever had; I felt like a warrior. And I knew that I was. I took to my fighting stance, the Sword in my hands.
I opened my eyes. Everything was slowly starting to regain its momentum around me. I saw a branch move in the breeze. I looked at Kim, who was looking at me as if she had seen a ghost, her finger trying to point at the Sword, but failing, shaking, and falling back to her side. “Kim, stay out of the way, okay? Go hide.” She ran to a nearby stone outcropping and disappeared.
The Sword was feather light in my hand. I felt warmth and power filling me. It was not red like anger, or white and wonderful like love—but something else entirely. It didn’t even have a color—not one I could put into words.
Stan sneered, unsheathing the same black dagger he’d had at his house, stepping toward me in a sideways crouch, dagger in his leading hand. “The Brotherhood wants you alive. They will have to understa
nd if I bring you back dead. I had no choice, you see—you attacked me.” He snarled, snorted and spit.
Kreios barreled right at the Seer, taking him on without delay. The two tumbling bodies fell out of sight in the forest, behind a small rise. I could hear branches breaking; maybe whole trees, from the sound of it.
I studied my enemy. Stan was not just any man. Not only was he being propped up by supernatural—unnatural—power that found a home in the Seer, but he was also the earthly father of the love who had left my heart in a heap of ashes.
My enraged heart was now looking at the target for the blame—Stan. And not only Stan, but the being known as the Seer. I focused my pain on him as the cause of it and charged forward with a shout that surprised me.
Stan’s guard was inadequate at best, and as She guided me through my body’s motions, I stabbed, thrusting, feeling the Sword take over, driving the point of the blade in. I could feel ribs break under the force of the blow.
Stan howled in pain, dropping his hands. I moved fluidly to the side, forcing the point of the blade to pivot on the rib, ripping him apart inside and opening him up. Stan fell to one knee and gasped, eyes bulging. The Sword was withdrawn from his wound. I felt like a spectator as I watched myself moving. It was like watching a warrior who knew what she was doing, who could handle herself with a weapon like this. I swept the Sword out and around to the side, spinning back to my opponent, keeping the Weapon between us. It was amazing how easy it all was.
“You think you can kill me that easily,” he croaked. The wound began to heal right before my eyes, though a deep crimson scar remained. “As long as I have this—” His voice cut off as he fondled the red Bloodstone that hung around his neck. Then a new cut emerged on his neck: long, with five points at its end. It began to bleed. It looked like claw marks, or maybe invisible, strong hands.
Kreios.
If I killed Stan, the Seer would die as well… or would he just retreat into the red stone? I couldn’t remember. Stan got to his feet and smacked me with more force than I would have thought he was able to muster. I thought I would fall, but my body moved into the motion his strike had created, moving with it, spinning back around, using it to reset my fighting stance.
The Airel Saga Box Set: Young Adult Paranormal Romance Page 30
