by London Casey
“Why do they call him Smack?” I asked.
“Because if you get on his bad side, he’ll smack you around. He doesn’t like bad guys. And someone who put their hands on a woman? That guy up there is better off knocked out right now.”
I nodded.
I was still shaking.
Jonesy started to drive.
Each second took me more and more away from Maddox.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
I told Maddox not to get involved.
But I let him in.
And he let me in.
All because of my fucking camera.
For the first time in my life…I decided I would never take another picture again.
A few hours later, Maddox was in surgery. That’s all I heard. All I needed to hear. The medical and technical terms of what the knife did didn’t matter to me. What mattered was that he was in surgery, and it had been hours since I’d last seen him.
I had to sit with Jonesy and Smack and retell the entire situation one more time.
Mitch was taken to a different hospital, police with him, and he came to shortly after arriving. Of course, he tried to tell a different story than what had really happened, but once Maddox was able to give his side, Mitch was done for. Not to mention what I started to tell Jonesy and Smack about what Mitch had done to me before. Oh, and the kicker? It turns out that Mitch had a couple outstanding warrants from two other states for assaults on women.
He was done for.
“Another round of caffeine?” Jonesy asked as he handed me a cup of coffee.
I sat on a bench across from a pale white wall.
I took the coffee. “Thanks.”
“How about something to eat?”
“Vending machines aren’t appealing right now,” I whispered.
“Here,” he said. He took some protein bar out of his pocket. “I always carry a few with me. Trying to keep myself in some kind of shape.” He sat down next to me. “I want you to eat that, and then I want you to carefully think about what you said to me in the apartment. You were in shock. But you said something about killing a man.”
I stared down.
“To me, that was just panic talking,” Jonesy said.
“No,” I said. “It’s true.” I looked at Jonesy. “Years ago. I had a boyfriend who was doing the same thing that Mitch was to me. I keep letting it happen…”
“Maddox would never hurt you.”
“I know that. But I hurt him. Look what I dragged him into.”
Jonesy grinned. “You didn’t bring him into this. Believe me. I’ve seen him walk away from a lot in life. So, if he came to your place looking for you…he wanted to be there. He wanted to do this. And he’s going to survive this.”
“But can I?”
“That’s up to you.”
I then told Jonesy the story about Lance. How he was punching me. How I got angry. How I grabbed the wheel and made the car lose control. How the car slammed into a tree right after I got out of it. How I ran away, afraid that Lance was dead or that he was going to make it and then find me to kill me.”
When I finished, I ripped open the wrapper of the protein bar and ate it. It tasted like blueberries and stale milk. I didn’t know how people ate that stuff all the time.
A long minute passed before I looked at Jonesy again.
“So what happens now?” I asked.
Jonesy looked at me. “When I was a kid, my mother dated this guy. Ricky. He would bring me a pack of baseball cards. Then he’d go upstairs and…well, he’d beat the hell out of my mother, and then… Well, I’d just sit there and flip through these fucking baseball cards while hearing that upstairs. And no matter what we did, it kept happening. That’s what made me want to be a cop. To stop shit like that from happening. Because finally, my mother had enough. So, Ricky came over one night. Gave me baseball cards. He got to the top of the stairs. She was ready. She hit him with a bat and knocked him down the stairs. Broke his neck.” Jonesy looked at me. “She was arrested. Put on trial. She was found fucking guilty. My mother. Guilty. When she was the one wearing the scars.”
“Jesus, I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Ricky walked away and left the state. My mother did almost two years in jail and was never the same.”
Jonesy then stood up. He rubbed his jaw. He looked back at me.
“I’m glad you pulled that wheel,” he said. “If the police report shows he was drunk and hit a tree, then that’s how it stands. I won’t watch someone go through what my mother did. You and her are strong fucking people for going through that. Now, never talk about it again. You wouldn’t go to jail anyway, Hazel. A good lawyer would defend you, and it would all get washed away and be waste of time and money. Focus on the present right now—focus on Maddox.”
“I just want to see him.”
Jonesy nodded. “Let me go check and see how things are going.”
Jonesy walked away, and I watched him.
The town of Hundred Falls Valley was home. St. Skin was home. I felt home. I felt safe. But I also felt alone. I was completely open and exposed, but without the one person who could make me feel okay about it all.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Jonesy grab a doctor. The doctor stopped and faced Jonesy. I could sort of read his lips and saw him say the name Maddox.
I stood up.
Before I could take a step, I saw the doctor begin to shake his head.
50
MADDOX
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN HERE AND THERE
I climbed to the top of the ridge and took a deep breath. The left side of my stomach hurt still. I looked down and there was blood on my white shirt. When I lifted the shirt, there wasn’t anything there, though. No blood. No mark. Nothing. But there was blood on my shirt.
I rubbed my forehead, I had a bit of a headache.
But the ridge felt good.
I took a deep breath.
I looked up to the clear sky.
Blue sky. White clouds. Almost like a picture. You know? Like something you’d find on a greeting card in some convenience store off a highway when you were filling up the tank with some gas and grabbing a snack and a soda.
“Come sit next to me.”
I jumped when I heard the voice.
I knew that voice.
I looked to my right and froze.
It was her.
It was…
“Ava?” I whispered.
She reached over with her left hand and patted the spot next to her.
Her back was to me.
She was sitting right on the edge of the ridge. Her feet dangled off the dangerous edge.
She could fall and get…
Wait. What’s happening here? Ava can’t be here. This is can’t be…
“Come on, Maddox,” she said. “We don’t have much time.”
I approached her. A wind kicked up, blowing her hair back. My nose twitched when the familiar smell of her shampoo hit me. Some kind of weird berry stuff, something that I’d never really smelled again. The scent that I would forever pin to her. It was so real.
I looked over the edge of the ridge and saw the massive drop.
Holy shit.
It was as scary as ever. Funny because now it seemed like it was miles down instead of a couple hundred feet. You’d think when we were younger it would look worse than it actually was but it was the opposite.
Ava moved her hand away and I slowly sat down.
I put my feet over the edge.
My heart was racing. My stomach was knotted up.
The damn ridge still scared me.
I turned my head and looked at her.
I caught a quick glimpse of her pretty face before the wind reversed itself and pushed her hair forward, blocking her face.
“Ava…how can this be…”
“That night wasn’t your fault, Maddox,” she said. “I’ve thought about it for a really long time. And it wasn’t your fault. I never wanted it to be you
r fault.”
I swallowed hard, the emotion swelling in my throat.
“Ava…”
Her left hand reached for mine.
Her hand was icy cold. And it felt wrinkled. Like it had been in water for a long time.
I shivered.
“Please don’t hold my guilt anymore, Maddox. You don’t have to. You don’t need to. You saved her. You saved her from what I became. I love you for that.”
“How do you know about Hazel?” I asked. “Are you watching…I mean, is any of that real?”
Ava turned her head. She reached across her body with her right hand and moved the hair out of her face. And there she was. She was really there.
Her pretty face. Those perfect features, like she had been specially designed. Her tiny button nose that was so cute. Her thin lips that were always the perfect color, never in need of lipstick to look better than they were. Her left ear pierced twice with little fake diamonds and her right ear pierced three times. She smiled, her teeth white and perfect. So straight after those few awkward years of wearing braces. Her soft and round chin with just the slightest hint of a dimple.
Ava.
My Ava.
She was really there.
“Maddox, anything is real, if you believe it. And I need you to believe that the past is done. You can’t go back. I can’t go back. And it doesn’t matter if we could go back and change anything either.”
“I know that. I just wish I-”
“You’re doing it again,” Ava said. “We had good times together, Maddox. And I don’t want you to think about what I did. I never meant for things to spiral the way they did. It had nothing to do with you. You gave me time, Maddox. Precious and beautiful time. When you get to this side of things, time is worthless. Time is an illusion. Time is torture. You’d give anything to look at a clock, see it move, and feel something happening. You gave that to me. And I could only see that after I was gone. Don’t make my mistake.”
“Ah, shit, Ava, nothing about you was ever a mistake,” I said. “I want you to know that.”
“Stand up with me, Maddox.”
I slid back, my legs still jittery from the cliff.
Then I stood up.
On the ridge.
With Ava.
It was hard to believe it was real. It was impossible. She was gone. I wasn’t gone.
The knife.
I looked down.
The blood on my shirt.
Fuck.
I was dead. That’s what it was. I was dead.
I looked at Ava again.
She smiled. She touched my lips and shook her head.
“Look out there,” she whispered. “To the edge. Do it for me.”
I turned my head. I swallowed hard.
I didn’t want to be dead. I couldn’t be dead. I had so much to do with Hazel.
Hazel…
“… with the green eyes,” Ava whispered.
Then she giggled.
I tried to look back but barely caught sight of Ava.
I felt her hand slam against my back.
I stepped forward.
I went over the edge of the cliff…just like she did years ago.
51
MADDOX
PRESENT DAY
I jumped and let out a yell.
My eyes shot open.
There was no air rushing past my face.
No long fall.
No water.
No rocks.
Nothing.
I was in a hospital room.
I looked around.
My heart was racing like I’d never felt it before.
I moved my left hand and found the button for the nurse. I pressed it like my life depended on it. It took all of ten seconds (I counted) for the door to bust open, and in came a crew of nurses. Followed by them were two doctors. Behind them…
“Hazel,” I said. “You’re here.”
My bed was soon swarmed with medical personnel as they checked the machines hooked up to me along with the tubes connected to my arms and the one up my nose. I blinked fast, my vision fuzzy. One of the doctors called everyone off except for him and Hazel.
I lifted my left hand and felt a pain shoot through my body.
Hazel grabbed my hand. It hurt worse. But I ignored the pain. I’d go through any pain to touch her.
“Maddox…oh, Maddox.”
“What happened?” I asked. “Where is…”
I saw Ava in my mind. It had been a dream. A really crazy dream.
“You’re okay,” the doctor said. “You had to go in for emergency surgery. You were lucky. If that knife had been any longer…”
“I’m okay though?” I asked.
“You’re here,” the doctor said. “We still need to monitor you. We have a long way to go here.”
“A long way to go,” I said as I looked at Hazel.
She put a hand to her mouth. “Maddox…what did I do to you?”
“If you need anything, call for help,” the doctor said. “If you experience any pain, discomfort, blurry vision, confusion. Anything.”
“Thanks, Doc,” I said. “I’m good. I’m here.”
“Try to rest,” the doctor said.
He grinned and left the room.
Now I had Hazel alone.
Before the door could close all the way, she burst into tears.
“I did this…”
“No,” I said. My stomach hurt. Bad. “Hazel. No.”
“Maddox…”
“He was going to hurt you. Just tell me they got him.”
She nodded. “He had other warrants. He’s going to be gone for a long time.”
I let out a breath.
The whole thing played through my head again. Stepping into that apartment, dropping the roses when I saw Hazel on the floor. That asshole trying to hurt her. My emotions won that battle. I wanted to fight the guy. I wanted to make him feel the way he left the women he hurt. Yet I didn’t expect him to be smart enough to protect himself. But of course he would. He was a survivor.
“I’ll never forgive myself,” Hazel said.
“Hey, no way,” I said. “Hazel, we’re in this together. It’s you and me.”
“That was my personal history…”
“Ours now,” I said. “I’d do it again. You can’t feel that pain ever again, and you won’t. I’m fine. I’ll be walking around by tomorrow. Mark my words.”
“Maddox…why…me? Why me?”
“Because you’re Hazel with the green eyes,” I said. “And I fell in love with you the second you took that picture of me. I pushed your buttons to see that look of passion spread across your face. You challenged me when nobody else dared to do. More than that, sugar, you showed me that I could love someone. And I love you. You think I’m going to worry about a little knife in my gut?”
“Maddox,” Hazel cried. She quickly grabbed the nearest chair and pulled it next to the bed. She sat down and kept crying. “All I saw…just everything, Maddox. Him being there, waiting. My guard was so down.”
“I know,” I said. “I know.”
“I fought back though, Maddox. I refused to let him win again. I fought…”
I forced myself to roll just a little to my left side. The pain that ripped through me was almost blinding, but I pushed through it. I reached with my right hand and touched her face.
“You did amazing,” I whispered. “You saved my life, Hazel. You fought that strength, and you knocked that asshole out. And when he woke up, he got arrested, right? Gone forever now. I promise you that.”
“I told Jonesy about what I did,” she then said, switching subjects.
“What you did?”
“To Lance.”
My eyes went wide. “What? You did? What he did say?”
“That the police record shows what happened, and that’s that.”
I felt relief ripple through me. I nodded, trying to be casual.
“Does that help you, sugar?”
“
A little.”
“Good. I did something, too. Before this mess went down. I had an idea…”
There was a knock at the door.
I nodded.
Hazel yelled come in.
The door opened, and in came some of the guys.
“I thought there would be more blood,” Prick said as he stood at the end of the bed. “Looks more like an appendix surgery to me.”
“Really?” Max asked him. “That’s where you want to go? He got stabbed, man.”
“Stabbed through the heart?” Prick asked. “With Hazel’s knife of love?”
“What is wrong with you?” Tate asked Prick. Tate put a hand to my shoulder. “You good here?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Nothing I can’t handle.”
“Good, brother.”
“When do you get out of here?” Max asked.
“Hopefully within the hour,” I said.
“Stop,” Hazel said.
“Well, I’ll be the first to say it,” Prick said. “If anything happens to you from the waist down, you know, between your legs, and you can’t take care of Hazel…I’ll be the one…”
I looked at Hazel. “Well?”
Hazel smirked. “I think I’d do better on my own.”
Tate and Max laughed.
Hazel then looked at Tate. “I owe you some hours, Tate. If there’s anything I missed…”
“You belong here,” Tate said. “Right here. Taking care of this crazy son of a bitch.”
“We found a straggler,” another voice said.
Axel came barreling into the hospital room looking like some outlaw biker. Next to him was a woman. I didn’t recognize her.
But Hazel did.
She quickly stood up. “Donna?”
“Hazel.”
Hazel looked back at me. “That was what I did, sugar. I tracked her down and called her.”
“You did…”
“You can’t let time fuck you, Hazel. You can’t waste it. You never know when your number gets called. We’ve all been through shit. We’ve all been through hell. But there’s no reason we shouldn’t keep trying, right?”
Hazel’s bottom lip quivered. “I love you, Maddox.”
