by C. L. Stone
“Mr. Blackbourne is telling us to redirect any questions from teachers to him.”
“It sounds like that’s implied to me, too?”
Kota’s eyes looked toward the others across the driveway and he tilted his head toward me. “I’m sorry, Sang. I didn’t want to involve you at all but it looks like you still ended up being in the middle. They shouldn’t be asking you but I guess they’re associating you with us.”
I brought a finger to push at my lower lip. Flashes of Victor’s elegant face bruised and Nathan unable to pull himself out of bed crept through my mind. “Is this why you don’t tell me anything about what happens? So I can honestly tell people I don’t know?”
Kota’s cheeks flushed and he nodded. “Yeah, that’s pretty much it.”
How strange was it that before I had met Kota, I wanted nothing more than to blend in with the other students, but here I was with the strangest set in the whole school.
Nathan never made it to the bus. At the school, Kota and I were the first of our group to arrive. We picked up our books at the school bookstore and waited for the others at the bench in the courtyard. Kota perused the textbooks, his and mine, inspecting the material. I was standing near the bench and leafing through a book when hands popped over my eyes and I felt a warm breath by my ear.
“I have something for you,” Gabriel sung in my ear.
“Don’t scare her, Gabe,” I heard Victor say. There was an underlying command in Victor’s voice. A warning?
Gabriel’s hands fell away from my face. “What the fuck? I wasn’t scaring her.” He pulled out a sheet of paper and put it in my hands. “I fixed my stupid poem.”
I blinked at him, blushing. Fixed it?
It was about the same princess in the tower, the prince throwing apples to her. A witch tried to make a bargain with him. She would give him the sweetest apple that would win over his love’s heart if he traded his voice for it. He agreed, won over the princess, and together they tricked the witch to get his voice back.
I laughed when I got to the ending. “You changed it? What happened to winning the girls over with the sad part?”
“What? I don’t want to make girls cry. Girls look all crazy when they cry.”
“I like it,” I said. “It still sounds like song lyrics.”
“Right,” he said. “It might make a good song.” His lips pressed together and he hummed a few bars.
I glanced up at Victor, who only looked bemused. The bandage was blatant, but his bruise looked almost gone. I leaned closer to him, my eyes squinting.
Victor took a step back. “What?”
“What happened to your bruises?”
“Oh,” he smirked. “Nothing.”
They couldn’t have healed already. I was sure by today they would look worse. My own bruises always looked worse the following day.
I floated a finger toward his cheek to trace where one of his bruises had been.
“Hey, hey,” Gabriel said, poking at my hip. “Hands off. You’ll smudge my work.”
“Make up?” I asked.
Victor grinned at me. “Don’t laugh, okay?”
“Yeah,” Gabriel said. “I couldn’t just let him walk around looking like a moving target all day.”
I sighed. At least they were thoughtful. I handed the poem back to Gabriel. “You hang on to it.” I dropped my bookbag off my shoulders. “I’m going to the restroom. Would you watch my bag, please?”
Gabriel picked it up, pulling it closer to his own.
Victor dropped his bag, too, and started following me.
“Victor...” I said, gazing back at him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to walk me over there.”
He paused, frowning and glimpsed over his shoulder at Kota.
“Do you guys have to follow me to bathroom?” I asked. That really seemed awkward.
“I suppose not,” Victor said. He moped but he stuck his hands into his pockets and went to stand next to Kota.
I felt their eyes on me as I walked away.
I walked over to the main hallway and stopped short just inside the doors, hesitating. I wasn’t really sure where the restrooms were. Walking alone down the hallway that was already getting crowded wasn’t making me feel as confident as I had been when I was with the guys. It amazed me at how comfortable I had gotten at relying on the boys for something as simple as directions and their company. Last year at my old school, I was alone and had to rely on myself so much. It felt like a million years ago.
I found some bathrooms down a hallway. When I was finished, I checked my blouse and skirt in the mirror. I smoothed them out, taking my time. I wanted to prove to them it was okay for me to do something alone. In a way I guess I wanted them to worry less about me. They had so many problems as it was now.
Back out in the hallway, it was more crowded than before. Kids were sitting on the floor, their legs stretched out. I had to step over calves and shoes to get by as they refused to pull back and out of the way for people walking through.
A cat call sounded and echoed. I remembered the boys from the day before and this time I focused on the path ahead of me. They were just goofing off. I wanted to avoid eye contact to not draw attention to myself.
“Sing!”
I reacted because I recognized the voice. I cringed when I recognized it as Greg, sorry that I had responded at all.
An arm plopped around my shoulders. Greg’s big lipped grin rocked close to my face. The smell of smoke was heavy as if he had just put out his cigarette. “Hey,” he said. “Where are you going?”
My heart thundered. I had to get rid of him and get back to the courtyard before the guys came looking for me. I remembered the last time Greg and his friends ran into Kota, Victor and Silas while we were at the mall. The last thing I wanted was to lead him straight back to Kota and start another fight.
“I’m going to the cafeteria,” I said. “I’ll see you later.”
He held on to me by my neck, tugging at me. “Don’t go so soon. You’re always so busy when I see you in the hallway.” He towed me around until I was facing a group of guys. They were all dressed like him, baggy jeans, and oversized shirts. “Guys, this is Song.”
“Sang,” I said.
“Sang,” he repeated.
The others bobbed their heads at me. One of them mumbled something but his words were so mashed together I couldn’t understand him. The others around him laughed. I couldn’t help but blush and they laughed some more.
“I need to go,” I said again.
“What? Is your boyfriend waiting on you?” Greg said, swiveling his head around to look. “That reminds me, I still owe him something.”
“I don’t...” I wanted to say I didn’t have a boyfriend, but I wasn’t sure exactly what to say. Saying no might encourage more attention and saying yes might make for additional trouble for Kota and the guys.
“Sang!” Luke’s voice echoed through the hallway, drawing the attention of not only the group of boys around me, but everyone else in the hall. Luke and North stood together at the start of the hall. North shoved his fists into his thighs. Luke dropped a hand on his arm, like he was North back. Luke waved at me.
“I have to go,” I told Greg again. I could see this getting ugly.
“What are you, his bitch?” He squared off his shoulders, sizing them up. “Why is he calling at you like that?”
I wanted to point out how he called for me in a similar way but I didn’t want to get into that. I wrenched myself from under his arm and started backing off. “Don’t worry about it.” It was probably a stupid thing to say but at that point I just wanted to get out of there.
“Where you goin’ girl?” he called after me as I hurried down the hall. “Greg’s shortie doesn’t just walk off without a kiss.”
I shivered and didn’t look back. Laughing echoed behind me.
“You okay, Sang?” Luke said. He had a few blond locks framing his face, but the rest of his hair was in the clip he had borrowed from m
e yesterday. He reached out when I got close, putting an arm around my shoulder. “What’s going on?”
“Apparently I can’t go to the bathroom alone,” I said, my heart thumping. I sought out North’s eyes. He zeroed in on Greg and his friends, his hands pressed against his legs. I brushed my fingertips across his hand, tugging him in the opposite direction. “North...”
His grumbled and dissected me with intense, dark eyes. “What did he say to you?”
“He was teasing me. I don’t want a fight. Please? He’s not following.”
He glanced back at the kids. He turned around, dropping a hand on the back of my head, his fingers massaging at my scalp. “I hate this school.”
To my relief, North and Luke didn’t say anything about Greg when we got back to the courtyard and as we waited for the first bell to ring. Homeroom was quiet. Greg said nothing, completely ignoring us. Still, as we waited there for our first class, I got the feeling things were bubbling under the surface. I noticed how the other students looked at us. Were we really that different? Some part of me wished we blended in more than we did. Whispers with our names hovered around us like mosquitos.
Hiding in the shadows seemed so much easier. With the boys, I stood out so much more and drew so much attention.
I was no longer invisible.
W HATEVER Y OU N EED
Ms. Johnson’s pleasant, smiling eyes sought out our attention during first period English class. “Hand in your poems.”
I bent over my desk, pulling my notebook from my book bag. I tore out the pages that had my poem. Kota caught that I had more than one page. He reached into his bag and fished out a mini stapler. I smiled to him as he held the edge for me and stapled my pages together.
“You’re always so thoughtful,” I told him.
His cheeks tinted.
Gabriel leaned over the isle and snatched the paper from my hands. “You didn’t show us yours,” he said.
My eyes widened and my face heated up. I grasped for the pages to take them back. Gabriel leaned far over the opposite side of his desk, and out of my reach. His eyes scanned the page, reading quickly.
“We have to turn it in,” I said. “It’s nothing. Just a stupid poem.”
My poem was about hidden hearts being everywhere in the world, and a little girl who was the only one who could see them. Her parents thought she was crazy, and they locked her up in an asylum. She was released only when she promised never to talk about hidden hearts again. It was sad, and I didn’t think it was really finished, but I didn’t have an ending.
“What’s it say, Gabriel?” Luke asked behind me.
“It says Luke’s a nerd.” He stuck his tongue out at him.
“Gabe,” Kota said. “You can read it later. Turn it in.”
Gabriel made a grunting noise and pouted but handed it to Kota, who collected ours and passed them along.
I put my elbow on my desk, leaning my face in my hand, grateful for Kota.
I walked into Mr. Blackbourne’s music class without a violin. I know he said not to but if I wasn’t going to get a violin for the class, I wanted to tell him myself why I had to quit. It felt wrong to go behind his back and cancel the class after he went through all the trouble of making the arrangements in the first place.
I hadn’t said a word to the others about this. Somewhere in my mind I assumed I would simply get put into one of the study hall classes. It couldn’t be helped. They would figure it out after I changed my schedule.
As I entered music room B, the space seemed to become infinitely smaller. Mr. Blackbourne waited for me next to the piano, his arms crossed over his chest. His steel eyes studied me as I entered, scrutinizing me so much that my hand instinctively touched the collar of my blouse to ensure all the buttons were closed.
All morning, I had envisioned the things I would say about how sorry I was to have wasted his time. I wanted to encourage him to pick someone else. I thought there had to be other students here who would relish such an opportunity like I did.
As he stood there looking back at me across the room, I felt my heart tripping in my chest and the words I had worked on escaped my mind. The coolness of his gaze settling on me was enough to solidify my muscles and make my mind melt into nothing.
“Miss Sorenson.” His voice was so smooth and confident, commanding without asking anything of me.
I opened my mouth and felt the words escape me but the voice sounded different than my own. Soft. Weak. “Mr. Blackbourne.”
He stepped away from the piano. His arms dropped from his chest and he closed the distance between us. I didn’t move a muscle. Would he yell?
“Are you not coming in?” he asked.
“I...” I felt my face heating up and my shoulders started to shake. “I’m sorry. I just came to tell you...” My tongue darted across the roof of my mouth, finding it parched. With my eyes on the floor, released from penetrating stare, I tried again. “I can’t take your class.”
A gentle finger traced my chin, lifting my face until I could see the spark of almost silver in his eyes, shimmering in the light through his glasses. “Didn’t you tell me a week ago this was what you wanted?” While his voice had the same demand, his tone had softened considerably.
“Yes,” I said, pressing a hand to my chest to quell the shaking I felt as his gaze sought out answers I wasn’t able to offer.
“Are you suggesting that you don’t want to now?” His eyes demanded my answer, unrelenting.
“My mother won’t allow me to play. I won’t be able to get a violin.” My tongue felt rough against the dryness of my mouth. “I know you said not to come to your class without one but I didn’t want to leave without thanking you first for at least giving me a chance.”
His lips were pursed for a moment as he looked over my face. He released me. “Tell me what your mother said to you.”
My face radiated. Why couldn’t he just tell me to go? Why wasn’t he yelling at me for wasting his time? “She... she wanted me to drop the lessons. She said I had no business in a music class.”
His eyebrow raised a fraction. “Isn’t your elder sister in the school band?”
I nodded.
“Hmm.” His hand went to his chin. He turned around and headed toward the piano.
I thought that would be it. I turned around, ready to leave the room.
“Where are you going?” his stern voice was back.
I remained facing away from him, fixing my eyes on the shiny metal handle of the music room door. I was positive it would be the last time I ever saw it. “I was going to the main office to...”
“Class isn’t over yet.” He paused. “The boys offered to buy you one, didn’t they?”
I spun to face him. “How did you know?”
“But you refused?”
My finger found my lower lip. “They wanted to buy one for me. I told them not to. I couldn’t ask them to do something for me when I couldn’t be sure I could ever pay them back. They’ve done so much for me already.” How did he find out about my contact with the boys? Didn’t Kota say something about not letting Mr. Blackbourne know we knew each other? It was hinted at before. Did I make a mistake? Was it okay now?
He turned away from me. From behind the piano, he picked up a black case. I thought it was the same one from yesterday, but this one had a cloth material on the outside instead of a hard case. There was a strap along one edge for carrying it on your shoulder. “Should I give this back to them?”
My head tilted forward, an eyebrow going up. I recognized what he held in his hands for what it was, but my brain didn’t want to make the connection as to why and how.
He brought the case to me, undoing the zipper as he walked. He balanced the case on one palm. He opened the lid.
Underneath was a violin. The wood was a rich brown, gleamingly polished. The fingerboard and chinrest were black. Delicate black pin striping outlined the edge of the smooth curves.
“Where did you...” I breathed out.
I flushed. I blinked to get rid of the tears. “I can’t, Mr. Blackbourne. They shouldn’t have done it.”
“You don’t want it?” he asked in a quiet voice.
How could they? After I had told him not to, he went ahead and got one anyway and behind my back got Mr. Blackbourne involved. The others had to have known about it. How could they not understand that I didn’t want the burden of feeling like I owed them for this? I didn’t want them to ever think I was friends with them for the things they bought for me. Guilt for their charity etched into me, prickling my skin.
Even as I thought these things, my fingers shook as my hand hovered above the wood of the violin in front of me. I was too afraid to touch it. I did want it. It warmed my heart that Victor went out of his way, after the day he had yesterday, and bought one for me.
“Miss Sorenson,” he said. “I’ve known Kota and the others since they were ten years old. While it is true that they normally attend the Academy and they are nice people in general, they don’t normally allow outsiders into their circle. Quite frankly, I’m not exactly sure how you managed to get involved with them so quickly. From what little Kota has shared about you to me, and with great reluctance on his part, you’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks.”
I blushed. “I just bumped into him one day.”
“And yet here they are buying you a violin.”
“I told them not to.”
“And they did it anyway.”
“Yes.”
“Do you understand what that means?”
I shook my head, unable to find my voice to reply.
“I’ll show you.” He closed the lid and tucked the violin case under one arm. He held his other arm out. “Come with me.”
With trembling fingers, I touched the crook of his arm. He guided me over to the piano where he motioned for me to take a seat. I sat at the bench, crossing my legs at the ankles. He opened the new violin case again, freeing the instrument from the restraints. He held the violin to his neck, applying the bow.
