I pause, trying to find the right words before I make this worse. "Have you ever noticed the amount of attention you get from fans, particularly female ones?"
His expression changes to one of realization and he nods. "You're jealous."
"Can you blame me? There are hundreds of women there, screaming your name. It's intimidating."
He visibly softens and reaches forward to grab my hands. "But babe, none of them are you." I roll my eyes. "No. I'm serious. Not one of them even begins to compare to you."
"But some of them are really pretty."
"They're not you. They don't know me like you do. They don't know exactly how to make my coffee, or the right way to run your fingers through my hair. They don't know that I like it freezing in my bedroom, or my favorite ways to cuddle. So, they hold up a few signs and yell my name to try to get my attention. So, what? No one will ever get me the way you do."
I look down at the ground, but he releases one hand to lift my head up by my chin.
"No one."
"Do you promise?" I ask breathlessly, feeling overwhelmed by his sudden intensity.
"Cross my heart, hope to die."
I smile as he moves his hand to my cheek and pulls me closer to him. Our lips meet and move together softly. Instantly letting him take control, he uses his other hand to pull me into his lap. It's slow and passionate, making my entire body awaken. It's everything you read about in fairytales, and I'm basking in it.
DAWSON EYES ME CAREFULLY as I dry the mug and put it on the rack. I decide not to say anything, instead making eye contact with Skylar and laughing at the way she's looking at Dawson. If looks could kill, he'd be long gone.
"Y-you told him what?"
"That you two would love to come to his game with me tomorrow."
"Why did you lie to him?!"
I chuckle. "Because it's your fault I have to go in the first place, Mr. Let's Break the Bell."
"See what you did you big doof?!" Skylar accuses him.
"I'm sorry!"
Sighing, I put the towel down and face them both. "Come on. I'm really uncomfortable with it, but I'm going for him. Please just come. It'll make it easier for me."
Skylar smiles sadly. "Of course, we will."
"Thank you."
THE SEATS ARE THE same as they were the last time – only difference being there are three of them this time. I focus my attention on Skylar and Dawson, trying my best not to let the number of women here to see my boyfriend, overwhelm me. Dawson, however, doesn't share the same idea. He's looking around with wide eyes, like a kid at a candy store.
"All these girls are here for Holden?!" I look at Skylar pleadingly and she smacks Dawson's arm. "Ow! What was that for?!"
She glares at him and nods her head toward me. When he sees my expression, his lips form into the shape of an O. He whispers an apology and wraps his arm around Skylar, pulling her in and kissing her forehead.
The lights dim and the crowd starts to cheer. As the announcer introduces the team, they skate out onto the ice. Skylar, Dawson, and I clap, getting excited and pumped with the rest of the audience.
Holden has something draped over his shoulder, but in the dark, it's hard to tell what it is. When he breaks from the circle, he skates directly over to where we're standing. Removing the fabric, he balls it up and tosses it over the glass to me before skating away. Once I catch it, I realize it's one of his jerseys. The smile on my face widens as I look at the back of it.
RIVERS
17
"Excuse me?" The girl two seats behind me gets my attention. "I'm sorry. I think that was meant for me." I decide to ignore her, and pull the jersey on over my clothes. “What are you doing? That's mine!"
I find my anxiety building and I want to cave in on myself. Is this what life is always going to be like with him? Another girl claiming everything he gives me is hers?
"You're just going to ignore me?! I'll come down there and rip it off you."
"Listen, Barbie." Skylar scoffs, fed up with her comments. "It wasn't meant for you. I know this because she's his girlfriend. So just sit down and shut up."
The girl looks shocked but bounces back quickly. "Holden doesn't have a girlfriend."
Skylar rolls her eyes and takes out her phone. She pulls up a picture from the Halloween party a week ago and shoves it in her face. "See?! Girlfriend. Get it?!"
Dawson and I laugh as the girl sits down and pouts. I look over at Skylar and mouth a silent 'Thank You'. She winks at me in response and snuggles happily into Dawson's side.
The game starts out and we get the puck. Holden skates circles around the other team, and within a few minutes, Jason scores the first goal. It's clear to anyone here who the favored team to win is.
Throughout the game, Holden does his best to make me comfortable. When someone tries flirting with him through the glass, he blatantly ignores it and skates away to another part of the ice. By the time he can take a break, he stands near the bench next to me. We're only separated by a sheet of glass, yet it's still hard to hear him.
"Are you okay?" He mouths with hand movements.
I nod happily and place my hand on the glass, the same way he did the first time I was here. He smiles and puts his on the other side. Just before he needs to get back onto the ice, he taps the glass three times. I eye him curiously, but he just smiles and glides away.
As I'm wrapped up in thinking what he could have meant by that, someone slams into the boards in front of us. I jump, putting my hand on my chest and looking up to see Jason laughing hysterically. I laugh and flip him off sarcastically.
During the last five minutes of the third period, the score is six to nothing. Skylar’s scrolling through her phone and waiting for the buzzer to sound, but Dawson is interested in the game. Once I became able to ignore all the women wanting my boyfriend, I really started to enjoy myself.
"Hey Kay?" Sky asks next to me. "Bree wants to know where you put the tampons."
"Huh?" I reply, confused. "I didn't buy any tampons. My period isn't due until the third."
She looks at me with an unreadable expression. "Hun, it's the eighth."
I narrow my eyes and pull my phone from my pocket. When I open the period tracking app, I see something that stops my heart.
Your Period is 5 Days Late.
Chapter 18
The rain falls from the sky, landing lightly on the pavement. It isn't the kind of rain that brings your mood down with it. No, it's the kind that falls at the perfect speed for sitting inside and watching it out the window. It makes you think and realize things you never have before.
My phone vibrates and Holden's name appears on the screen. I press ignore, pushing it aside and under a couch pillow.
"You do know you're going to have to talk to him eventually, right?" Dawson asks while Sky plays with my hair.
I sigh. "Yeah. I just don't know what to say to him."
"I might be having your baby, sounds like a good place to start."
"Have you met Holden? That's probably the worst place to start."
"You never know, he could surprise you." Sky remarks.
I shake my head. "No, now come on." I reply, tapping on the table with my pen. "You have a color scheme to decide on."
Thankfully, instead of fighting it, she rolls her eyes and goes back to the wedding planning.
THE SOUND OF MY chemistry professor's voice booms loudly through the room. Holden sits beside me, staring at the side of my face. I don't dare to look his way. He knows me better than I'd prefer right now, and he’d know I'm hiding something.
"Now add the third element to the beaker and place it over the flame."
We each follow the instructions exactly the way we're told. I'm glad for the distraction, because it gives me something to focus on other than my boyfriend and our potential problem. However, Holden’s growing suspicious.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on with you?" He questions impatiently.
I try my best to pla
y it off. "I told you, nothing's wrong. Can we please just focus on this? I don't want to mess it up."
"But messing us up is no big deal." He mumbles under his breath.
"What?"
"Nothing."
I must admit, I hate when we're like this. I don't know how else to be right now, though. How can I tell him I might be pregnant? I haven't even figured out how to deal with that myself yet. What if he freaks out? I don't think I could handle him yelling at me. I don't think I'd make it through that without a serious mental breakdown.
Still, he deserves to know. If I am, it would be his, and that means he would be involved in any decision making. Even the thought of it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Why can't things be simple like they were last year? Funnily enough, nothing was simple last year – but I'd go back to that kind of complicated over this in a heartbeat.
We all pack up our things and head toward the door. Holden follows closely behind me. I find myself wanting to cling to him and run away all at the same time. Just as we get out the door, he grabs my wrist.
"Are you coming home with me?"
I feign disappointment. "I can't. I promised Skylar I'd help her with wedding planning."
He narrows his eyes at me. "You've been doing that for the past three days. The wedding is what, nine months away? I think she can handle one day without you."
"It takes a lot to plan, and I already promised her I'd be there."
"Whatever." He scoffs and starts to walk away but after a few steps, he stops. "Is that really where you're going to be?"
I cross my arms defensively. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean, are you really going to be at Skylar's or are you just lying like you did half of last year?"
"Wow." I reply in disbelief. "So that's what you think? That I'm back on drugs?"
He throws his hands in the air. "I don't know what the hell to think. One minute you're all over me, and the next you couldn't be further away. What am I supposed to do?"
"You're supposed to trust me!" I stop and take a deep breath, then step backwards. "I'm not dealing with this right now. I'll see you later."
Ignoring the calls of my name, I walk away and leave him alone to think about what he just accused me of. If he only knew what I'm really dealing with, would he still be this irrational? Probably. It may even be worse.
I cannot believe he thinks I relapsed. I mean, I did in a way, but not with cocaine. I just haven't been hungry. The stress of everything piling on top of me has made food the last thing on my mind. That's not what he was referring to though, and I'm not about to volunteer that information. Instead, I'll just walk toward my dorm and hope Dawson can come pick me up.
BREE STANDS IN FRONT of me, gaping. It looks as if she's having an intense internal debate and losing desperately. Finally, after five minutes of opening and closing her mouth, she speaks.
"I'm sorry. You what?!"
"Might be pregnant." Skylar answers as if it's obvious. "Come on, Bree. Try to keep up."
She glares at Sky, showing she obviously heard the first time but had hoped she was wrong. Skylar giggles and hides behind one of the many pillows piled on her bed as Bree throws a pen at her. She walks over and climbs onto the bed next to me.
"How do you know?"
"I'm over a week late."
"Okay, but have you taken a test?"
I shake my head. "I've been too scared. I can't even bring myself to tell Holden."
She smiles sadly and reaches forward to place her hand on my arm. "Have you been using protection?"
"No." I mutter. "He's been pulling out though."
Bree takes a pillow and hits me over the head with it. It doesn't hurt, but it does knock me over. I don't complain – I knew that was coming.
"Could you be any more idiotic?! Condoms are free in the clinic!"
"I know, I know. Wait, we have a clinic?"
A pillow hits me in the face again, causing me to chuckle. Just when I'm about to say something else, Dawson taps on the bedroom door, effectively getting our attention. He focuses solely on me.
"Holden texted me. He's on his way here."
"What?!" The three of us shout in unison.
He puts his hands up defensively. "He said he wants to talk to me. I'll keep him in the living room. You can stay in here."
I sigh audibly. "Okay."
Dawson walks over and gives Sky a quick kiss before leaving the room. Bree’s eyes, however, stay on me.
"You okay?"
I shrug. "If I'm not, I will be."
AN HOUR LATER, I completely forget about Holden coming here when I decide to go into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently, Bree and Skylar did as well, because neither one of them try to stop me. As soon as I step into view of the living room, Dawson and Holden both look up at me and I freeze.
"Uh, hi." I mumble. "I'm just getting a drink."
Dawson nods, but Holden looks at me differently – almost broken even. I down at the floor as I walk over to the kitchen. I open the cabinet and get a glass, then retrieve the apple juice from the fridge. Suddenly, I can feel someone next to me.
"Hey." Holden whispers.
I slowly look up, and find him looking at me with the same fondness he always has – it calms me.
"Hi."
He bites his lip as I smile, feeling the electricity in the air between us. "Listen, I just wanted to apologize for earlier. That was uncalled for, and I'm sorry."
"You were worried. I get it."
"Still, I went about it the wrong way."
I can't find the words, so I just nod and go back to pouring my drink. When I'm done, he takes the bottle from me and places it back in the fridge. I thank him quietly, and turn to lean against the island. He walks up and lightly grabs my hand with his.
"I'm going to give you your space, but I just want you to know that I'm here, for whatever you need." The honesty in his voice is overwhelming.
"Thank you." I reply.
He places his hand on my cheek and leans in to kiss me softly. My chest physically hurts when he pulls away, but I can't bring myself to tell him yet. So instead, I give him another sad smile before grabbing my glass and retreating to the bedroom.
Once the door closes behind me, my back hits it and I slide down to the floor. Bree and Skylar look up from the computer and both their eyes widen in realization. The tears begin to flow before I can even attempt to stop them, soaking my cheeks. My friends are at my side in an instant.
"Are you okay? What happened?"
I don't answer, letting the sobs wrack my body and, for once, allowing myself to feel.
I'M STANDING IN THE rain in front of the Kappa house, trying to find the will power to go inside. I was so determined when I decided to run here from Dawson's, but now I'm not so sure. It probably doesn't help that I'm drenched from head to toe.
It's been 24 hours since the last time I talked to him, and he's kept his word. Though for every inch of space he gives me, I only find myself missing him more. It finally came to a head tonight when Bree told me to either buy a pregnancy test, or go talk to Holden. Being as I can't imagine finding out without him, here I am.
Dawson talked to me after he left last night. According to him, Holden’s terrified that I either relapsed, or that he did something wrong. The thought of him being worried breaks my heart. As much as he sometimes may not know the right things to say, he's always done his best to be there for me. Will he be there with this though?
Just as I'm about to change my mind and go home, a car pulls into the driveway next to me. Of course, it’s just my luck that Holden gets out of it.
"Kayleigh?" He asks, confused. "What are you doing here?"
"I-I came to talk but if you're busy, I can just go." I go to walk away but he runs over and stops me.
"No, wait. Baby, you're soaked. You're going to get sick." He takes off his jacket and wraps it around my shoulders. "Come on, let's get you inside."
I allow him to lead me into the
house and up to his bedroom. He shuts and locks the door behind us before going into the bathroom and turning on the shower. He comes out a few seconds later and leads me down the small hallway.
"Do you want me to help you, or would you rather do it yourself?"
My mouth opens, but no words come out. I'm caught off guard by how caring he's being, even when I may not deserve it. Thankfully, he gets the hint and helps me strip out of my wet clothes. Once he's done, he opens the shower door for me and I step inside.
The warm water runs down my body, heating me back up from the bitter cold I was before. I allow it to stream over my face, thinking about how I'm going to tell him. What are even the right words to tell your fresh off a break up boyfriend that you may be carrying his child? I don't think there are any.
When the water starts to become cold, I turn it off and step out. I wrap the towel Holden left for me around my body and walk into the bedroom. My boyfriend is sitting on his bed, with a pair of his sweats and a T-shirt next to him.
"Here." He hands them to me. "Your clothes are in the dryer."
"Thank you."
A part of me contemplates going into the bathroom to change, but this is Holden. It's nothing he hasn't seen before, and it's not like I'd be showing by now. So, I drop my towel to the floor and pull on the clothes. Holden tries his best not to look, but I can see as he bites his lip.
Once I'm finished getting dressed, I pick the towel up off the floor and use it to dry my hair. It doesn't do much, but it's good enough. When I’m done, I drape it on the rod in the bathroom and go back to Holden. As soon as I sit on the bed, he puts his phone on the nightstand and gives me his complete attention.
"So, what's up?" He questions, it sounding so easy – like he’s asking about the weather. Oh, how I wish this was that simple.
I bite down on my nail nervously. "I need to tell you something, but please don't panic. I don't know if I can handle you freaking out."
His expression turns to one of both curiosity and concern as he reaches over and grabs my hands. "Babe, whatever it is, we can handle it."
Endless December (Sleepless November Saga Book 2) Page 11
