by Lori Ryan
“Tell me about date two.”
Cora leaned in. It was more exciting talking about dating now that she was doing more than surfing the web and sending messages back and forth to guys who looked like they might be a good match. She and Ethan had gone on a second date over the weekend and he asked her if she could have dinner sometime during the week, too.
“We went to a movie Saturday night and he held my hand through the whole movie.”
“Did you make out?” Julia looked over her shoulder as she asked the question, as though checking for random students who might come into the room. They didn’t have a whole lot of time free for lunch.
“A little.” Cora could feel her cheeks heat. “We went for a walk after the movie and got ice cream cones.”
“Awww, so sweet.”
“It was kind of romantic.”
Julia’s smile told Cora she agreed. “So, you like him?”
“I do. I feel comfortable with him. It’s like being with my brothers, except not.”
That got Julia to sit up. “That’s not exactly a good thing.”
Cora waved her hand. “No, no, I don’t mean it that way. I just mean that he’s comfortable to be with. On our first date, there was a little bit of awkwardness, and I think I was kind of intimidated by the fact that he was kind of a bad boy in high school, but he’s nice now.”
“Nice?” Julia raised a brow.
“Yes, nice.” Cora squirmed a little.
“You realize a guy should make your toes curl.” Julia gave her a meaningful look. “I mean really curl. Like when he kisses you, your heart should flip over and you should feel his kiss all the way to your toes.”
“Yeah, I’m getting the toes thing. You’ve mentioned toes several times,” Cora said, feeling a little grumpy.
She’d love to have a guy affect her that way, but she wasn’t living in her sister’s romance novels. She wasn’t going to hope that somehow, she and Justin would miraculously happen.
Cora wanted a real-life boyfriend that might someday lead to a real-life marriage and real-life children of her own.
Ethan was a real-life kind of guy. He was what she wanted, even if the flip in her stomach when he kissed her had been small, and she’d maybe only felt that kiss in her belly and nowhere near her toes. Or even her knees.
“Toes are important,” Julia said primly. “Are you still checking your online profile to keep your options open?”
Cora chewed on her lip. “Well, I haven’t been. It seems kind of wrong to be dating someone and still checking my profile for other guys.”
Julia stood. “We better get up to our kids.” She pointed to Cora, though, as they left the classroom. “But, I’m telling you. You need to keep your options open. Until you guys say it’s exclusive, you need to keep looking for Mr. Toe Curler.”
9
Working with Justin on the grants might have been a mistake. Being around him was a stupid idea.
She had seen the temptation coming. She wasn’t an idiot.
What she didn’t see coming was that he would try to help her with her love life. They’d spent the morning looking through the grants he’d pulled from a database and talking about which application they’d file.
Then he’d raised the issue of dating. All she could think was how ironic it was that he was finally talking to her about a date, and it was to set her up with someone else. That wasn’t what she’d envisioned all these years of pining for him.
She flinched. She hated thinking that she’d spent years waiting for him to ask her out. Why hadn’t she seen reality sooner?
“You want to set me up with your friend?” She really though he would drop this.
“I think you’ll really like him. He’s a great guy. He runs one of the organizations we fund over in Bandera.”
“Isn’t that over an hour away?” It was all Cora could think to say.
How could she tell him that it hurt like hell to have him trying to set her up with someone else? It didn’t matter that she was already dating other people. What mattered was that she wasn’t ready to talk to Justin about other guys. They were friends, but she wasn’t ready for that kind of friendship. Apparently, it didn’t bother him at all.
Justin shrugged. “Your sister and Garrett made the long-distance thing work.”
Cora nodded. “Yeah, well, thanks, but I’m gonna pass.”
“Are you still seeing Ethan?”
“I like him. He said he’d call again.”
“And you’ll say yes when he does?”
A knock on the door interrupted them before she could answer.
“Yes,” Justin called out.
His assistant, Amanda, entered. “Justin, I have the report from the Boston charity. You asked me to get it to you when the numbers came in.”
Justin reached for the file Amanda handed him. “Did they hit their goals?”
“No. They’re short by eight percent on mission spending.”
Cora waited as Justin read the report. She wasn’t sure if she should stay or go wait in the lobby until he was finished.
Justin answered her question when he looked up at her. “Since Raise the Veil’s two main goals are to spread the word that being the victim of domestic violence is nothing to be ashamed about and to help fund organizations that are serving victims of violence and abuse on the ground, we have strict requirements each funded organization has to meet.”
“What kind of requirements?” Cora asked. She knew a lot about what the organization did through her friendship with Laura, but she didn’t know the details of their programming and funding.
“We look for organizations in regions where we feel the need is greatest. That’s determined based on reported domestic violence, estimated underreported domestic violence, funding going to the area, and a few other factors. Once we do that, we identify a charity to serve that region. The charity needs to hit certain percentages of funding going directly to mission spending, administration, and other funding. Since we provide a large portion of the chosen charity’s funding goals, we have stricter requirements than some charitable accreditation organizations require.”
Cora nodded. It all made sense and would help Raise the Veil be sure their funding was getting through to the people they were trying to serve.
Justin continued. “We require a minimum of seventy percent of the funding the organization takes in from us and from other sources go to mission goals. We allow twenty-two percent to go to administrative costs, and the rest can go to soliciting funding from other sources.”
“And they’ve missed that?” She looked from Justin to Amanda and back.
“Twice,” Amanda said. “We had a volunteer go and help them look at ways to revamp their spending to meet the goals. They were able to make the targets for six months, then they slipped again last month.”
“And now this month,” Justin said, frowning at the papers in his hand again. He looked back to Amanda. “We have an alternate organization in the area, correct?”
Cora looked at him. He was in his business mode now. No nonsense, ready to make whatever decisions had to be made. He could have been running a Fortune 500 company. As it was, she knew he did a lot to manage his family’s wealth. His mother was still alive and active in that as well, but she knew Justin met with his mom regularly to help make decisions about investments and things.
She wondered if it bothered him that he didn’t have children. His brother was Laura’s child’s biological father, so his blood was continuing down the line in that way, but the Kensington family had once been a large family with branches growing thick and strong on the family tree. Now, it was down to his mom, him, and Laura’s daughter, Jamie.
Amanda’s answer pulled Cora’s attention back to the conversation. “Yes. There’s a group that applied for funding from us two years ago, but we were already committed in the region. I’ve kept tabs on their numbers and it looks like they can meet our requirements.”
Justin nodded. “Pull i
t.”
Cora’s brows went up but she didn’t say anything.
Amanda slipped out of the room and Justin turned to Cora.
“You don’t agree?” he asked.
“With your decision?” She looked toward the door, as though she might see the reasoning of his decision laid out for her in the space his assistant had recently occupied. “No, I don’t necessarily disagree. It must just be hard to know you’re likely about to shut that group down. Whoever was getting services from them will be left without the resources they were expecting. The employees may very well be cut, if the place doesn’t close altogether with the loss of such a huge portion of their funding in one blow.”
He nodded, but she could see he wouldn’t change his mind. “The people they were serving will head over to the alternative group and with our funding, they’ll be able to take them on. They’ll do a better job of meeting the community’s needs because they’re putting more money into mission goals than the first group. The transition won’t be great, but the long-term outlook is better.”
“You’re really in the right place, you know that?”
Justin leaned back in his chair, watching her like he didn’t trust what she was about to say. “What do you mean?”
“You’re really doing what you should be doing. I don’t think a lot of people would be able to make the kind of tough decisions this role demands, and be able to still be compassionate and not jaded. You’ve really made this organization into something important and meaningful.”
Justin just looked back at her, eyes guarded like he wasn’t fully able to believe what she was saying. Cora didn’t drop her gaze. If they were going to do this friendship thing, she would do it wholeheartedly. That meant helping him to see what he meant to the people he was trying to serve. Because she had a feeling Justin didn’t see himself at all the same way others saw him. She had a feeling the abuse and violence that had taken place in his home had shaped him and affected him in ways he couldn’t bring himself to see; in ways he couldn’t even understand yet, much less address.
10
“Laura tells me you’re not going to fight for Cora.”
Justin dropped the contract he’d been reading and looked up at his mother’s words. He was no idiot. When his mother walked into his office unannounced and made a statement like that, it meant she planned to lecture him. He wasn’t going to get a damned thing done until she’d said all she planned to say. The faster he let her get it out, the faster he’d get her out of his office so he could get back to work.
He dropped into his chair and watched as his mother settled into the chair across from him. There was a time Martha Kensington wouldn’t have been caught dead in anything other than full makeup, hair, and a thousand-dollar suit. Now, she sat in front of him in jeans and a T-shirt that said “Professional Grandma at Work … Stand Back.”
There was also a time when he and his mother were barely on speaking terms. Even when they had talked, he wouldn’t describe their relationship as loving. Justin hadn’t grown up in a family where parents hugged and kissed the kids or said words like, I love you. He’d grown up in a house where outward appearances were what mattered. His mother had been a person he didn’t very much like.
The woman in front of him was different. Not a wholly new person, but she was changing. In the past three years, she’d done a lot to make up for the things she’d said and done in the past.
She looked at him as though she expected a response and he had to replay her words in his head to try to catch up to her. She’d said something about fighting for Cora.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“Cora Walker has decided to date. Everyone knows it,” she said, as if she had to explain that. In Evers, you didn’t have to explain much of anything to anyone. News flew around town like wildfire almost before it happened. “Laura said you’re not going to fight for her.”
“Mom, there’s nothing to fight for. Cora and I are friends.” He picked up the contract and began skimming the pages again.
He could see his mother out of the corner of his eye. She couldn’t completely hide her past persona. She sat stiffly in her chair, back ramrod straight as though she could fend off the world if she held herself just so. She’d spent a lot of years that way, cutting herself off from feeling anything.
When Justin’s brother Patrick died and it came out that he’d been abusing Laura, Justin and his mother had said things to each other that could never be taken back. He’d known his mother had been aware of the abuse Laura suffered and she’d done nothing to help. In fact, she’d helped to cover it up. The fact Laura and his mother had a relationship now was something that floored him.
He and his mother were closer than they’d ever been, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t still a lot they had never dealt with. The issues they’d never addressed could fill all of Texas and half the surrounding states. They’d left the world they had once inhabited behind, for the most part, but there would always be a wall between them that he didn’t think they could knock down.
She surprised him when she pressed on. It wasn’t like her to talk about personal issues with him, but she didn’t drop this the way he thought she would. “Laura has a theory about your feelings for Cora and why you haven’t acted on them.”
He knew exactly what Laura’s theory about him and Cora was, and he didn’t want to discuss it with his mom.
“I have to tell you, I think Laura is right. She’s pretty intuitive when it comes to this kind of thing.”
Laura was caring and loving and giving. All the things their family wasn’t. He’d always thought it was a miracle Patrick had been able to get her to marry him.
Justin went back to the start of the page and tried reading it again. He wasn’t absorbing much of it, despite the fact his eyes were traveling over the words.
His family had never been one for hugs and kisses and soft words. His dad had talked at his brother and him, more than with them. They’d been taught about the expectations of the family and groomed to meet those standards. If his parents had said “I love you” to him more than once or twice in their lives before this past few years, he didn’t remember it.
“Justin.” His mother’s voice was almost a whisper. “Please.”
He looked up and froze at the look on his mother’s face. She was uncomfortable. He could see it. She didn’t want to talk about this any more than he did. But more than that, he could see determination in her eyes.
She looked down for a minute before meeting his eyes. “Don’t interrupt me because I need to get this out and I don’t know if I can say this more than once.”
Justin nodded, waiting.
“What you and Laura have done with this place is amazing. Every day, you’re helping to reach out and teach people about abuse. You’re helping to get women out of situations they can’t get out of easily. You’re teaching women that reaching out for help shouldn’t bring shame or embarrassment. I couldn’t be prouder of the work you’re doing here.”
Justin opened his mouth to say something—he wasn’t sure what, but something. His mother leveled him with a look.
“The thing is, Justin, I don’t think you’re learning the lessons you need to be learning here. You need to forgive yourself for what you see as your failures in what happened Laura and me.”
Justin felt a painful lump swell and clog his throat. It seemed like it might cut off his air. His mother had never confirmed what he feared. That his father had hit her the way his brother hit Laura. He and Laura had talked a lot about what she went through, but with his mother, it was the kind of thing they all knew happened, but they’d silently agreed not to go there.
She talked now, and it seemed as though each word cost her. He knew talking about what she’d been through was crucial, but it killed him to hear it.
“Your father wasn’t like Patrick was with Laura. I’ve talked to her and I know she went through hell with Patrick. She was living with violence ever
y day. Your brother was sick, Justin, and by the time I realized it, I had walled myself off in a cell of alcohol and pills.”
She seemed to go to another place as she spoke. “Your father wasn’t violent in the same way Patrick was. I thought your father loved me. I loved him with all my naïve heart when we were first married.”
She took a steadying breath. “When he hit me the first time, I started the cycle of making excuses for him, of blaming myself for not being perfect, not being what he needed. I don’t need to tell you about that part. Your work here has taught you what can happen to a woman in that position. There was so much shame. It never occurred to me that it was your father’s fault, that maybe he’d been taught by his father to handle things that way. It never dawned on me that I had any choice other than to cover it up and hide my shame from the world.”
Justin felt the rage he had for his father swell inside him. It ate at his chest, clawing into him with such force it was physically painful. But alongside the rage for his father was more anger and hatred for himself. He’d let this happen. He hadn’t seen what his mother was going through. What kind of son doesn’t see this?
In his work at Raise the Veil, he’d read accounts of sons growing to the point where they were able to fight back and protect their mothers. Justin had never once done that. He’d never even known his mother had been abused. She hadn’t walked around with black eyes and bruises, but he could think back now and catalogue her injuries. Catalogue all the times he’d let her down.
He remembered a day when she’d had a large bruise on the side of her face. It didn’t look like a punch, so his child mind had no trouble believing her when she said she walked into the edge of the door when she got up in the middle of the night for something and didn’t turn on the lights.
She’d broken her wrist twice, but there had been good reasons for both incidents. Over the past few years, he’d relived every little scratch or bruise, and every story she’d concocted for each of them.
