For once looking sober, his uncle walked around the counter and pressed his arm on Graham’s shoulders. “Only that a certain girl named Jenna tried unsuccessfully to get you to accept responsibility for her baby.”
Hearing that, he felt worse than ever, and more angry, too. “It wasn’t like that. John, no one will believe me, but I promise you—”
“Settle, I’m just teasing you.”
“There’s not much to tease about.” Didn’t his uncle realize that Jenna was ruining his life? “I promise, all that’s happening is that my life is getting ruined. In fact, things just seem to be going from bad to worse.”
“Ruined, hmm? What is happening?”
Graham narrowed his eyes at his uncle. For a moment there, he could have sworn he’d heard amusement in his uncle’s tone.
But surely his uncle wouldn’t be making light of the situation?
“Everyone believes her and doesn’t understand why I’m not offering Jenna marriage. But how can I? Her babe isn’t mine.” Once again, his anger rushed forward, stifling all the rest of his emotions. Pushing all his other emotions away until there was nothing left inside of him but anger, confusion, and resentment.
But to his surprise, instead of quickly turning serious, his uncle merely winked. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes when you are facing a crisis, there are only two choices to make. To laugh or cry. I’ve found that laughing is easier on your eyes.”
“I hear what you’re saying, but I can’t laugh about this. Everyone is whispering about me, and there’s nothing I can say to defend myself.”
After guiding Graham to a chair, John went to the coffee bar, poured Graham a generous amount, then opened up the bakery door and carefully set a flaky golden cherry turnover on a plate.
Graham watched his uncle with a bit of bemusement. When he’d first gotten reacquainted with his uncle, the initial impression had been that Uncle John was an impatient man, and one used to being in control. Now it was becoming obvious that John was far different than that. Instead of an impatient Englischer, he was a patient, reflective man, uneager to jump to conclusions or incite conflict.
In short, he was a Christian man, a good man. Graham knew for certain that his father would have leaned on him had he still been alive.
“Here you go,” John said. “This should help. I think you need some sustenance.”
Though he wasn’t hungry, Graham took a bite. At once, the pastry gave way to a burst of bittersweet cherry juiciness, the flavor exploding in his mouth. “This is gut. Did Amos make the filling?”
“No. The filling is, um, Mary’s.”
Graham felt a reluctant smile light his face. “Mary, hmm?”
“Yes, well, when I had supper at her house, I noticed that she had almost a dozen jars of cherry filling. I offered to buy a few jars from her for the turnovers. Kind of a test run, you know.”
“It’s a good test.”
“I’ll let her know.”
“I’ve noticed that the two of you have gotten close.”
“Some. Maybe even a little closer in recent weeks.” After pouring himself a cup of coffee, he added, “I had dinner at her house the other night.”
“How did Abel take that?”
A faraway look entered his eyes before he blinked. “Grudgingly, to be sure.”
“He’ll come around. It’s hard for a boy to think of his mamm as anything other than a mother.”
“I have a feeling it’s going to take a very long time, Graham. But, that’s okay. I’ve got time. I just want everything to be good, even if I have to wait longer than I intended.”
“I’ve got a lot to learn from you.” Looking away, he said, “I don’t know what to do about Jenna. I feel like I need to go talk to her and tell her to clear my name.”
“She’s staying with Mary, you know.”
“Yes, but you didn’t see her, did you?” Surely Mary wasn’t letting her Christian charity overrule her better judgment?
“Of course I saw her. She shared a meal with us.”
“And Abel, too.”
“The girl is having a difficult time of it, Graham,” John said sharply. “Sometimes it’s gut to remember that your problems are not the only ones.”
Graham pursed his lips. Privately, he thought that though his uncle might be right, in this situation, things were different.
Luckily, the door opened, accompanied by a cheerful chime at the front of the glass door. And in came a trio of people, his little sister, Katie, leading the way.
Uncle John jumped to his feet, his face a wreath of smiles—as it always was when he spied her. “Who could this small person be?” he asked, approaching the little girl well covered in a black cloak, a thick red scarf, bright green mittens, and boots.
“It’s me, Oncle!”
A line formed between John’s brows as he obviously pretended to be confused.
“Who?”
“Katie! Katie Weaver!” With a whoosh, she unwrapped her scarf from her face. “Do you see me now?”
After staring at her for a full second, he widened his blue eyes. “Now I see you!” With a laugh, he scooped her in his arms and gave her a twirl. Katie squealed with delight as she clasped her mittened hands on his arms and held on tight.
After twirling in a circle one more time, John set her on the ground. “I like your scarf, Katie Weaver. Is it a new one?”
“For sure.” She looked over her shoulder. “Miss Ella made it for me.”
John stepped back and smiled at Loyal’s wife, who was smiling at John’s antics like the rest of them. “It’s a pretty one,” he said.
“Danke. I thought Katie might be needing a red scarf for the holidays. And, someone here wanted to come over and say hello before we went to the library today.”
“I did,” Katie exclaimed.
“I’m glad you did. What is going on over at the library this fine morning?”
“We’re going to be making Thanksgiving crafts.”
“What kind of crafts are those?”
Ella grinned. “We’ll be making turkeys out of egg boxes.”
“I’m going to make a special one, Onkle John.”
“I can’t wait to see it.”
Graham stood up. “Gut morning, Ella. Hiya, Katie. Ella, did I miss you when you stopped by at my house?” He’d been trying to make a point to make sure Ella felt as welcome as possible around their family.
“Nee. Loyal picked up Katie at your house and brought her over. But you didn’t miss him, either. Your mamm said you’d already left.”
He had. He’d worked early in the barn, then had left, anxious to spend some time away from his worries. But here he was surrounded by family again.
The door chimed, and this time brought in a crowd of Englischers. John became all business, deliberately walking around the counter and smiling pleasantly at the tourists. Katie—being Katie—followed him around the counter, turned on the faucet, and started washing her hands.
Obviously, she was eager to be her devoted Uncle John’s assistant.
“Katie—” Graham called out sharply. “Don’t be a pest.”
“She could never be that,” John interjected. “Let her be.”
Ella scooted her chair closer. “Your uncle spoils her,” she said with a smile.
“He does. I need to talk to him. Let him know he doesn’t always have to let her have her way.”
“Oh, I don’t think he does. I think he’s just enjoying her company. I happen to think they need each other sometimes.”
“Really?”
“John is the closest thing she has to a daed. You and your brothers are very good men, but you’re not father figures.”
“I never thought about that.”
“Like I said, it’s just an idea.” Biting her lip, she looked h
im over. “How are you doing, really?”
He shrugged. “I’ve been better.”
“Your brother is worried about ya.”
“I know. But I’ll be fine.”
“That’s all I needed to know, then.”
“And you, Ella? How is the haus?”
“As messy as ever. I don’t know if Loyal and I will ever have things organized and in proper places. Right now, we’re remodeling the bathroom.”
“I didn’t think Loyal knew how to do plumbing.”
“He doesn’t. He’s decided there’s nothing like on-the-job learning.” She laughed merrily, her merriment ringing out loud through the bustling room. One by one, several of the Englischers looked at her, smiles brightening their faces. Graham didn’t blame their appreciation. To an outsider, Ella was somewhat of a plain woman. But whenever anyone heard her in person, all of her flaws faded; and before a person knew it, he was sure he was staring at the prettiest woman in the room.
She had a zest for life that was infectious. Now everyone in the family realized that their handsome, very outgoing brother had chosen well with his bride. By his side, Ella bloomed. And by her side, Loyal was more approachable. Easier to get along with.
“We will continue to pray for you, Graham,” she said.
“Danke, but what, exactly, will you pray for?”
“That you will soon know our Lord God’s will, of course. That’s all you can do, jah? One by one, we are all at his mercy.”
“Ella!” Katie called out, darting away from the counter with a very important expression. “We must go to the library now or we’ll be late.”
“You’re right. Let’s get you bundled up again, child.”
With one last reassuring smile, Ella turned to Graham. “I’ll see you at dinner on Monday night.”
As still more customers came in, Graham poured himself more coffee, then settled to watch his uncle. By his side, Ella bundled up his sister, said goodbye to John, then shuttled Katie out the door.
After a time, the crowd in the restaurant slowed.
And then it was time for Graham to leave, too. But for the first time in his life, he didn’t know where to go.
Chapter Ten
“These are movies that have been turned in,” Jayne Donovan told Jenna. “All you have to do is check to make sure the movie is in the case, put them back in the plastic security holders, and then put them on the cart alphabetically.” She paused. “Am I going too quickly for you?”
“I understood,” Jenna said. She’d graduated at the top of her class from the Amish school. She’d learned how to study hard and how to learn things that gave her trouble. And though it was prideful, she’d been very pleased to make straight A’s year after year.
Used to be, most everyone had looked at her with respect. And though it had been prideful, Jenna had accepted their admiration. She’d worked hard and had wanted to be someone the others looked upon with at least a little bit of envy.
And in return, she’d done her best to include others and help them, too. For most of her life it had been like that, anyway. Being the oldest girl in the family meant she’d needed to not only watch over her siblings but to also be a role model. In school, she’d merely accepted that role. Later, she’d even come to take it for granted. Years living like that made one accept things, for better or worse.
Now she saw it for what it had been—vanity and pride. And, she was realizing with some dismay, vanity and pride didn’t help a person so much when she was all alone.
Or when she was starting over with her life.
As her boss left the back room, Jenna reflected again on how different things were now. Whereas her sisters used to look to her for guidance, now they were forbidden to speak with her.
And where once everyone used to want to be her, now no one in her community did. Taking a seat, she pulled out the stack of DVDs and began sorting them as she had been directed to.
First were several Disney movies. 101 Dalmations, and Aristocats. Others were shows she’d never heard of, some series from the TV.
One by one, she checked to make sure the movie matched the case.
On the other side of the wall, she heard Ella Weaver’s kind, bright voice, as well as lots of children’s cheery laughter. Usually she would have wanted to help the children make crafts, but today she was glad to be designated to the back room.
There was plenty to do. She wasn’t ready to see anyone.
And most of all, she didn’t want to see him. Him.
The man who’d first turned her head with a kind smile, the one who’d insisted she spend more time with him than was wise. The man who’d offered her promises she was now certain he’d never intended to keep.
The man who still lived in Jacob’s Crossing. Still worked at the market. She, on the other hand, had been forced to live a new life almost entirely alone. She was working for an Englischer, being pushed into doing something she never would have dared. In a few months, she’d be looking after a babe, too.
Indeed, that man had ruined her life.
So why were the sweet memories of her time with him so hard to push away? Closing her eyes, she tried to concentrate on bitterness and anger, not on how good it had felt to be held in his arms. She’d focus on how they would never suit, not on how good it had felt to simply be Jenna with him. Not the oldest. Not the example. Not anything but herself.
But her mind flickered with images of him smiling at her, listening to her . . . looking so happy and content with her—
She opened her eyes, and forced herself not to dwell on him.
No matter what, she couldn’t see him again, because one thing was very certain, at least to her. Though everyone thought she was a terrible person, lying about her relationship with Graham, becoming pregnant out of wedlock . . .
Now living with a widow and working in a library . . .
The truth, she knew, would have been even harder for everyone to know.
The truth would not set her free; it would only make things worse. And if things could be worse than this, she didn’t want any part of that at all.
“Jenna? Can you come out here, please?”
“Of course.” When she walked out into the main area, she was startled to see Ms. Donovan standing with two little girls.
“These girls need help finding information about airplanes, Jenna. Would you mind helping them look in the children’s section for books about airplanes?”
“Not at all.” She smiled at the girls, then felt her heart sink when she realized she knew one of them.
“You’re Jenna!” Elizabeth Henderson said.
“I am.” Trying to smile, Jenna played the game. “And you are Elizabeth, Chris’s sister.”
“Jenna and Chris were boyfriend and girlfriend,” Elizabeth said to her friend. “But they’re not anymore.”
Jenna was shocked. She hadn’t known that anyone knew how close they’d been. Before she could stop herself, she asked, “How did you know about Chris and me? Did you see us together?”
“No. He told us all about you.” With a mischievous grin, Elizabeth explained, “He said you were Amish.”
“I am.”
“He said your family is real strict.”
Well, there was another truth she couldn’t dispute. “That is true as well.” To her surprise, talking about Chris made her sad, and for once it had nothing to do with her pregnancy. Instead, she realized she simply missed him. She missed his company and the easy way about him. “Well, let me take you two over to the reference section and I’ll see if I can help you find lots of books on planes.”
The little girls followed her and took the books she offered. But just as Jenna was about to leave them at a small circular table, Elizabeth said, “Chris is going to be so happy I saw you here.”
Pure panic overwhelmed her. Leaning
closer, Jenna said, “You don’t have to tell him, do you? I mean he probably won’t care too much.”
“He’ll care,” Elizabeth said with confidence. “I bet he’ll come visit you once he knows I saw you here.”
And that, Jenna realized, was what she was afraid of. “Elizabeth, let’s keep our meeting a secret, okay?”
“Why?”
“So I can surprise your brother.” She attempted to smile. “Wouldn’t that be something?” she asked, her voice all conspiratorial. “Wouldn’t it be something if Chris found out that you knew something he didn’t?”
Even as she asked, Jenna felt her stomach knot. Here she was, lying again.
Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “He would be very surprised about that.”
“And you’d be so happy you kept a secret, right?”
Reluctantly, Elizabeth nodded.
With a sigh, Jenna relaxed. “Let’s keep our meeting a secret for just a little bit longer. Will you try?”
Eyes wide, Elizabeth finally nodded. “I’ll try,” she blurted before she turned and ran out the door.
As Jenna watched the little girl leave, she remembered a past conversation with Chris. He’d taken her to a park, a children’s playground. No kinner had been around, just the two of them. He’d taken her hand and had linked his fingers through hers as they’d sat side by side on a pair of swings. His hand had been warm, but his gaze had been warmer when he’d looked her way.
“Jenna, take me to your house. Introduce me to your family.”
She’d been shocked. “Nee. I mean, no.”
“Why?”
“It wouldn’t work out.”
A line had formed between his brows then. Obviously, his feelings had been hurt, thinking that she didn’t think he was good enough for her family.
Of course, the opposite had been true. She’d known if he’d seen her parents and witnessed their disapproving expressions, he would never come around her again.
And she hadn’t been ready to give their relationship up.
“Why wouldn’t it work out?” he had finally asked. “What could go wrong?”
“Everything,” she said, speaking the truth for once. If she brought him to her house, one thing was terribly certain. No matter how kind he was, or how hopeful she would have been for a future with Chris, everything would go wrong.
The Survivor Page 7
