“May I go?” she asked quietly without a hint of rebellion.
He knew he had wounded her by his command, but he knew it was the right thing and hoped she would understand someday.
*****
“Ja, Liebling,” Wilhelm said in a gentle voice. “You may go.”
Anna was trying to contain her tears. She had learned her lesson. A painful lesson about rebellion. She would never do that again.
“Would you like us to stop by on our way home on Monday?”
“Whatever you would like, Wilhelm.” She turned and gave him a respectful nod, and then walked quickly to her room and fell onto her bed. Her pillow still smelled like Hugo and she cried herself to sleep.
*****
“I’m so sorry about Chris, Connor.”
Devin and Tyler sat in Connor Diaz’s large living room in the suburbs of Philadelphia. His wife and four younger children were somber, sitting together on the couch. The second youngest son, Chad, was in his mid-twenties. How would he be as an Elder?
“Thank you, Devin,” Connor said, more sober than Devin had ever seen him. He sat in an easy chair, staring out the window.
Devin didn’t want to imagine what it would be like to lose his son. He suppressed a smile, remembering what Wilhelm went through.
Devin and Tyler had stopped by and offered to accompany them to the funeral. Tonight would be the Gathering for Chris and to make Chad the Elder-Son. Once more he was reminded that Anna had run away and there would be a struggle to maintain his leadership. No one had said it outright, but there was the question of how he could remain Chairman without an Elder-Mistress. He assured the other Elders that he would find Anna. And soon. And oh, how he would punish her!
Twenty minutes later, it was time to leave. His limo waited outside and the group made their way outside. He walked next to Connor, asking him a question about Chad, and suddenly there was a loud bang. A moment later, Connor fell to the ground.
Devin stared in astonished horror at the hole in the center of Connor’s forehead. Screams from his family echoed in the area as he dropped to the ground and pulled Tyler down with him.
“What happened?” Tyler asked in a shaky voice.
Devin couldn’t pull his eyes away from his friend’s clearly dead body. First Chris and now Connor? What the hell was going on?
Chapter Twenty-Six
Anna woke feeling incredibly lonely. She stared at the window for a long time. There was no reason to get out of bed. She couldn’t go to rehearsal, or anywhere for that matter. She would be here until next week.
Should she even let Hugo come over tonight? Would that be disobeying Wilhelm? Should she just avoid Hugo? Maybe she should just avoid everyone. Go back to being on her own, like when she was in San Francisco. She never wanted to feel that searing pain in her head again.
She’d never disobeyed Devin like she’d tried to disobey Wilhelm last night. Now she knew what would happen if she did. The pain didn’t subside until she had decided to stop disobeying. Her mind would punish her if she tried to be blatantly rebellious.
Great. She didn’t need Devin to keep herself in line. Her mind did it for her.
Anna reached for the remote and turned on the TV. She wanted something to distract her. Anything.
She stared at the TV at the special news report about a shooting in the suburbs of Philadelphia. Wilhelm and the other Elders would be there today! Had one of them been shot?
She sat up and stared at the TV until the name was announced: Connor Diaz.
Connor? Connor had been shot? The reporter said that he had been on his way to his son’s funeral when he’d been shot in the head. She didn’t like Connor by any stretch of the imagination, but she wouldn’t wish the loss of a father and son in one family on anyone. His poor wife.
Anna stayed in bed until after lunchtime. She wasn’t hungry, she wasn’t motivated to do much of anything. It was a surprise when there was a knock on the door. She went to answer it, and found Hugo standing there with a tender smile on his face.
“Hey, Kittycat,” he said, leaning towards her to kiss her. “I missed you last night.”
Anna stepped away and shook her head. “I can’t.” She blinked back tears and hated the ache in her heart. She could see the hurt in Hugo’s eyes as he straightened. The tears won the battle, running down her face and she turned away. She walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.
“Katrina? What’s wrong?” Hugo followed her and sat down next to her. “Do you regret what we did?”
“No,” she said, burying her face in her hands. “No, not at all. I.... Wilhelm has forbidden me from being with you again.”
“Forbidden you? What does that mean?” He put his hand on her leg and she scooted away.
Anna sniffed, feeling miserable. “He knows what we did and he told me I couldn’t have sex with you anymore.”
“Who the hell does he think he is?” Hugo exclaimed. “It’s none of his business what we do!”
Anna shook her head. “It is,” she said sadly. “Everything I do is his business. He’s my Master, remember?”
Hugo growled. “You don’t have to tell him. He doesn’t have to know.”
“Hugo, I can’t. I can’t disobey him. I feel...physical pain if I do.”
He looked at her and she wasn’t sure if he believed her or not. “Are you just saying that because you don’t want to be with me?”
Anna’s heart ached even more. “Hugo, if I could run away with you this moment, I would. I would go anywhere with you, to escape my life and spend the rest of it with you.” She swallowed. “But I can’t.”
“Why not?” He cradled her cheek in his hand and stared deeply into his eyes. “Run away with me. We’ll go somewhere where no one will find us.”
Anna let out a sob. “I want to, Hugo. I want to so badly, but I can’t. My...my life is not my own.” That was the ultimate truth. She was not her own person. “I’m a slave. I can’t do what I want. I can only do what my Masters want me to do.”
“Slavery is illegal, Katrina.”
She shook her head. “Not in my world,” she said sadly.
Hugo rubbed the top of his head and leaned back into the couch. “I don’t know whether or not to believe you,” he said softly.
“Why would I lie?” she whispered, hurt. Damn Wilhelm and Kurt! Why did they have to come last night? “If you don’t believe me, ask Aaron,” she said softly.
Hugo didn’t say anything for a few minutes and then shook his head. “Regardless, we should rehearse.” He stood. “Do you need to change?”
Anna looked down at her pajamas and nodded sadly. She understood why he didn’t believe her. He didn’t know anything about the Brotherhood. He was lucky.
Rehearsal was productive, but sad. They only spoke of dancing, both ignoring the hurt in their hearts. When they were finished, Hugo gave her a sad look and left without saying much. Anna went back into her room and cried.
Aaron found her in the same position she’d been in when Hugo left. He lay down behind her and held her. She slowly told him what had happened with Wilhelm and Hugo.
“That is really fucked up, Anna,” Aaron said.
“Story of my life.”
Aaron sighed and kissed the back of her head. “Too bad you can’t go out tonight.”
“If I was allowed to go out tonight, none of this would have happened.”
“True.”
Anna turned over and looked at Aaron. “I hate this. I had gotten to the point where I wasn’t resenting what Alex had done in saving me when I came here. Aside from the Devin power thing, I’m beginning to resent it again.” She sighed. “I wish it was all over now. Just...ya know, move on with my life. No more possibilities, just...life.”
“I’d miss you, though.” He smoothed her hair back from her face. “I like having you here with me.”
“I like being here with you too.” She sighed. “I don’t know how Wilhelm expects me to go without sex until I marry
Kurt.”
“Does he know about Mr. J?”
Anna shrugged. “I certainly didn’t tell him. But, I don’t know if Mr. J. is still interested in me. It will be three weeks tomorrow that I haven’t seen...er, felt him.”
Aaron chuckled. “If he’s found someone better in the sack than you, I want to meet her.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Wednesday, Anna was allowed to go out again. She hadn’t seen Hugo since Friday and he avoided looking at her when she arrived at the studio that morning. She blinked back tears as she went to her place at the barre. Hugo had moved across the room. She felt miserable the entire class.
“Okay, girl,” Stefanie said at lunch, trying to cheer her up. “We need to go out this Saturday. You’ve been cooped up for too long.”
Anna hesitated. “I don’t know if I’m up for going out.” Would Wilhelm disapprove if she did that? She hated the uncertainty, not knowing what she was supposed to do. It would be easier if Wilhelm were here. Then he could tell her exactly what she was to do. Or maybe she should just go live in Tom’s Manor. She’d know what to do there.
“I will drag your ass out if you don’t come voluntarily. Being alone isn’t good, Katrina. You need to get out and have some fun. You look so depressed.”
Anna wished she could tell her friend more about her life, but didn’t know if she was allowed. Tom had given her permission to tell Hugo. Was she allowed to tell her new best friend? How was she supposed to have a friend if she couldn’t tell her anything about her own life?
She hadn’t even told Stef about what happened with Hugo. As wonderful as it had been, making love to him, the knowledge that it wouldn’t happen ever again made the memory painful. She was afraid she’d finally fell in love with Hugo, and now could do nothing about it.
She hadn’t heard from Simon yet. Maybe it was a good thing. Was she up for a “date” with Mr. J.? Maybe Mr. J. really had lost interest. Wilhelm had forbidden her from being with Hugo. He had also said she shouldn’t get attached to anyone else. Had that been a command? It didn’t feel like one. Besides, she wasn’t getting attached; she was just enjoying sex with him. That didn’t involve emotions. Much.
Oh, she hated all the confusion! Resentment towards Wilhelm and Kurt was growing steadily.
“Euroman wasn’t at the club last week,” Stef continued. “I wonder if he found another place to go.”
“He wasn’t?” Anna asked, surprised. “Was he the week before?”
Stef nodded. “Yeah. Boy, were the women showing off for him. I saw a few of them flash their breasts at him.”
Anna denied the stab in her heart. No wonder Simon hadn’t called.
“So, you wanna see if he’s there Saturday?” Stef asked.
Anna shrugged. “Aren’t there other clubs to go to?” She didn’t want to see other women vying for his attention. But she agreed with Stef that she needed to get out.
*****
In the end, Anna and Stef and some other dancers ended up at the same club as always on Saturday night. Stef had invited Hugo, but he said he was busy. Anna wondered if he was busy or just avoiding social situations with her. She didn’t blame him. It was more painful being separated from him this time than it had been the first time.
Simon had called Wednesday evening to make arrangements for Saturday, but Anna told him that she’d already made plans. When he asked about the following week, she told him that she didn’t know. He didn’t seem happy about her answer, but she didn’t know what else to say. She hesitated to do anything.
Anna found herself dressing carefully for the evening out, but she wasn’t exactly sure why. The denim mini skirt and white baby-tee were very sexy. Was she trying to make Mr. J. jealous? Or just trying to make sure she had a good time at the club? She tried not to think about what Kurt or Wilhelm would do if he found out what she was doing. They’d probably be furious. But then again, they hadn’t forbidden her from going out and having fun.
For some reason, she smiled at the idea of making Kurt and Wilhelm mad. She knew she’d been forbidden from being with Hugo. Rebellion bubbled inside her. Fuck Wilhelm. Fuck Kurt. If these were her last few months of freedom, then she was going to enjoy them.
They walked into the club and Anna’s eyes unconsciously went immediately to where the red semi-sheer curtain hung, shielding Mr. J. from prying eyes. Did he even notice her?
What did it matter? She could have any man here if she wanted, and she was determined to have a good time. The music was loud and the dance floor crowded. A large crowd of women had gathered in front of the red curtain.
She joined Stef and the other girls on the floor, but stayed as far away from the curtain as she could. She drank and laughed and flirted, attracting attention from many of the men and feeling almost high on the endorphins.
Aaron found her later as she was resting at their table. While the flirting had been fun for a while, it wasn’t really doing anything for her tonight. She was beginning to wish she’d stayed home.
“Come dance with me,” he shouted over the music, pulling her to the dance floor. He pulled her close and they began to move with the music. “Why aren’t you doing the Mr. J. thing?”
“I think he has other interests besides me,” she answered with a frown. She glanced over to the crowd of women. Two blondes were kissing and groping each other right in front. He was surely enjoying the show.
“He asked you out.”
“After not seeing me for three weeks.”
“You were busy too.”
“He went out when I stayed home for Alex’s birthday and apparently had quite a show.”
“He still asked you out.”
Anna frowned. “No, Simon asks me out. What if he’s pushing Mr. J. into doing it?”
“Kat, seriously. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?”
She was about to retort with a smart comment when she realized he was right. “I was really stupid, saying no tonight, wasn’t I?”
Aaron rolled his eyes. “You said it.”
Anna sighed. “I probably blew it.” She glanced over to the curtain, wishing she could see inside. Mr. J. had been nothing but kind to her and she was taking her anger at Wilhelm and Kurt out on him. “I’m an idiot.” In hopes that he was somehow watching her, she gave him an apologetic look and mouthed “I’m sorry,” and then turned back to Aaron. “I don’t think I’m much in the mood to be here.”
“Kat.” Aaron motioned with his head to the curtained room. “I think he’s been watching you.”
Anna turned and saw Simon standing next to the room in his customary stance. He tilted his head slightly to the back of the club where they’d talked outside several times. She nodded slightly. “I think Simon wants to talk.”
Aaron pushed her away. “Then go. At least you’ll be getting laid tonight.”
She rolled her eyes and walked away.
*****
“My employer was quite disappointed that you turned him down for tonight,” Simon said, walking up to her as silent as usual. Anna glanced up at him and saw a glint of amusement in his eye.
Anna leaned against the railing in front of her, hands clasped tightly on the metal bar. “I’ve had a bad week and...I thought he had lost interest,” she said softly.
“Quite the contrary. He regrets that he was unable to see you last week. He had business to attend to.” The glint of amusement showed in his eyes again as he stared out to the brick building across the alley.
“My friend said that the women were making quite the impression on him the week before.”
Simon chuckled. “Yes, well, his companions enjoyed the show. My employer was not impressed. Let’s just put it that way.”
“He has friends with him?”
“Yes.”
Something about that made her smile. He wasn’t sitting behind the curtain all alone. “Why doesn’t he come out in public? Why all the secrecy?” She turned to Simon. “Do his friends go out?” She tilted her head. “Are t
hey men or women?”
“You are a very curious woman, Miss Katrina.” He looked at her. “Does it matter if he is with other women?”
Anna felt her cheeks warm. “I don’t know. I guess not.”
“You are engaged to another man.”
She turned back to the railing and looked at her hands. “Is he married?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.” An unexpected pang touched her heart. Why did it matter if he were married or not? It wasn’t as if this were going anywhere. “Is she a bitch?”
Simon laughed. “Again, does it matter?”
Anna shrugged. “I was just wondering. I’ve learned that many men don’t like their wives and seek out companionship elsewhere to keep up appearances.”
“I can only say that it is complicated.”
“Will I ever get to see him?”
“I expect so.”
Anna rolled her eyes at his ambiguous answer. “Should I stop asking questions?”
“I find them amusing, but I will not reveal more than I am permitted.”
They didn’t speak for a few minutes. The music from inside seemed to rattle the bricks behind them.
“Are you willing to meet with him tonight?”
“He wants to?”
The amusement appeared in his eyes again. “He was quite pleased when you showed up tonight and hoped you might have changed your mind.” He smiled. “It’s the only reason he came out tonight.”
“Really?”
“There are many women in New York, Miss Katrina, but you are the only one who has his attention.”
Anna thought back to the day after her first encounter with Mr. J. “Did he see me when I was walking to the library the day after we...met?”
“You turned and waved to him,” Simon answered with a smile.
Anna smiled. “I was hoping I wasn’t waving to a statue.” She froze. “Wait, did he see me the week before too?”
“Why do you ask?”
The Life of Anna, Part 5: Emerged Page 22
