Eminent Love

by Leddy Harper

  “My God…you’re so beautiful.” The words barely left my lips, coming out as nothing more than gravelly air.

  Layne had to grab my hand and pull me inside. The sight of her had rendered me useless and struck me dumb. I needed to snap out of it before dinner, otherwise I’d come off as a complete idiot in front of her parents. And considering this was the first time I’d be around them for longer than five minutes, I needed all the help I could get. I’d never had to worry about impressing anyone’s family before. I’d never gotten that far. Even in high school when I did date, it was never anything serious. I knew I’d be going off to school, and never wanted to get into something I couldn’t finish. So therefore, the whole “meet the parents” thing never really happened before.

  She kissed me, and suddenly, everything became normal again. My nerves waned and calmness settled over me. That’s what Layne did to me. She settled me. She righted my world, even when I had no idea it was off balance. It was like she just got me. She could read me better than anyone else, and she understood every expression I gave her. Even in my silence, it was as if my heart could speak directly to her.

  And she always listened.

  I lightly touched the newly blond hair on the sides of her head. It was stiff with product, and I wanted to tell her how much I loved her hair natural—soft, not covered in plaster—but I kept it to myself. The last thing I wanted to do was upset her when she appeared to be so excited about it. “Is this my present?” I asked as my fingers fell from her hair to the smooth skin beneath her jaw.

  She twisted her lips, hiding her smile from me. “No. You'll get that later.” The way she said it made my thoughts instantly go to the gutter. But her small laugh brought my mind back, and I noticed her face flame with heat. “Not that.”

  “I know,” I said dismissively, hoping she’d believe me. Although I’m sure she didn’t. I could safely assume my imagination had been clearly defined in whatever expression I’d offered. All I could do was laugh it off and hope I hadn’t made her uncomfortable.

  But by the way she took my hand and smiled at me with the face of an innocent angel, I knew I was safe. After all, if I hadn’t made her nervous yet with the way my body naturally reacted to her in bed with me, it was obvious it’d take more than her catching me in the throes of inappropriate thoughts to make her uneasy.

  She led me by the hand into the living room where Colin already sat with Drea and Mr. and Mrs. Cooper. Everyone stood as we walked in. I was immediately greeted by handshakes and hugs, which reminded me so much of my own family. It was easy. Any apprehension or doubt I might’ve had no longer existed as they welcomed me in like part of the family.

  Dinner was much of the same. Since her parents already knew Colin and had spoken to him numerous times, most of the conversation had been centered around me, while including Colin when the topic of school had come up. They asked me about my studies, my family, my goals and dreams. Not once did I feel out of place or like an outsider.

  I belonged.

  Being at the dinner table with everyone made me think back to the time I’d walked in on Layne cooking in my kitchen. Even though I’d only known her for a few hours by then, watching her had painted a picture for me. A picture of how things could be. Of how I wanted things to be. But sitting with her family, Drea and Colin, and with Layne next to me, holding my hand beneath the table, it more than painted a picture. It became more than visualizing something I wanted. It made me believe I was in it—living in it. I’d gotten it. The vision I’d had was now my reality.

  And I’d never give it up.

  After dinner, Colin and Drea went to his parents’ house, and it left me with a pang of jealousy. I wanted to bring Layne home. I wanted Mom and Dad to meet her and fall in love with her like I had. But I knew I wouldn't be able to do that yet. Christmas was in two days, and she belonged here with her family. After the year Layne had suffered, I knew it was important for them to have her close, and I couldn’t be selfish.

  There would be plenty of times to bring her home.

  Because if I had my way, we’d be together forever.

  Finally, we said goodnight to her parents and returned to my apartment. This would be our last night together for a week, and I didn't want to waste it by sitting around and talking about school with her dad or about my family with her mom. I wanted to spend it with my girl in my arms and my lips on hers.

  As soon as we walked into the apartment, she made her way to my room. It’d been her routine for a while now, and I loved it more and more each time I watched her do it. She never waited for me before going to my room and sitting on the edge of my bed to take her shoes off. Depending on the time of day, sometimes she’d pull out an outfit from my drawer where she stored spare clothes, and would change in my bathroom. It was as if she lived here, too. The way she moved about in my space seemed so effortless.

  It proved she belonged.

  With me.

  She was still on the edge of my bed when I walked in. She tilted head, her gaze meeting mine, and she smiled. It was so genuine. True contentment shone on her face as she took me in with her captivating expression. I almost didn’t want to look away, but I had to in order to grab her present from my closet.

  Her eyes sparkled when I turned back, holding her gift out in front of me.

  “This is mine? Can I open it now?” Her excitement was visible in every inch of her expression. She shifted eagerly on the mattress until her legs were crossed beneath her, her arms stretched out in front of her with her fingers dancing wildly toward the wrapped present.

  “It’s not much.”

  Her arms dropped to her sides, falling heavily onto the bed, and her eyes softened as she lovingly regarded me. “Creed…anything from you is more than enough.”

  I wanted to kneel in front of her and take her hands in mine. I wanted to kiss her, hold her close to me. I wanted to feel the pounding of her heart against my chest. But I chose not to do any of those things. I needed her to open her present so I could explain it.

  And then I’d do those things.

  I held the thin rectangle out to her and waited for her to take it. Then I watched as she carefully unwrapped it. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to rip the paper off for her. Once she finally had the wrapping paper off in one neat sheet, she studied the framed painting with glistening eyes.

  “It’s a painting of Laurel’s Bluff.”

  I moved to sit next to her on the bed, needing to see the acrylic painting as I explained it to her. “It’s taken from the rock we stood on. I found it in one of those booths at the art festival we went to last month.”

  She turned her wide eyes to me. “You bought this while I was with you?”

  “I did it while you were in the bathroom, and then had them mail it to me so you wouldn’t see it. I thought it was perfect, because I like to think of this rock as ours. And it’s not exactly of the rock, but of the view we had from it.”

  “It’s beautiful, Creed. I love it.” She set the painting on her lap and wrapped her arms around my neck.

  I pulled away after a few seconds and held onto her shoulders, keeping her attention on me. I could tell my change in demeanor had left her unsettled by her blinking and harsh swallows. I needed to hurry this along before I completely terrified her, except I couldn’t slow my heart rate down enough to get the words out.

  Finally, she covered my cheek with the palm of her hand. Her warmth flooded me and instantly soothed my panic. “Talk to me, Creed. You’re scaring me.”

  I glanced down for a moment, hoping it’d give me the courage I needed. I’d never done this before, and that thought alone terrified me. Staring into her eyes left me nervous about her reaction—I worried she’d reject me. I’d never experienced anything like it before, and I didn’t know how to handle myself. But the second my gaze met hers again, I became hypnotized by the bright pools of clear blue, and all my fear dissipated into thin air.

  “This painting means so much
to me, Layne. It’s why I wanted you to have it.”

  “It means so much to me, too, Creed,” she said with a smile, speaking before I could finish what I had to say.

  I shook my head, letting her know I wasn’t done. “The reason it means so much to me is because this view”—I pointed to the textured acrylics—“is what I saw when I fell in love with you. I didn’t know it at the time. All I knew was something felt different—felt right. I knew I didn’t want to let you go. I didn’t want to take you home, or go back to my apartment alone. I wanted to learn everything I could about you. It was all so new to me, and I had no idea what it was. But now…now I know it was love. It is love. I feel it every second I’m with you. Every time I think of you.”

  She gasped before covering her quivering lips with the tips of her fingers. But she was too late. I already heard the short, shallow intake of air. It was enough to force my mouth into a smile so deep it left my cheeks aching.

  A lone tear slipped from the inside corner of her eye, ran down the side of her nose, and then stalled at the edge of her plump upper lip where I stole it away with my thumb. She didn’t move, didn’t utter a single word, only sat unblinking at me with her chest rising and falling dramatically.

  Before telling her how I felt, I feared she’d reject me. I worried she wouldn’t feel the same way. But sitting in front of her, surrounded by the sounds of her deep breaths, I realized it didn’t matter how she felt about me. It didn’t matter if she repeated the same words or kept them to herself. Because this wasn’t about me. It was about her, about the love I had for her. Love I’d never felt for another person before. And it suddenly occurred to me…this is unconditional love, my fears no longer mattered, her happiness superseded my own.

  “I love you, too, Creed,” she whispered through her parted fingers.

  I didn’t think I heard her right, and I dipped my chin until we were eye level, inches apart from one another. “Say that again?”

  Her hand fell away from her mouth. She ran her fingers through my hair and then held onto my neck, resting her forehead against mine. “I love you, too.” And then she sealed her words to my lips with her mouth.

  The painting fell off her lap and landed on the floor, but neither of us bothered to separate long enough to pick it up. We were all hands and mouths, desperately needing to get closer. My fingers found the warm skin of her stomach beneath the bottom of her shirt, which caused her to suck in deeply, momentarily breaking our kiss. I’d touched her there before, but had always stopped before getting too far. And this time, I didn’t know if I was capable of stopping, strong enough to pull away before reaching the line I’d never crossed with her before.

  My hand trailed higher on her bare abdomen as our tongues fought for control. The tips of my fingers softly grazed her smooth skin, moving higher and higher at an unhurried pace. My dick was hard and throbbed painfully behind the zipper of my pants, my balls growing tighter the longer we dragged it out.

  Just before my fingers found the edge of her bra, she pulled away and my hand fell limply from beneath her shirt. Our breaths were shallow and hasty, our chests heaving as we desperately fought to fill our lungs with air.

  Instead of pacing ourselves, wanting to make the moment last, we were driven by raw emotion. Like two trains barreling toward each other in the middle of the night, unable to reach the other fast enough. We were hungry for the affection after admitting our feelings, and if we didn’t slow it down, we’d end up doing something she might not have been ready for.

  I didn’t want Layne to think I told her I loved her to get in her pants.

  Nor did I want her to give it up because her endorphins were high.

  The moment needed to be right. It needed to be thought out, not rushed. And it certainly didn’t need to be the night before I left for a week. So I scooted away from her a few inches to give us enough space to breathe and calm down.

  “Do you want to know what your present is?”

  I studied her exultant expression and prayed it wasn’t what I thought of earlier.

  “Drea and I are moving out of my parents’ house.”

  My lungs were depleted of oxygen as the air rushed past my lips, wafting over her face. My shoulders sagged at the relief. As much as I’d wanted a piece of her as a gift, I knew I’d never be able to leave. One taste of her and I’d be on the phone with my parents telling them I wouldn’t be able to make it home for Christmas.

  She giggled at my antics, but continued. “My dad is taking us after New Year’s to find an apartment. He’s going to help us pay for it as long as we keep our grades up. This way, we won’t all four have to be here at the same time. We can have space.” Her smile began to falter as her attention moved about my room. “I guess it’s not really much of a present for you…but—”

  “Layne.” I lifted her chin with my fingers and forced her eyes on mine. “Just being with you is enough. I know you’re saving your paychecks for a car. I never expected you to buy me anything. And I love how you share your gifts with me. You giving me your time, away from Colin and Dre, is all I need. It’s more than I need. I love you, Yen.”

  She drew her head back sharply and quirked a brow at me. “Yen?”

  “Yeah…I told you I’d come up with a nickname no one else had.”

  She angled her face away, twisted her lips, and then turned back to peer at me through squinted eyes. “And you thought Japanese currency would fit me the most?”

  I laughed and dipped my chin, knowing I’d have to explain, and it could very well show her how lame I truly was. “No. Yen also means a strong desire, or hope.” I paused to see if she’d do or say anything before I finished with my explanation. “At the risk of sounding pathetic, I wanted something not only unique, but also something perfectly fitting for you. And since you were named after Superman, I found out the Superman symbol—the S inside the diamond—stands for hope. So I found another word meaning hope…all the other words had more than one syllable.”

  Her cheeks turned pink, but her lips split into a wide grin, crinkling the skin beside her eyes and causing the blue to shine bright like a summer sky. “Well, then…I love you, too, Yang.”

  Laughter ripped through me, and I had to brace myself with my hands on my knees to keep from doubling over. “That’s yin, Layne. Not yen. Totally different.”

  “Hey now, if you can twist things around in order to give me a nickname, then I can do the same. Not to mention, I like it. Two halves of the same thing. And if you want to get technical, Supergirl explains the symbol as meaning stronger together. Like the yin and yang.”

  I quickly learned just how possible it was to love her even more than a moment ago. I decided to keep my argumentative thoughts to myself and didn’t explain to her how the yin and yang meant dark and light, not two halves of the same thing. Because in reality, I liked her interpretation of it better. “I love it.”

  “And I love you.” She leaned in and softly pressed her lips to mine.

  Chapter Eight

  Now

  I glanced down at my hand on the steering wheel, noticing the familiar ink peeking out beneath the band of my watch. I always absentmindedly traced the spot on my wrist with my thumb. I wore long-sleeved shirts every day for work, which helped to hide the permanent reminder of her and the bond we shared, but it never hid it from me. I didn’t even need to see it to know it was there. It was etched in me. Inked in my skin.

  Burned into my memory.

  Branded on my heart.

  She was always there.

  The rush of adrenaline I’d woken up with this morning had kept me awake until almost five o’clock. Once the interstate became bogged down with commuters, I knew it wouldn’t do me any good to keep driving. I decided to turn off and grab something to eat before finding some place to crash.

  I’d ended up in the epitome of small-town America, the sort of place where the storefronts were rolled up just after sunset. Lucky for me, the picturesque little town boasted a dine
r next to a quaint motel not even two miles off the interstate. A handful of people sat in the booths around the clean place, and everyone appeared to be friendly. I only expected a meal. I got so much more.

  My waitress looked to be around my mom’s age—late fifties, early sixties. She’d fumbled through the menu after I asked her about a few of the items, and even had to go back and ask the cook a couple questions. I could tell right away she was new. But it didn’t irritate me; instead, it was endearing, and I became rather fond of her.

  I’d noticed her limping when she first greeted me, and the more I observed her, the more I realized her painful gait had been caused by her shoes. When she came to take away my dinner plate, I offered her a seat across from me. Of course, she declined. But before saying no, I caught her glancing around the open space, looking for someone. I could tell she wanted to sit down, but decided against it out of fear. I gently placed my hand over hers on top of the table, and once again asked her to take a seat. Reluctantly, she did.

  “I’m so sorry if the service—”

  I held up my hand, immediately cutting her off. “Please, Phyllis, don’t apologize. You have no need to. My service has been amazing. I couldn’t have asked for more. But I think you’d benefit from new shoes,” I said with a soft laugh. “You look like you’re in pain, so I thought you could use a few minutes to rest your feet.”

  Her smile was soft, adding only a few more wrinkles to her face, along with a slight blush to her cheek. “I think the problem is they are new shoes. I haven’t worked a job in…gosh, over thirty years.”

  My eyes widened, questions filling my head too fast to ask any.

  She must’ve noticed, because after a moment, she elaborated. “My husband passed away almost a year ago. Our children come home as much as they can, but it’s hard on them. You know? Losing their father…it hasn’t been easy on any of us.”

  I couldn’t imagine what it must’ve been like for her. I didn’t even want to think about spending over half my life with Layne, having a family with her, and then lose her before our time was up. This past year had been hard enough as it was, but at least we still had a chance.