After nineteen minutes of an almost nonstop monologue about pizza, he asked her if she wanted to go back to his place.
She nodded.
The backseat of his motorcycle was small. He’d brought a spare helmet.
“I knew that you would come home with me,” he said. “Girls love a man with a motorcycle.”
The helmet was a half helmet, the kind that just covered the top of the head. It didn’t seem very protective and Candice worried what would happen if they got into an accident. She imagined her face being pulled apart as Mitch sped down the streets and headed for East Oakland.
Mitch lived in a small apartment near Lake Merritt. He said he’d been there for ages. She felt a little better about going to his apartment after seeing how clean it was. His bed was made with military precision and he talked about how he did a thorough cleaning every week: scrubbing the bathroom, sweeping and mopping the floors, and changing the bed linens.
There was the pizza shrine along with his computer. He told her that he spent a lot of time at his computer doing research.
“What do you research?” Candice asked.
“Everything. You can never know too much. Lately I’ve been reading a lot about how the earth is actually flat,” Mitch said.
“What?”
“Yes,” Mitch said. “I’ve been checking out the Flat Earth Society site. Did you know that weather patterns are created by the land itself? For example, rain shadow. That’s where somewhere on the eastern side of a mountain range the area is deprived of rain. The clouds are forced upwards by the mountains blocking their path and becoming cooler and denser. Other weather patterns are created by where you are on the earth. The tropics are humid because they are surrounded by water which is constantly warming and evaporating.”
“Umm, that’s interesting,” Candice had replied.
The sex was mechanical but pleasurable enough, and that’s how it had all started. She saw him once a week or so, usually at his place, sometimes hers. She was never sure if she liked him or didn’t like him or how exactly she felt about him, but he fit into her life for the moment.
Now she was definitely not sure how she would fit him in her life.
***
As she ate her second slice of pizza, it began to disgust her. The cheese had started to stick to her mouth and it seemed too greasy. The sauce was too sweet. The toppings weren’t balanced correctly. It was all pineapple then too much jalapeño. When she bit into it, the front part of the slice was floppy and drooped. The crust was rubbery and she had to gnaw on it like a dog with a bone to get through it. Her stomach still rumbled with hunger when she was done with the second slice, but she could eat no more.
She had a decision to make. She would have to call him. That was the right thing to do. She had to tell him that she wasn’t keeping the baby. She picked up the phone and looked down at it.
His number came up quickly in her phone. The weeks of use made him seem more prominent. She dialed the number and thought to herself, what should I even say?
Chapter 2
The phone rang. Once. Twice. Three times.
“Hello?”
“Hey how’s it going, Dad?”
“I’m okay. You?”
“I’m okay, too.”
“You sure? You don’t sound like it.”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” Candice said.
“Oh. Okay. Well, want to come over soon?”
“Sure,” Candice replied. “In a couple weeks?”
“Yeah if you come over in three weeks that should be good. My friend Alex is in town too. You can meet him. We can have a barbeque at the house,” her father said.
Candice had called her dad instead of Mitch. She wasn’t sure what she would say to her dad, she just wanted to hear a familiar voice.
“I’ll fly you down.”
“Okay.”
“Awesome. I’ll see you soon. Love you, Candice.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
Instead of confronting her literally growing problem, Candice was retreating to her father’s house. It wouldn’t be for a few weeks but she felt somewhat better. She talked to him regularly, about once a week, never about anything important though. He didn’t really inquire that much, but she liked that he called her regularly. She wanted to be able to confide in him, but she couldn’t find the words.
She picked the phone back up and dialed.
The phone rang. Once. Twice. Three times.
“Hello.”
“Yes, this is Candice Mitchell,” Candice said. “I’d like to book an appointment for tomorrow. I took a pregnancy test and the results came out positive. I don’t want to keep it.”
“Sure, that shouldn’t be a problem. You still have the same healthcare on file?”
“Yes. Still at the same address as well.”
“It looks like your regular doctor, Doctor Gerrity, is available in the morning, say 11 a.m. Does that work?”
“Sounds good.”
“Well, we’ll see you tomorrow at 11 a.m. then. Have a nice day in the meantime.”
“Thanks.”
Candice had made her appointment. The decision had been made to not carry out the pregnancy. It wasn’t a hard decision for her to make, but it wasn’t one that she had to make before. She still hadn’t told Mitch. She still wondered if she should.
She sank into the couch and watched as Kevin McCallister foiled the Wet Bandits in the movie. She snorted when Old Man Marley whacked the two bandits in the head with a shovel. She knew it was coming but still had a feeling of catharsis when it happened. She began watching Home Alone 2 but started to feel tired. She got ready for bed.
***
That night Candice dreamed of Mitch. He sneaked into her apartment. It was snowing out, even though they were still in Oakland. Mitch turned on all the faucets in the house.
“I’m going to fill the whole house with water,” he said to her over and over.
She ran after him, turning off the faucets, but he kept turning them back on. Soon her apartment was flooded.
She woke up with sweat running down her face. She walked into the bathroom and splashed water on her face.
“You still want to do this?” she said to her reflection.
Candice nodded to herself and walked back into her bedroom where she fell into a dreamless sleep.
***
The pizza sat on the kitchen counter until morning.
The sun’s rays hit her face and it was easy for her to get up. She woke before her alarm and made herself a cup of coffee. The aroma filled her nostrils and eased her.
She took her cup of coffee and sat by the window of her apartment in West Oakland. Outside the morning was starting. A man with a Pitbull walked down the street. Another man pushed his shopping cart towards the man with the dog. The canine sniffed at the homeless man and then seemed disinterested. The owner chatted briefly with the homeless man. Candice couldn’t hear what they were talking about.
When the cup of coffee was finished, she walked to her computer and logged into her email. She wrote a note that she wouldn’t be able to make it to work. There was nothing pressing for her to do anyways. As usual Candice was on track and on top of her projects. She had a few hours to kill before her doctor’s appointment, so she put on her running shoes.
She hadn’t gone running in a considerable amount of time. The morning air felt good. She felt fresh and revived as she ran down Seventh Street towards the Middle Harbor Shoreline Park. When she got there, she saw a few cranes by the water’s edge. The animals contrasted nicely with the mechanical cranes of the shipping yard nearby.
The park used to be part of the Naval Depot but it was closed in the late 1990s. The area had been redeveloped in the early 2000s, and Candice could see the Bay Bridge from where she stood. She’d brought her phone with her and she walked over to a bench. She sat for a few moments taking it all in and then began her run back home.
Hot water touched her skin and washed awa
y her body’s sweat. She felt good about her decision, and she felt revived. She washed her hair and came out of the shower fragrant.
Getting to the clinic was easy. She walked to the West Oakland BART Station and took it to the 40th Street Station and then walked a few blocks to the clinic. Candice came to the clinic for her regular checkups and gynecology visits. Her doctor, Sam, was a little older than her but had a good bedside manner.
She checked into the office and waited. There were a few other women in the clinic. One woman looked a bit apprehensive while another woman was a few months along. Her belly was extended outwards. The nervous woman looked at the pregnant woman repeatedly.
“What’s it like?” the woman finally said.
“What’s what like?”
“Pregnancy?”
“Your feet get swollen, your back hurts, you have to go to the doctor all the time,” the pregnant woman said.
“A lot of people say it’s the best experience of their lives,” the nervous woman said.
“If you like being in constant pain, it’s the best thing in the world.”
“So you aren’t experiencing the joys of childbirth?”
“Different people experience different things. I’m guessing you’re on the fence,” the pregnant woman said.
“Yeah,” the nervous woman replied. She walked over and picked up a magazine. She flipped through it and then set it down again.
“Well, I can’t tell you what to do. I had an abortion before. Just wasn’t time for me then. Now I feel better. I’m more ready now,” the pregnant woman said. She’d watched the nervous woman’s obvious agitation and had stayed calmly in her seat.
The nervous woman nodded.
“Candice,” the nurse called. The nurse had come from a back room. She was dressed in bright purple scrubs.
“Yes,” Candice replied. She got to her feet and followed the nurse.
“Doctor Gerrity will see you.”
The nurse led Candice into the patient’s room. There was a thin white piece of paper on the bed and a detailed map of a woman’s reproductive system. Candice spent some time looking at the map. She knew where her ovaries were, her uterus and was schooled on her internal organs.
Candice looked at her phone but there were no messages. She studied the picture instead. She tried to imagine the inside of her body with all of the organs. She pushed the top of her left hip where her ovary was. Knowing that it was there didn’t make her feel any different.
“Hey, Candice, how are you?” Sam said when she came in.
Sam was thin and wore colorful glasses. She had short blond androgynous hair and a bubbly personality. She’d been Candice’s doctor for the last few years, and the two ran into each other occasionally at the grocery store or about town.
“So the nurse said that you are considering ending your pregnancy?”
“Yeah. It’s still early. I’m not on birth control and the guy… Well he’s just a hook-up.”
“I remember talking about birth control with you before.”
“It just gives me too many mood swings. I thought I’d be fine without it but we were drunk and…” Candice trailed off.
“It happens. So you took a pregnancy test,” the doctor said. She stood in front of Candice. Her voice was neutral and Candice felt comfortable. She didn’t feel like she was being judged.
“Took one yesterday, it showed up positive,” Candice replied. She made eye contact with the doctor who was holding a clipboard. The doctor made a quick note on her paperwork and then looked back at Candice.
“Okay, so we’ll do two things today. First we’ll make sure you are pregnant and then we’ll take care of the pregnancy.”
Candice nodded.
“So, I’m going to get a test and an ultrasound. Do you need some water? I hope your bladder is full.”
“I should be good to go.”
“Great. I love a woman with a full bladder in times like these,” Sam said with a laugh. “Then we’ll do the ultrasound.”
Candice smiled and was put at ease by Sam’s easygoing banter.
The pregnancy test was easy to do, as was the ultrasound, and confirmed the results. Candice was indeed pregnant.
“So when was your last period?” Sam asked her.
“I think it was six weeks ago,” Candice replied.
“Obviously, you’re not showing signs. We can have you take a pill. It’s two pills but most people think of it as one. The first is mifepristone. This blocks out progesterone which is the hormone needed for the pregnancy to move along. We’ll give you some antibiotics as well. The second pill you’ll have to take a day or two later. That one is called misoprostol. You can take it at home. This may cause some bleeding and cramping. It’s basically like having a heavy period. It should just take a day or so to recover. No big deal,” Sam said.
“Okay.” Candice waited for a moment for the doctor to continue.
“So because the progesterone is blocked, the uterus lining begins to shed, like in a normal period. The misoprostol makes the uterus contract and the pregnancy is expelled within six to eight hours. The good thing is that you can time when you want it to be expelled, to some degree. You have twenty-four to seventy-two hours after you take this first medication to take the second one.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
“You might begin cramping as soon as twenty minutes after you first take the second pill so you might want to distract yourself with some Netflix. Within six to eight hours, the pregnancy will miscarry.”
“Sounds riveting,” Candice said with a smile.
“It truly is,” Sam said smiling back. “We’ll do a follow-up exam with you in about two weeks to make sure that everything went well, but the pills should do the trick. I’ll give you the first one now. It’s easy. The second one you’ll want to insert into your vagina. Its placement isn’t a big deal but you will want to stick it high up.”
“Thank you,” Candice said. She took the first pill and put it on the tip of her tongue. Sam handed her a glass of water and she swallowed it down.
“If you have any problems at all, please contact me or the office. I’ll give you some good articles as well. Do you have any other questions?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“Great. Well, I’ll see you in two weeks.”
“Awesome.”
Candice got off the table and walked out of the office. The sun was overhead and she stopped at a bagel shop nearby.
Mitch was there.
Candice didn’t expect to see him. He was seated by himself. A cup of coffee sat in front of him. His eyes were red as if he’d been drinking for the last ten days straight.
He didn’t look up at her when she ordered her food. He didn’t look up at her when she got her food. His eyes continued to stare down at his coffee cup.
She thought it would be odd if she didn’t say anything at all to him.
“Hey, Mitch.”
He looked up at her. He had white skin that looked slightly jaundiced in the mid-day light…
“Hey, Candice, how are you?”
“Good. Good. What are you up to?”
“Oh, thinking.”
“Oh, okay,” Candice replied.
“Do you want to get together sometime soon?” Mitch said. His eyes pleaded with her.
“Well, I’m going down to my dad’s for the weekend.”
“When you come back?”
“I’m not really sure yet,” Candice said.
“Okay, I’ll call you,” Mitch said. His eyes dropped down to the coffee cup.
“Sure. I’ll talk to you soon, I guess,” Candice said.
She walked out of the café and wondered what the hell had just happened. She could have told him about the pregnancy and the abortion but instead she’d said nothing. He also looked beaten as if nothing was going right for him. She wasn’t sure it would be a good idea to talk to him about it at that time.
Candice wasn’t sure that it would be a goo
d time to tell him that she didn’t want to see him anymore. It wasn’t necessarily the pregnancy that spurred her decision but it had made her realize that things were going nowhere with him. She promised to herself that she would talk to him when she got back. In the meantime, she had to recover and take care of her body.
***
The next few days passed without much event. She took the second pill and stayed at home. She cramped but it wasn’t bad. She’d had worse periods. She spent the weekend on the couch watching Home Alone. The fourth movie in the installment was particularly bad with none of the original actors returning to play their roles.
The real joy of the weekend was eating the cold leftover pizza. She ate it and was happy. She didn’t hear from Mitch that weekend or for the next few days the following week. By the time the follow-up appointment with her doctor had come up she hadn’t heard a peep from him. She was glad that he’d ghosted. It made the separation easier and she wouldn’t have to tell him about the pregnancy. She didn’t have to confront him about anything. She felt like Mitch was in her past now and that she had a brand-new start in front of her.
As the days passed Candice got more and more excited to go see her dad. Pauline had said that she would be free to spend time with her as well. She hadn’t seen much of her sister lately and the two didn’t talk much.
When Candice took the train to the airport she felt like things in her life were improving. She smiled as the plane was taking off.
Chapter 3
The flight didn’t take long, only a little over an hour. Her father wasn’t there when she arrived though. He’d sent her a text message instead.
Hey, I’m a bit busy. My friend Alex will be picking you up.
She didn’t know what Alex looked like. She’d heard a lot about him from her father though. The two had become fast friends and worked together years ago.
Candice was pleasantly surprised when a handsome and tall man walked up to her at the airport. He was thin and his face had sharp angles. He had an undercut and was dressed in slacks and a polo shirt. He looked to be in his early 50s but was in amazing shape.
“Candice?” Alex said.
“Yeah, that’s me,” Candice said with a smile.
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