by Beth Shriver
Liz stood in the doorway studying him. He poked the fire, moving the logs and adding more kindling, then moved to sit on the hearth, watching the flames. Alex averted his eyes as she walked in. He stood and took a log from the basket and placed it on top of the others.
She frowned as the embers of irritation began to stir. Things were boiling below the surface, and she was tired of the tension. He was obviously upset but hadn’t said a word as to why.
She moved closer. “The fire is nice and big.”
“It needs another log.” He leaned forward and opened the iron curtains to the fireplace.
Liz grabbed the other end of the log. “I don’t think it does.”
“I want a bigger fire.” He pulled back.
“You’ll smother it.” Liz pulled, but he held strong.
She fell forward, placing her face in front of his. “What’s wrong with you?” she barked.
He held fast to his end of the log. She held even harder on her end.
“Where were you last night? I was worried about you.” His brow furrowed, and his lips were tight.
Great, he was worried, and she was out with another guy. “I went out to eat.”
He slowly turned his head, his eyes steady and hard. “Alone?”
She shook her head and lowered her eyes. Thinking back to his loss of Sharon to another guy, Liz suddenly comprehended how big this could be for him, even though it was totally innocent. “I was over at Margie’s. There was a guy there she wanted me to meet.”
He nodded without looking at her.
“I’m sorry.” Liz let go of the log.
Alex held it in his hand for a second, looked at her and put it back in the basket.
She frowned at him and watched the log shifting into place with the others. “I thought you wanted it on the fire.”
He snorted and smiled sarcastically. “This isn’t about the log. And it isn’t about your date last night. It’s about your inability to commit to a relationship. Our relationship.” Alex pursed his lips and stared back at the fire. “I need to go.”
Her mind pinged at the truth in his words. “Just like that, you’re going to leave?”
He looked down into her eyes, piercing her with his. He let out a deep breath. “I don’t know if I have the right to be upset, but I am. And I’ve got a nasty temper, so I should go.”
He walked over and picked up his jacket. She took a step closer to him and placed her hand on his chest. His muscles tightened beneath her palm.
“Alex, I went out of obligation. I didn’t want to. You know how Margie is. I tried to get out of it but...”
He took a step back. “I asked you the other night about us, and you answered with a kiss. Maybe I should have taken your silence as a no.” He raked his hand through his hair as a muscle twitched in his jaw.
“I know this might bring up old wounds for you, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry, Alex.” She shook her head in disgust.
His brows drew together in question.
“I did it again. I’m always saying I’m sorry. Last night I said I’m sorry about a dozen times.” She leaned over to look at him and kept rambling.
“And I’m not exaggerating. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so uncomfortable. Have you ever been around someone that doesn’t get your jokes, or you don’t wear the right clothes, or make enough money?”
“Liz.”
She stopped. “Yes?”
He sat down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. He took a deep breath and exhaled. She sat next to him, folding her hands on her lap and waited.
“I’ve wanted to be with you from the first time we met.” He took another deep breath, sat up, and continued. “And I’ve never tried so hard to do everything right in a relationship before. I was always worried I would screw things up. I told myself I wouldn’t make any of the mistakes I’d made in the past. I’d be thoughtful and considerate and put the relationship first. Those were all the things my past girlfriends had complained about, anyway. But this time I wanted it to be different.”
He hadn’t looked at her during his confession until now. The depth of his blue eyes was stunning, and the sparkle that she had only seen in times of danger was blazing.
“I know you’re still healing from that guy you went out with. But how long will it take before you’re ready to try again? And you had questions about me, but haven’t I proven myself to you?”
Blood pumped through her veins as heat rose to her cheeks. He’d had so many emotions about her and never let on. Little did he know she had always felt the same about him, but because she never told him, it had come to this.
She felt a mix of elation hearing how he felt about her, and anger thinking of the wasted time not letting on to how they really felt about each other. She understood it was God’s timing, not hers. Still feeling as if she didn’t have the words needed to explain herself, she sought out a sense of peace. She knew at that very minute she could trust in Him if she would just have the faith.
Alex stood and walked to the door.
Her throat swelled, and her eyes teared up. She swallowed them and looked up at him.
He turned, capturing her with his eyes, his stance firm. “ I didn’t screw things up.”
Without another word he walked out the door.
Her mind screamed at her to get up and run after him. To chase him down and make him stop, to listen.
But her body wouldn’t move.
So she sat quietly, straining to hear anything she could of him.
She heard the crunch of his boots on the frozen snow, the slam of his door, the engine of his truck, until it faded and then...only silence.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The thought of calling in sick to work was tempting. Liz hadn’t gotten more than a couple of hours’ sleep and couldn’t think about anything other than the words Alex said to her. She lay in the warm sheets, buried under the goose-down comforter. She knew she couldn’t stay home, but liked to entertain the thought. At the very least it kept her in bed another five minutes. She had her interviews and also wanted to check in on Scotty.
She moved like a snail but didn’t expect anything more of herself. Liz did her morning ritual and hugged her kitty on the way out.
“It might be just you and me, Monte.”
He pulled away from her and ran over to his food. She seemed to have that effect on the males in her life lately.
At the office, Liz sat at the edge of her chair, holding up her face in the palm her hand, and in a full hair-twirl. She had to talk to Margie. She started down the hall, noticing a flashing and buzzing florescent light. It made her eye start to twitch as she passed underneath.
Liz rubbed her eyes as she entered Margie’s office and sat down on the same blue cushioned chair that she had sat in a hundred times. But today it was even more uncomfortable than usual. Margie looked at her and fought off a smile.
Liz touched her twitching eye. It stopped and then the pulsation began again.
Margie snickered. “You look terrible. Did you have a bad night?”
“Yes, I tossed and turned.” Liz shut her eyes for a moment. “Margie, I’m sorry about Ken, but it just wasn’t a good fit.”
Margie nodded. “I know. I’m disappointed, but I understand. I’m just glad you showed up. I know you didn’t want to come over, and I was on pins and needles until I saw you walk through the door.”
“No, I didn’t want to come, and I really think I may have blown it with Alex.”
She didn’t want to make Margie feel responsible, but she didn’t want to ever be put in that position again. Liz also knew it was because of unresolved issues Alex had from his past that their words were so heated.
Margie sighed. “Does it have anything to do with being at my house with Ken?”
“Sort of. It’s complicated. I only got a couple hours of sleep last night thinking about everything.”
“Oh, Liz, I’m so sorry.” Margie tilted her head and fu
rrowed her brow, scrutinizing Liz from head to toe. “You really want things to work out with Alex, don’t you?”
Liz nodded and gave her a sheepish grin.
Margie leaned forward and looked at the pencil she held in her hand, twirling it as she spoke. “I know how you feel. I almost lost Brian once.”
“Really, what happened?”
“I couldn’t make myself believe that I could make that kind of commitment. Afraid I’d get hurt or hurt him.” Margie looked up from her pencil and gave Liz a comforting smile. “But you can.”
“I know that now. But it may be too late.”
Liz sat back in her chair, and they caught up on work stuff and life in general. Margie coached her a little for her interview until it was time for her to go. She called Brenda for moral support, and left Alex a message to call, even though she didn’t expect to hear from him.
She checked her suit jacket and pants for wrinkles, applied more makeup to cover up the dark bags under her eyes, then drove to the first interview. It went well considering her condition. She drove back to the office and went upstairs for the second interview.
She was sitting in the lobby waiting when her phone rang. She answered, expecting it to be Brenda. “You were right.”
There was a pause. “I usually am.”
Her heart quivered as she took in a breath. “Alex?”
“How did your first interview go?”
“Good, I think, considering I’m doing it in my sleep.”
He ignored the comment. “I wanted to tell you good luck.”
“Thanks. Can I ask for a prayer too?”
“Yeah, sure,” he responded and then went silent.
“Will I talk to you later?” she asked hopefully.
“Let me know what you find out after your interviews.”
They disconnected. Liz couldn’t tell where he was emotionally over the phone and wished she could see him. She wondered what she could say to fix their relationship. Not that it was there to have anymore. He seemed so distant.
She called home to touch base with her parents.
“How’s Alex?” Her mother didn’t waste any time.
“Things are sort of up in the air at the moment.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Liz heard the disappointment in her voice. “Is there something more that’s bothering you?”
Liz never went into great detail with her mother to save her the anxiety, but this time she wanted her mother’s advice and let it all out. She went through the entire list of angry perpetrators, blind dates and interviews. Liz felt completely sorry for herself after regurgitating her pathetic life to her mother, yet waited for more sympathy.
Dotty quietly listened through the whole saga. “You know, honey, you’ve had tribulation in your life.”
“That makes me feel worse, Mother.”
“Not because of you, because of others. You have a big heart, even as a child. And you’ve always needed to be in a place where you could help others. So you have to be with someone who understands that.”
“That definitely strikes a cord.”
In a big way, it helped explain her going back for more even after she was put in harm’s way with her job. It also made her realize why Alex had become so important to her.
Dotty’s voice lowered an octave. “Does Alex understand that about you?”
Liz didn’t even need to think about what the answer was to her question. “Yes, he does.”
“Then talk to him and work things out. You don’t have time to wait for another one like him,” her mother said in a telling voice.
Liz stifled a rebuttal to that comment, knowing her mother meant well even if she had a tactless way of saying it. “I’ll take the good with the bad in that statement.”
“You know what I mean. I haven’t heard you so happy in ages, or so sad. So, do what you need to. The Bible says don’t let the sun go down holding anger with another.”
Hearing her mother’s voice of reason helped her put the pieces together. She had to listen to what was in her heart and follow through with it, no matter what the cost.
Liz couldn’t forget the amazing words Alex shared with her the last time she was with him. She played them over and over in her mind. Talk about being honest. He lived out his own advice. They had both been guarded for so long, making it hard to share their feelings. Once Alex finally did, she lost his trust not much sooner than she’d gained it. And now she agonizingly missed him.
She called him the day after her interviews and left a message, but another day had gone by with no return call. He was hurt, and she didn’t know how to mend it.
The red light on the answering machine blinked, giving some hope that Alex had called. Sure enough, he hadn’t. Instead, the message was from Brenda. She had just turned away from the phone when it rang.
She muttered a hello but only heard a sob on the other end. Only your best friend could possibly know you by your sniffs and sobs. “Brenda? What’s wrong?”
“Can you come over?”
“Yeah, do you need anything?”
“Another Alex.”
“I’m on my way.” That gave Liz a clue as to what she needed to pick up at the store.
Brenda had been involved with what seemed like a good relationship, but Liz had seen signs that this guy might have some of the controlling tendencies that Nick had. Brenda thought she was being overly sensitive, and Liz gave her the benefit of the doubt. But maybe Liz had been right after all.
She drove to the grocery store and grabbed two pints of Haagen Dazs ice cream. When she got to her car, she noticed a piece of paper stuck inside the windshield wiper. Thinking it was just one of those annoying flyers, she grabbed it but noticed it was folded with no writing on the outside. She opened it and took in a breath, unable to release it as she read the note’s contents .
I have a name. Now I can find the place.
Liz opened the car door, threw the bags onto the passenger’s seat, quickly got in, and locked the doors. Her heart fluttered against her chest as she scanned the parking lot for any sign of someone conspicuous. She didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary and tried to think rationally.
Once again, she didn’t have a founded reason to think it was Pirelli. But even if this was a joke, it wasn’t funny anymore. Alex would want her to call him, and since it was work related she would have good reason to. She hesitated, wondering if he would take her call. But what was one more phone call after all the other unreturned ones she had made to him over the last few days?
It was too late for him to be at the station so she tried him on his cell phone. When it rang a fourth time, she knew it would transfer into his voice mail, so she hung up. This would be a good night to stay over at Brenda’s, which meant she would have to tell her everything. It was time to get it all out in the open anyway.
She made it to Brenda’s in good time and rang the doorbell two times so Brenda knew it was her. Liz walked into Brenda’s perfectly decorated art deco apartment. She was a good decorator, and it showed. Chrome and metal furnishings with vibrant colors were perfectly coordinated throughout every room.
Brenda was quite a sight. Her bloodshot eyes matched the color of her nose. She had already gotten into her comfort clothes, an old tattered sweatshirt with their sorority letters across the front and her weekend blue jeans.
Liz held up ice cream as she walked in, and Brenda instantly started to tear up.
“I’m so glad I’m making you feel better,” Liz teased.
“You already have.” She took Liz’s hand, and they sat on the couch.
She smiled playfully at Brenda. “I got your favorites.”
Brenda’s shoulders drooped, and she started sniffling again. “Chocolate chip cookie dough.” She grabbed the other pint. “And Chocolate Chocolate.”
Before Brenda had the lid off the container, Liz had returned from the kitchen with two spoons. Brenda grabbed one from her and dove into it like an addict needing her fix.
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br /> “This is just what I needed.” She flopped back onto the couch and took another huge bite.
“Okay, what happened?” Liz sat back into the love seat with the other pint and waited.
“I should have listened to you.”
Liz nodded. “About Blake?”
“I broke things off with him.” She shoveled in another spoonful of Chocolate Chocolate into her mouth.
“What happened?” Liz figured it would be an argument, not a breakup.
Brenda sat back with a sigh. “He didn’t want to be with someone who put their job before the relationship, exact words. Can you believe it?”
Liz knew she was the same way Brenda was with her job, until Alex came into the picture. And then Liz realized how much time she spent with her clients instead of others in her personal life. “I can see his point, Bren.”
Brenda jerked her head up. “What do you mean?”
“I think we both throw ourselves into our jobs to avoid relationships. I haven’t dated at all, and you date sparingly. We’d rather be involved in relationships we can control and keep at a distance. But that doesn’t mean I totally agree with Blake. You know how I felt about him.”
She shrugged. “You may have been right. I really don’t know why I’m so upset. It’s more than just Blake.” She stuck her spoon in her carton and looked at Liz. “Have you heard from Alex?”
“No.” Liz suddenly lost her appetite.
Brenda put a hand to her cheek, elbow on her thigh. “If he only knew how much you cared about him, and how little you cared about Ken.”
Liz let out a breath and stared at her ice cream. She was actually one of those who ate when she was happy, and couldn’t touch even her most favorite of foods when she was depressed. “He knows I didn’t have feelings about Ken. It just took me too long to figure out that it was the real thing between me and him.”
She hadn’t completely turned it over to God. Keeping that little piece of it had kept her from letting things work out as they should have.
Brenda put her ice cream on the coffee table and sat up. “God knows who we are supposed to be with. It’s just our pride that’s hurting.”
