Mistaken Hope

by Sarah Elizabeth

  “Five, maybe six.”

  I feel numb. Nauseous. He’s been here on more than one occasion. How? How didn’t we know this? When? When did he come here? We’re supposed to protect her from evil like him. How did I not see this?

  “And what does he talk about when he comes to visit you?” The detective continues with her questioning, and her gaze lands over on me and Rach one more time.

  Holly doesn’t answer the question right away, and she starts to fidget in my lap, entwining her fingers in front of her while shrugging her shoulders again, “Lots of stuff … He told me that he likes my name and that I’m pretty, just like my mommy.” Asshole. Motherfucking asshole. “He said that he had a friend with the same name as me when he was in school, but she had to go away. He told me that sometimes the people you love have to go away for a while, maybe sometimes even forever.”

  “Son of a …” No. No, I can’t take this anymore. “Stop!” While shaking my head, I lift Holly over to Rach before standing up. I start pacing the entire length of the room, back and forth repeatedly, running both of my hands through my hair.

  He mentioned Holly to my five year old daughter, and he said that word. That one fucking word that means everything to me and Alexis. Forever. I turn to look at Rach and she’s thinking the same thing as I am, I can tell. Do you think that he had any idea what he was doing when he mentioned that stuff to her? Sure he did. Sure he fucking did. ‘Sometimes even forever.’ No. No, he can’t take her from us. He can’t!

  I notice Detective Land speaking quietly with his colleague, and continue to watch him as he reaches for his cell phone before standing to leave the room. I glance between the two of them, my breaths quickening in speed. If I could follow him out there and ask what the fuck’s going on, then I would, but I can’t. I can’t alarm Holly. She can’t be allowed to see what’s really going on here.

  A couple of minutes pass by in silence before I slow my pace down and spin around. I head directly across the room toward him when I see Detective Land standing back inside the doorway. His face is straight and his eyes are revealing nothing at all. His whole facial expression is completely unreadable.

  He nods over to the detective behind me, which makes me instantly narrow my eyes on him, “Mr. Taylor.” Detective Nicolson speaks from over my shoulder. Glancing back when she addresses me, I see her nodding forward, gesturing for me to lead the way out of the room.

  Turning to Rach, I see the worry deeply etched over her features, though she’s doing a pretty great job at hiding her concern from Holly. I wish I could say the same. Gritting my teeth, I storm past them and into the hallway, trying to catch as much air in my lungs as I possibly can. It hurts like hell, it’s painful even to breathe, and it’s in this very moment that it’s all finally starting to sink in. I may never see my beautiful Alexis again. She may never see our daughter growing up. She might never step foot inside our home again, or tuck our daughter into bed at night. I may never get another chance to tell her how much I love her, that she’s my whole world, that I’d do anything for her. I would give my life for her.

  When I hear the door fully close, I turn around, stuffing my hands inside my pants pockets before the urge to punch the wall becomes too strong for me to resist, “Mr. Taylor, we believe that we have enough to go on for now, though it may become necessary to speak with your daughter again at a later time.”

  “Wait. What does that mean?” I ask, impatiently, rolling back and forth on my heel while willing for the excruciating crushing sensation that’s spreading wide over my chest to ease; for the burning to fade.

  “We are going to take the sample we found by the fireplace over for DNA analysis at the lab, and in the meantime, the other officers working on this case will continue with their door to door enquiries,” Detective Nicolson answers while closing up her briefcase. “Even though your daughter only confirmed a name, it is enough for us to be able to investigate Mr. Kelly’s whereabouts further. However, I do feel the need to stress that, if it was Mr. Kelly who took your wife, I do not think that he has any intention of hurting her, so please try not to worry at this stage.”

  What the fuck did she just say? Huh? No. No, I’m not taking their shit anymore. I can’t. They don’t know that fucked up head case like I do. They haven’t witnessed firsthand what evil he’s capable of, or the pain that he’s inflicted on the people he was supposed to care about the most, “Are you fucking crazy?” I growl out, shaking my head at the both of them, my eyes wide and my jaw tight.

  “I feel the need to reiterate that, if it was Mr. Kelly who came here to visit your daughter, then you have to realize and accept the fact that he did not hide his identity; he was forthcoming with his name. Again, if it was him and if he had been planning to hurt her in any way, then he certainly would not have given such information as his name to Holly, Mr. Taylor. You have a past, nobody can deny that, but I honestly do not believe that Mrs. Taylor is in any danger.”

  “He raped and killed my girlfriend! He murdered Alexis’ mom in cold blood! He tried to kill me, and you don’t seem to think that he’s gotten any intention of hurting Alexis now? You’re fucking crazy! You’re all fuckin—!” I pause midway through what I was gonna say when the door up ahead of me slowly opens.

  “Holly’s getting tired so I’m taking her upstairs to get her ready for bed,” Rach says, holding Holly’s hand. Rach is watching me, and I see a frown etching over her face again, her lips growing tight as she leads Holly over to me. “Say goodnight to your daddy.”

  “Goodnight, Daddy,” she says, wrapping her arms tightly around my legs. I reach down and scoop her up, softly kissing her cheek and holding her close to me before placing her back down on her feet. “I love you.”

  “I’ll be up in a little while,” I tell her through a shallow breath, and watch as she takes a hold of Rach’s hand again. Holly follows her up the stairs to the second floor, and when they’ve disappeared from out of my view and I hear one of the doors fully close up, I turn back around to face the two detectives. “You need to listen to me. He. Is. Going. To. Hurt. Her!” I grind out.

  Detective Nicolson ignores my pleading and heads straight by me. She reaches out to open up the front door, holding it wide as she steps out onto the porch, Detective Land following closely behind her.

  Leaning up against the doorframe when the both of them are on the outside, I cross my arms tight over my chest, glancing around the street for signs of anything. For signs of him.

  “Call us in the first instance if you are able to think of anything else that will help us with our investigation,” she says, passing me a card. “Brandon, we are going to do everything within our power to bring your wife safely back home to you. We will be in touch as soon as we have anything else.” She tries to reassure me with a small smile, and all I can do is watch the both of them as they turn to walk away.

  “Brandon?” Rach calls from behind me, and I glance over my shoulder while closing the front door back up. “Brandon? Holly is asking for Alexis.” She adds, quieter this time, her eyes filling with sorrow. I close mine tight because the pain is becoming unbearable, and I swallow, hard.

  How am I gonna be able to break it to my little girl that her mommy won’t be saying goodnight to her tonight, or maybe ever again?

  Chapter Two

  It’s almost six in the morning and I’ve been sitting in this same position for most of the night, just hoping, praying, and begging for Alexis to walk back through the door.

  At around two o’clock, I grabbed my set of keys from off of the counter and headed straight out of the front door. I jumped inside my car and swore to myself that I wouldn’t be coming back home again unless Alexis was by my side, but that didn’t happen. In fact, I only managed to reach the end of the block before I pulled to a stop at the side of the street, punching the steering wheel hard, over and over through my frustration. I didn’t have any idea which way I should go first. Left? Right? Straight-ahead? She could be anywhere. He could�
�ve taken her anywhere.

  I keep thinking that at any given moment, I’m gonna wake up from this horrible dream that I’m trapped inside and find her lying beside me, wrapped in my arms, nestled into me like she has been every other morning. But, I‘m slowly beginning to realize that I’m not gonna escape from the nightmare I believed I was living in, because this isn’t a figment of my imagination at all; it’s become my reality.

  Have I slept? No. No, I haven’t. How in the hell am I supposed to catch any sleep while knowing that Alexis’ life is in danger?

  As soon as the cops left last night, I headed straight upstairs to say goodnight to Holly. I laid down on her bed beside her and held her close to me until she started to drift off to sleep. It wasn’t supposed to have been my turn. It was supposed to have been Alexis’. You see, we take it in turns putting Holly to bed, alternating each night so that we both get to have some alone time with our daughter before she falls asleep, reading her her favorite stories and talking about what we’ve been doing throughout our day. It’s hard because I pretty much have to work six days of the week, which means that I don’t get to see her nearly as much as I’d like to or had hoped I would.

  I love what I do, there’s no way I can deny that. Writing music is the only thing that I’ve ever really been any good at and something that I enjoy, so working at the studio is like a dream job for me. But, it does have some downfalls. The hours are much longer than I’d anticipated they were gonna be when I first took the job a couple of years back. It has to be this way, though, so we can afford to keep the roof over our heads and put food on the table. I don’t want us to always have to just get by. I want the two most important people in my life to have everything I can possibly offer them. I want to be able to provide for them. I want Alexis and Holly to have the very best of everything; it’s no more than they both deserve.

  Alexis offered to help out and take on some part time work when Holly turned a year old, but I refused it. I told her that it was my job to take good care of the both of them. Look at us now, though, huh? Just fucking look at us now.

  I swore that I’d never deceive my daughter. But, last night? Well, I had no other choice. There was no way I could tell her the real reason why the cops came over to the house, or why her mommy wasn’t there to tuck her in and kiss her on the forehead before she drifted off to asleep.

  Holly asked for her. She wanted her mommy, and this only made me pull her even closer to me. I’ve gotta admit, it’s a hard thing to do, trying to pretend that everything’s okay, that nothing at all has changed. But, it has. Everything’s changed.

  Rach was standing in the bedroom doorway, and she slowly shook her head at me when Holly asked for Alexis again, though there was really no need for her to do that because I wasn’t gonna be telling Holly anything that she didn’t need to know. I had to lie. I told her that Alexis had to go out of town to visit her father; her grandpa. What I said was enough for her to settle down for the night, so I thought that it was the right thing to do, for all of us. But, how long am I gonna have to pretend? How many more times am I gonna have to lie to her in order to keep her protected from what’s really going on? Well, your guess is as good as mine. It could be hours, days, weeks, months … Shit!

  It’s been twelve hours already. Where is she? Where the fuck is Alexis?

  It feels as though the walls are closing in and my whole world is crashing down around me. That everything we’ve worked so hard for over the past few years are now just distant memories. What if that’s all I have left of her? What if we don’t get to make any more memories? What if I’ve already had all the time with her that I’m gonna have? What if I never see her again? What the fuck am I gonna do without her? I don’t wanna have to do any of this without her. I can’t do any of this without her in my life.

  I run my hands roughly across my face, over and over again, trying to block out all the negative thoughts and visions that keep filtering inside my mind. I have to remain strong and believe that I’ll see her again; that yesterday wasn’t the final time that I’d see my wife alive.

  Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!

  I immediately snap my head up and to the side while pushing back in my seat, almost knocking over the chair I was sitting on as I stand.

  “No,” I hear Rach say from behind me. I feel her rest her hand on my arm to gain my attention, her grip tightening as she tries to stop me from charging through to the hallway. “Let me get it.” I glance over my shoulder and see her nodding only slightly at me. “Sit back down.” She says, firmer this time, while tenderly squeezing my arm before heading through the doorway and toward the front door.

  Rach stayed last night. I told her that she didn’t need to, but she insisted. Of course she did. She’s Rach. She’s always gonna be here for me like she has been every other time in the past when I’ve needed somebody. Last night was hard, harder than I’d imagined it was gonna be because it was the first night in months, no, in years, that I wasn’t able to wish Alexis a goodnight. The first time since we got back together that I didn’t feel her light breaths breezing over my chest as she drifted off to sleep, her whole body entwined with mine.

  I start pacing the length of the room, running both of my hands through my hair a couple of times before resting my fingers interlocked at the back of my neck, holding my gaze on the ceiling above me. I have my back to the doorway, but I can hear their footsteps and voices, feel their presence as they make their way inside the room.

  “Brandon,” I close my eyes when I hear Rach’s voice. “Brandon, the detectives are here.” Turning around, I rest my hands down on either side of my waist. My heart starts thrashing inside my chest and my pulse begins to race when I see the same detectives from yesterday standing just inside the room.

  “We apologize for stopping by so early, Mr. Taylor,” I lift my gaze over on Detective Nicolson when she speaks, “but, there have been some developments through the night.” She adds, her lips now forming in a tight line.

  “There has? Well, what? I mean … Did …?” My eyes dart between her and Detective Land. They have something. Well, this is a good thing, right? Developments. That’s what we needed. We needed something that’s gonna lead us to her. Yeah, no. This is a good thing. Definitely a good thing.

  “Brandon, we are now one hundred percent positive that the main suspect we are looking for in connection with your wife’s abduction is Mr. Kelly.” Cold shivers instantly run down my spine and my jaw steels. I mean, I knew this. We both did, right? But hearing her say those words, confirming it out loud hits me like nothing else. This? This is happening. It’s real. “We have found some evidence to suggest that he has been staying in a property within a close proximity to your home, and it also appears that he has been watching the house for some time, possibly for up to three weeks.”

  My hands ball into fists and I grit my teeth, “Weeks?” I grind out, and see her reaching inside her briefcase before pulling out a file. She turns around and places it down on the dining table, causing for me to stride on over to see what the hell it is that she’s talking about.

  I reach out toward the nearest pile she’s just set down, my hands shaking uncontrollably as I grasp a tight hold on the edge of the table with one hand, steadying myself, while picking up some of the ripped pieces of paper with his scroll clearly marked across them with the other. There are dates, times, and places written in red ink, and ... fuck, no. There are photos. Countless photographs of the three of us, some of us together, some of Alexis on her own, some of inside our home. He’s been in here before.

  “He’s been following us? He followed her? Hell! What the fuck is all of this?” I slam them back down on the table through my pure anger and frustration, taking an unsteady step away. My eyes are stinging and my lungs feel as though they’re about to explode.

  “This find confirms to us that Alexis’ disappearance was most certainly premeditated …” she begins to explain, though her voice trails and she hesitates some, glancing o
ver her shoulder toward the other detective who I can see from the corner of my eye taking a small step forward. “But …”

  I look between the two of them while I wait for her to continue, but she doesn’t. Instead, she lifts an envelope from out of her pocket before passing it over to me, a dimness seeping into her eyes, “What’s this?” I question as my gaze lowers to the brown sealed envelope that’s now sitting in my left hand. Neither of them answer me, so I rip it open, unfolding the white piece of paper until the … no. “Fuck!” I growl, my voice pained as my eyes come to rest on the printed black ink.

  “Brandon?” Rach’s voice sounds so distant and everything becomes a blur. I can’t think straight because it feels like someone’s wrapping their hands tightly around my neck, draining all of the oxygen right out from my lungs and body. I can’t move. Seeing this has made me become completely paralyzed.

  After a few moments, I manage to lift my attention back to the detective in front of me. She’s watching me, guardedly. I summon for the words to leave my mouth, and it takes me a couple of attempts to steady my nerves, my heart rate, and my breathing back down. I take a step closer to her and wave the paper right up in her face, shaking it with pure rage, my eyes boring deeply into hers.

  “Do you still believe that he hasn’t any intention of hurting my wife?”

  Have you ever had something so bad happen to you in your life that, when you close your eyes, you hope and pray that the darkness will swallow up all of your fears? That by doing this it will somehow make the excruciating pain that’s ripping through your veins fade away? Yeah, well, that’s what I’m trying to do right now, but it isn’t helping me any. In fact, it isn’t helping at all because all I can see are visions of him, images of her, and they’re slowly eating away at me; killing me inside.