The cops left a little while ago and all I’ve been able to do is sit here, wondering if we’re already too late. I actually thought that they came over here with good news, but I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong on so many levels.
“Here,” I hear Rach say to my left. She places a plate filled with food down in front of me, and I slide it back toward her, keeping my gaze focused on the wall straight ahead of me. “You need to eat, Brandon. You haven’t eaten in all of the time I’ve been here.” Her voice is small and I close my eyes.
“I’m not hungry,” I answer flatly, and she lets out a sigh as she takes a seat beside me, leaning over while trying to gain my attention.
“You need to eat, Brandon. Please?”
“No. No, I don’t,” I answer her again, placing my hands on the edge of the table as I go to stand. “What I need to do is find Alexis before it’s too late.” I step back and glance around the room for my keys. It’s no use just sitting here and waiting for something to happen. I need to be out there. I need to go out there and look for her myself because they’re taking too long. They’re never gonna find her if they keep coming here. It’s as though they honestly have no idea just how dangerous this situation really is.
“You are going to make yourself sick,” Rach says, her voice filled with distress as she comes to stand directly ahead of me. “Just one?” She asks again.
“Will you just drop it?” I grind out, swiping my hand in front of me and tossing the bagels from out of hers. She gasps when the plate smashes on the black tiled floor, and I see her bring her hand up to cover her mouth, her eyes wide. I avert my gaze away from hers because I can’t bear to see it anymore. I can’t. I can’t stand to look at any of them because they’re all looking at me in the same way. The cops … Rach. Rach’s eyes are holding that same sorrowful and grave look I remember as though it was only yesterday. The day after Holly died in my arms. No. No, I need them to be on my side here. They have to believe that we’re gonna find Alexis or I’m gonna lose all hope myself. I can’t do that. I can’t lose hope, and I sure as hell can’t lose her … especially not to him.
My focus lands on the wall clock and I see that it’s coming up to eight o’clock. It feels much later, though I guess it’s gonna because I’ve been awake for more than twenty-four hours. I start to shake my head when I think back to the morning before. Only twenty-four hours ago I was on my way to the studio, after having kissed Alexis and Holly goodbye on the porch. My shoulders slouch and I rest my head in my hands, willing for the dull ache that’s spreading over my chest to reside.
“I’ll get this cleaned up.” Rach’s voice is only a whisper, and I lower my hands away from my face to look at her. Reaching out, I grab a hold of her arm to keep her from walking away from me. I didn’t mean to do what I just did, I just … it’s just all getting too much for me to handle; to cope. Knowing that I can’t do anything but sit and wait for something, for anything, is the worst feeling in the whole goddamn world. I feel helpless; unworthy.
“I’m sorry, alright?” I say, and she looks right at me, her expression unreadable. “I’m … I’m sorry.” My voice reveals my regret, but she doesn’t say anything in response. Her lips quiver at the same time I hear movement over on the other side of the room. Twisting around, I see Holly standing in the doorway of the kitchen. She’s wearing her fluffy white robe and holding onto the same teddy bear she was playing with before she went up to bed last night.
She’s not looking at us, though, she’s looking down to the floor.
“Did it slip out of your hands?” She asks, pointing to the broken pieces that are scattered around both mine and Rach’s feet.
“Yes, honey,” Rach tells her, throwing her a small smile and shrugging her shoulders as she bends down to clean up the mess I created. “It just slipped right out.” She brings her gaze back to me, her eyes saddened as she starts picking the bagels up from off of the floor.
I shouldn’t be taking my frustrations out on her, I know I shouldn’t. With the amount of shit she’s had to deal with because of me, well, I’m surprised that she hasn’t just turned around and told me that she’s had enough. That she’s ready to walk away; leave me in the past. I wouldn’t blame her if she did.
Is it me? Is all of this my doing? Am I the one to blame for all of what’s happened in the past and for what’s happening here in the present? Well, it sure as hell feels that way because if I’d listened to all of the warning signs right at the very beginning, then none of this would’ve happened, would it? What if I hadn’t pursued her? What if I hadn’t challenged Holly that night? Or fallen in love with her soon afterward? Would things have been any different today?
You know what? You really don’t need to be answering that question because I already know the answer. Of course everything would be different. Holly would most likely still be alive and none of what followed afterward would ever have happened. Do I regret any of this? You bet your fucking ass I do, but saying that, if all of those things hadn’t happened then I wouldn’t be crouching down, offering my arms out in this moment for my daughter to come to me. I need her to be close to me more than I need the air in my lungs.
Holly’s smile reveals the dimples in her cheeks as she comes running over, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. I nestle my right cheek against hers and tighten my hold on her at the same time the house phone sounds out.
Me and Rach both glance to each other, our eyes locking on one another’s. I swallow, hard, and then release Holly from out of my arms before I stand back up straight. Rach reaches over to the counter and grabs the phone before glancing to the caller ID. When she stills, I feel my brow instantly furrow.
“What is it?” I ask when I notice that her entire features have fallen into a frown. “Rach?” She hesitates briefly, and her eyes flicker down to Holly before she brings her attention back to me.
“It’s Alexis’ father.”
Chapter Three
This has gotta be one of the most agonizing silences I think I’ve ever had to experience in my whole goddamn life. He’s been pacing the entire length of the room for the past ten minutes, and a few times I’ve seen him open his mouth up to speak, but he hasn’t once been able to get any words out. I get it. I do. It’s a lot to take in. One minute you’re walking around with a spring in your step and wearing one of the widest smiles over your face because all is right with the world, and then the next? The next your whole future has been ripped away from you within a blink of an eye, leaving a void; an emptiness that can’t be filled.
The phone conversation with Paul was a short one. In fact, as soon as I’d managed to gain enough strength to choke the words painfully through my lips, telling him that Neil came back and that he has his daughter, he ended the call without saying a word.
That was over two hours ago. He and Diane came straight over here, though they still don’t even know the half of what’s going on. Yeah, they know that the same guy who murdered Paul’s wife has abducted his beautiful daughter, but they don’t yet know the rest, and I have absolutely no idea how in the hell I’m gonna be able to break it to them.
Holly was bouncing up and down by the window in the main room when Paul and Diane first showed up. From the moment she recognized their car parking up at the side of the street, she started clasping her hands together excitedly, and her eyes were brighter than ever. Feelings of guilt surged through me, almost knocking me off of my feet from knowing that I was the cause for her temporary excitement. When she asked for Alexis last night, I told her that her mommy was with her grandpa, and because I lied, I gave her some kinda mistaken hope that she was about to walk back through the damn door.
When she didn’t see her heading down the pathway and toward the house beside Paul and Diane, her smile faded, her eyes dimmed, and that’s when she turned to me and asked for her again. You wanna know what I told her? Well, I’ll tell you. I told her that her mommy had to stay behind and that she couldn’t come home yet. Then? Well, then sh
e asked me why. I momentarily paused, wondering whether it would be for the best to just tell her the truth, but then something inside my mind snapped and I thought better of it. I couldn’t do it to her. I just couldn’t.
I hated myself because, for a few moments, I’d allowed myself to believe that she’d need to know. That it would be for the best to prepare her for the worst, and sooner rather than later. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I need to remain positive and shouldn’t be allowing dark thoughts to consume my mind. No. No, I’m not gonna spend another waking moment thinking about any of the negatives or any other outcome other than bringing her back home to us. I need to be strong; stay focused. Luckily for me, Rach came inside the room at that point and distracted Holly with a plateful of cookies and a glass of milk. Yeah, if only those things could really make all of this go away, huh?
“She’s making you a picture,” Rach says quietly as she enters the room, closing the door gently behind her so that Holly won’t be able to hear any of what’s gonna come next.
I sit a little straighter and see her glance around the three of us, offering a small, sympathetic smile over to Paul and Diane as she comes to take a seat beside me. She reaches over and takes a firm hold of my hand, knowing that it’s time for me to tell Alexis’ father what the cops found overnight.
I clear my throat and take a breath to prepare myself because, in all honesty, I have absolutely no idea how he’s gonna react or if he’s gonna be able to handle what I’m about to tell him.
“Paul, I, um …” I glance to Rach and she squeezes my hand tighter, nodding to me with encouragement. “There’s something else …” I hesitate when he pauses his steps, and as soon as he spins around to face me, I see the frown lines forming deeper across his brow. “He’s … I … Shit!” I clench my jaw and squeeze my eyes closed because, every time I think back to what was on that piece of paper, a wave of nausea attacks my whole being and the overwhelming fear that I may never see my wife again returns.
“Brandon?” I only just dare to look at him when I hear the weakness in his voice. He’s waiting for me to say something, to say anything, and I know that I’ve just gotta tell him what they found. I can’t avoid this. No matter how much I’d like to pretend that I didn’t see it there, printed in black and white, he needs to know.
I slowly release Rach’s hand from out of mine before standing and taking a step toward him, “There was a store receipt among the other things in the building close by,” I tell him, and pause to take a sharp breath, trying to compose myself. “He’s … he’s got … he’s got a hold of a gun.” My voice is tight and my mouth dry as I try to explain some more, but really, that’s all I have. I have nothing else to give him.
What I’ve just told him has made the color instantly drain away from his face, and he continues to stare blankly at me for a couple more seconds. When the words I’ve just spoken start to sink in, his head stoops low and his whole body begins to visibly shake.
“Not my Alex,” Paul chokes out in a whisper, which makes Diane jump up from her seat and go straight over to him. She places her hands on each of his shoulders as his whole face begins to twist. “Not my sweet little girl.”
When I feel a couple of tears starting to roll down the both of my cheeks, I wipe my hands over my face, watching on as Diane tries to offer him some kinda comfort. When she pulls him closer to her, he breaks down in front of us, sobbing hard.
She leads him by the hand over to the other side of the room, and he absentmindedly follows her, slowly sitting back down on the brown leather couch by the feature wall; his eyes holding nothing but emptiness. He looks just the same as I’m feeling inside.
Because I can see what this is doing to him, I have no other choice but to look away. I know that he’s having the same thoughts as I did just a little while ago, it’s written all over his face. He looks distraught; pained. Hell! He looks just as distressed as every other person within these four walls.
I turn around and gaze out of the window, watching the passersby’s strolling up and down the street, going about their day the same as any other. They’re completely oblivious to what’s happening only a few feet away from them, and while their lives haven’t been affected in the slightest by anything that’s happened overnight, ours have been thrown upside down … all because of him. When is this gonna stop? When is all of this gonna be over?
“Why? Why didn’t you call us in the first instance?” Paul’s voice sounds strained, and I turn around, bringing my attention back over on him as soon as I hear him speak. I see him holding his clenched fist up to his mouth as he lifts his gaze, gaining direct eye contact with me again. His voice startles me some because he’s not speaking with his usual placid tone. He’s angry. Of course he is, and he has every reason to be. “Answer me!” He snarls, standing back up on his feet before striding straight toward me, and it’s now I notice that his whole demeanor has changed. I blink a couple of times with surprise, resting my hands on my waist as he comes to stand only a couple of feet away from me. “Why didn’t you call me as soon as you realized she was gone? Missing! You might well be her husband but I’m her goddamn father!” He growls out, pointing his finger only an inch away from my face now.
From the corner of my eye, I see Diane rise from her seat, and she comes to rest her hands on his shoulders from behind him, “Paul,” she says softly, and though he backs away a small step, he keeps his glare solely fixated on me. “Come and sit back down, honey.” Diane tries to calm him back down, but he doesn’t seem to be paying attention to anything she’s trying to say.
“Tell me why!”
“I didn’t think!” I answer, my voice unsteady. I shrug my shoulders and start running the both of my hands through my hair before resting my face in my hands. “I didn’t wanna worry anybody and I …” My voice trails when I feel that same dull ache inside my chest growing in intensity.
Alright, let me explain something here. I didn’t think to call anybody else aside from Rach at first because I didn’t want them to worry.
Okay, no. No, that’s not it. That’s not it at all.
I didn’t wanna have to admit to myself or anybody else that what’s going on around us is real; that it’s actually happening to us. I was hoping that the void I’ve been feeling deep inside ever since Holly spoke those seven words in the back yard was somehow just gonna go away. But, it isn’t, is it? He’s never gonna leave us alone.
I didn’t wanna have to speak the words out loud to anybody other than Rach because she gets me. She’s the only person aside from Alexis who can manage to make everything seem okay again; make any situation almost tolerable and a little easier to deal with.
Me and Paul? Well, we didn’t exactly hit it off right away and though he eventually came around to the idea of me being with his daughter, he soon turned against me again when he found out that me and Alexis had briefly separated due to my own foolishness and stupidity. It took over a year to get him back on my side. A whole fucking year to prove to him just how hopelessly and irrevocably in love I was and still am with his daughter; how dedicated I was and always will be to being a good father to his granddaughter.
“But it was okay for you to call her?” I lift my head a little higher when he speaks again, and see him pointing over to Rach, his eyes narrowing more so by the second. “Family! We are her family! I am her father! Who is she? Is she really more important than Alexis’ own flesh and blood? My daughter … your wife has been taken away by somebody from your past, and you would rather call your dead girlfriend’s sister than her own goddamn father!”
My hands instantly ball into fists and I start grinding my jaw together tight. My shoulders become tense and I raise my chin a little higher, now watching him from underneath my hooded eyes, “You’d better watch what you fucking say!” I growl, straightening my shoulders as I take a step toward him. His eyes are burning with rage, but so are mine. Hell! My whole body is on fire!
Diane must have noticed how much his words have me riled bec
ause she comes to stand in the middle of the both of us, “Paul, please calm down,” she says, sounding anxious, with concern seeping into her eyes. I glance downward when I feel her place her hand on my chest, and I see her doing the same to Paul with her other one, trying to keep us separated.
In the next moment, my chest becomes tight when my gaze flicks over to Rach. She’s still seated on the couch to the left of me, and she’s started to entwine her fingers on her lap, keeping her gaze focused down to the floor ahead of her. But, I know her, and I don’t need to be able to see into her eyes to know that his words have hurt her.
He has no fucking right to speak to her or about her in that way. She doesn’t deserve to be disrespected by him, or by anybody else for that matter. She could’ve easily given up on me the moment we said out final goodbyes to Holly, but she didn’t. Rach chose to become a big part of my life and she’s been like a sister to me ever since that fateful night. Besides Alexis and Holly, Rach is the only family I have left in this goddamn world, and there’s no way in hell that I’m gonna let this drop until he tells her that he’s sorry.
“Apologize.” I stand forward some more, gritting my teeth while hissing the words right up in his face.
“Me? You think that I should be the one apologizing?” Is he for fucking real here?
“Can you both please calm down?” I hear Rach ask, her voice filled with her anxiety and desperation. My gaze falls over to her again at the same time that Paul glances over his shoulder. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes briefly as she stands. “Do you not think that maybe you should both be getting along? Holly is only in the next room, and being at each other’s throats like this isn’t going to help us find Alex.” She takes a deep breath and hesitantly closes the gap between us. “You should be working through this together, not tearing each other down!” Her voice finally cracks, and she starts to shake her head, her eyes beginning to fill with tears.
Mistaken Hope Page 3
